Forums / Fun! / Riff-Raff

KYM-tan was sad. KYM games were never happening. Especially the KYM games with her in them. She waltzed through the empty ice plains of Antarctica looking for something to do.
Suddenly, a wild KYM game appeared! As it violently BECAME GOOD FRIENDS with her, KYM-tan knew she could finally feel happiness.
However, KYM-tan soon realised she was not satisfied with just one KYM game though. What a greedy little shit.
So, she knew what she had to do. If KYM games rarely came to her (TEE HEE), she would come to them.

Curling up next to the first KYM game for warmth, KYM-tan quickly fell asleep.
A voice spoke to her in a dream. "Wake up" said the voice. So she did. It was must've been her destiny because a voice in her dreams said so.
Anyway, she was somehow on a beach in the country of fuckin' Australia now, mate. Maybe because the author isn't too familiar with other countries, or maybe because the Antarctic ice she slept on melted due to all the FRIENDSHIP ACTIVITIES she had with the first KYM game and that's why she was washed ashore.
The first KYM game was nowhere in sight, but she heard a voice again. "I AM A PART OF YOU NOW" said the KYM game. It was the same voice from her dream.
Was she dreaming again then? No. She was daydreaming.
But her daydreaming stopped quickly, as she remembered she was still on the Australian beach with a KYM game absorbed into her brain, and those who know KYM games know exactly what they are: A broken, horrible, abandoned mess.

A celebrity who always appears in everything appeared.
"Nicolas Cage? What are you doing here?" questioned KYM-tan.
However, this question came too late, as he immediately exploded into a massive HIVE of bees.
"That was predictable." +1 confirmed KYM-tan.
KYM-tan walked to the showers near the beach, but the author doesn't know how to describe female anatomy, so she didn't go inside.
Something came out of the unisex showers… it was (as suggested by the #KnowYourMeme @ Freenode IRC channel)… Jamie Dubs.
KYM-tan asked Jamie Dubs about how life was now that he wasn't working on the website he helped create… also known as… pause for dramatic effect KNOW YOUR MEME. Dun dunn dunnn.
Well, it seemed Jamie Dubs was enjoying his post-KYM life. I mean, he actually won an Emmy and all that boring everyday stuff. But, he was kinda feeling sort of nostalgic for KYM, and well, since KYM-tan was a personification of KYM itself, one thing lead to another and they BECAME BEST FRIENDS.
It was A REALLY GOOD FRIENDSHIP. So, therefore KYM-TAN HAS TWO FRIENDS NOW.
It's very hard for KYM-related things to GET FRIENDS DUE TO BEING SCATTERED FAR AND WIDE ACROSS THE EARTH, you see.
You know what else is very hard? THE ROCK THAT SYMBOLIZES THE FRIENDSHIP JAMIE AND KYM-TAN HAVE WITH EACH OTHER.

Anyway, RandomMan's swag was getting in the way, so Jamie Dubs said "Let's BECOME GOOD FRIENDS somewhere private, instead of right here near the beach." but he said this to RandomMan's swag, and not KYM-tan.
So, off went Jamie Dubs with his new swag, leaving KYM-tan FRIENDS WITH JAMIE no longer.
A nature trail nearby led into a suspicious-looking cave high up on a mountain, but KYM-tan wasn't afraid, for she will live as long as the KYM website itself. Wait, it's down right now? Fu-
Near the top of the mountain, KYM-tan entered the cave. A wise old man was in there. Very cliché and definitely not an idea taken from TV Tropes because tropes aren't clichés.
"You may ask me three questions." said the wise old man.
"What is your name?" asked KYM-tan.
"That's none of your business." said the wise old man.
"What is your quest?" asked KYM-tan.
"To get random strangers to ask me three questions." said the wise old man.
"Are you going to BECOME GOOD FRIENDS with me too?" asked KYM-tan.
"No." said the wise old man. "Now begone. Go elsewhere."
"But where?" questioned KYM-tan, unaware of the consequence of asking a fourth question.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?! NOW I AM DEAD!" screamed the wise old man, who morphed into a ponified version of KYM-tan.
The ponified KYM-tan was a unicorn and had all of KYM-tan's memories up to that point, and also came with another KYM game in her head because that got cloned too.
"Ewww, another gay pony. Get away from me! I'm not a little girl… anymore." said KYM-tan, who left the MLP fandom during Season 3's finale where Twilight the Unicorn grew wings and became an alicorn.
The voice of the wise old man faded back into existance, and he said "I am dead now, and you shall pay!" and he transformed ponified KYM-tan into an alicorn.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU WERE FRIENDLIER AS A UNICORN, TWILIGHT!" were the words out of KYM-tan's mouth, as she had Vietnam flashbacks to the MLP:FiM Season 3 finale.
Stabbing ponified KYM-tan repeatedly with a sharp stalactite from the cave. KYM-tan knew that it was the right thing to do.
"You fool! Stop killing my earthly body again!" said the voice of the wise old man.
"No." creepily said KYM-tan. Well, I say she said it "creepily", because she like, just killed someone… twice.

