Hamburglar | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous (ID: JIFXcpb1) 04/07/13(Sun)20:41:11 UTC-4 No.471037740 Replies: 22471038158 22471043601 22471048060 >UKfag in mcdonalds >really drunk and stoned >order 20 cheeseburgers seat i think 9 >throw the rest one by one into the thronging crowd yelling I AM THE HAMBURGLAR AND IVE HAD A CHANGE OF HEART become mcdonalds hero >someone offers me a flask of whisky >throw up >£20 wasted

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hamburglar weed stoned

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Moar:

Quick pick up game

Anonymous (ID: SA9TAPSF) 06/30/13(Sun)20:07:33 No.490295126 Replies: 4902954364902956642490296623490297450490297870 >be at work >suddenly walls fall down pick up walls >boss walks in >asks me why i'm holding walls >tell him walls fell down >boss takes walls >boss puts walls back >suddenly boss falls down >pick up boss Anonymous (ID: KQEZGnUV) 06/30/13(Sun)20:18:16 No.490296723 File: 1372637896089 ipg-(47 KB, 320x240, 4453.jpg) OP what the f--- >co-worker walks in asks me why i'm holding boss tell him boss fell down co-worker takes boss >co-worker sticks a massive d--- up his ass suddenly d--- falls down >pick up d--- >suddenly wife walks in >asks me why i'm holding d--- tell her d--- fell down >wife takes d--- >suddenly wife falls down >pick up wife >smash her f------ face in >suddenly face falls down >pick up d--- >stick in gaping whole where face was >suddenly gaping whole falls down >pick up gaping whole >gaping whole swallows me in another universe >suddenly another universe falls down in void >suddenly void falls down >boss walks in >picks up co-worker >smash his d--- in IDONT UNDERSTAND Anonymous (ID: WVYKA56F) 06/30/13(Sun)20:22:49 No.490297450 File: 1372638169286.gif-(1.21 MB, 320x240, 1366938151158.gif) Ladies and gentlemen, behold the pinnacle of English Literature □ Anonymous (ID: DsJKklma) 06/30/13(Sun)20:25:17 No.490297870 File -(426 KB, 533x609, Ive Seen Some S---.png) 27 □ Anonymous (ID: NEFcOCk3) 06/30/13(Sun)20:09:53 No.490295436 lolwut Anonymous (ID: dne3BDif) 06/30/13(Sun)20:11:34 No.490295664 wife falls down co-worker walks in >picks up co-worker suddenly boss falls down in another void never doing drugs again >249 What the f--- did I just read?

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Translator pls

Anonymous (ID: POlt+ycV) 06/26/12 (Tue)21:45:28 No.408630889 >Be 15 Me and Sri Lanken friend go get really f------ high sWe decide to go back to his place >His parents are home so we go to his room >He starts vomiting on the floor >His parents rush in >The don't know how to speak english so they're yelling at me in tamil or some other brown language dudewtfisgoingon They point at the vomit and then point at a mop Using my stoner logic, I assume they're telling me that I have vomit on my leg and should clean it with the mop Begin rubbing my leg with mop >Parents yell even more >Assume they're telling me that I should just go in their shower Proceed to enter shower still have the mop begin to take a shower with my clothes on while rubbing my leg with a mop >I decide to just leave >Find out the next day that his parents do speak english and they were yelling in english the whole time I've never been to his place again

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Typical /k/

>> O Anonymous 03/31/16(Thu)05:25:52 No. 29445825 2229448257 229449032 >send drones to kill /k/ >drone pilot sees fat naked man on a roof with nothing on but a steel helmet and gas mask She has a hunting rifle between his legs, and is rubbing his n------ >pilot steps back for a second to assess what he just witnessed >suddenly gets tackled >its a different naked fat man >he has a horse mask on >pulls some strange purple thing out from under his mask >its a dildo the size of a wine bottle >too shocked to do anything about the 300lbs of fat and acne laying ontop of him >by the time he realizes whats happening, theres a pair of cat ears on his head and a lot of pressure on his anus >meanwhile the drone is getting pelted with full rounds of .221r being volley fired out of shotguns war, war never changes.

