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Greentext Stories - Image Gallery Page 2

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Subway Satan

Anonymous 10/27/13(Sun)20:15:03 UTC-4 No.513020284 Replies: 13022161 51302 ITT: Fastfood stories I'll start: >be me living at uni >go to Subway to pick up some lunch before class >down time, only 2 other people in there >employee hears the bell and comes out from the back >9/10 skinny blond >holding her phone up to her ear but not talking wait a bit and she gives me look >figure she's on hold and I'd better order >Ya, Ill have a 6-inch BLT on Italian and- -c--- cuts me off >"Cant you see I'm on the f------ phone?! >wait for 2 minutes, 3 more people get in line behind me finally she finishes listening to her phone > Alright, the hell do you want? >dat filename >her mistake was bitching at me, a former Subway employee time to f--- up her day >order a footlong double-meat meatball sub on honey wheat bread >that bread tears easier than any other and meatball subs are impossible to close correctly with a regular amount of meatballs make her microwave that s--- for 2 minutes >she tries to use napkins to take it out so she's not burned >fails miserably >order all the vegies >she tries to place a tiny bit of each kind on it smake her double everything >guy behind me laughing his ass off >bread is stretched completely open and tearing stime to destroy this sandwich for sure >ask for oil, say tell her I'll say when she's used enough >wait for her to stop on her own make her double that soil bottle is basically empty added an assortment of other sauces just picked the ones that would dye her uniform the best colors sandwich is 40% sauces >she calls me an a------ and attempts to close the damn thing >sandwich immediatly spews all of its contents all over her uniform, $200 jeans, and $500 shoes >she starts crying lean over the counter >Tve changed my mind, I'd like a 6-inch BLT on Italian."

Fap Fieri

File: shock.ipg (32 KB, 573x470) 口Anonymous (ID: @ENHED) 07/23/14(Wed)17:54:32 No. 558348286 >Be me >Sitting on the couch, watchin mah shows >Roommat >I can tell when he's watching p--- because he always turns the volume all the way up >F------ a------ >I turn up the TV volume, trying to mask the sound of of Lexi Belle getting drilled >It doesn't work, the sounds from my TV and his computer sort of blend together S"OH YEAH Hey, I'm STICK YOUR F------ Guy Fierl D--- and we're rolling out IN MY ASS, looking for America's greatest diners, I F------ LOVE drive- ins, and YOUR BIG C--- dives!" >Actually, it's pretty hot >This could become a new fapping adventure >I whip it out and start going at it > "The Gold Duck OH F--- Bar & Grill in Memphis YEAH RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE is YOU LIKE known all over F------ town for MY TIGHT LITTLE e is fapping in his room amazing P---- barbeque!" >Oh my f------ god >Ive never been so hard >Now the chef is talking about how he makes the dry rub >"First, YOU WANNA add some paprika C-- and some cumin ON MY F------ FACE?" >I c-- buckets >Can't hear p--- anymore >ohshitohshitohshit >Roommate opens door and sees me covered in c--, watching Guy Fieri suck some dry rub off his pinky MFW