A being descended from the KYM heavens. It was Chris Menning.
"No fun allowed. Memes are serious business." said Chris to KYM-tan, who was too busy BEFRIENDING the KYM game's clone that leaked out of ponified KYM-tan's dead body, that FRIENDLY PERSON.
"Times have changed. Are you hip and happening with the radical in-crowd, dude? Ch-ch-check it out to the X-TREME." said a skateboarding KYM-tan with a backwards cap and sunglasses.
"Oh, sorry!" said Chris, who fled back to KYM heavens above.
Anyway, there were other voices now, and they were getting louder as they were from people climbing up the mountain to check out what all the commotion was about.
"AHH! A DEAD PONY VERSION OF ME!" screamed KYM-tan as she stabbed the pony's body even more times, just to make sure. "Oh no, now those people coming here will think I killed it!"
KYM-tan was suddenly ambushed by every single character from every single meme in the KYM database, and every single KYM user, and they each GOT TO KNOW HER BETTER over 9000 times, much to the pleasure of Vegeta.

Just when it couldn't get any better or worse, a HAPPY parent appeared.
"My children showed me this 'Know Your Meme' website on the internet, so I KNEW I could browse it with them! I enjoyed the character of KYM-tan, who would divert the children away from evil content with her 'NSFW' labels," started the parent.
"That's when the site taught me about 'fanfiction', and how it's essentially funny stories written by the average everyday joe! I thought there must be some KYM-tan fanfiction, because there was already fanfiction about everything I could think of!" continued the parent.
"Apparently, someone called 'Knee On Rabbit' made the only KYM-tan fanfiction, so we all gathered around the computer and I began to read it out loud. Let me tell you, it was THE BEST FANFICTION I HAVE EVER READ!" ditto-ed the parent.
"I hope the government DOES NOT BAN this WORK OF ART, ANY TIME soon! I cried, the children cried, and ONLY BECAUSE I WAS PROUD TO BE A TRUE MEMEFRIEND. Yours, a PLEASED mother." ended the parent.
Everyone currently done PARTYING WITH KYM-tan used this as their oppurtunity to MEET someone's mother. So they did.

KYM-tan finally managed to escape her corner of the cave, and she ran, as the title of this chapter spoiled.
Upon reaching the entrance to the cave, she knew it was her exit. But, the ghost of ponified KYM-tan blocked the way!
"Hey, you were trying to escape, weren't you, you silly billy~?!" questioned ponified ghost KYM-tan.
"Yeah, I guess I was." replied KYM-tan, the alive non-pony.
"But, you didn't BECOME MY GIRLFRIEND yet!" complained ponified ghost KYM-tan.
"I knew it! You are a gay pony!" concluded KYM-tan.
"Nothing wrong with that." said ponified ghost KYM-tan as she slowly stared at the camera, hopefully making a producer somewhere happy.
But, unfortunately, this is a book.
However, while we were busy being meta, the two KYM-tans finished BEING CLEAN LESBIAN GHOST HORSE CLONE FRIENDS WITH NO SEX INVOLVED AT ALL.
"This has to be COMPLETELY LEGAL in at least… THIS GREAT COUNTRY: THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA." mulled KYM-tan.
"YES, THAT IS RIGHT, BECAUSE THAT IS THE COUNTRY WE ARE IN!" justified ponified ghost KYM-tan.
"But I thought we were just in Australia!" remembered KYM-tan.
This would be true, but during the years of PARTYING WITH FRIENDS 9000 times each WITH every KYM thing ever, the weight of everyone on the mountain pushed it into the ground, which then made it spring into the air, and land into the water of the Australian beach where KYM-tan washed up on those many years ago.
The mountain drifted to the coast near THE LAND OF FREEDOM where LESBIAN GHOST HORSE CLONE FRIENDSHIP IS COMPLETELY LEGAL, and arrived at the shore just in time for the two KYM-tans to KISS SEEING AS THEY ARE ALLOWED TO, BECAUSE THEY ARE AN ITEM NOW.