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Sky dive

Anonymous (ID sYou suddenly realize your parachute has a malfunction and it won't open you have a mobile phone Senough time to make one call Who you gonna call and what would you say? +23 posis and 4 imiage replies omitted Click here to view >> ■ Anonymous (ID:ameen ) 08/07/14(Thu)20:24:34 No.561 113647 File: 1395018070785 ipg (52 KB, 364x537) >whip out cell phone call gf 'wwwwwwww0000000oowwwwoowowwowowOWo gf calls me a a------ thinking im just repeatedly blowing into the microphone like i usually do

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Mad Max

File: Aus png (460 KB, 720x733) Cops Called, Eggs Thrown At Hundreds Of Pokémon Go Players In Sydney Luke Punkot 07/13/16(Wed)19.33.17 No.344919409 3449 19524 >>344919802 >>3449 19920 >Some background: Rhodes is a suburb with a ton of high-density apartments, all clustered around the waterfront and a big IKEA/shopping mall. >When Pokémon Go was released last week, a combination of the high population density and a number of Pokestops in the suburb's Peg Paterson Park meant that it was one of the best (and most popular) places in all of Sydney to catch some pocket monsters > Massive crowds, sometimes peaking at over 1000 people, have flocked to the park, often late at night, and after a few evenings of this noise and bustle the residents of the apartment buildings overlooking the action have had enough. >On Tuesday night, things came to a head. Reports that at some residents -reacting to the "complete chaos, and "massive levels of noise,-started throwing waterbombs and eggs at the crowd >One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume, threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using whirlwind" attacks as some witnesses stated > The Mad Max aficionado's attacks sent panics through the crowd and a stampede ensued until police arrived to end the confrontation. In the end 36 Pokemon Go players were treated for lacerations and an additional 7 for injuries during the stampede. Why is this allowed? We just want to catch some Pokemon. Leave us alone, we're not hurting anyone Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed)19:34 26 No 344919524 344919939 2234492 1190 File: 1447025790919 ipg (117 KB, 996x868) One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using "whirlwind" attacks as some witnesses stated Au AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed)1939 14 № 34491 9987トー34492 1190 22344922661 File (1.02 MB, 1920x1080) >One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume, threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using whirlwind" attacks as some witnesses stated F------ Straya Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed) 19:44:47 No.344920479トー344921190 File: 1457221839917png (464 KB, 481x518) 344919409 (OP >he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using "whirlwind attacks as some witnesses stated Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed)19:45:33 No. 344920541 146631508 1633 png (694 KB, 640x480) トー44921199 >One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume, threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using whirlwind attacks as some witnesses stated. BASED Where were you when pokefags got BTFO?

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Tables turnt

rcmp high river.jpg (40 KB, 650x434) google iqdb □ Anonymous 1 day ago No.29725707 >>29725751 >>2972 >>29728046 >>29728080 >>29728303 >>29728353 >>29728608 >>29733820 >>29733892 >>29733958 >>29734517 >>29734577 >POLICE OPEN UP! WE DONT NEED A WARRANT! How do you respond? Anonymous 1 day ago No.29728046 >>29729331 >>29730698 >>29730892 no girls jpg (40 KB, 480x443) google iqdb >>29725707 (OP) >Grab gun and gear >Sneak out back door >Get to the back of their line >Wait for them to bust the door in >Once they all enter close the door behind them >Knock on the door and tell them to come out with their hands up My how the tables have turned.

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Big Booooooo

■ Anonymous 8 minutes ago No. 239834823 >>239835109 2239835110 239835339 2239835680 1378258795078.jpg (106 KB, 640x360) google igdb sounds >be 11 years old getting homy but i don't even know how to fap realize I could find t------ on the computer wait till nobody was home get on that s--- type "big boobs into google safe search is on or something so there's nothing good realize parents and sister will see what i searched in the history type big boo Ppress enter do it again but add anothero >do it until it fills the entire bar >whenever you type something into google you just see a big long line of >big booo000000 >big booo0000000 big b >big booo000000000 no one must find my secret

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Good Trip

File: 1367265933378.jpg-(60 KB, 480x480, biohazard.jpg) G I :when shes starts bitchin, innawoods. anonymous 04/29/13(Mon)13:05:33 UTC-7 No.16054115 Replies: 160541662216054175 GF starts complaining about all the time and money and i spend on my guns, and on top of that started to say something jive s--- about a 100 mile road trip to see her folks. so....I RAN innawoods. This is the story of the sketchy operation >headed north to my favorite casual camp spot (not my innawoods hide away) >set up camp and was chillin cleanin my ak47 >Some straing individuals approached me inside my camp, but they had an abundance of beer soo....they seemed trustworthy >followed them to their camp > gorged my self on beer >20 Brewsters later... > dude starts pounding some chick > i yelled "get it before the government does >they did not approve of my comment. >die hard OBAMAO supporters > dude starts at me, while his friend and gf gran rope > I shouted "youll never take me alive you mooncricket assholes!" >began to sprint through the woods >.asshoes began throwing rocks > I drunkenly shout" My rocks fly faster!" and fired threes rounds > continued to run > lost them. >beer may have been laced with LSD >began hallucinating stripped out, stripped down to my naked glory and covered self in mud > paranoia set in >could not tell if campers were just campers, or SEAL team six in disguise >belly crawl through the woods >found a river. began belly crawling in the shallows down stream. Fuzzy memories >woke up 100 miles south east of my home under a railroad bridge in a nest made of sticks and leaves like a predatory bird, cuddling ak47 >mouth tasted like moss and mud >three days later finally made it home after hitch hiking >still dont know what happened to my truck or the seal team campers Anonymous 04/29/13(Mon)13:11:01 UTC-7 No. 1605416 P3 responsible gun owner

