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The bro house part 5

OP 02/08/13(Fri)22:10 No.17620101 Replies: 1762021417620269 1762039517620549 17626168 17626512 17627080 >me and chillbro kinda shake our heads and go onto the backporch to smoke >hear bonybro come home an hour later or so >hear doradus crying her eyes out, saying that foodbro screamed at all her friends, broke the ipod dock (nope), tried to hit them (nope), and then demanded that doradus sleep with him (lolwatnope) >foodbro comes back about an hour after bonybro >hear bonybro confront foodbro >he still mad that we make fun of his lady all the time >demands to know why foodbro demanded she sleep with him >foodbro laughs and explains the whole story >I go in and confirm >foodbro demands to know why bonybro said it was cool for her to throw a party >bonybro says he said she could study with a friend >what a c--- >about a month later of doradus being fairly well behaved >still making s----- passes at foodbro "I know you like the wayI look today, or is it everyday?" >foodbro just laughs >starts making her pay for everything he sees her take >schools out, summer time >foodbro goes to work the summer in the kitchen of some nice-ass restaurant, starts dating this bartender there >this gil >h-------- >this gil >blonde, cardio bunny, yoga and pilates addict, nice boobs, nice ass, stomach you could grate cheese on, super smart, super clever and witty, coolest girl ever, nicest girl ever >we'll call herM >m and foodbro date for like 2 weeks before she starts staying over all the time >within two weeks of her sleeping over, she demands to contribute to food and utilities >doradus has been in our f------ lives for like 5 or 6 goddamn months now and still pays jack s---, smuggles food to bonybros room when foodbro is out >doradus does not like m >m is super aloof about doradus

The bro house part 4

OP 02/08/13(Fri)22:09 No.17620091 Replies: >17620214> 17620269 >176203951762054917626168 >176265121762708017627407 Doradus wonders where her plate is Foodbro loses it "Bitch, you ate 3 pounds of f------ ground beef today. Thats enough food for your fat-ass today. In fact, thats enough caloric intake for like 3 days. If I catch you in my kitchen for the next three days I will lose my f------ mind." sits down next to chillbro, immediately back to good mood watching the game h-------- this sashimi doradus quietly sobbing, bonybro shamefully passing her pieces off his plate keep in mind, doradus pays nothing to exist in our space in addition, because foodbro is such a foodnazi, he practically foots the entire food bill himself so we dont fill his kitchen with cheap s----- food bitch is literally a financial drain, does nothing to contribute, and always gets super upset if someone mentions how much of our s--- she eats a few days go by me, chillbro, and foodbro coming home, bonybro has late lab lights are on, loud f------ noise sounds like the cawing of a billion crows and the shrieks of a billion banshees foodbro immediately mad goes inside oh my god, doradus invited the rest of the large magellanic cloud and currently has food everywhere and everyone is screaming and laughing and making a huge s--- of my f------ house foodbro strides through room, rips ipod out of ipod dock and screams GET THE F--- OUT OF MY HOUSE stampede of white whales doradus says "oh bonybro said I could have a few friends over foodbro notices all the food that is out. Ice cream, cup cakes, chicken sandwiches and s--- "Youre going to pay for all this. Im tired of you eating my food without asking." doradus starts tearing up "but the food is for the house" >I pipe up "youre not part of the house" Foodbro agrees with me and says "you just come in here and eat all my s--- because you think you can doradus stumbles over to foodbro and tries to stroke his chest (w-- amirite) "its okay, stop getting mad because Im bonybros girlfriend" foodbro gets so mad he leaves

