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Goats? @Gooooats THUG 1940s Detective: It was a hot night in the city of angels when a leggy blond walked into my office. She had 13, maybe 14 legs. Way too many. 10:35 AM 05 Jun 17· Twitter Web Client

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#Millennials are causing a "baby bust" they aren't having enough kids to keep the U.S. population at the "replacement level" Almond.MM @PIACID_ That's bc rent is $1500 & jobs paying $12 an hour

Julie Gautreau @julie_goats Daddy said growing up in the coal mines, one year for Xmas he got a toothbrush, the next year he got a bike, times were so unpredictable! I heard that story for years, finally relayed it to my grandma. She said, "Tell your dad he got his bike the year we got the godd union." 7:10 PM 15 May 22 Twitter Web App

Satan @s8n. 13h 30 -You look sad today -Actually I'm sad everyday, i just don't have the energy to hide it today. 1,3K 28K Ilil 167K

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My sister on holiday with the kids, they had a few cute ‘towel animals’ left on the bed during the week but just came back to this

D.A.D.D.Y @team_daddy My sister on holiday with the kids, they had a few cute 'towel animals' left on the bed during the week but just came back to this Traducir Tweet 10:14 a. m. · 23 feb. 2020 · Twitter for iPhone O CRUISE RUISE

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USA friends: All Australian towns have weird names Me: NO WE DON'T Australian Towns:

Nerd Nobain ** @Nerd_Nobain USA friends: All Australian towns have weird names Me: NO WE DON'T Australian Towns: Cairns O Mount Coom Mount N----- O Townsville Coral Sea N------ Bounce O Mackay QUEENSLAND Brisbane Toowoomba Gold Coast A 54 h 4,473 km NEW SOUTH WALES Newcastle Curly D--- Roado OCockburn Crescent delaide Canberra OGlory Hole Cave Smoko O Mount Niggerhead Ballarato Poowong O O Chinamans Knob 11:55 PM · Feb 21, 2020 · Twitter Web App 975 Retweets 3.6K Likes

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Gail Simone's Meltdown

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one has this range

shev @marvelbellarke i don't know who needs to hear this, but no one has this range Traducir Tweet 3:39 p. m. · 18 feb. 2020 · Twitter for iPhone

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A weekly occurrence these days

RKLY Twitter has already condemned the new movie and made several posts on social media claiming whoever likes it is a tool

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bad take billy

CircleToonsHD @CircleToonsHD This is bad take billy, he goes on twitter and screams into the void about things he hates without explaining why, and when confronted about his "opinions" he starts calling you insults instead of having a normal conversation don't be like billy 7:59 PM · Feb 11, 2020 · Twitter Web App 96 Retweets 915 Likes

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I, for once, I welcome our new lewd overlords

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Why are “woke” people called “woke” when they’re the most ignorant, asleep at the wheel ass bitches out here???

Blaire White @MsBlaireWhite Why are "woke" people called "woke" when they're the most ignorant, asleep at the wheel ass bitches out here??? 11:25 PM - Jan 24, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone

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tweet mom we don't need a new war we have plenty of war at home america

Alex Giampapa @Giamdaddy America just needs a mom to be like, "A new war? You got new war money? You never even finished the last two. We have plenty of war at home."

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twitter thread ceiling fan lights not working

Brock Wilbur @brockwilbur Short Thread: staying with some friends and last night after everyone went to bed I could not figure out how to turn off the large ceiling light in their living room. There is a wall controller that seemed fairly straightforward. U/L HI LIGHT MED D/L LOW FAN OFF KICHLER. 1:23 PM · Jan 17, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 16.1K Likes 6.1K Retweets @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur Replying to @brockwilbur There is a large main light, a smaller light on top that faces up, several levels of brightness, and a fan. Each time I tried to turn off the upward facing light, something else would turn on. After ten minutes, I woke up my wife to ask her to help. It only got worse. 27 29 3 1.2K @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur Each time we thought everything was off, a few seconds later something else (or everything else) would turn back on. Minute twenty, I started laughing out of sheer frustration at what felt like a Myst puzzle. Couldn't wake our friends cause they have a small kid. 27 34 18 1.8K @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur Suddenly, we solved it. Everything went off and stayed off and after waiting a full minute we realized it was gonna stay that way. This is circa lam. I finally went to sleep. 27 17 1.2K @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur This morning we asked about what the deal was with the light. The answer has broken me. 27 42 1.2K 1 @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur Our friends are in a newly built condo complex. The fan controls use a binary code to connect to the fans. Additionally the controls were only supposed to have a signal reach of 30 feet. They reach much, much further. 27 85 10 1.6K @brockwilbur. Jan 17 Brock Wilbur There are almost 40 units within reach. Based on the binary code limitation there's only 16 possible code options. So everyone in this building controls the main light and fan of at least one other person; maybe more. 27 151 23 2.7K @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur From 12:30 to lam last night, I was engaged in a proxy war with up to three other apartments, as they in turn, set my fan to high and my lights to the brightest setting, until everyone gave up. 27 197 4.7K 18 @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur Our hosts have been here for six months and have found a way to live with it by imagining who in their building they might be interacting with. This one guy who they think particularly might be an a------ and they have suspicions about when he's running the show. 27 33 2K 12 · Jan 17 | am staying here again tonight. I look forward to wrestling control of the lights from what is essentially angry ghosts in my own personal AITA post. Brock Wilbur @brockwilbur 27 60 10 2.8K @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur My inclination is to go Full Lawful Good and turn off everyone's lights tonight at 10pm to make sure we all get a good night of sleep and wake up rested and ready for a productive Saturday. 27 62 3.7K 57 @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur The light is off. War is over. 27 38 2.7K @brockwilbur · Jan 20 Thought I was gonna delete this innocuous thread after it got the inevitable eleven favs. What I love from the replies is that it seems to be a cathartic punching bag for all, regarding how dumb / s----- / funny our trashfuture is. Thanks for reading my story about a ceiling fan. Brock Wilbur 27 11 19 549

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deep fried tweet it is 2022 you are in panera bread you meet with your polycule harsh noise collective

Will Gllaspy 1 hr O It is 2022. You are in a Panera Bread. You're meeting with your polycule/harsh noise collective. They're kicking you out because the E-girl you buy foot pics from subtweeted you, calling you problematic. You step out into the street and are nearly clipped by an Ubertesla, the rider of which has paid extra to set it to disregard human life. Your phone buzzes. It's a Venmo request from your polycule, addressed to "Our good bitch", requesting to be compensated for the emotional labor of meeting with you. You pay it in Amazon Scrip.

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Twitter / X - A Spider Wants To Know Your Location

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Goats? @Gooooats THUG 1940s Detective: It was a hot night in the city of angels when a leggy blond walked into my office. She had 13, maybe 14 legs. Way too many. 10:35 AM 05 Jun 17· Twitter Web Client

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