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Soham @king26_sk your 20s are all about repeatedly rediscovering basic facts like "I feel better when I wash my face" or "eating breakfast is actually a great idea"

This is how Mercedes-Benz advertised their strong headlight. Professor Barclay Cool, now I can actually become blind when driving at night.

mcc @mcc@mastodon.social As a reminder, if you still have Twitter account(s) -I recommend you delete them before November 15, at which poin a TOS that gives Twitter permission to scrape your posts for "Al" comes into effect. My read (NOT A LAWYER) Is that fully deleting the account is the way to avoid them getting this permission. -If you're at all considering that I recommend you request a Twitte archive **THIS SECOND**, as it takes about 24 hours to be emaile to you. Details/links: mastodon.social/@mcc/113324547... Nov 12, 2024, 12:26 AM Web 256 boosts 173 favorites mcc @mcc 10h * Note that even if you delete your Twitter you can still keep your posts online, by using an archive -> html tool, such as this one which I used for my own archive: github.com/mcclure/twitter-arc... (This is a fork of Darius's tool with support for >2GB archives. The documentation could use another editing pass, I apologize for this.). mcclure/twitter- archiver Make your own simple, public, searchable Twitter archive 80 4 30 3 Contributors Issues Stars Forks GitHub GitHub - mcclure/twitter-archiver: Make your own simple, public, searchable Twitter archive Make your own simple, public, searchable Twitter archive - mcclure/twitter-a... 3

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one has this range

shev @marvelbellarke i don't know who needs to hear this, but no one has this range Traducir Tweet 3:39 p. m. · 18 feb. 2020 · Twitter for iPhone

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A weekly occurrence these days

RKLY Twitter has already condemned the new movie and made several posts on social media claiming whoever likes it is a tool

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bad take billy

CircleToonsHD @CircleToonsHD This is bad take billy, he goes on twitter and screams into the void about things he hates without explaining why, and when confronted about his "opinions" he starts calling you insults instead of having a normal conversation don't be like billy 7:59 PM · Feb 11, 2020 · Twitter Web App 96 Retweets 915 Likes

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I, for once, I welcome our new lewd overlords

NSFW

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Why are “woke” people called “woke” when they’re the most ignorant, asleep at the wheel ass bitches out here???

Blaire White @MsBlaireWhite Why are "woke" people called "woke" when they're the most ignorant, asleep at the wheel ass bitches out here??? 11:25 PM - Jan 24, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone

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tweet mom we don't need a new war we have plenty of war at home america

Alex Giampapa @Giamdaddy America just needs a mom to be like, "A new war? You got new war money? You never even finished the last two. We have plenty of war at home."

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twitter thread ceiling fan lights not working

Brock Wilbur @brockwilbur Short Thread: staying with some friends and last night after everyone went to bed I could not figure out how to turn off the large ceiling light in their living room. There is a wall controller that seemed fairly straightforward. U/L HI LIGHT MED D/L LOW FAN OFF KICHLER. 1:23 PM · Jan 17, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 16.1K Likes 6.1K Retweets @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur Replying to @brockwilbur There is a large main light, a smaller light on top that faces up, several levels of brightness, and a fan. Each time I tried to turn off the upward facing light, something else would turn on. After ten minutes, I woke up my wife to ask her to help. It only got worse. 27 29 3 1.2K @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur Each time we thought everything was off, a few seconds later something else (or everything else) would turn back on. Minute twenty, I started laughing out of sheer frustration at what felt like a Myst puzzle. Couldn't wake our friends cause they have a small kid. 27 34 18 1.8K @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur Suddenly, we solved it. Everything went off and stayed off and after waiting a full minute we realized it was gonna stay that way. This is circa lam. I finally went to sleep. 27 17 1.2K @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur This morning we asked about what the deal was with the light. The answer has broken me. 27 42 1.2K 1 @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur Our friends are in a newly built condo complex. The fan controls use a binary code to connect to the fans. Additionally the controls were only supposed to have a signal reach of 30 feet. They reach much, much further. 27 85 10 1.6K @brockwilbur. Jan 17 Brock Wilbur There are almost 40 units within reach. Based on the binary code limitation there's only 16 possible code options. So everyone in this building controls the main light and fan of at least one other person; maybe more. 27 151 23 2.7K @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur From 12:30 to lam last night, I was engaged in a proxy war with up to three other apartments, as they in turn, set my fan to high and my lights to the brightest setting, until everyone gave up. 27 197 4.7K 18 @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur Our hosts have been here for six months and have found a way to live with it by imagining who in their building they might be interacting with. This one guy who they think particularly might be an a------ and they have suspicions about when he's running the show. 27 33 2K 12 · Jan 17 | am staying here again tonight. I look forward to wrestling control of the lights from what is essentially angry ghosts in my own personal AITA post. Brock Wilbur @brockwilbur 27 60 10 2.8K @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur My inclination is to go Full Lawful Good and turn off everyone's lights tonight at 10pm to make sure we all get a good night of sleep and wake up rested and ready for a productive Saturday. 27 62 3.7K 57 @brockwilbur · Jan 17 Brock Wilbur The light is off. War is over. 27 38 2.7K @brockwilbur · Jan 20 Thought I was gonna delete this innocuous thread after it got the inevitable eleven favs. What I love from the replies is that it seems to be a cathartic punching bag for all, regarding how dumb / s----- / funny our trashfuture is. Thanks for reading my story about a ceiling fan. Brock Wilbur 27 11 19 549

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deep fried tweet it is 2022 you are in panera bread you meet with your polycule harsh noise collective

Will Gllaspy 1 hr O It is 2022. You are in a Panera Bread. You're meeting with your polycule/harsh noise collective. They're kicking you out because the E-girl you buy foot pics from subtweeted you, calling you problematic. You step out into the street and are nearly clipped by an Ubertesla, the rider of which has paid extra to set it to disregard human life. Your phone buzzes. It's a Venmo request from your polycule, addressed to "Our good bitch", requesting to be compensated for the emotional labor of meeting with you. You pay it in Amazon Scrip.

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seriously cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough tweet

@RecklessKings we gotta start saying "yuck" out loud when ppl be coughing and sneezing without covering their mouths ppl now a days getting too comfy 10:05 PM · 2020-01-27 · Twitter for iPhone 363 Retweets 843 Likes

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network test

Twitter @Twitter 15m test 27 4.3K 3.4K 22.4K Twitter @Twitter · 14m ok it worked 27 2.3K 1.3K 14.8K Apple Music O @AppleMusic 11m Music GIF 27 7 99 <]

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when I was a young boy my father had what he called the bean jar

dr. ron of the pepper palace @ronaldravegan when i was a young boy my father had what he called the bean jar. it was a jar full of brown and black beans. whenever we misbehaved, he would remove one and tell us that once the jar was empty, the world would end 7/25/18, 9:58 PM 922 Retweets 6,374 Likes

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Survey Results

Twitter Safety O @TwitterSafety A critical part of this change was developing this with input from the public, civil society groups, and academic experts. We received 6,500+ responses on our approach, and will continue to make changes like this openly and in consultation with people around the world. 4:00 PM · Feb 4, 2020 · Twitter Web App

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Know Your Meme

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