Anon is hackerman | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

exposing myself >be me >gf of 7 months dumps me >act depressed, my dad asks what's walch pom Leheated t ineeded ama in my lite aturatty e, ethe wrong >tell him that my gf dumped me >he tells me he knows how I can get her back true Twould le about y age to f--- le my body tO b y 40 (hink) itry tu t ys y ing them itoke bh contrl 65 KB JPG >asks him how? >he tells me just ignore her and act like the breakup doesn't bother me >l take his advice >mfw she calls me to ask me if I'm depressed >mfw she's been thinking and what's to get back together if women can be hacked this easily. You guys have no reason to complain. 7 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)18:01:32 No.63347073 Ahahahaha not quite that simple, robot. Sounds engineered like your dad and gf were pranking you.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon did a bad thing | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/31/17(Sun)01:02:24 No.755392693 >>755392983 My wife doesn't even know about this one. > be 17yo me > 1994 > senior year hs is almost here, last summer party > girl a year older than me, had a crush on since kindergarten > one of the few nice older kids > see her at the party > she sees me and gets all huggy >i have one beer > she's already 3 sheets to the wind, and knocking back md20/20 > she sticks to me like glue > never had female attention like this before > she starts to get really wobbly > still virgin whiteknight, getting protective of her > decide she's not safe here, watching jocks eye her > maybe just paranoia > convince her to sit and talk in my car > she passes out > nobody really paying attention to us for awhile > the jocks have found other targets > take her back to my house > sneak into house by myself > make sure dog sees/hears me, knows it's me, doesn't bark > good dog > go back out to car > don't lift, but not manlet either, so pick her up > over my shoulder, get her in house > carry her upstairs > lay her on my bed > she looks so peaceful, innocent > realize she is out > she won't remember anything >i gaze at her and something stirs in my soul > and my pants >i reach out > vhs copy of last action hero on my nightstand > remember that s--- is overdue > sneak back out of house, drive like maniac to blockbuster > drop it in the night dropoff box > as soon as door slams shut i realize >i never rewound it. God damn it. I never rewound it. They never said anything and they're out of business now, but holy f---. I feel like a f------ monster.

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Anon is sad again | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/19(Sat)20:43:20 No.804024147 >be me >watching anything and everything on youtube as usual >watch a video i find legit hilarious >actually laugh and feel happy >channel has over 100 videos, over 10 157 KB PNG minutes long, and all equally hilarious >binge watch all of them over the course of three days >no more videos >only uploads every couple weeks >source of entertainment and happiness gone >feel sad and empty

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Anon isn't transphobic, just sexist | /r/Greentext

File: gigachad.jpg (65 KB, 1068x601) Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)15:46:30 No.852765984 [Reply] » >>852766212 >be me >best friend comes out as trans >tell them I can't be friends with them anymore >"but anon I thought that you thought that trans women are real women" >"I do but I also hate women" >> Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)15:51:11 No.852766212 ► .(100 IKD 14Ourac)

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Anon gives advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)04:49:44 No.63345759 >Wake up >Tinnitus starts again 44 KB PNG 16 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)06:35:42 No.63346652 >>63345759 (OP) # Have you tried not listening to it? 54 KB JPG

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Retard Strength | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Crazy Gym Goers 04/03/20(Fri)21:42:30 No.55045174 Crazy people at your gym thread >be me, train at somewhat hardcore bodybuilding gym >has some actual bodybuilders and a lot of larpers >one day pic related shows up >starts yelling to himself >quotes bible verses before lifting 49 KB JPG > constantly screams 00H OOH > gets married and two days later becomes a missing person >ends up getting picked up by the cops and spends two weeks in a straight jacket heavily medicated >comes back to the gym yelling "fresh out the psyche ward" and "yeah I got that retard strength" >fast forward one year, he f------ does it again >wife tells me he drove two hours up north, ran out of gas and had been sleeping in abandoned houses >doesn't alert the authorities because she doesn't want him to be institutionalized >comes back 20lbs lighter a month later >shortly after he's banned from the gym >see on Facebook he snapped his knee trying to leg press 100olbs at another gym >mfw

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Anon is a pedo | /r/Greentext

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Anon tries a pickup line | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)10:52:16 No.63343425 >Go to farmers market to buy vitamin c >See you cute latina employee in the aisle I'm in >Struggles nervously to think of pickup line >Work up the confidence to 202 KB JPG approach her >"Um...hey..c-c-can you help me find vitamin YN?" >"Vitamin...YN?" >"Yeah...your number!" >She giggles >"So you don't need help finding anything?" >"No" >*Stare at her then walk away* Holy f--- why is this s--- so f------ hard?

