Harry Potter and the Gastric Upset | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: Calm.jpg (42 KB, 561x482) Anonymous 07/26/24(Fri)17:48:51 No.201751309 >>201752733 >>201752879 >>201753394 >>201753646 >>201754190 >BRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPFFFffffppPff >"Professor please! There must be another way!" >>201751790 >>201752265 >"I'm sorry Harry, the 23andme results were conclusive", dumbledore could barely hide his disgust beneath his murderous glee >"But its only 3%, thats nothing!" Harry fought with all his might but the professors spells were strong, the butt plug wasn't moving, but the pressure building inside him was otherworldly >ITS EVERYTHING!!! Roared the professor, I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE HAD THE SORTING HAT CHECK YOUR "EARLY LIFE" FROM THE SECOND I SAW YOUR NET WORTH! >REST ASSURED THE FLUE NETWORK I INSTALLED UNDER THE MUMBAI STORM DRAINS THAT I HAVE NOW EXPERTLY ROUTED INTO YOUR A------ WILL ADVANCE MY PLANS QUITE SUFFICIENTLY POTTER WHEN YOU DESTROY YOUR OWN PEOPLE! >With a well practiced stretch of his legs the professor in one smooth motion roundhouse kicked harry through a waiting flue portal and removed the charms stopping Harry exploding from the 3 gigatones of Indian grade sewage now building up inside him >As he clattered to the floor and with just a few seconds of agonising life left Harry just had time to notice where he had been sent to die >Tel Aviv >the last thing harry felt was the butt plug apparate into nonexistence under the pressure of the Indian nation's finest diarrhea >the explosion that followed levelled Tel Aviv, and poisoned all of Israel for 1000 generations >redeem that, said dumbledore calmly Anonymous 07/26/24(Fri)17:54:43 No.201751446 kino >> Anonymous 07/26/24(Fri)18:11:15 No.201751736 ► My favorite part from the books. Anonymous 07/26/24(Fri)18:21:49 No.201751890 the audiobook is great during this part. Anonymous 07/26/24(Fri)21:01:25 No.201754190 >>201751309 (OP) he didn't s--- that

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Guided relationship | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/23/24(Tue)17:43:22 No. 78252354 images (39).jpg 36 KB JPG >be me >meet girl with nice niche interest or ability >oh how did you learn that? >from my dad/ex bf Every single time

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Anon has proof. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 495 KB JPG 07/28/24(Sun)20:10:23 No.78313211 PROOF WE ARE LIVING IN A SIMULATION!! I have been scared to post this, because people are going to make fun of me or say I'm crazy, but I've thought something for years and I want to see if it's just me.. All of the artisan and specialty breads at grocery stores are PROOF we are actually living in a simulation. Nobody buys this bread. Ever. I never see it in someone's cart. I never see someone checking out with a massive red pepper asiago loaf the size of a basketball. In all my years I've never walked into a friends home and been offered a baguette or a fresh slice of focaccia. I've never even heard of a "Sourdough Boule" and respectfully I am not sure they even exist. Nobody is baking these. Nobody is buying these. Nobody is eating these. They are just there. Every time. Just like last time. Being walked past. The bread is a decoration. The bread is a simulation. Anonymous >>78313211 (OP) 07/28/24(Sun)20:40:25 No.78313510 >both my social group and I are too poor for fancy bread >this is proof that we live in a simulation

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Anon is no longer delusional and was in purgatory (before, after and) during COVID like the rest of us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous runs 186 KB JPG >It's freaking hard >But It pays off 07/28/24(Sun)15:29:21 No.922028674 >Be me >Been feeling lonely since I was 14 >Without a kiss, hand to hold, or hug, still a virgin >Thought about ending it every day >Turned 18 and decided to improve myself >Eat healthier, go on daily walks, >Met a cute girl boy stat my virginity ouch >the's an inggit Happiest I've ever been We're gonna make it, bros. See you on the other side.

