Anon is a menace to society | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Bros am I going to be arrested Anonymous 10/16/24(Wed)21:47:04 No.79145779 [Reply] >Be me 6'8 >football nickname Jason because my face was disfigured in an accident when I was younger so I like to keep my helmet on >mildly autistic but my mom helps because she's very kind >get full ride to middle level uni for football >usually quiet around my teammates so I don't get invited to parties >mom in different town >feeling lonely >get home from training late one night and have to take the train home because the guy who usually gives me a ride home is sick >train car is empty besides me and this cute alt Asian girl who looks like my wife Rei >admiring her and she notices so I decide to go over and talk to her >maybe have someone to talk to >sit next to her and she scoots away >say "It's alright I'm not going to kill you" to calm her down >it doesn't work she looks terrified >put my arm around her and rub her shoulder because that's what my mom does when I'm upset >she starts crying and her mascara runs down her face >find this hot and get an erection >go to cross my legs to cover it but I think I just brought more attention to it >train stops and the doors open and she sprints out Bros can I get arrested for being autistic? I feel so bad and she was cute like Rei. My mom would be so sad if I went to jail.

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Anonymous 03/16/23(Thu)14:34:40 No.92128194 File: Alpha and his watch.png (1.59 MB, 1102x1190) >>92118515 (OP) >be me >buy casio f91w watch >only $10, such a steal >wear it everywhere >people ask "is that a rolex?" >nah bro, it's a casio f91w >they look disappointed > little do they know, it's the real flex >accidentally drop it, still works >try to scratch the screen, impossible >it's like a little tank on my wrist >even have a stopwatch, so fancy >forget to take it off in the shower, no problem >water-resistant af >never taking this bad boy off >Casio F91W gang for life

File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

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Is this all it takes? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/06/24(Sun)17:44:56 No.204226018 MARVEL STUDIOS DEADPOOL WOLVERINE >respects fans deadpool-and-wolverine-home-ent.jpg 103 KB JPG >respects comic books >respects the characters >gives people everything they wanted to see >wins See DC? It wasn't that hard, why do you have to pretend you're above this?

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Anon lost some sleep | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 180 KB JPG 10/16/24(Wed)14:42:05 No.79140347 >36 >son has a nightmare, insists to his mom that he needs dad >check for monsters, reassure him they aren't real, remind him that all dads know monster killing magic anyway >finally get him back to sleep after probably an hour >have to be up for work in less than 2 hours and I'm wide awake anyway So this is how my dad felt when I had that really bad nightmare when I was 5. Guess I'll play some video games until I have to get ready for work.

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What was wifeanon doing on Grindr? Is she gay too? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/26/21(Thu)13:20:05 No.861835401 >wife found the grindr account 28 KB JPG 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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One cigarette is 8 minutes off your life | /r/Greentext

27 KB JPG >That's it? >Be me >Be 18 >Try smoking for the first time >Start coughing like crazy >Get intensely dizzy, unable to walk, stand or even talk properly >Continues for a straight minute or 2 >Ended up throwing the pack away How the f--- are people addicted to this?

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Anon talks about Japanese folklore | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/14/24(Mon)19:55:39 No.56605912 >>56605936 >>56605988 >>56606066 >>56606153 >>56606163 >>56606544 >>56609012 56611206 >>56611622 >>56612844 >>56612887 >>56605844 (OP). >>56605859 American folklore >This man planted appleseeds all across America to help his fellow man >Be careful up on coffin mountain, there are these strange coffin animals that might explode and leave a hole in the ground! >Skinwalkers are very scary monsters that will mimic you, stay inside and don't go out into the forest at night Japanese folklore >A man got lost in the blizzard and decidd to F--- a snow woman >A man saw a fox and she turned into a fox lady so he F----- HER >The strange raccoon dog? It has MASSIVE TESTICLES IT USES TO F--- HUMAN WOMEN

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Tactical Strike | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Travel buddy stories? Each day I get closer to the gates of Me 15 KB JPG 07/15/24(Mon) 16:21:37 No.2685816 >friend wants to go to Japan >walks too slow to keep up >didn't learn mannerisms or basic phrases and wonders why things are hard >walks too fast through each museum, shrine, location to take anything seriously in >sleeps in till 10-11am even on days where we weren't out drinking before >greatly exaggerated how much cash they had to spend or brought despite realizing how much they saw hotels, drinks, etc cost The worst >inadvertently or stupidly c--- blocks at the bar with 0 self awareness of the situation >despite knowing months in advance trip was coming up planned practically nothing about things to do, see, or bother with because /yolo/ but has to constantly ask you what to do Why do people complain about traveling solo? I am never going back to traveling with friends this is like the 3rd time it's happened where a friend has wanted to go somewhere together only to turn into a complete brain dead NPC half a second after stepping off the aircraft. I feel like a f------ babysitter. Anonymous >>2685816 (OP) # 07/15/24(Mon) 16:34:48 No.2685820 This is 100 proof distilled autism: the post. I find it hard to imagine OP even has a single friend. >>2685828 #

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Anon realizes hes a wagecuck | /r/Greentext

