Anon takes a good look in the mirror | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

>Be me >Fat as hell >Be ugliest person alive >Incredibly dumb, only 75 IQ >Worst personality, no sense of humor >Ugly sounding voice, every time I talk people always ask me to repeat myself >Smallest d---. It's the same size as the day I was born. It literally never grew >Only 5'5" >Literally no talents or skills, worst at everything I attempt >Get made fun of by everyone What did I do in my past life to deserve this?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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It’s hard out there | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/16/24(Sat)09:30:30 No.73825552 IGHT .....png 1.34 MB PNG >Go to beach. >Take shirt off. >Wow anon you look disgusting. >Lose weight. >Go to beach and take shirt off again. >Wow anon you look disgusting. pf

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Anon, are we being petty? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/06/24(Wed)20:44:33 No.76698185 ► File: DRC00005722695.jpg (485 KB, 2500x1667) >>76698093 (OP) >I've done nothing with my life Just having that "problem" puts you in the top 30% of humans globally. Half the planet is still trying to make sure they don't starve next month. You worrying about being fulfilled and where you stand on the local social hierarchy is so massively removed from what an average human life is, it's funny. You won a lottery you didn't realize you were playing. While you're lazily typing b------- to a hentai forum there's 800m young men right now fighting in wars or trying to figure out how they're going to not-die in the next thirty days.

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Don't ask anon what Chris did to his daughters | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous AHOLIN THE VIELS 03/16/24(Sat) 09:02:04 No.197288247 >wife is a bossy c--- chirs-watts.png 497 KB PNG >Constantly bitching and pestering him >Guy working out and doing his job >New girl treats him the right way >He gravitates towards her >Get rid of cunty wife >Profit He did nothing wrong and the Netflix documentary is loaded with so much b-------.

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Something something those who don’t learn history | /r/Greentext

Anonymous UNTIL THE GREAT MASS OF THE PEOPLE SHALL BE FILLED WITH THE SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY FOR EACH OTHERS' WELFARE, SOCIAL JUSTICE CAN NEVER BE ATTAINED. Helen Keller, ACLU co-founder 03/16/24(Sat)09:07:17 No.76802368 WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH ACLU images (19).jpg 11 KB JPG what the f--- do normies have against Eugenics? If the nazis really really f------ liked chocolate cake do you think normies would be against THAT too? Anonymous >>76802368 (OP) # 03/16/24(Sat)09:16:18 No.76802408 >what the f--- do normies have against Eugenics? Normalfags of the past used to be against it since it goes against christcuck principles. But there is no excuse today to not implement soft eugenice in some way in today's day and age. Even the chinks are starting to get on this, while the West is STILL babysitting subhumans that have never bothered to travel to an island nearby their home continent until the arrival of Europeans.

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Anon's coworkers are dumb | /r/Greentext

Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect Anonymous (ID: Pov2Cq1f) II >>461856865 # Settings Mobile Home 03/15/24(Fri)20:50:04 No.461857305 >work with a married couple at my job >combined they make about 100k >they live paycheck to paycheck >in debt >in their 30's >plan to name their first kid, boy or girl, f------ Ganondorf >both are potheads, far lefties, and the overweight wife has an onlyfans and streams into the void on twitch, and spend their days playing videogames and going to converts I may be a virgin at 28, but hey it could be worse. Live your life the way you want, but man they do not act like "adults" - not that I'm one to talk however.