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Anon questions American aim | /r/Greentext

File: Shooting at the 'Lympics.jpg (33 KB, 720x829) 2024 Olympics > Shooting Olympic Games Paris 2024 Medals Schedule & Results Overview Teams Events 2 о 2 Team 1 China 2 South Korea 1 2 0 3 3 = Italy 0 1 1 2 4 India 0 0 1 1 4 Kazakhstan United States 0 о 1 1 0 0 0 ☐ Anonymous 07/29/24(Mon)00:47:13 No.922032553 ► I guess if the targets were smaller and hiding under desks, the Americans would have better aim. print (my_fortune) Your fortune: Good news will come to you by mail

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Cold On The Cob | /r/Greentext

File: 1289152006.jpg-(79 KB, 840x780, ImSoBritish.jpg) I'M SO BRITISH >> I S--- THE QUEEN Anonymous 11/07/10 (Sun)12:46:46 No.285473XXX >my face when americans call "wobbly flip-shutters" doors >my face when americans call a "Small Ben" a clock >my face when americans call a "chimey pushknob" a doorbell >my face when americans call "niffy loo pudding" feces >my face when americans call a "Hooty tooty point and shooty" a gun >my face when Americans call a "beef wellington ensemble with lettuce" a hamburger >my face when americans call "crockety snapwickets" markers >my face when americans call "cold on the cob" popsicles >my face when americans call a "loony chuckle fairy" a clown >my face when americans call a "cuff-link time Johnny" a watch Anonymous 11/07/10 (Sun)12:49:07 No.285473XXX I lol'd...hard Anonymous 11/07/10 (Sun)12:49:44 No.285473XXX >cold on the cob LOL Anonymous 11/07/10(Sun)12:51:04 No.285474XXX I'm English, and these are funny. Anonymous 11/07/10 (Sun)12-51-16 No 285474XXX

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As long as the fishing minigame is good this all doesn't matter | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/24/24(Fri)08:02:51 No.677444179 >Boot up game >Unskippable splash screens >RYZEN™ >AMD™M >NVIDIA™ >GEARBOX™ 76 KB JPG >EATM >FLOYDSNEED TOⓇO TECHNOLOGY >Unskippable animation of player interacting with button/object >PRESS E TO [INTERACT] WITH [INTERACTION OBJECT] >Unskippable exposition/cutscene

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Self improvement done right | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/24/24(Wed)07:50:06 No.201662767 IMG_4526.gif 1.14 MB GIF >bullied character's boobs grow >suddenly everyone is much nicer to her

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Mans best friend | /r/Greentext

⠀ Anonymous 101 KB JPG 11/11/21(Thu)05:47:59 No.66114418 >have gf >am playing with the dog cus he cute >gf then asks me "me or dog?" >answered dog with no hesitation >she flippin' out w-- is wrong with hoes man? like she set herself don't blame it on me and pooch. up

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Anon decides to improve | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous runs 186 KB JPG >It's freaking hard >But It pays off 07/28/24(Sun)15:29:21 No.922028674 >Be me >Been feeling lonely since I was 14 >Without a kiss, hand to hold, or hug, still a virgin >Thought about ending it every day >Turned 18 and decided to improve myself >Eat healthier, go on daily walks, >Met a cute girlfriend >Lost my virginity >She's an amazing girl >Happiest I've ever been We're gonna make it, bros. See you on the other side.

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Circzophrenia | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼ Settings Mobile Home 07/28/24(Sun)17:13:07 No.78311452 R Joe Rogan schools Milo Yiannopoulos on circumcision Retart Cake 32K views • 6 years ago 137 KB PNG >Watches Video >Reads his Wikipedia page as usual >Far-Right >P-------- advocate >Jew Many Such cases 3:37

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Anon keeps the bro code | /r/Greentext

girl on texts, 18 I don't know if I'm very brave or not enough No. 904587222 08/19/23(Sat)00:49:29 IMG_1359.jpg 42 KB 669x675 >be me >19 >tonight I was talking with a really cute >convo turns sexual, and I work what little magic I have >she lives close and wants me >she goes to sleep, and I decide to look her up on insta really quick >oh >oh no >I see her with a guy I met in college track, let's call him joe >amazing guy, one of the best fellas I ever met >they have photos together going a while back >I remember first meeting him, and learned that he felt like s--- cause a relationship he thought was gonna be forever ended with the girl dumping him >it hits me >this is the girl >this is the girl he loved >I can't do it anons, I don't see action very often but I would never do this to joe. He will never learn of this, so I wanted to tell you so someone knows this existed.

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Anon thinks its the watermelons | /r/Greentext

File: PepeShock.png (549 KB, 2801x2121) ☐ Anonymous 07/28/24(Sun)15:06:36 No.78309304 [Reply] >take a s--- >wipe ass >use water >still wet >?? >look at toilet paper >redder than a f------ tomato >?!?! >finish s------- >look at toilet >dry ass >wipe ass >wet feeling >Huh? Must be diarrhea from all the watermelons | ate. >Maybe I should wipe some more. >wipe >wipe >wipe >water could be called Red Sea F------ hell, why does this keep happening to me?

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