"Okay, we need to stretch this story out for a couple more chapters, so what could possibly happen now?" asked ponified ghost KYM-tan.
"I dunno… look, just in case we don't SURVIVE THE EAGLES AND OTHER OBVIOUSLY AMERICAN ANIMALS, I'm sorry for killing you. That was wrong of me." apologised KYM-tan.
"It's okay. I got my revenge anyway…" grinned ponified ghost KYM-tan.

KYM-tan thought very long and hard about what ponified ghost KYM-tan just said.
"Just what revenge have you ever taken out on me?" questioned normal alive KYM-tan.
"No, I was saying I got my revenge… RIGHT HERE!" +1 waited out ponified ghost KYM-tan, until the right moment to reveal her ENGAGEMENT RING.
"AHHH! YOU ARE THE BEST GAY DEAD GHOST PONY CLONE OF A PERSONIFIED MEME WEBSITE EVER!" +1 worked out KYM-tan.
"Maybe. I could also just be a fictional character in some demented autistic/spastic fanfiction and I think whoever is writing it should go outside and get a life." replied ENGAGED ponified ghost KYM-tan.
Our protagonist, who still found meta-ness to be A FRIENDLY EVENT, DID NOT GET all HOT and BOTHERED from hearing this and JUST ACCEPTED THE RING AND CONTINUED HER SOON-TO-BE-MARRIED LIFE.
"LOL WE'RE ENGAGED, SO I'M GONNA MARRY YOU" +1 confirmed ENGAGED ponified ghost KYM-tan, as she MARRIED KYM-tan AT THE NEAREST PLACE THAT OFFICIALLY ALLOWS AND RECOGNIZES LESBIAN MARRIAGE IN THE UNITED STATES.
For the sake of advancing the plot, a social justice warrior appeared.
"TRIGGER WARNING! LESBIANS SHOULDN'T BE USED IN TODAY'S LITERATURE SOCIETY FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES AS IT MISAPPROPRIATES THE SYSTEMS WE SHOULD HAVE IN PLACE ACCORDING TO THIS STATISTIC I JUST MADE UP TO PREVENT THE ILLEGA-PfFtftfhbhbhb!" spewed the nonsensical sounds out of the tumblr user, before her mouth was plugged with A YUMMY HOTDOG AS AN ACT OF FRIENDSHIP FROM THE TWO KYM-TANS.
Then everyone died from HAVING HEART ATTACKS UPON SEEING THE CUTE MARRIED COUPLE.
Just kidding. Here comes a plot twist. They actually all just fell into a coma.
When they woke up, their identities had been stolen, just like that 2011 movie with Qui Gon Jinn in it.

Well, because everyone in the world had their identities stolen, they needed to figure out who did done do that.
We've met two KYM-tans so far, and they each had names of varying lengths to distinguish them apart, but however, those names were among those stolen.
So the character with the short lengthened name (the protagonist formerly known as KYM-tan) is now known as "KYM-tan A".
The other character, with the long HOT DOGS TO GIVE OUT TO TUMBLRINAS, SUCH AS THE ONE ABOVE, is now known as "KYM-tan B". Also, she had quite a long name before. (AUTHOR'S NOTE: BOY, CENSORSHIP SURE RUINED THAT JOKE – PLEASE READ THE NSFW VERSION!)

"Wow, that's a lot to take in." acknowledged KYM-tan A.
"Yeah, t-take it, you WAIFU." said KYM-tan B, as she continued to shove her EMERGENCY HOTDOGS into THE HANDS OF KYM-tan A.
"Not you, I was talking about the new plotline!" giggled KYM-tan A.
But KYM-tan B was already furiously EATING SOME HOTDOGS LOUDLY to notice that KYM-tan A said anything.
After EATING THEM so fast that the SCIENCE caused THE HOTDOGS TO BURST, it was time to move on to the Land of Tentacles. Why? I dunno, I'm just recapping this true story. You literally cannot make this shit up. It is THAT real.