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Isn't that just the natural state for anons | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 261 KB PNG 03/16/24(Sat) 08:15:27 No.73826512 Anyone else /funkmaxxing/? >Never shower >No deodorant >Rub olive oil in hair >Get up in the morning, immediately rub blocks of numerous stinky cheeses all over my body to get funked up >Eat copious amounts of garlic and onions with every meal >Wear sweatpants and a hoodie in the gym to get extra sweaty and funky >Leave the gym to go roll around in the dumpster then resume lifting >Leave old protein shakes in the hot car for weeks, then douse myself in them before going to the gym >Defecate and urinate solely on myself, NEVER use the bathroom >Intimidate others with my funk, keep them at a ten foot radius out of fear >Women fear the funk Take the funkpill, bros : Anonymous 03/16/24(Sat) 08:28:46 No.73826576 >Anyone else /funkmaxxing/? Yeah, if i see that stinky retard start to work out next to me again, im gonna bash his skull in with a barbell

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Do yourself a favor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Please Take A Moment 276 KB PNG coming this far. 03/15/24(Fri)23:50:35 No.915431585 Stop what you're doing, take a deep breath, and give yourself a pat on the back. With all the s--- you've endured, you made it this far. You may be struggling with physical or mental health, you may be lonely, you may be dealing with some heavy s--- at the moment, but you deserve to congratulate yourself for You aren't a failure, never think that way. You're only human.

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Anon is a sad clown | /r/Greentext