The bro house part 3

OP 02/08/13(Fri)22:08 No. 17620059 Replies: >17620214 >17620269 17620395 1762054917626168 17626512 >17627080 >the next problem occurs when doradus starts f------ with foodbro >first incident was when we all got back from class expecting to find her devouring our winter stocks or something >cant find her >foodbro: "maybe she went for a jog hahahaha (bonybro mad)" and goes to throw his s--- downstairs WHAT THE ACTUAL S--- >we go downstairs, doradus is naked, and sleeping in his bed >she tries to take his expensive sheets, wrap them around herself and run upstairs >foodbro furious, forcibly takes his s--- and makes her run, crying and naked as a newborn up to bonybros room >bonybro mad, but foodbro madder and bonybro apologizes quietly and chases her upstairs >we would find out later this was a seduction tactic that didn't even make it to launch because the fat bitch fell asleep (f----- lol) >second incident, foodbro always leaves a lot of food resting >chili simmering overnight, flank steak marinating for a few days, all sorts of s--- that I dont even f------ understand but is f------ delicious >starts to notice this s--- disappearing >mad as hell, foodbro demands at least a little semblance of courtesy >foodbro has a roll of little red circle stickers >if something is in the fridge with a red circle sticker, dont f------ touch it >he goes to make his hamburgers for dinner (foodbro hamburgers will make you believe in a kind and merciful god) >"Guys, where is the groundbeef. I literally only bought it like three hours ago." >doradus starts giggling like its cute or some s--- >"Oh I was just so hungry I couldnt help myself so I made a little snack" >"That was 3 lbs of ground beef!" >"Oh it was just so good, I just fried it all up and ate it. Sorry" and she plasters this s----- trying-to-be-cute pouty face on her mug >Foodbro ships out, brings back salmon, handmakes some sushi >plates it and brings it out

The bro house part 2

>she comes downstairs I tell her to stop screaming her lungs out at night "oh do my cries of passion make you uncomfortable tee hee?" what the actual f--- >"uncomfortable like an victim of the bubonic plague maybe" she mad, bonybro mad, foodbro thought it was hilarious (cont.)

The bro house (part 1)

□ OP 02/08/13(Fri)22:07 No. 17620037 Replies: >>17620214 17626193 17626512 >1762708017627638 >17620269 >>17620324>>17620392> 17620395 >>17625975 17 Boy, have I got a story for you /fit/. oP >Univeristy share a house with 3 bros Bonybro is scrawny as f---, beta as hell, but genuinely nice dude Chillbro is a huge stoner, but the nicest guy you'll ever meet, also impossible to make him mad >Foodbro, cooks like a m------------, super charismatic, and although he's a heavier dude, he's full bearmode, gym everyday, arms like pythons, super nice cat but easy to make mad for first two years, house is awesome vidya like m------------ foodbro cooking like we at grandma's thanksgiving every other day chillbro always has good herb all sorts of fun and games and s--- then one day, the moon descended from orbit and smashed into the house oh no wait, bonybro pulled a female right away chillbro and I realize Doradus here is going to be a problem the first problem is she is one of those fatgirls who just thinks shes hot as s--- because she is a beta hunter "real men want curves, Im the same size as Marilyn Monroe hurr hurr" the whole f------ 9 the way the house is set up, there are three bedrooms upstairs and a basement suite foodbro pays the most, so he's in the suite. Got a king sized bed down there and everything, full chill pad doradus starts spending every f------ night at our place the noises this girl makes while f------ are just impossible to handle she sounds like a cross between a death metal singer and an elephant seal "ORGHHHHHHH ORGHHHHHH ORGHHHHHH" Im p----- as hell but chillbro tries to just initiate live and let live we tell bonybro to cool it on the noise anyway bonybro mad because we arent supporting the fact that he finally bagged a girl poor bastard is already under her spell