At the gates to Tentacle Land, Snoop and Eminem were on patrol duty.
"Smoke weed erryday." said Snoop Lion, who was somehow a Dogg again.
"Yo, his palm's spaghetti, knee's spaghetti, arm's spaghetti, there's spaghetti on his spaghetti already, mom's spaghetti, he's spaghetti, but on the spaghetti he looks calm spaghetti, to drop spaghetti, but he keeps on spaghetti, what he spaghetti down, the whole spaghetti goes so spaghetti, he opens spaghetti, but spaghetti won't come out. he's choking on spaghetti now, everyspaghetti's choking now, spaghetti's run out, spaghetti's up, over, blaow." said Slim Shady, who was somehow Marshmallow Mathers again.
Alas, the entry fee wasn't cheap. Everyone had to MEET UP WITH KYM-tan again TO GIVE HER ENTRY FEE MONEY. So they did.
"Oh shit. That's a lot of DOGECOINS." splurted out KYM-tan.
Everyone laughed and this chapter came to an end with this last sentence.

"COME ONE, COME ALL, SEE THE AMAZING WOLFY 'N' CHEESE SHOW!" announced a rather jolly fat man.
Oh no, this wasn't the Land of Tentacles at all! This was the "Tentacle Land" theme park!
"A-AAAAHHH! I'M G-GONNA COME!!!" said some female person wearing "I Ship Wolfy 'n' Cheese" merchandise. Of course, she said this, because the fat man said to come, and she came to the show right on time with her children.
"Mommy, when is PROFESSORCHEESE GONNA MARRY MRWOLFY?" curiously asked one of her children.
"All in due time." said a clock with arms and legs and a face.
In a puff of green smoke, Cheese and Wolfy appeared on stage.
"Not very creative…" said a notebook with arms and a face, but no legs.

We join our heroes together HOLDING HANDS, because they're busy being GOOD FRIENDS with each other.
Looking up towards the sky, they asked "Do aliens really exist?"
"No." said the aliens.
So they continued into Tentacle Land to watch the Wolfy 'n' Cheese show. It was NOT EVENTFUL AT ALL.

"Alright, alright, nothing to see here." said a rather british Dee Pii Eff, who ushered everyone out of the theater and banned them from re-entering.
"Well, that sucks. LIKE YOUR MOUTH ON THIS TOFFEE APPLE." shrieked KYM-tan B to KYM-tan A.
"Let's go on a rollercoaster ride." said KYM-tan A, calmly.
"THE ROLLERCOASTER RIDE OF LOVE" KYM-tan B cried out.
"Haha, very funny, but that's the name of a rollercoaster I made in RollerCoaster Tycoon 3." said KYM-tan A, until she saw that was actually the name of the tallest and longest rollercoaster in Tentacle Land.
Unfortunately, there was a really long queue, but we can skip that because we have the power.
"Wow, that was a lot of twists and turns and stair climbing… hang on, this looks exactly like the ride I created!" said KYM-tan A, after giving it some thought.
Yes, it WAS her ride. Someone saw it shared online and decided to build it in real life. I wonder if they included the bit where the track disappears entirely causing everyone to drop to their firey death. Stay tuned and find out!

"Looks like this next coaster car is for us." said KYM-tan B, preparing to hop in.
"Y-yeah, hang on, I just need to see if I can see a drop from here." carefully worded KYM-tan A.
"Of course there's gonna be a drop! It's a rollercoaster!" said KYM-tan B.
"You're me, right? Don't you remember that coaster we designed way back when?" said KYM-tan A.
"Oh yeah, there's a part of that ride where everyone dies. But nevermind that, you're holding up the queue!" said KYM-tan B, pointing out the desperately large crowd of desperate people (who previously BEFRIENDED KYM-tan A) that followed them all the way to the start of the ride and blocked all exits.
"Hey, you're just being calm in the face of danger because you're already dead!" realised KYM-tan A.
"Well, duh! I died once, it's not like I'll die again!" replied KYM-tan B.
"But what about me? I'm alivvvveeeeeeeeWOAAAHAHHHHHHH!" screamed KYM-tan A, as the two KYM-tans went down the first drop, not realising they had been pushed into the coaster car by the large amount of KYM-tan FRIENDS.

