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Anon makes a new friend | /r/Greentext
Uploaded by Reddit Moments May 19, 2021 at 01:28AM EDT
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![sample_d7fdc3d61ad5d9d8f8(...).jpg (113 KB, 850x739) google yandex iqdb wait 8 A >stutter >"y-yeah just the usual" >haven't been there before >anyway >it felt like home and it was also nice to have this sense of freedom rather than go straight from home to uni classes >waitress approaches to take my order >short hair but not butched, but doesnt look like the vulgar goth or the e-girl, modest but not traditional feminine either, perfect balance. >kind of looks like a waifu of mine >realize she reminds me of her >oh no >try my best to hide my overwhelming emotions can't seem to be normal Anonymous 11/04/23(Sat)05:01:02 No.75295054 ✓ (part 1) >have a sudden liking to cafes >decide to find one that suits what I like >nothing too maintstream but those classic homely ones >went to a cafe just discovered >decided id would be nice to relax before my day starts >they usually serve breakfast and divide it between afternoon and morning menus. (it's not mcdonalds) >unwind there before my university classes start >realize what I have done >"excuse me one moment, I forgot something" >she looks puzzled >She plays it off casual despite the spaghetti I spilled on my first time there >never returned, head straight to class >rest of the day in my classes with emotions were overly stimulating, distracted me, and could barely focus on my work >tried to ignore it but for some reason felt really weird, finnicky, and had felt my stomach was folding 4 times Opv >its not your usual modern cafe it has class but tries its best not to be too fancy with modern art decorations. But it's homely, pic rel. >seems to be a huge turn off for many hipsters, zoomers, basic bitch, normies, etc etc >Lot of well off people go in there >didn't understand what it was at first, paid no attention until it got the best of me >went home early claimed I was sick since I got the look from the rest of the class Anonymous Anonymous 11/04/23 (Sat)05:24:28 No.75295235 ✓ (part 2) >felt defeated, impending doom, burning desire for something, but want an escape from something type of feeling >didn't know how to process it so I just cried >confused but also scared since im oblivious to what caused this >looked back on my day, self reflection >feel stupid now >feel stupid not because I was blind to why but because I let someone else influence this >especially someone that only resembles nostalgia >decide not to go back and only head to university >if something like that determines me to lose focus on school it is best to not go to a place that causes this >next day >go straight to my classes >by my luck she also goes to the same uni after catching a glimpse of her crossing paths >pretend she doesnt exist, do my best not to spill spaghetti this time >repeats everynight >takes the form of oneitis Anonymous >class seemed too overwhelming, decide to do my modules at home, but remain in class for attendance purpose so I dont get kicked out >while doing that find ways to distract myself from my thoughts until I get home to make my spagehetti pockets more durable to this demons attack >yes I will consider them a demon since they are known for being a hindrance >found some weird hemi sync youtube videos >decide to try it since I don't want to drop out for a petty reason >helped a lot more to distant myself from my emotion and thoughts into third person >made a tulpa to take all my suffering for me >feels good for once to be liberated >now I can finish this year without a problem >romantic interests for oneitis ceased >use this new found feeling to motivate me into nieche hobbies >since this mind work mediation worked found an interest into more of astral projecting, vivid dreams, and even getting sleep paralysis on purpose >one night get a sleep paralysis attack >feeling of helplessness, everything goes black, but hyper aware of everything >everynight a shadow being comes to haunt me by trying to suffocate me >rely on this new presence >until it tried to m----- me Anonymous 11/04/23(Sat)05:42:51 No.75295345 ✓ (part 3) >asks why do I torment her, it had me gaslit really good until I realized I was asleep >tulpa, sleep paralysis demon or whatever knows that I know >black blobs form around it until it shreds into pieces turning into a black boar, bull, horse thing mix and runs off >feel anxious because now it is being a sneaky little s--- or worse it is trying to use my own wits against me >own mind does not have control over itself since it is able to gaslite me into thinking it can "save me" >feel a presence behind me holding me from behind as I feel loved >this beast or creature doesnt go near me >that beast was ALSO that sick freak and somehow split apart to retrap me again >tulpa is attacking me now >"in the name of christ begone" >as it retakes the form of my oneitis, asks why would I do that >shreds into pieces >scared because maybe it will come back and attack me >it doesnt >wake up in a pool in my own sweat, paranoid and also violated >every night im too paranoid to fall asleep since now I know there are things beyond my existence that are sentient and hide well within my subconscious trying to make it seem like "they" are me >sleep deprived [ + ][Index Catalog Expired Archive] [FAQ]about what was going on >mental state is starting to decline >call my professors and tell them that I might be sick and I will finish everything from home from now on >they are surprisingly understanding >want to