Mom won't give me her piss jar | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)18:32:15 No.62953260 >mom wants me to get a job but she won't even piss in a jar so I can pass drug tests I HATE WOMEN 25 KB JPG

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon pretends to be deaf | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)13:18:37 No.850555835 The most autistic you've ever been? This happened to me a few days ago. >be me >just walking, cuz i needed some fresh air >near the station in my town, there were some promoters (is that what they're called? Basically students hired to sell you some s--- on the street) >i hate being talked to outside, usually wear big headphones to prevent that >walk past them, they look at me, i only see them through my peripheral >they're coming >"excuse me, do you have a minute?" >s---, what do i do >lightbulb.jpeg >act like you are deaf >do some hand gestures, dont know what i said, propably something autistic >"oh, sorry about that" >"no problem" >Keep walking and realize 5min later that i propably am retarded

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Anon plays a funny video | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:19:02 No.850782905 OP with another >be me >listening to music on the bus with headphones >friend texts me a link to a funny 1.67 MB PNG video >ramranch.mp4 >never heard of it, no idea what I'm in for >EIGHTEEN NAKED COWBOYS IN THE SHOWERS AT RAM RANCH >EIGHTEEN COWBOY COCKS WANTING TO BE SUCKED >EIGHTEEN COWBOYS WANTING TO BE F----- >before I can turn it down the people near me overhear >man on my left just looks puzzled >kid in front of me giggles >man on my right says "I did something like that in the 90s" >get off at the next stop and wait for another bus

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What are you doing anonbro? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)15:38:35 No.850782189 >Step sister moving stuff in her room >Shelf falls over and traps her arm >She yells for my help >"Anon, please, help me. Im Stuck" >I get horny and notice where this is going >I whip out my weiner 2 KB JPG >She yells what the f--- >My dad and mother walk in >Both flip out >They call the cops and i get arrested What the f--- Brazzers and BangBros? You all f------ lied to me

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Anon makes fun of Redditors | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21 (Mon)11:02:55 No.62964289 Reddit >be you >redditor >too much of a retard to go on /r9k/ for greentexts >go on r/greentext instead >find an old greentext from 2015 being reposted for the 488th time >its about anon who was 13 at the time and said opsee 52 KB JPG something stupid to his crush and was laughed at by the entire class >drop a comment where you call anon a loser and use the greentext to interpret his entire life and predict his entire future through the power of projection >wait for 4 hours staring at the screen >it got an updoot by another f----- >coom your pants order your favourite pizza as celebration >pic related

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Anon is never Alone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:39:39 No.62956468 >be me >1st grade >s--- my pants big time like a retard >ohfuckitssquingy.json >go to the bathroom to assess the damage >walk into the bathroom 15 KB JPG >another stall closed with somebody in it >f--- >see their legs from under the door >legs are smeared with s--- chunks and other pieces of ass ham >w-- >go into the next stall to assess my ass catastrophe as well you are never alone bros

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Anon didn't think it through | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)00:31:55 No.55031861 >be 7 yo me >live with mom only >she has to work so she would leave me with this 15 yo nanny >one day nanny's boyfriend shows up at home >they go and spend 1 hour inside 100 KB JPG the bathroom >at 7 yo i was well aware they were f------ >call her out on it after she leaves the bathroom saying "heh you were having sex naked" >nanny says if i didn't tell mom she would teach me how to mouth kiss >say i wouldn't tell but only if she touched my pp >they then argue if i told on them they'd tell mom i asked nanny to touch my pp >"f--- they got me" and leave it at that

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Anon makes it rain on the ladies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Cringiest Alpha Moves 05/12/17(Fri)15:19:49 No.36972961 Part tof 3i Accepting Yeur Death >be me >be 14 or so >live in college apartments and above a cute girl >think of some way to impress her >lightbulb.png >walk downstairs one night to 475 KB PNG check my mail >quietly drop a $1 bill on the ground >cute girl outside, notices I dropped it >sir, you dropped your dollar bilI! >turn around slowly >"you can keep it" >walk away >mfw remembering this a few years later and realizing how cringe this was

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Anon works at Dunkin’ Donuts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:14:20 No.62961471 >Be me >Wagecuck >Work at dunkin donuts >Every morning this a------ drives up in his truck and orders a hot coffee >Makes a big deal about it being fresh and "piping hot" 87 KB PNG >becomes known around the store for being a pain in the ass to serve >one morning it's just me and another coworker >Truck guy pulls up and demands that we make it "fresh and hotter than yesterday" >Coworker makes coffee then he gets an idea >Takes the lid off and immediately dunks his balls in the coffee >Falls to the floor screaming, steaming coffee all over his balls and the floor >manager comes in and takes him to the hospital >Turns out he has second degree burns on his balls >Next day manager takes me aside and says if I tell anybody Dunkin will sue me >Pic related

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Anon hits the showers | /r/Greentext

>middle school gym class >shower time >walk into shower >'hey look at anons d---, it's practically non existent' >they all start chanting 'tiny 90 KB JPG weenie anon" >coach comes in and breaks it up >he starts to say 'never judge a man by the size of his genitals, but by his act-' >coach looks down >jesus christ son, that thing hasn't grown since kindergarten has it?" >mfw

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Anon exposes the film industry | /r/Greentext

: Alan 03/28/21(Sun)16:17:35 No.148747818 >120 minute film >characters don't poop once 62 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread

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Anon fell for a meme | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:31:43 No.51572664 >fell for the throw your s--- in the attic meme >tfw parents are p-----, the damage costs a fortune to fix, and the smell isn't going away 71 KB JPG My parents are thinking of kicking me out. I'm seriously scared. : Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:33:08 No.51572686 >>51572664 (OP) # ..what are you talking about? what meme? >>51572723 # Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:35:37 No.51572723 >>51572686 # So you don't have to leave your room to s---, and so you don'thave to go in jugs, you can throw it in the attic. I have a little trap door to the attic in my closet. I threw my s--- up in there and you said squirrels will carry it away but they haven't it just builds up and damages the house.

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Maybe Freud was right after all | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:20:53 No.62956171 >be me >autist >draw p--- from my head >5 minute sketch >looks exactly like my mom 402 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)22:21:35 No.62956179 >>62956171 (OP) # Imagine what a 10 minute sketch will Iook like.

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