Bonzy's Fun Times 02/09/15(Mon)22:36:33 No.37965614 ►>>37965631 File: SadClown.png (170 KB, 499x334) >>37965487 >>37964634 I have a couple of stories floating around /tg/ at this point, most about D&D with my amazing DM, but what people don't know about him is just how dark he can get. Take our Call of Cthulhu campaign. See, we got a little bit uppity and may have over stepped our bounds, which put the DM, or GM in this case, into maximum passive-aggressive mode. In 3 sessions, a group of 4 of players lost no less than two dozen characters. And they went out brutally. Some caught fire, some lost their minds and went rambling into the night, and more than a couple shot themselves after taking out an ally or semi-important NPC. Needless to say, we had lost a lot of hope for playing a full campaign with a single character. And then I created Bonzy, the sad clown. Bonzy was my way of trying to apologize to the GM, a way to appease him if you will. After all, what better way to show heartbreak than with a symbol of joy and fun shattered into a broken and unloved shell? Bonzy dressed simply. He wore very little makeup, a small red nose, had dark hair, and his clown uniform was covered with an old, worn trench-coat that was not as bad-ass as it implied. He had a slight drinking problem, but managed to maintain sobriety without withdrawal, and never seemed to crack a smile. >> Bonzy's Fun Times 02/09/15(Mon)22:38:06 No.37965631 >>37965647 >>37965614 He met the other players by chance, having missed his bus and decided to bum it in the town for a few days because hell, it's not like he really had anywhere to be after all. The first character to find me thought I was a traveling clown, and tried to strike up a chat about his chosen career. "Hey, Bonzy, know any good jokes?" "... Why did little Suzy fall of the swings?" "I don't know, why?" "Because little Suzy lost her arms to cancer years ago." Bonzy sighed, slowly reached up, and honked his nose. The table was dead quiet, save for the player I just spoke to. He wore a priceless expression of "sweet god you're serious" and quietly giggled. "Do, uh, you know any others?" "Knock knock. "Who's there?" "Not Suzy." *Honk* The game proceeded rather organically from there, with the occasional interjection from Bonzy on why the town was f----- up and we should leave. When they encountered a librarian who just so 'happened' to be the local cult leader, Bonzy was the first to know. After all, who else would know when someone was faking anything? >> Bonzy's Fun Times 02/09/15(Mon)22:39:12 No. 37965647 ▸ >>37965656 >>37965631 The trap we set was simple, but if anyone here has played Call of Cthulhu, then you know simple doesn't mean jack. We entered the library, two of us moving to the roof, the third sneaking behind the building. Leading the charge? The only one who didn't care what happened; Bonzy. The sad clown ever so quietly knocked on the door, watching the librarian fish for his keys as rain gently drizzled in the night outside the windows. Bonzy entered, took off his coat, and draped it over his arm with only a few words of greetings. As we talked, our third guy suddenly found himself at the business end of a shotgun, and as if he was a machine, pulled out another character sheet and started generating a new character. The other two were just as unlucky, knocked down and grappled by other cultists who were on the stairwell. Everyone was already pulling out sheets, muttering how they made a mistake and were going to do better next time. But they forgot Bonzy. After all, nobody cares about Bonzy. The librarian, still unaware of the ruse, pretends to act nice, talking about the books and how he hopes that the fire was going to be enough to dry off. And then, Bonzy hearing the clattering, decides to act. The librarian also decides to ask the obvious question of Bonzy. "So, since you're a clown, I'm sure you know plenty of jokes. Got any about books?" "Sure. What did the one book say to the other?" "What?" "I was just checking to see if we were on the same page." *HONK* *BLAM* >> Bonzy's Fun Times 02/09/15(Mon)22:40:12 No. 37965656 ►>>37965869 >>37966001 >>37965647 Bonzy fired the revolver he was hiding under his coat, spreading the librarians brains over the bookshelves directly behind him. This of course alerted the cultists to the sad clown below, and the one behind the building decided to investigate, leaving the tied up player beaten, but alive. The cultist rounds the corner, pulling out his gun and trying to spot something in the library. He never saw Bonzy behind him with the law book. Ten hits over the head later, Bonzy wipes the blood off his face and examines his work. "Guess I threw the book at you." *HONK* The other three cultists on the room, send two of their own to investigate, which were promptly disposed of by the sad clown lurking in the shadows with the gun and a collected works of Shakesphere. "Not to be, I guess. *HONK* After freeing his allies and finding a map of the area, Bonzy turned to his group, and stated flatly "I'll be in the car. Reading in the dark is bad for your eyes. *HONK* The campaign continued without much happening for awhile, losing only one member in the span of a month of game time, which we thought spoke highly of our redeemed status, but I wouldn't stop yet. I wanted to ensure our GM wasn't going to kill us in the middle of the night. Bonzy remained just as sad, and it served him well when they met the second group of cultists. >> Bonzy's Fun Times part deux 02/09/15(Mon)23:06:24 No.37966001 ►>>37966027 File: ClownDeux.jpg (10 KB, 214x236) >>37965869 As you ask. >>37965656 The location was an abandoned funeral home. Apparently, the cult was of an eldritch god who was most powerful with the dead. No big surprise, seeing as everyone up to this point had connections with some dead family member from years ago. We pull the car around the back, two sneak in the vent, and two (Bonzy) sneak in the back door. We knock out two guards and tie them up with a stretchy rubber chicken, then make our way deeper into the building. First room we find with a cult? The morgue. The cultist tosses a knife, landing in Bonzy's ally shoulder. Bonzy pulls out a gun and fires off two into the cultists chest, killing him and blowing their cover. Bonzy wastes no times in preparing his next plan. He pulls out the knife and stifles the wound (Having been a performer, he had dealt with knife wounds before), and told him to wait by the door with a gun while Bonzy waddled into the shadows to meet up with the rest of the group. He spotted a cultist in the hall, but managed to hide long enough to sneak behind him as the cultist passed. Bonzy raised the knife to his throat, and quietly slit it before he could alert the others. "Guess that was a close shave. *HONK* The other upstairs cleared