Hi, this is totally Reggie from Nintendo, and do I have a treat for you all today. I'm about to spill the upcoming contents of Super Smash Brothers for Wii U DIRECTLY to the people of an online community that couldn't possible be less creditable as a reliable source.
I'm not going to back up my statements with any sort of Evidence or anything and just let you guys shit your pants in anticipation.
So without further ado, let me talk about our new gamemodes.
We have the Tower of Smash (if you know what I mean)
We have the World of Smash (a game mode where time is perpetually stopped)
We have the Universe of Smash (a 3000 Stage Long Story Mode filled with almost 8000 Animated cutscenes in between, directed by Peter Jackson and Developed by Team Ninja)
And for the last new innovative game mode we have Super Smash Flash, which the clothes and armor of the characters will quite literally fly off the characters the more damage they take. (Parental Discretion is Advised)
Now that I have properly gotten you to orgasm 8 times over the course of those last 4 reveals, lets talk Characters.
Ridley is playable in the game, totally guys we are 100% serious, we tried to scale the poor bastard down but he looked like a bunch of popsicle sticks so we went with a more iconic form instead;
Impa is playable as well, using her special powers of sending random people on quests to make them vault off the stages themselves. Her final Smash includes "You Youngsters get off my Damn lawn!"
And Finally we have heeded your cries for another Melee Pokémon character to return to the game, and I can't be more pleased to announce that Pichu is back in the game, just like he was in Melee!
Oh, and we have also installed a Broken Hopes and Dreams monitor to Miiverse just for the occasion. The massive stiffy that Sakurai gets from that keeps him from committing suicide every day. I may not be Japanese but I know when a Japanese Person is getting worked to literal death. And here at Nintendo, we don't exactly care. Now excuse me while I go beat Mister Miyamoto back into his creative mode again. Chao