Forums / Fun! / Riff-Raff

So i'll start this off by telling a good one.

Why do black people have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot.

(We're all going to hell by the time this thread is over)

>Black Guy
>Dark Jokes

What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The stereo.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

Four out of five people enjoy gangrape.

Why don't you ever see black people on cruises?
They're not falling for that one again.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower?
I'll talk to you later. I have to catch a plane.
(9 out of 11 Americans will get this joke.)

A seal walks into a club.

Why did Hitler kill himself?
He saw his gas bill.

Man, this joke is so dark that the policeman shot it six times while it had its hands in the air.

A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub.
She says, "Show me it's true what they say about black men."
So he stabs her and nicks her purse.

man, sometimes i think all pedophiles are fucking inmature assholes.

why do jonestown jokes never work?
because the punchline is too long

so 4 gay people enter into a bar, but there is only 1 chair, what do they do?
flip it over.

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? Don’t feel bad if you haven't; neither have they.

This thread is so dark the cops are trying to beat it.

Rosetta Stone did not sit on that bus so you can make Dark Joke threads

This thread was so unexpected it took out two towers

This thread is so dark i'm smelling fried chicken.

what is the most confusing day in harlem?
father´s day

How do they know Princess Diana had Dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders on the dash board.

What's a Cambodian's favorite type of weed?

Pol Pot!

Jerry Sandusky walks into a shower, a crying child comes out 10 minutes later.

Why can't Hellen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.

Why does Ray Charles always smile?
Because he doesn't know he's black.

Whats the difference between an isis training camp and a school?

Don't ask me I just fly the drone.

What's one black shot into the sun?
A problem.

What's two blacks shot into the sun?
A big problem.

What's all blacks shot into the sun?
Problem solved.

How do you stop an Indian person from leaving their house?
Put a bar of soap in front of the door.

What do you do if your stuck in an elevator full of indians?
Connect the dots.

A black man and a black woman jump off a building. Who hits the ground first?
Who cares.

A priest, a child molester, and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

How many Jews can fit in a car?
Two in the front, three in the back, and one thousand in the ashtrays.

So, the FBI are trying to hire an assassin, and they only have 3 worthy contenders left for the job. To show that these people are willing to follow orders until they end, they put each of the three men's wives into separate rooms and order the men to shoot them. The first man cannot do it and is forced to leave with his wife. The second gets in the room but cannot pull the trigger and is forced to leave with his wife. The third goes in the room. A series of shots are heard and then tons of banging and smashing and screaming. The man leaves the room after several minutes sweating. He says "Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks, I had to strangle that bitch to death!"

How may cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

You can't tell because they're too busy beating the room for being black.

Oh how I craved a thread like this.

A guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He just stares at his drink like that for half an hour. Then, this big trouble making truck driver comes up to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying." "No, it's not that. Today is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outraged, fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home and found my wife in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. Just when I was thinking about finally putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison

Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?
"Ask your sister"
But I don't have a…

How do you get a black guy out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
­
What's the difference between Hitler and Lance Armstrong?
Lance Armstrong can finish a race.
­
A priest, a doctor, a lawyer and 3 children are in a plane that's going down. There are only 3 parachutes. The doctor says "We have to save the children." The lawyer responds "No way, I'm not giving up my parachute for a couple of snotty nosed brats!" The doctor says "We have a moral responsibility to save these kids. They are the future…" "Fuck the kids!" The lawyer shouts. The priest then asks "Is there time?"
­
Who are the world's fastest readers?
The victims of 9/11, they went through 40 stories in 2 minutes.
­­
Just after 9/11 the onion almost ran this headline but decided against it: "America Stronger than Ever," say Quadragon Officials

Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty bright

Whats the most positive thing in a ghetto?
HIV

What did the Jewish pedophile say?
"Do you kids want to buy some candy?"

How do you make a little girl cry the second time?
Wipe your blood covered dick on her Teddy Bear.
Why's your dick covered in blood?
That's how you made her cry the first time.

What has a thousand legs, but doesn't walk?
Jerry's kids.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a '67 Chevy?
I don't have a Chevy in my garage.

What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeves.

Why'd the reporter get caught?
No one gave him a heads up.

You like that last one?
I just came up with it off the top of my head.

hamsters are like cigars
they are both perfectly harmless
untiil you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

What's the difference between a girl and a fridge?
When I put a meat in it, the fridge isn't screaming

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.
Lorraine dies suddenly.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.

A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."

(I found this on MasterBurner's Tumblr, so you can thank her for this)
=============

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

-He PASTA way
-He ran out of THYME
-Here today, gone TOMATO
-We never SAUSAGE a tragedy coming
-Ashes to Ashes, CRUST to CRUST
-There's not MUSHROOM for Italian chefs in today's world

==============

Thx Burner, this made me lol a bit inside

How do you starve a black guy?

You hide his food stamps under his work books.

a kid entered a man's white van.

he walked out comfortably licking a lolipop.

Here's something dark for you.

What do you call a mexican baptism?

Beandip

It is never okay to rape someone.

Unless you want to fuck them and they say no.

What do you call a white person in a snow storm? Invisible.

What do you call 300 arabs in a car pushed down a cliff? A good start.

OP is a dark joke himself.

I can't see.

A black guy was learning to be a florist.
He seemed to enjoy his job alot, when one day, his teacher told him:
"Make sure there is never a weed left behind in your garden."
Ten years later, the black guy was arrested, and when he was interrogated for drug possession, he replied:
"How else was I supposed to get rid of the weed in my garden?!"
Dammit that was terrible

Why did the teenager with broken legs cross the busy street?
He had enough of this world.

A guy named Jeremy was a huge gamer and a nerd. After his girlfriend dumped him, he ran over to his friend's house and told him: "I need As."
His friend, knowing his plight, said: "I'll get you Alpha Sapphire!", and, fulfilling his promise, got him Alpha Sapphire to calm him down. The next day, when he brought the game with him, he found Jeremy dead.
Jeremy's friend said: "I thought you wanted AS?!" seeing his friend's dead body, only to see a note next to the body, reading:
"I meant Arsenic."

What's the difference between pizza and jews?
The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

Dude that is so racist and wrong. You really should apologize for that comment. I am very secure about my pizza. You have obviously never tasted pizza if you think mine look bad, and that is very sad for you. You should get a pizza right away so you will have some knowledge of pizza and not sound like a fool when you speak. Again, I would ask you to prove your own pizza making skills if you think you are capable of judging others so harshly. But that would require something well beyond your capabilities. You really should try pizza, it is quite delicious and you won't sound so stupid when you comment.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To run away from KFC.

How can you tell when a black guy has been on your computer?
it's not there.