the rest out, and helped Bonzy lug the wounded character back to the car, but not before they saw another group of cultists preparing for something nasty in the wings of the funeral home, so Bonzy opts to investigate, with a friend of course. Bonzy was sad, not stupid. >> Bonzy's Fun Times part deux 02/09/15(Mon)23:08:11 No.37966027 ►>>37966036 >>37966001 Investigating paid off, and Bonzy and the friend uncover the cultists attempting a ritual to summon their dead god. The character says with a few minutes, he can put a bomb together, but it looks like it'll take more time. So, Bonzy volunteers. Imagine the cultists surprise when this rather depressed looking clown waddles out from the shadows, holding a little flower and a deck of cards. It was time for the routine. "What did the dead god say to the humorless cultists?" "Is it dead in here or what?" *HONK "Who are you, clown?" "Please, call me Bonzy. Clown was my father." *HONK* The cultists mutter a hushed debate about h---------- Bonzy, who was taking this time to turn the flower into a napkin, and then pulling it out of his sleeve. One cultist got closer, and Bonzy offered him a hand of cards. "Pick a card, any card." The cultist reached for a card- "Not that one." The cultist stopped, and reached for another- "Not that one either!" Finally, the cultist grabs his card, studies it, and offers it to Bonzy "Why are you giving it back?" "Because you're going to make it disappear." "And waste a perfectly good playing card?" *HONK* >> Bonzy's Fun Times part deux 02/09/15(Mon)23:09:11 No.37966036 ►>>37966378 >>37966408 >>37966027 The cultists finally run out of humor and pull out knives to sacrifice the sad clown before them to their dead god. Lucky Bonzy, the friend finishes the bomb just in time, which he tosses to Bonzy. The clown lifts it up as the timer counts down. The cultists back up, waiting for a pun from the strange clown. "No clever words this time?" "... Not really." "Are you out of jokes?" I just want to go out with a bang." *HONK* After we high tailed it out of there, the group managed to save the player with the knife wound, and Bonzy survived with only minor injuries and a scar on his upper arm from a brazing bullet. Dozens of puns, sad clown routines, and close shaves later, we decoded the last clue from the books, and we had it. The final showdown spot where everything must come to an end. And I think somewhere, we all knew Bonzy was tired of being sad all the time. Bonzy was going to finally have his peace. >>> Bonzy's Fun Times The Finale 02/09/15(Mon)23:38:02 No.37966378 ►>>37966393 File: Saddy.jpg (477 KB, 1200x1600) >>37966036 A graveyard, hundreds of years old, and plenty creepy, was full of cultists that seemed armed to the teeth with daggers and strange magic. We had found a way to hoard the weapons from the police station, and entered the fray like a 4 man army right out of the pulp fiction books. We left nothing in our wake, and cleverly averted disaster after disaster. Bonzy took a couple of hits, but he was already sad, so it wasn't like anyone noticed. When we reached the last, inner circle of the cult, we took a small vote about who would take point, and the most dangerous position, on our last mission. Bonzy doesn't even finish listening, instead waddling out onto the dark grass and honking his nose with the deepest frown on his face. The cultists debate killing me, but the leader lets Bonzy draw closer. I think it was out of curiosity rather than an ingenious plan, but whatever drove him allowed Bonzy to draw within punching distance >> Bonzy's Fun Times The Finale 02/09/15(Mon)23:39:03 No.37966393 ►>>37966401 >>37966378 There were no words, no puns, only the cold stares of two men in the dark, surrouned by ancient chanting and dark magic that warps the very flesh of any who touch it. Then Bonzy pulls out a long balloon (which I mimicked, having practiced this for a week in advance). "You know what I hate most about being a clown?" Bonzy asked after inflating the balloon. "It's the assumption that I'm going to he happy, and smiling, and always ready with a joke. Everyone sees a clown and suddenly, they can't be unhappy. At least, not really unhappy. How can someone with a lifetime of jokes and puns ever be sad? Shouldn't they be smiling and laughing and carrying around rubber chickens all the time?" Bonzy shows the balloon to the cultist, revealing a puppy. I offered the real one to my GM. "But we can be sad. In fact, I think we HAVE to be sad. People want to be happy so much, they'll ignore everyone around them to keep their illusion of happiness. I accept that. After all, I'm Bonzy. My job is to be unhappy so everyone else can be happy, and smile, and laugh. That's what clowns do, we make people happy." Bonzy reaches into his sleeve, and pulls out the only picture on his persons. A little girl with a young, smiling Bonzy. "I wanted Suzy to be happy." >> Bonzy's Fun Times The Finale 02/09/15(Mon)23:40:03 No.37966401 ►>>37966415 >>37966393 Bonzy reveals a grenade in his other hand, just underneath the balloon animal. As the cultist pulls away, he realizes he's too late to notice the grenade pin attached to the bottom loop on the feet of the balloon puppy. As it clings, the cultist drops the balloon and shouts for everyone to back up. Bonzy smiles as the rest of the team clears out the inner circle, leaving the leader and Bonzy near the center. As he's about to leave, Bonzy grabs the man's wrist and slides on a trick cuff. The leader looks down at his wrist, and then back up to Bonzy, who is honest to god smiling as the eldritch monster begins to manifest in the mortal world. Bonzy picks up the animal, holds it up, and grins gently as the eldritch god begins to take form. "That's all, folks." *HONK* The rest of the group looked for hours through the bloody, mangled mess of the god and cultists for anything of Bonzy, but they found nothing. Were it not for Bonzy blowing up the heart of the monster as it arrived, the undead god would have fully formed and taken the world with plagues of undeath and decay, but now it lay broken and would need to reform over eons in the cold reaches of space. >> Bonzy's Fun Times The Finale 02/09/15(Mon)23:41:05 No.37966415 ►>>37966424 >>37966472 >>37966401 The party did manage to find something of Bonzy, finding a lone, old photo of a smiling clown and a little girl. They took the photo had a few words on the back, and the GM read them in a quiet voice. "To Bonzy. Thank you for always making her happy. Suzy thanks you." They left the photo on a small gravemarker in the towns newer graveyard, and they decided to leave town. Before they left, one produced a rubber nose from his pocket and tied it to the grave. And like that, they left Bonzy, not the sad clown. The clown that was sad so everyone else could be happy.

