When I was growing up, I was an extremely enlightened centrist. Any shift to either side of the political spectrum would be the end of civilization in my eyes, and I still hold this belief true. Anyway, as all young males do, I had a lot of unexpected boners going through puberty. And, as we all know, if you put your erect penis to one side of your body, it will start to tilt to that side overtime. Being as dedicated of a centrist as I was, I made sure to prevent this. Every morning I would wake up and tape my penis upwards, pointing towards my belly button, so that it would be perfectly center. Then, after knowing it was secure, I would get dressed and go upon my day. This didn’t present a problem in my sex life, as I was too busy debating on the internet on how Pokémon is too politically charged to ever get laid. To this day I have the worlds most centrist penis, and I am proud of it.
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