Shitty Revenge

File: hookaipg (86 KB 620x465) ■ Anonymous (ID: Story time b/ HOU NTO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:29 45 No.576373696 be me be sophomore in college >decide to go to San Francisco with a few of my bros I had this one buddy, we'll call him Dave >Dave was a f------ wildcard, this dude would do just about anything for a laugh In San Francisco after an awful red-eye flight. Go clubbing every night, having the time of our lives Eventually our trip was coming to a close, and we only had a couple more days left in San Fran >Decide to go clubbing again, for the third night in a row After a fow hours of clubbing we were pretty freaking inabriated Finally decide to wander back to our hotel for the night >Begin to stumble back to the hotel, having a great f------ time >We are suddenly approached by one a San Fran's finest, a frighteningly emaciated meth addict h----- >We are not interested in acquiring vanareal diseases from a crack w----, continue to walk As we were about to walk by, this h----- said something that I'll never be able to forgel >"I'll bet each of you boys ten dollars that you can't s--- on my face Dave immediately takes her up on the offer, me and the rest of my friends are too drunk to care H----- takes us all down to an alley, then procoods to lay down with her face upwards Anonymous (D: akBUhFLO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:30:33 No.576373816576374049 cont > Okay try to s--- on my face" Dave goes first >Dave pulls his pants down and exposes his bare ass >Just as he's about to pinch a log off onto this meth addict w----'s forehead she blows on his a------ >A------ immediately shrivels up like a dehy drated raisin, Dave literally can not s--- on her face >My tum next l stand over her face, knowing that my ten dollars is at stake >l squeeze my bowels like I've never squeezed them before, and I begin to feel a massive s--- log stiring within me >I had gained confidence, this was my shining moment PJust as I felt the tip of my s--- touching the ring on my a------ a great wind swept up from the prostltute's mouth and instantly closed the gates of my sphincter Just as Dave had failad bofore me, I was unnsuccossful in my quest SHooker proceeds to do the same to each of my friends, not a single one of us can s--- on her face SHooker collects sixty bucks, and we finish our journey back to the hotel defeated >All of my friends and I quickly forget the experience, except for Dave Dave becomes legitimately angy that he wasn't able to s--- on the h-----'s face >Keeps talking about how much he wants his money back >whatever.gif >Next day sOur plane leaves the next sWe decide to go around and eat dinner at the cheapest restaurant we can find (after losing our money to the h-----, we decided not to spend so this night was our last in San Francisco much) >Find this nasty "chinese" buffet >Eat a fuckton of food, tons of really spicy stuff > >。Anonymous (D COUNRO) 10/28/14(Tue)23: 3203 No 576374040 cont >Decide to go back to the hotel to chill and start packing >We get back to the Hotel, and a look of pure malice crosses Dave's face s"We're going to got our monoyb >Apparently the chinese buffet was beginning to have a serious affect on Dave sDave runs out of the hotel to go find the h----- from the night before Friends and I have no choice but to follow Dave doubles over in stomach pain, still running with the ferlocity and determination of a tigress hunting her prey Dave begins to groan and fart loadly, running even faster than before >Finally arive at the alley where we met the h----- before > Sure enough, the same meth head prostitute is stading at the same corner sDave groans through clanched teeth "We want to try and s--- on your face again, double or nothing SHooker agrees S Takes us back to the same place as before, and lays in the same position Dave stands over her face as I remain transfixed with anticipation Ss ! Anonymous (ID:GKI ED) 10/28/14(Tue)23: 33: 1 3 No 576374230 cont. Before the h----- even had time to purse her lips in preparation of closing Dave's sphincter, he began to release an unholy a--- terror the likes of which no man should ever witness Dave lets out a defeaning warcry as legions of liquid s--- spew forth from between his fiercly vibrating asscheeks >The hookers screams of utter terror slowly become muffled as legendary proportions of post-digested spicy asian buffet cover her face and chest The s--- continues to flow forth as the floodgates of hell remain open H----- attempts to protect her already scet-buried face with her hands, which are quickly pushed back by the force of Dave's a--- explosion Finally, Dave's ass slowly putters and flarps itself to sleep >Dave turns around, baro ass quivering from the after affects of what can only be comparod to a nuclear blast in order to assoss the damago The H----- is literally covered from head to toe in s---, with a smell reminiscient of the prison cells in Auschwitz She's not even moving anymore, she just lays still, put into shock by the force of Dave's s--- Dave tuns to us with a serious expression on his face bare ass still exposed to the breeze "Holy f--- I've killed her" The pavement around the hookers head is also drenched in s---, giving the appearence of a grotesque brown halo Dave quickly pulls his pants back up, and we all sprint away from the alley >Still don't know what happoned to that hookor, or if she even survived

