Anon runs out of toilet paper | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

1369959507465.jpg, 112KiB, 500x750 Anonymous Wed 14 Aug 2013 05:25:36 No.13230827 Quoted By: >>13230832 >>13230851 >>13230867 >>13233590 >>13240208 >Taking a s---. >feelsgoodman.jpg >Feel something wet and mushy press up against your butt ▬▬▬ >Oh, s---. >Get up and look. >Is pic related crawling out of >You need to wipe. >There is no toilet paper. D Anonymous Wed 14 Aug 2013 05:26:37 No.13230832 >>13230827 >There is no toilet paper. your toilet. 3spooky5me

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon dates a mormon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>913872489 (OP) # 1/2 >Be me, 16 y.o. virgin with 15 y.o. virgin girlfriend >Hers is strict religious family and a crazy bipolar mom obsessed with her daughter's virginity, always threatening to have her checked at gyno >Leaves us perpetually horny but limited to making out, feeling up, and occasional dry humping >Still feels really good but I'm constantly trying to push the line >She's cute as hell, hot body, and I keep thinking there's a chance I'll get to see more of it >Over at her house one night to DVD and chill on the couch in their living room >She's in a cute little summer dress and I'm drooling >Her brothers eventually go upstairs to game, her parents retire to their room by the living room >Finally alone 02/13/24(Tue)20:06:05 No.913893323 >Instantly forget movie and start making out >All tongue and hormones >Grab a boob, she's into it, grab the other >"Wanna go up to your room?" >"We can't! My brothers are upstairs!" >"But what if your parents come back out here?" >She shrugs it off. "They probably won't." >Paranoid but still horny >Pretty soon I'm on top of her, making out with her and grinding against each other >Glance down, her dress is worked up and her cute cotton panties showing >Dying to see what's underneath >Undo my zipper, still mostly dressed but grinding against each other's undies >Guess God's cool with this? >>913893356 # : Anonymous >>913893323 # 2/2 02/13/24(Tue) 20:07:07 No.913893356 >Eventually I pull my c--- out, still grinding against her panties >Pull panties to the side, grinding against her wet p---- now >Hnnnnnng >Pretty much playing just the tip while still grinding, making out >Even this feels amazing and she's way into it >Suddenly >F--- I think I may c-- >Panic >"I think I'm gonna c-- soon." >Her look says she wants me to >Now I REALLY think I'm about to c-- >In her parents living room with them in the next room >"We're gonna need a towel or something" >"It's okay. Just c-- into my panties." > Silence as I'm just staring into her eyes processing this >We move to the floor, on our knees facing each other, her dress hiked up, cute cotton panties >She pulls her panties away from her and for first time I can see her clearly >Shaved smooth, seeing just a peek of her slit >Slide my c--- between her wet p---- and her panties >Thrust a few times >Shoot loads upon loads onto her bare mound and into her panties >She wipes my c--- with the waistband, pulls them back up all the way, drops her dress down >Kisses me and goes upstairs to clean up, past her brothers with my j--- in her panties >Developed several kinks that night that stayed with me all these years >Eventually lose virginity to each other anyway >Actually have a lot of stories with her, but this is one of my favorites

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Anon provides salvation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Worship Jesus, not women. 02/13/24(Tue)22:48:32 No.913899610 My beloved simps and incels, please let The Holy Spirit move your hearts to listen to these words of Wisdom. All of you who are engaging in p---------- or sexual content of any kind, including your own lustful thoughts for women, are sinning against God and are idolizing women instead of Him. HOLY BIBLE 165 KB JPG >Mark 7:21 For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, fornication, theft, murder, adultery, >Matthew 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Remember, Eve was enticed by Satan to misguide Adam, & Adam simped for Eve instead of obeying God's command. >Genesis 3:12 The man said, "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate." When you lust after women you're sinning in your hearts against God, because sex & sexuality belongs within marriage. >Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, & let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge fornicators and the adulterous. Adam was married to Eve, but the point is that he elevated her over God, & that's exactly what all of you are doing whenever you engage with sexual content or even your own sexual thoughts for any particular woman. Seek a relationship with God first by confessing in your hearts that Jesus Christ is God & The Son of God who died for your sins. Pray to The Father for guidance and get baptized as an outward sign of acceptance of Jesus Christ. Make time to read the Bible & ask The Father for guidance from The Holy Spirit as you read. As you grow in your relationship with God, ask The Father in Jesus name for whatever you need, including a faithful wife. He will provide whatever you need if you wait & trust in Him. Pray for The Holy Spirit to help you avoid p---------- & all forms of sexual content or lustful thoughts; it's a sin against God & another form of idolatry. God bless all of you & fill you with His Holy Spirit in Jesus name. Amen. : Anonymous 02/13/24(Tue)22:49:23 No.913899648 195 KB JPG >>913899610 (OP) # Worship my testicles on your chin