There was lots of twists and turns in the ride, and I certainly couldn't describe them properly because I haven't been on a rollercoaster in years.

At the last descent, the hole in the track of the ride was in plain sight.
"I did not think this through." said both KYM-tans.

Now, it should be noted that the coaster car they've been riding on was shaped like a HOTDOG, as per tradition. This fact should be noted for a bit later on in this chapter. In fact, I think they're gonna talk about it right now.
"Aaaaaaaah, it looks like th-there's A PONY'S MOUTH at the bottom of this pit we're falling down, and it's shaped just right to fit our coaster car!" said KYM-tan B to KYM-tan A as they both fell down into the abyss. Of course, they're falling because there was a gap in the track, just in case you forgot the previous chapter.
Both KYM-tans were hugging onto each other and screaming, just like you see in all those TV shows where this sort of thing happens, and it is the mark of quality writing, just like that time the guy from Happy Days jumped over a shark.
"Wait a second!" said KYM-tan A to KYM-tan B as time froze around them both for just a single second. "This PONY MOUTH LOOKS LIKE YOURS! You've been trying to EAT HOTDOGS WITHOUT ME!"
"What the flying fuck are you talking ab-OOOOF! OW!" replied KYM-tan B as she got punched repeatedly by KYM-tan A. Remember men, violence against women is ONLY okay if it is performed by other women and it is fiction or this true story.
Meanwhile, the coaster car finally reached its destination, bouncing off a mattress, sending the KYM-tans flying as KYM-tan B momentarily forgot she was a ghost who could fly normally.
The KYM-tans landed safely, but the coaster car suddenly came down and flattened KYM-tan B somehow, killing her again somehow, and preventing her from becoming a ghost again somehow.

"Good riddance. That FAT HOTDOG EATER." happily said KYM-tan, who then performed the 'Good Rid Dance', and we can now refer to her as KYM-tan again because she is the only one of her kind again.
The PONY MOUTH enclosing KYM-tan and the HOTDOG-shaped coaster car soon ceased to exist and KYM-tan found herself in the water outside Tentacle Land.
"Gee, I sure hope no tentacles are in this part of the ocean." said KYM-tan to herself, forgetting nobody could hear her.
Nothing came to BE FRIENDS WITH KYM-tan for a good, long while.

Suddenly, a shark.
"Ayy gurl, lemme show you how us sharks BEFRIEND OTHERS." said the shark to KYM-tan as it flopped her onto the nearest flat rock to make sure she didn't drown in the sea while it TOLD HER SOME STORIES ABOUT ITS LIFE.
KYM-tan COULD SEE THE SHARK WAS GETTING TIRED FROM TALKING ENGLISH. So she took a break to let it recover.
"Gah, that's better. Okay, continue." she said to the shark, who then continued to SHOW HER THE MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE.

"What a remarkable discovery!" said a scientist EAVESDROPPING ON KYM-tan and the shark HAVING A COMPLETELY NORMAL DISCUSSION from a secret laboratory that exists somewhere. "Apparently, sharks can TALK ENGLISH! I must tell the Nobel Peace Prize society immediately!"
That scientist's name? Don. He just won the Nobel Peace Prize for his research on KYM-tan*'s CONVERSATION WITH A* shark, and you have just been memed on.
Anyway, the shark produced a kitten from its stomach and LET KYM-TAN PET IT.
"Now there is ANOTHER FRIEND WE CAN TALK TO!" laughed the shark, as its shark MOUTH ATE A HOTDOG.
"I am a HOTDOG. YOU CAN EAT ME!." m'ladied the HOTDOG TO THE SHARK.
KYM-tan got filled with glee! She'd never SEEN A SHARK EAT A HOTDOG before and she always wanted to!
"Go ahead." said KYM-tan. The HOTDOG proceeded to SATISFY THE HUNGER OF EVERYONE NEARBY.

"Gasp! I wonder if THESE HOTDOGS WILL EVER RUN OUT" pondered KYM-tan, thinking of the HOTDOGS.
The HOTDOGS then screamed "NOPE!".
"NeonWabbit, you are messed up." said Captain Blubber referring to this story.

Leaving the waters, KYM-tan waved goodbye to her sea friends and realised that the HOTDOGS had satisfied her HUNGER, but not her thirst. That's pretty square. She could really go for some nice MOUNTAIN DEW.