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Uh America bad? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous [✔] 03/15/24(Fri)10:01:43 No. 194875108 BBC NEWS CANCELL LOVER OF C BBC Why South Korean women aren't having babies | NEWS BBC News BBC News 328K views • 2 weeks ago Korea kills itself.jpg 337 KB JPG >become American vassal state, accept liberal American values >fertility rate crashes >politicians start talking about needing to take in brown migrants Many such cases 4:41

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The cope is off the charts | /r/Greentext

Anonymous A AUTICS 2.86 MB JPG 03/15/24(Fri)06:03:48 No.194869816 >Johnny Kim >comes from poor immigrant background >Former navy seal >Harvard med school graduate >currently an astronaut >literal embodiment of America values and spirit >still couldn't f--- a white woman and would probably get called a chink in some midwestern town >many Asian women would still reject him Do white boys realize how good they have it? This guy literally did everything in his power to integrate and develop himself and still Can't enjoy life like a white man would. Any white guy that reached this level of success could go anywhere in the world and be treated like a literal god. Do you realize how insane that is. If most of you white guys worked out for a year, got good clothes and learned a cool skill you'd literally get more respect than him. : Anonymous 03/15/24(Fri)06:05:01 No.194869852 How do you know that he has never f----- a white woman? : Anonymous 03/15/24(Fri)06:05:07 No.194869856 >>194869816 (OP) # It's genuinely insane that the pinnacle achievement of all time for you is f------ a white woman. Genuinely seek help. 13 KB JPG >>194869918 # >>194870171 # >>194871636 #

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Honorable Death | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/11/24(Sun)21:59:39 No.76425538 BRUH Man.jpg 114 KB JPG >The smallest drop of semen can leave a strong smell >Women can notice it easily

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Bodybuilders really say this and think it's normal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 03/15/24(Fri)07:23:09 No. 73818534 >working in the office >lunch time >grab my perfectly meal prepped food >one cup of chicken, nothing else >"that's all you're eating?" >*ughhhhhhhhhh* >is that a problem? >"well I just thought you'd eat a full meal, something with more rice and maybe some vegetables since you're always about being healthy" >rice has arsenic, pesticides and other anti nutrients >vegetables are full of pesticides and anti nutrients >"well eating only chicken for lunch cannot be healthy" I'd kill them all if I could. How is the 200lb land whale secretary going to lecture 'ME' about being healthy.

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Know Your Meme

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