Grandpa Get

24145 ipg-(44 KB, 628x418, 628x471.jpg) Anonymous 01/20/14 (Mon)03:33:44 No.528033471 > At my great grandpa's birthday > He's super old so it's just at my parent's house (he lives with them) > We're all in the kitchen; grandpa's sitting in his wheelchair with his oxygen hooked up > Cant tell if he even knows where he is > Mom brings cake into the room > Made at home, nothing fancy > Has one big candle because he's turning 111 (the kind that are just the number) > Whole family halfheartedly clapping and hooting as mom lights the candle on the cake > I do my best to show interest in the situation > Turn to the old man and smile s I see his hand reach out and one finger curl out, before retracting, beckoning for me s He's so old I dont want to get any closer but my whole family is looking, amazed he's even moving > I get closer to my great grandpa > Think I hear him trying to say something, but it might just be labored breathing > Lean in as close as I can Suddenly his hand shoots up with surprising quickness > Firmly grasps the back of my head and shoves my head against his, his mouth almost touching my ear > Grip tightening, he opens his mouth to speak Anonymous 01/20/14 (Mon)03:34:39 No.528033570 Replies: 2>528034041 3528034962 2528035248>528035451 >528035457 File: 1390206879675 ipg-(15 KB, 327x380, great-grandpa.jpg) > "Check 'em." > Whole family is standing up, confused as to what's happening > His free hand shoots up and points at the candle > "F------ CHECK EM" > My head feels like it's going to explode from the vice grip it's in > "TRⅢ > Stands up from his wheelchair and rips his oxygen mask off > "F------ TRIPS, CHECK EM YOU F------ ⅢPS" he hollers s Whole family is confused; I fall to the floor stunned > "PAYPAL ME $1000, GIFT ME ALL YOUR STEAM GAMES, MILHOUSE IS A MEMEI > He rips the melting candle off the cake and shoves it in my face, mounting me on the ground > "YOU SEE THAT, NEWFAG? YOU EVER SEEN TRIPS LIKE THOSE BEFORE? > "N-noo great grandpa" > "DAMN RIGHT. CHECK 'EM. ALL YOU F------ CHECK 'EM. I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT S----- DUBS. I AM THE TRIPS MASTER, I HAVE THE POWER." > Grandpa laughs and storms out the front door > Get a text from him 3 minutes later > Didnt even know he could text > It's a picture of his d--- And that's how my great grandpa lost his internet privileges

Unga Bunga

File: 134786 (58 KB, 470x300, caveman.jpg) 器□ Anonymous (ID: yrOWUlp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:08:55 No.425628783 >wake up >me go stone market, want buy new stones >see hot ungabungas in stonemarket stry speak ungabunga >mammoth meat fall out loin cloth >me run back cave, cry me eyes out >berrypicker as f--- Anonymous (ID: yrOvVUlp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:15:51 No.425629652 Replies: 425630183 File (11 KB, 177x177, caveman1.jpg) >hide near watering hole sme watch ungabunga take off loin cloth >ungabunga catch TYOU WANT MAKE GRUNT WITH ME? >me make grunt >me realize it Ogaba, cousin on mom side "oh sun, what have done?!" not matter, had snoosnoo □ Anonymous (ID: yrOvVUIp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:19:35 No.4256301 57 Replies: >>425630581 >>4256307532:425630884 File: 1347866375685.ipg-(22 KB, 250x300, neanderthal.jpg) >reading wall painting in 4chan cave >mom yell "TIME FOR EAT, NUGNUG >me reply "NUGNUG NOT HUNGRY, NUGNUG STAY HERE FIVE MORE SUN MOVEMENTS >mom insist me walk house pet >me go outside >hot sungod heat up ground because angry at us for not enough sacrifice >put leash on pet raptor >feet burn me fall down before even me walk out front door >me open door, get on floor >me walk dinosaur Anonymous (ID: FkuVOUaW) 09/17/12(Mon)03:22:20 No.425630529 File: 1347866540512 jpg-(72 KB, 800x533, 091212_mammoth.jpg) >MFW

Nekkid Nazi

Winter 2011 >Grandpa had passed 4 months ago Left me his WW2 stuff in a rusty box Sleeping soundly Hear a crash downstairs >Someone had broken in my window >Have no firearms >F---.f-- >Check Papa Box >F------ Luger tucked next to an SS cap >Luger is loaded >Slap hat on and run downstairs stark nekkid >Spot the f----- going through my entertainment center >Aim and scream first German words that pop into my head "PANZERKAMPFWAGEN SCHADENFREUDE" >Fire.exe until out of rounds >He bolted for the window, literally screaming and crying something about Nazi's supposed to be extinct >Definitely hit him a few times since there was blood on the carpet >Call cops, guy gets arrested, asked about Nazi stuff, tell story, cops love it. Nekkid Nazi becomes neighborhood story

Raised by 4chan

File: 1391724376420.png-(139 KB, 600x301, thumb_8027-1373996494.png) [] Anonymous 02/06/14(Thu)14:06:16 UTC-8 No. 531132589 TT: Work stories >work at furniture warehouse load furniture into cars for costumers that come in for pick up >guy comes in for couch >after couch is loaded I see his order form >says his name is Dubs Checkum >last two digits of order are 38 >"Nice roll f-----" >say it as boss walks by >boss walks over to customer and asks if everything is okay >customer is laughing so hard nearly s---- his pants proceeds to give me the best review of my life >boss is so impressed i get a promotion >mfw I got a promotion for calling a customer a f----- >mfw I now make more money because of 4chan