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Batweed

11 Smokey Mcbongwater Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:05:42 ESTIDKSc614v No.40714400 Δ File: 1327446342192.gif-(279481 B, 500x346) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size 甲Quick Reply sbe parkouring wearing batman costume because it's halloween, feels appropriate. find an alley that looks promising, decide to smoke a spliff while i plan out my route halfway done when someone taps on my shoulder, says 'excuse me >turn around, it's a cop. he says "i don't think the batman would break the law" panic for a second, then remembered the easy roof access. decide to ham it up and say in my best batman voice "then... you don't know the batman" corner jump up a wall, run along the top of a fence and leap upa building get to top of the building, look down. cop looks f------ baffled Phear him say into walkie talkie 'i think i caught the real batman smoking weed' a few months later, i bumped into the same cop on the street. he asks me to stop for a second, saying i look familiar, but can't place my face MFW the whole ordeal

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Wereshitposter

File: 1434893711298.png (85 KB, 361x333) ■ Anonymous 09/25/15(Fri)14:20:36 No.22629468 [Reply] >-226295142-22629521 who else /shitpostingenthusiast/ here? >got drunk yesterday >don't remember most of it >woke up with insane hangover >look at 11 hours of browser and event history >apparently I felt some waves of creativity >spammed Ir9k/, /pol, Ixl and /mu/ with idiotic comments >got in a huge inernet fight with some dude from baltic states while roleplaying as slav (I'm strayan) used switzerland, turkish and russian proxies >have a dozen of pictures of unknown people saved [wherever am i must also shitpost on my hard drive >wrote long ass greentext story about tf no gf, butchered it in half and posted the wall of nonsense >created at least 16 threads, 9 of them in /r9k/ >one had 300+ replies, rest had 5-10 "sang" a song for Imu/ >got globally m00ted for saying "ayy Imao" in Ix/ magick b------- thread >made a screenshot of ban >even tried to c------- >again, don't remember almost anything of it >mfw I'm wereshitposter page and named it "proud.jpg"

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WELL DO YAH PUNKS?

File: 4chanlololo245.ipg (34 KB, 251x407) ■ Anonymous 10/05/16 Wed 09:55:10 No.706595555 22708505748 >708505917 >>708596356 >>708596537 >>708596781 >>700596783 22708507013 22708507138 22708597297 22708508000 227066 >Be me, 6'5 280 lbs redneck 기 mean total redneck. Trump lovin', confederate flag wavin', gun totin", trailer livin' redneck Live 10 miles from nearest town, 2 miles from nearest neighbor >Sitting on beanbag chair in living room of double wide whilst eating a cherry popsicle and watching longmire on netflix, got a semi bc vic makes the spaghetti roll >hear car pull into driveway w-- jpg >Not only is this weird because of distance from town, it's also 3 AM ook out window >s----- 80's oldsmobile wagon pulled into yard >3 teens in full "scary" clown costumes step out >there's been a string of thefts on nearby farms, figure it's connected >Throw on a pair of jungle boots and cowboy hat, leaving the rest in the nude >Grab Draco AK pistol on the way out of door >Can see they are sneaking around by my other trailer (there is two on my property, use other one for storage but it has more lights on and looks more lived in) >Sneak up behind them >Jump behind the biggest one, whom I am a solid 7 inches taller than was gonna yell wanna die?" or "What the f---?" but brain went full autist and combined the two syell "wanna f---? >All three turn around to see a 6'5 overweight redneck wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and combat boots, carrying an AK, with lipstick-red lips that just asked them if they wanna f--- ook down and realize all the adrenaline turned the semi into a throbbing, precum-leaking full on >Never seen anyone run that fast in my life >mfw I'll bet they never try the clown prank again.

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Turd Toss

Anonymous 12/26/10(Sun)06:40:13 No.12626439 File1293363613 ipg-(35 KB, 730x590, 1287819309086.jpg) I have the worst story of all time >over at a friends house need to take a s--- really bad run to the toilet, his room is right next door to the bathroom ltake two monster size turds s flush, nothing happens bowl fills with water and s--- just stays there sit wont flush, I panic. I don't want anyone to come in and see the massive crap I just made sl open the bathroom window, reach into the bowl with my hands and grab the brown dildo sized s--- >l toss it out the window into the neighbours garden which is only like 2 meters away ssecond s--- goes flying over the wall as well there is no face for when I get back to his room and his window is open. >did you just throw crap next door? NOPE

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Know Your Meme

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