File: life.png (386 KB, 644x800) Anonymous 10/15/24(Tue)03:54:55 No.79131227 [Reply] >be me >26 y/o wagecuck >still living at home with my parents >wake up at 6 AM every day, drag myself to my boring 9-5 >work in a cubicle, surrounded by people I can't stand >>79131292 >>79131409 >spend all day pretending to care about spreadsheets and meetings >coworkers talk about their weekend plans; all I did was play vidya and browse the internet >try to join the conversation, they ignore me and keep talking about sports or whatever normie stuff >eat lunch alone at my desk every day >come home, too tired to do anything but stare at my computer screen >thought being an adult would mean freedom, but it just means more responsibilities and less fun >tfw no gf, no social life, no future prospects >feels like I'm just going through the motions >some days I wish I could just escape this endless loop >but I'll be back at my desk tomorrow, same as always >guess I'll just keep scrolling and pretending everything's fine

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Same Butt Time. Same Butt Channel. | /r/Greentext

<< Anonymous 10/15/24(Tue)07:11:59 No.204511126 ► File: 1728692732405354.png (96 KB, 1000x500) AREN'T YOU WORRIED HE'LL ESCAPE? STONETOSS.COM NOT AFTER WHAT THEY'RE GONNA DO TO HIM IN THERE. ☐ Anonymous 10/15/24(Tue)07:12:17 No.204511135 >>204511368 File: bran.jpg (30 KB, 925x530) HBO >joker...and you were so beautiful ☐ Anonymous 10/15/24(Tue)07:19:25 No.204511368 ► >>204511135 >Your rags. They were beautiful. You were beautiful. And the r---. >The r---, Arthur. It was beautiful. >The r---, Arthur. >The r---. ☐ Anonymous 10/15/24(Tue)07:24:56 No.204511600 File: troll2.jpg (92 KB, 1392x688) >>204513883 >they're r----- him.....and then they're going to r--- me ☐ Anonymous 10/15/24(Tue)07:31:33 No.204511891 ► File: 1728697780583322.jpg (46 KB, 640x480) >N-NOO I'LL NEVER COMMIT ANOTHER CRIME AGAIN >I'M SORRY I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL FUNNY >NOOOO DON'T MOUNT MEEE ☐ Anonymous 10/15/24(Tue)07:36:28 No.204512097 >>204512233 >>204519943 File: knockknock.jpg (22 KB, 686x386) >Knock knock >Who's there? >It's the police ma'am, your son's been r---- by Arkham guards. He's buck broken POLIC

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Anon likes Columbus | /r/Greentext

File: Leit-Erikson-001-1xly14b.jpg (205 KB, 674x798) LEIFUR zinioson Why are normies like this? Anonymous 10/14/24(Mon)22:57:52 No.17174159 Leif Erikson: >Land on an uncharted continent >Make no effort to explore beyond the immediate landing grounds >Don't draw any maps >Leave absolutely to indication you were ever there >Do nothing with the information "DUH VIKANGZ CLEARLY DISCUHVUH'D AMERICA B'CUZ DEY WAS HERE FIRST!!!" Christopher Columbus: >Land on an island chain off the coast of a new continent >Explore the coast making crude maps >Plant a flag and raise a fort to stake your claim on the land >Start a new era in the story of humanity >Without you the contient would not have been discovered until much later "HURR DURRR HE AINT DISCUHVUHD AMERICA CUZ HE WUNT HERE FIRST!!!" >>17174

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Prehistoric anon’s story | /r/Greentext

9 KB PNG >name Hep >Hep very small, very hungry >no have tribe, all day hunt small meat in bush >one day find big pig in big bush >pig needs lots of bonks, but Hep keep trying >bad pig go to sleep, Hep eat pig >no more hungry, and still have meat >Hep tired from doing bonks >put meat in pack, Hep did good job today >hug pack, Hep go to sleep >but then hear noise >open eyes, wild wuff sniff Hep >Hep scared, but stay very still >Wuff small, Wuff just bone >no wuff tribe, wuff all alone >Hep all alone too >Open pack, take meat in hand >Give to Wuff >Wuff take meat, no take hand >Wuff yawn, lay down >Hep and wuff hunt together now >Wuff find meat, Hep bonk meat >play game like catch-bone, chase, play-fight >Hep hug Wuff when sleep, no more cold >Hep not alone, Wuff gud fren What your gud fren story?

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Reich or Right | /r/Greentext

Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect ▼ Settings Mobile Home Anonymous (ID: nnEGM5F7) 10/15/24(Tue)00:16:19 No.484855939 Yashar Ali @yashar Jeff Bezos Donates $100 million to help Nation's Food Banks Robert Reich @RBReich For context, $100 million is what Jeff Bezos makes in 11 hours. Billionaire philanthropy won't save us. Tax the rich. 94 KB PNG >"Billionaires are le bad" >*Billionaire donates $100m to charity* >"Uh, not enough. Still bad" Has this old socialist fart ever heard of gratitude before?

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Anon thinks he's in hell | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/15/24(Tue)00:40:37 No.925945780 HOLLYWOOD 272 KB JPG >entertainment media execs: would basically sell their own mother for the next profitable franchise >also entertainment execs: intentionally force inappropriate wokeness on their products so that they fail miserably I can't stand living in Retardistan.

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