All These Boys And You Decided To Play Me

Anonymous 03/04/14(Tue)21:42:54 No.234262709 >>234262802 >>234262838 >>234263079 >>234263091 >>234263302 1393893320310.ipg (66 KB, 550x552) google igdb sounds You f------ want rage? >am 24 and work as a engineer >got into project M after apex >decide to play it with friends/ people from smash boards for maybe an hour or two a day holy f--- this is fun as f--- >also start homebrewing the hell out of my wi >girlfriend starts complaining that I'm "ignoring" tell her it's nice to have some time to play video games because I've been very busy with work >she sigh:s >come home the next day >see my copy of brawl, the SD card, and my wi broken beyond repair see my gf >ask her, in a very calm manner, what happened to the wii and copy of brawl, mind you I got that wii and brawl from a friend who died in 2009 oh anon it was the sillies thing you were playing that game more than you were paying attention to me >feel several of blood vessles burst in my brain very calmly tell her to pack up her stuff and leave my apartment and don't ever contact me again >she starts screaming about how I'm picking video games over her and that I'm some loser f----- >I tell her that I'm picking my own sanity over her and I have a high paying job and you've been living here rent free for the last three months without lifting a goddamn finger >she starts crying Just grab her and shove her out of my apartment and just pack of her s--- up in a suitcase tell her to have a nice life >go out to buy a wii and copy of brawl the next day the police come by to tell me I beat the hell out of my gf >show them my bank statement >the exact time I supposedly beating the hell out of her I was buying a り38 likes mannymackintosh "All these games, and you decided to play me copy of brawl and a wi >she's now being accused of filing a false police report

Image #715,954

Anonymous 03/12/14(Wed)21:33 UTC-3 No.21 702203 Replies: >>2 17022842-21702366 File: 1394670796619.jpg-(28 KB, 445x302, 1371243729006.jpg) 1. flageroonie 2. Cringe just thinking about it >be me in middle school at week-long summer camp with friends and one hyper douche who my friends like ask a grill to the end-of-the-week dance but with much spaghetti >she actually says yes >the next day hyper-douche "rhino rapes" me (knees me in the ass full force) >my tail bone instantly out of commission I can't bend my back or sit without excruciating pain >I pass out and counselors haul me to the med station >med guys are just a couple of jackasses who don't know s--- "what do you want us to look at your ass or something?" they give me blood-stained pillows to sit on for the rest of the week the blood is dried so it looks brown >I become known as the kid with the s----stained butt pillows >hyper-douche convinces all of my friends I'm faking it for attention while the pain worsens >limp around with butt pillows all week, grills all give me weird faces and whisper around me >hyper-douche tells all of them I'm faking it >become famous among camp grills as the pasty baby s----stained butt pillow kid >fast forward to dance on the last night actually recovered enough to dance, but really awkwardly >grill I asked is nowhere to be found (she was there but avoiding me) try to join two grills and they give me disgusted faces and move end up surrounded by friends and hyper douche >they're juggling me around by pushing me back and forth while I'm trying not to fall over from tail bone pain, all while I'm yelling at them to stop >punch hyper douche in the face and get one moment of ultimate satisfaction as he falls to the floor >he chimps out f------ hardcore by getting me in a headlock and screaming in my ear for a good minute before a counselor pulls him off some 100 kids are staring at us forced to sit on my butt pillows in plain view of everyone for the rest of the night see grill asked dancing with some decent looking guy And that, my friends, was the worst week of my existence x---DdDD