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Anon has willing, consensual sex | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous feels good man 02/13/24(Tue)08:48:21 No.913872747 >be me, 12-13 boy in middle school >have a gf (same age) who has the hots for me >she's obsessed with me >Jokingly tell her I want sex one day and she agrees immediately 80 KB JPG >mfw she agreed so f------ fast we ended up going to an alleyway and I lost my virginity that day at 12-13 (can't remember when) I'm in college now and she's a piercer now and recently pierced my ears >>913887090 # >>913900297 #

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They Turned me Down, Now I Live my Nightmare | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random Anonymous Settings Mobile Hom 02/13/24(Tue)16:17:23 No.91389594 82 KB JPG >Already tried self improvemen >Going to the gym >Dressing better >Getting haircuts >Keeping beard well trimmed >Already tried philosophy and stoicism >Already tried Buddhism and taoism >Already tried mediation >Already tried acting more confident and being more sociable >Still, girls clench their lips when they see me very often >Is not most girls, but happens often enough to be noticeable >Happens at least a couple of times per day when walking down the street >It's almost always the cute girls >Including the short gen-z Chinese cutie from work I have a crush on I f------ hate being a 5'3 manlet, I'm not even ugly, at worst I'm completely average besides my height, life is hell as a shortcel.

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Anon inserts his tickle fetish in king fu panda 4 (I think) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/24(Tue)15:57:37 No.142221299 >As Zhen is fighting the chameleon, suddenly a tongue is lashed out at her, she swiftly manages to dodge it. Or so she thinks as she promply feels something wet hot and ticklish stroke against her paws. She bursts out in laughing as she is helpless to move and avoid the Chameleon tickling her poor defenseless paws with her long wet ticklish tongue as shes stuck in such an embarassing and helpless situation. Po watches on in genuine confusion and shock with her jaw dropped as she remains motionless despite his comrade being helplessly tickled right in front of him. 47 KB JPG >Tai lung meanwhile watches in wicked pleasure as he sulks in the shadows Anonymous >>142221299 (OP) # this movie is gonna flop so bad 02/13/24(Tue)16:01:06 No.142221341

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Boston in 2007 was saved | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.16 MB PNG soult swim 02/13/24(Tue)15:37:55 No.142221094 >We did it. Boston is safe now. Anonymous >>142221094 (OP) # man its f----- up the entire city of Boston was the result in Cartoon Network entering the dark ages 02/13/24(Tue)15:41:22 No.142221133 Anonymous >>142221094 (OP) # Out of all the animated shows that have those theories about the characters being dead and in hell or purgatory, this is the one show I'd actually believe that theory. Carl lives in hell, this is true. 02/13/24(Tue)15:42:03 No.142221141

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Anon follows dcs the questions footsteps | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/24(Tue)11:07:49 No.142218103 >Be me >Sitting at home watching The Truman Show for the first time. >Find the bad guy kinda interesting since he's basically a stand in for the global elites. >Remember when I used to watch Justice League Unlimited as a kid. >Think about how much I liked The Question always managed to take down corrupt elites through critical thinking and even when his conspiracy theories were wrong regarding motives he still was right about the plots existing. >Realize I haven't seen him in anything recently. Not even in the direct to DVD stuff. >Go to YouTube to look up old JLU clips. Maybe they'll be people talking about the character there. 156 KB PNG >All the clips of The Question are marked as YouTube kids content so the comments are disabled. >Autoplay plays another JLU clip. >It's the scene where Lex Luthor is talking to Amazo about the purpose of life (live long enough to see it to the end but ultimately you choose your own purpose). >Kinda agree to an extent although the advice is a bit generic and pretty much the opposite of The Question's philosophy. >Scroll down to see comments enabled with everyone talking about how great JLU is and how we need more shows like it. There's no way this is a coincidence is there?

