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Anyone know how to cope?

Last posted Jan 19, 2010 at 11:55PM EST. Added Jan 18, 2010 at 07:43PM EST
8 posts from 7 users

I found out my father is ill with ALS- a fatal disease, we don't know how long it will take for everything to go downhill, it could be 5, 10, even 20 years. Anyone have any tips for coping with the stress?

You're not being dramatic. I'm really sorry for your situation, and I don't know what I can offer you in terms of advice. Enjoy life, and your father's life as much as possible.

Lolrus kinda summed up what I was going to say,my prayers go out to you bro.
As for your father, while ALS is not curable his life can be greatly prolonged by detoxing, avoidence of toxins, and taking supplements,which could bring his life expectancy far higher.
But still, enjoy the time you have with him.
Sorry if I sound too much like a textbook, and once more my prayers go out to you and your dad.

Really sorry to hear that man, but like the other guys said. Just live life, do stuff together you usually don't get the chance to do. Go Skydiving, go overseas etc.

As a wise woman once said: The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.

My dad was diagnosed with lymphoma when I was a sophomore in college. He's still alive, but he's changed, a lot. But, I'll share what I went through with him, hopefully in a way that helps.

Initially, the hardest thing was the thought that he was going to pass during his treatments. There's the saying "if cancer doesn't kill you, the treatment will." In the beginning, I couldn't be there for the chemo sessions because they were so hard on him. Later, I realized that's when he needed somebody around the most. Other times, he didn't want to be around anybody. He had been a strong, intelligent man and now his treatment was taking both of those from him at a rapid pace, so I tried to learn when he needed his space.

The other thing to keep in mind is you don't have to do anything crazy. If you and your dad want to go for a backpacking trip across the States, great, but I found that a lot of the most valuable time I've ever spent with my dad was just talking during the times when he was home. I'd lived with him all my life and we never got to talk like we did then.

Another thing is remember the people that he means something to. When my father was going through all he did, I forgot about everybody else. In my mind, it was my dad and I--we had it rough. Then, one night, after he had gone to bed, I found my mom breaking down. I had completely overlooked the toll it'd been taking on her. I had to be there as much for her as I did him; we all had to support each other.

And, I guess, lastly, don't treat him unnecessarily different because of the disease, but always be aware of the pressures that he's likely to be under. They're unimaginable for most people that have never been in that kind of situation. He might break down, he might get mad, he might handle it just fine. Just remember, his actions are likely circumstantial if they don't seem like they should. Try to be understanding and supportive.

All my best, and I'll keep you both in my thoughts.

I haven't lost either of my parents, and they are doing fine, so I know I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling right now. Someone once described the feeling as surreal. Like you can't even believe it's happening.

Spend as much time with him and your family as you can. Tell him you love him. He is thinking about everything in his life, especially you and your family. I cannot think of something worse than to die and not know for sure that your family loves you. Make it known to him.

You also need to draw closer to your family. They are going to be the best thing for you to lean on. They will be your support, and you will be theirs. Make the most of the time you have left with your dad and your family.

If you are religious, find someone in your church who can counsel you, anyone to who you can talk to.

Really, just be with him and your family. Do not separate from them. I'm sorry, and I will keep you in my prayers.

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Last edited Jan 19, 2010 at 08:59PM EST

I never lost anyone really really close to me (yet), but my parents did get divorced when I was 9. It was the hardest thing for me to get through in my life, but I knew that even through something this hard in my life, I would come out a stronger person. What was really hard though was anytime they had to be in the same room. Like during my sister's prom, I had to sit inbetween them, and it was really awkward.

Anyways, I got off track. I hope you savour every second with your father.

Peace.

Skeletor-sm

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