Image #715,953

U Anonymous 03/12/1 4(Wed)21:27 UTC-3 No.21 702004 Replies: >>21702073 >>21 702100 >>217021 35 >>21 7021 86 >>21702296 >>21702344 >>21702361 File: 1394670475755.jpg-(4 KB, 232x217, 1366993185929.jpg) >Best friend is a grill We dated while she was in high school (nothing serious) and decided we both only wanted to be friends after her graduation Closest friend I've ever had, she's like a sister >A few years later, we get a place together >She begins dating an old high school friend of mine >Dormed with him in uni, he has some serious insecurity issues >Best friend seems happy, so I tell myself he worked through that s--- >Things go great for the first few months, she says he treats her like gold >Then things start to spiral downward >Best friend is now quiet, constantly glued to her phone >Try and cheer her up, ask her if she wants to hit the bars or something like we used to "No Anon, BF will be upset." >Stop offering Months pass and she grows more and more miserable >He has begun restricting her wardrobe, where she goes, when she works, what she buys, who she sees >She tells me he periodically shows up at her work to make sure she's there Tell her she needs to break it off >She claims she's tried to, but she always takes him back after he promises to change >Get all tough and protective, tell her I'll "deal with him" >This guy is a fat manlet, even the biggest of DYELs could take him >She begs me not to get involved unless things get violent >Things only get worse over the next few months We're all at home one night, me in my room, both of them in hers >He starts yelling at her >Saying awful s--- >Then I hear it, the unmistakable sound of a right hook to the jaw >Sit there for a moment, listening to her sobs >Turn up the volume on my TV until I can't hear her anymore I could have done something

Image #712,084

413531-CosmicBrownies ina (195 KB, 800x600) gooqle iadb LUN Anonymous 11/24/13(Sun) 13:00:34 No.28470756 [ 2-28470732竺24470790 >Last Night's D&D session DM decides to reveal that he's actually a bit of an amateur chef >Spends ten minutes puttering around in the kitchen, and we hear the constant churning noise of a blender >Comes back with large mugs filled with a thick, brown liquicd Pt's my cosmic brownie shake. Just try it -Try it It tastes like sex with an angel Everyone drains their mugs > Don't worry, there's plenty left! You can drink as much as you want And, the best part is, its actually really healthy for you! We start playing, continuing to drink the tasty shakes the entire time >About an hour in, I start to feel funny >One guy dashes off to the bathroom, and a few seconds later we hear him screaming S"ITS LIKE SNAKES. ITS LIKE SNAKES ARE IN MY GUTS AND ARE TEARING APART MY A------. >No one has any idea what he's talking about One minute later Everyone knows what he's talking about manage to reach one of the three bathrooms >Pain >Agonizing pain Like my liver is strangling my stomach while my intestines tie themselves into knots >l am s------- and crying and occasionally screaming Hear screaming coming from outside the window One guy didn't manage to get into a bathroom He's screaming and crying and s------- outside in the backyarod Neighbors walk out of their house to see whats going on >Guy in the backyard is pleading with them to kill him Everyone spends the entire night just s------- and crying l just got back home and I think I lost thirty pounds Gaming food thread? [-]O Anonymous 1 1/24/13(Sun)13:02:47 No.28470782 [▼] >>28470798 >>28470804 >>28470828 228470756 (0P Did you get the recipe?

Based on a True Story

anime Anonymous (ID: gTvKlzCM) 03/03/14(Mon)22:12:19 UTC-5 No.535464048 be me facebook page manager post image of the greatest anime in history, Shrek just want to spread the joy of the ogrelord to all people bash the image, saying Shrek isn't an anime, blaspheming the holy onion peeler call the heretics dreck Zuckerberg shuts down my facebook account for hatespeech >crying alone on my bed feel a warm onion scented presence fill the room look up from my tear-stained pillow it's Shrek >I look at his hands he's holding the decapitated heads of Zuckerberg in one hand, and the heretics in the other he looks at me and says "it ain't ogre till it's ogre" I know what I must do get on my knees >Shrek takes out his massive ogre sized c--- >I'm ready he shoves it down my throat and instantly shoots his onion love down my gullet. wake up the next morning wondering if it was a dream turn on news headline states that Zuckerberg's and three others' decapitated bodies were found in an onion patch get on laptop facebook account is back and am now CEO of facebook notice an onion next to my feet pick it up there's a message engraved into the side "Welcome to the swamp, laddeh" Shrek is love Shrek is life Anonymous (ID: Jme7FvNB) 03/03/14(Mon)22:14:28 UTC-5 No.535464437 Can we admit that Looney Toons is, at the very least, in the top 5 anime series ever?

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