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Plastic Love | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 426 KB PNG >Be me when I was 14, presumably straight. >Halloween. >Thought the mannequins were hot. >Proceed to take one home in my candy bag. >Take it home. >Church put on a haunted house show that simulated going to hell. >They ordered a load of mannequins to use for body parts. Settings Mobile Home *DIES OF CRINGE* >Put it up in my closet and dress it up in my clothes. >One night, everyone asleep. >Put on a sexy music tape. >Took into bed and proceeded to make out with it. >Took off its clothes and busted a fat nut on its chest. >Post nut clarity kicks in. >25 year old NEET still living with parents. >Helping mom clean out garage. >"what is that?" >Proceeded to take it apart like a cereal killer. >Threw it in a heavy duty trash bag. >Too lazy to leave at the dump. >Hide bag full of cummed on mannequin in the garage. >Fugget about it. >FFW to now. >"We never had a mannequin" >Mom looks at me remembering all the other weird s--- I did as a teen. >Doesn't say anything. >Just throws it into the trash pile and keeps cleaning. Did I forget to mention that it was a man mannequin?

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Anon tries Tinder. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 906 KB JPG 02/13/24(Tue)15:02:08 No.76449462 >download tinder because I have no originality >try it >tried the paid version for a month >hated it and canceled it >today I try to look up statistics for tinder >3/4 of the users are allegedly male >women match with 10% of men while men match with 0.6% of women >double digit numbers for fake profiles >men swipe right way more than women do

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Anon speaks American | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/24(Fri)10:10:56 No.193540624 it's become a prawnblem IMG_1643.jpg 86 KB JPG >be EFL >have to pretend that ESLS regularly butchering your language is "cute" or "funny” even apparently "sexy" >try to pick up another language for the fun of it. >Pronounce a single syllable slightly off or show a hint of an accent and they start flipping tables, claiming you desecrated their sacred tongues Love you too guys. : Anonymous : Anonymous >>193540624 (OP) # i speak the ways i wants to speak and if you dont like it you can come to louisiana and i can drown you in the swamp and let the feral hogs eat your body 02/09/24(Fri)10:15:31 No.193540697 02/09/24(Fri)10:16:04 No.193540706 THIS N---- SAID "A CARRO" HAHAHAH POINT AT THIS STUPID GRINGO AND STEAL HIS ORGANS

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Land of the free, world of the dead. | /r/Greentext

JPG | 7.70 KB Tuesday 2024-02-13 17:53:55 2 hours ago >At work >Arrive punctual at 8am after an hour long drive barely getting any sleep from last night >Waste time by first having to get a coffee with the coworkers and planning for today >It's now 9.30 and where starting to work >Waste time by chit chatting with random colleague who came into office and won't stop talking >Its now 11.30 we decide to go for an early lunch and afterwards get a coffee >12.30 >Still haven't done any work >We finally start to work >We have to Install some keycards in an office space so that you can open or close some doors with a Keycard >Office workers come back from their lunch break and start to work >We decide to leave for now since we don't want to bother them and move back to our own office >Its 13.30 now >Spent half an hour writing a report on how much work we did today >14 a clock now >Cant leave until 16.30 >Spent the rest of the day wasting my time on my phone >Finally time to leave >Arrive home at 18.00 >No time to exercise >No time to c--- a decent meal >No time to read anything meaningful >Just waste the little bit of spare time i have for today on the internet Im this close on ropping bros i seriously cant take it any longer How do Normies manage to get through this Hell?

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Anon takes an iq test | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 59 KB PNG 08/25/18(Sat)17:02:31 No.778151892 >friend tells me to take an iq test >okay ill do it >go to testyouriq.org >finish test and get 75 iq >i cant show this to my friend >do the test again knowing answers >get 73 >mfw

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