speak to me in person to talk more about the future expectations and modules of my classes Zulunt fall for it put sont vi evaueu ineir questions and redirected them to the courses instead Anonymous 11/04/23(Sat)05:51:44 No.75295408 >>75296455 >>75297201 (part 4) >long story short everything was finished went back home >still an on going issue no happy ending to this story and still fighting off, now, r--- demons in my sleep, tried to become religious but every time I do I end up self sabotaging myself. I really think the devil exists and this whole religious thing is not made by schizo jews. As for the oneitis, its safe to say I will not be showing up in class anytime soon. Anonymous 11/04/23(Sat)08:11:23 No.75296426 >>75297802 damn that took a dark turn op. i suffer from sleep paralysis too in the recent months, it can really f--- with your head. but stay away from religion fren, you don't need to get more schizo, try to seek professional help if thats a possibility for you, antipsychosis medication could help Anonymous 11/04/23(Sat)08:14:09 No.75296455 ✓ >> 297802 >>75295408 you should probably get some help anon. maybe talking to thatt lady will help. im no expert but r--- demons are terrifying. fighting them by yourself is an unhealthy hthing to do. try to contact a priest or someone that will care about you. Anonymous 11/04/23(Sat)09:31:59 No.75297201 ✓ >>75297802 1 12/1/5/8 OP 11/04/23(Sat)10:36:56 No.75297802 ✓ >>75297852 >>75295408 Damn, you really are doing everything you can to make this worse. You can't believe that it is possible to deal with strong emotions by burying and ignoring them. At the same time I have to commend you for being so self aware and sincere. As ugly as it might sound to you this demon is as a matter of fact part of you. The feelings that you have repressed have conglomerated into a single mental entity and are demanding the attention they need to be relieved. To be merged with you, as they rightfully should have from the beginning. Know that the only reason it is haunting you this way is because you have been torturing it for as long as you have insisted on ignoring it. It doesn't want to do this, this is not it's true shape, but you have left it with no other course left. By pushing back against your own feelings, memories and impulses you have created this being. It is now your responsibility to make peace with it. Accept you romantic feelings, your wants, your longings, your nostalgia. It will not be easy to manage them, they will most likely overwhelm you at times, as I'm sure they have done before, but it is your duty to learn how to handle them and how tive with them, because in the end they are a part of you. Do not shrink from yourself. I promise you that shortly after you start paying attention and trying to figure out all of the emotions that constellated this, the apparitions will cease and you'll be able to function again. >>75296426 professional help is as good as talking or meds, meds that open the mind to further the minds hostility or meds to zombify me where as I become trapped in my own immobile mind. its scary but its a real experience that oddly makes me satisfied, only thing that is real to me at this point >>75296455 a i cant talk to her especially without shutting down and freezing due to emotional over stimulation, it is more than shyness, blushing, and awkwardness. It is a mental thing that becomes a physical and behavioral problem that automatically happens outside of my control. It activates the prods at the sensitivity. Not only does she remind me of that one character, that character is reminds me of someone I knew. Not only that the setting and everything idk how to explain it into words but there is more to it than personality and looks that is secretly welcoming despite being more reserved. But the perfect personality is ideal who knows if she does this just to fit a specific persona im skeptical, very skeptical but to find not refuge between a strong desire and seeing how the world is that damages trust for the sake of self preservation is frustrating. Especially if you don't know them too well. I keep by a specific code that sudden meet ups increase increase instability to impress the other with a social mask only to find comfort to take off the mask to show the true colors of malice that we hide from other for the sake of peace and politeness, driven by fear of social consequence. As for r--- demons, idk ig I can manage it. "professional help" told me to play along with them. >>75297201 wouldn't I have to find some way to entertain these feelings as well or do I have to sit with it for a while until it goes away, it always leaves me in a mess if I do then my mind shuts down again. Then im focused on being trapped than the actual feelings that are the reason I feel that way. (cont) OP 11/04/23(Sat)10:43:14 No.75297852 ✓ >>75297802 cont..) Usually people want a partner to expand their inner world and horizon and avoid the empty feeling, but ive never felt bothered about any of this until now. I was content in making my own worlds, scenarios, imaginary settings, to 100 page research on random articles I come across. But when this happened it was as if my ambitions were blurred, only thing that was clear was this new found feeling that completely and almost redirected my ambitions to pursuing her instead. I just miss when I didnt worry about wanting her. Maybe seeing that anime and going to that place was a mistake.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/002/694/505/991.png "Anon is schizo | /r/Greentext")
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