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10 Seconds to be as millennial as possible | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >SoI was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #

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Anon understands | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)03:14:53 No.852749530 >be me >be bored >join discord server about my favourite anime >server is filled with american trannies who congratule themselves that they "p----- off" some transphobes 272 KB PNG Now I see why people hate weebs. Why are americans like this? View Thread

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I will read this to my children before they go to sleep. He shall forever remain in my life and undefeated | /r/Greentext

>Be me >First grade >Really into WWE >Recess time >Me and friend made our own WWE Characters >l was Charles stinkbum >l was not informed that WWE was fake >We go back into the field and "host a match" >'m up against John burnsbam Ihatethiskid.jpg >Friend blows whistle he stole from P.E. teacher >l come at this m------------ like a velociraptor and my arms flying >He has 0 idea what's happening >Kick him in the d--- >He falls on ground >Friends form a 10 foot ring around us >At this point he is crying >l said something like "had enough you weenie?" >Mid way through him stuttering out something i run up and kick him in his face OHSHIT.jpg >Roar of kids everywhere >I'm infamous for my finisher >Stinkbum flash burn >this kid is bawling his eyes out asking for help >friends think it's apart of the "match" >l can fart on command >Run over to him >Friends are going ape s--- crazy >l drop my Levi jeans i wore that day >Drop my underwear >Go to fart on his head thisisnotafart.gif >S--- starts blasting out of my anus >Can't control myself >Friends start running for teachers > John burnsbam starts puking and passes out > I'm awestruck with my pants still down >Teachers and nurse run over and find him with mystery meat mixed with Animal crackers s------ all over him passed out >get suspended and have to go therapy tfw Charles stinkbum never lost

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Anon misses his shot at life | /r/Greentext

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Anon makes pancakes | /r/Greentext

File: 1363062393793.jpg-(20 KB, 310x386, IHOP story.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: 04CnfXZe) 03/12/13(Tue)00:26:33 No.464541509 > Be 19 > Living in my college town > Doing school things > Works at IHOP > Because college town, pancake joint be swinging > A group of 4 guys comes in every night > Three are nice and tip well > One a------ A------ always gets 6 pancakes. > After 2 months of dealing with them cannotdeal.jpg > A------'s magnitude far outweighs his friends' likeability > Slowly developing cancer from a------ radiation > He seems like he hasn't mentally evolved yet > probs bordering tard status > Huge muskills though > instead of going for direct confrontation i make a decision > Im going to slowly and methodically f--- his mind > Every night, one pancake gets more penor-like in nature > Maybe 4-6 degrees on the floppy johnson a day > realslowlike.gif > Because i introduce the dickcake slowly he doesn't notice for awhile >I watch happily and giddily as he chokes a cockcake down > It begins to be the centerpiece of my day - He finally notices after it is straight up a big honkin' d--- > Added whipped cream at the end of the urethra (blueberry) > Feel a storm brewin O Anonymous (ID: 04CnfXZe) 03/12/13(Tue)00:43:53 No.464545508 >I deliver his penor cake one fateful evening > He looks me dead in the face and asks me > "Hey< .(deciphers nametag [letters hurt him]) a.no.n what is this s---?" >I don't know > "You better start talking or l'll talk to your manager" > Manager.let us refer to him as C. > C is my best friend. > Dastardlyplot.jpg > "TIl go get him for you, f-----, sir. > Sneak in f----- cause im feeling extra alpha > He notices, not happy. > Approach C and explain everything. He roflmaowtfbbqs all of it, every detail > He is in on the conspiracy now > Props to C for his improv work. > He sneaks in about 9 penis related puns into his talk with a------. > Paraphrasing : Sir, we don't just d--- around back here > My employees aren't messing with your junk > That might just be a coincidence > You need more evidence than one penis shaped pancake > Other tables overhear and enjoy giggles > Im DYING in the kitchen > A------ scowls, pays walks out. > getlawyered.jpg > no way this m----------- will come back tomorrow > Just in case, C gets every employee on our shift in on it > Dumb f----- comes back > sitting in different zone to not deal with me > doesnt matter > This was our night to bring so many fallic references in culinary form > An army of workers ready to bring penis into every open conversation > we were armed and ready O Anonymous (ID: 04CnfXZe) 03/12/13(Tue)01:00:17 No.464549087 > Gentlemen, this was no ordinary penis assault > This was the All Hallow's Eve of c--- All men replaced their nametags with an alias for a peen > Chuck, D---, Peter, Johnson, and the Asian bussboy? Dong > All men stuffed their frontal pantaloons with things to give noticeable bulge > We plan the assault in waves > Phase 1 begins > First waiter comes, nametag Johnson > Takes orders, waves bulge in A------'s face > mother. f------. pancakes. > fool.jpg > Cue D--- > brings drinks, spills A------'s on himself in the c--- region > Furiously cleans it 2 feet from A------'s face > Uproar in the kitchen > Total improv > All of our sides > other tables get s----- service and tips will be slim tonight > worth it > two more waves pass > He stands > Silence in the kitchen > He comes into the kitchen >dohshit > TROLLINTHEDUNGEON.gif > we skitter > C takes over and calms him down > should have been a counselor > Final wave commence > he had seen Dong clean the previous spill and caught wind of the nametags after that >I stroll out > He looks p----- as f--- >I hand him not one, but six straight up cocks. No disputing > Bacon pubes, cherry herpes, whipped cream j--- > My nametag for this evening? > Penis > He rages and punches me cold > Wake up in the hospital > all employees are around my bed > Wake up to applause > Broken nose but oh so worth it > Never see him again > we are known henceforth as IHOC > International House of C---

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