No Stopping The Tickle Train

Anonymous 08/04/13(Sun)01:39 No.2033071 06 Replies: >>203307271 22203307352 File: 1375594754640 png-(29 KB, 500x300, 1373898041096.png) >Playing some Garry's Mod No one talking >One dude joins, mic ultra sensitive >Loud as f--- >can hear smells >Cringe at the sound of his door opening >You know what time it is, son?" >"dad, not now.." >"d-dad stop tickling mel!" >Worst giggle I ever heard in my life >Goes on for a few seconds then >"THERE AINT NO STOPPING THIS TICKLE TRAIN!" Oh God >Someone starts laughing uncontrollably >Chat blows up with people losing their s--- >He types "What is everyone laughing at?" >Everyone replies "you" >Unplugs his mic and leaves the game People need to mute those mics. Worst part was that he sounded like he was in his 40s

The Perks of Being a Wall Farter

File: 1347909162181 ipg-(28 KB, 500x435, sad _dad[1].jpg) 器 Fart greentexts-General Anonymous 09/17/12(Mon) 15:12:42 No.3798017 Replies: 223798046 have to sleep at parents' house have bedroom right next to parents' bedroom only separated by a thin, wooden wall midnight >can't sleep stand up and go to the wall between our bedrooms press asscheeks against the wall the fart begins as a low murmur kicks into overdrive and blasts my entire ass-crescendo all over the wall and into the other room swiftly leap into bed just as dad opens my door and peeks in >thinks i'm still asleep eaves jump up and violate the wall again the ass-blast is so powerful, the ring of my a------ practically drums against the wal >hear dad come and pretend to be asleep again run up to the wall when he's gone asscheeks spread all over the damp spot on the wall and preparing to unleash another nuclear holocaust >JC IT'S A BOMEB suddenly, see dad leap into my room right in the middle of my brain-shattering assplosion >his face when

8 Minutes Per Hour

File: sun.ipg (618 KB, 1536x1536) Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:13:10 No.688610224 688610490 2688610566 6886105716886139812688614107 22688614194 -688614458 >688614504 688614755 688615354 >688615664 688616096 688616282 >688616321688616987 >688622036 688622521 So how long would we last if the sun disappeared...Let the responses begin Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:15:11 No.688610490 18 minutes Anonymous 06/08/16 Wed)23:15:43 No. 6886 10566 2-6886 109522-688611526 >>6886 1 37302-6886 1 3910>>688616093 Quick guess. 8minutes. The last of light will end reaching us, starts to get really cold after that. Also, the centre of mass of the galaxy would be around Jupiter and then the planets would go out of whack. since sun was 98% mass of sytme probably go and leave solar systme. It'll get cold anyawy Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:15:49 No.6886 10571 688610224 (OP) 3 years Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:18:59 No.6886 10952 >>6886 11147 >>688621750 I'd say somewhat more than that because earth's ability to retain heat. But I woudlnt know for how long Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:20:25 No. 688611147 2-6886 13571 >>6886 15148 oh yeah good point. Not long. humans go bye bye quickl withough some tech. Only some species around thermal vents survive for maybe years Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:44:38 No.688614755688614902 688615346 688615709688617708 >688618080688618479 688625424 688625464 688626808 >688610224 (OP) Okay, if it takes the light and heat from the sun 8 minuets to stop reaching Earth, what if we just travel away from the sun at 8 minuets per hour? We'll always be keeping up with where the warm is, so we'll never run out of sun Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:03:41 No. 688617708 Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:45:33 No.68861 4902 Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:48:10 No.68861 5346、2-6886 15483 6886147 >8 minutes per hour >what if we just travel away from the sun at 8 minuets per hour? What the f--- is 8 minutes per hour Genius stuff. Well played. Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:06:15 No.688618080 62 gif (522 KB, 200x136) >2688618308 Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:54:45 No. 688625424 File: 14444 Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)01:04:40 No. 688626808 : my sides png (143 KB, 540x328) 688614755 >8 minutes per hour >where the warm is >8 minutes per My sides have gone orbital with the planets 688614755 >8 minuets per hour I haven't laughed this hard in a while

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