Okay, please hear me out on this, because I really need help.
So like, I was walking around Know Your Meme, minding my own business when suddenly I noticed this guy passed out on the ground in a Riff Raff thread. Me wanting to make myself look good being a Good Samaritan immediately rushed towards his side. I noticed he was wearing white robes, and he had long flowing brown hair and a beard. And I was thinking:
"Holy shit man, this nigga looks like Jesus".
Of course, he couldn't possibly be Jesus right?
Turns out it was Jesus!
After rousing him awake, he told me was, in fact, Jesus, and that he turned a little too much water into wine, if I knew what he meant.
He was suffering a pretty bad hangover, so I decided to take him back to my Wall so he could recuperate. I thought once he got over the hangover he would just leave and go back to Heaven, right?
It's been a week, and he still hasn't left.
Jesus has completely taken over my daily routine.
Dragging me to church everyday, riding his punk ass dinosaur through my living room everyday, watching that punk ass dinosaur SHIT in my living room everyday, having him micromanage me and never letting me do something "unholy" everyday, having to watch shitty Christian programs every day. Also, he keeps making all the water into wine without even trying. I've been living off grape juice.
Even when he's gone (taking a drive in MY car), I can't get any peace. I get complaints from all the forums and comment sections saying that he keeps blasting his Gospel music everywhere.
Even when it's night time I can't get any peace, because that's when he watches his nun porn- WITH THE VOLUME ON HIGH.
It's a miracle I could even make this thread. Jesus is taking a drive right now. How do I get rid of him?!