I laughed. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 105 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/31/24(Wed)21:16:17 No.665568308 >press any button to continue >go into the kitchen and press the start button on my microwave >it actually works 01/31/24(Wed)21:20:23 No.665568629 average cat poster humor >>665569292 # >>665570505 # >>665570740 #

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is bothered by Steam jannies | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 01/31/24(Wed)18:58:36 No.665559126 >steam forums >"steam point farming" galore with topics related to sexism, politics, etc >average steam forum mod: "Yep, that is fine." 30 KB JPG >me: *post a harmless joke, "award me if you think pineapple pizza is the best" on such steam point farming threads >average steam forum mod: "HOW DARE YOU TO MAKE SUCH FILTHY POST! BE BANNED, THOT!"

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Anon works from home | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: xK3Q54MG) 01/24/24(Wed)17:14:59 No.456284860 >>456280230 (OP) # >morning team check in is at 9am >lay in bed until 8:57am then sign in and open zoom >say "my internet sucks right now sorry everybody" so I don't have to turn on my camera >lay back in bed >meeting over >keep slack in "away" mode so no one truly knows if I'm there or not >open PowerPoint presentation so my computer doesn't sleep >do what I want all day I mix in work here and there. Occasionally will have hardcore work sessions in one day for maybe 3-4 hours straight, so that for the next 4 days that week I'm hardly doing anything >>456294091 # >>456294289 #

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Anon takes the fap-pill | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 1 month with no desire for gf (...) 17 KB JPG 01/30/24(Tue)01:53:31 No.76293915 normal: >fap 4x and workout drink whey and casein >reading r9k & blackpill hating sexhavers talking about sex and how they are having it bragging about it >hate the fact that they are giving their purity away >reading yt comments on pua and bluepill cope videos to find blackpill comments to feel less lonely and reinforcing my beliefs >fapping in a loving way (want to be their bf desiring them for love) >sense of dread and heaviness in my head from stress of aforementioned only going away when im distracted by vidya working out and fapping >want gf so bad but also never having sex to not ruin her purity irregular after being sick and losing desire for gf: >fap 4x noworkout >more content and focused on own life doing whatever i want >dgaf about their purity and content with people having sex for free because of genetics >no desire to improve but still working on personal projects and education just for the sake of it and doing well because able to focus more >chill saying what should i do today vs what should i do in order to get amazing girl before i wall as khhv aka height surgery >trying all the foods abstained from because of looksmax skincaremaxx >fap to them as if im just having sex rather than love its pleasurable but lessfuffling >content with being mediocre and just fapping and being neet

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anon is a fish out of water | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 3jWIEnpw 01/31/24(Wed)03:10:27 No.457082828 >be 30m from chicago >move to NYC >ppl from here have thick accents and sound like they have speech impediments >mfw they actually talk like that irl and its not just the butt of a Hollywood joke >mfw I had no idea these ppl actually talk like this I thought it was just in movies Why can't they just talk normal? It's impossible to take someone with a New York accent seriously like jesus christ do these ppl rly not know how to pronounce "R"s?

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Anon watches Impractical Jokers | /r/Greentext

File: 1684735305112.jpg (30 KB, 679x452) HD) Anonymous 01/30/24(Tue)19:33:13 No. 195795285 >>195795444 >>195796519 >>195796878 >Sal: That's right tonight Joe is our biggest loser and for his punishment, he has to permanently leave the show! >Joe: What, are you guys kidding me with this? >Q: Nah that's it buddy you just gotta leave the show forever. >footage of Joe walking out of the studio and onto the streets >Sal, Q and Murr (in unison): Bye-bye Joey! >Joe: C'mon guys this ain't funny I don't wanna do this >Q: Well it's a punishment buddy you can't refuse it or you have to, you know... leave the show >Sal falls over in hysterics >Murr (hand over mouth): He is literally... leaving the show right now >Q: Permanently. >Murr (stifling laughter) Yeah, permanently like forever! You can never come back, you're done! >footage of Joe walking into his empty apartment >Joe: Alright what's going on guys >Q: Oh did we forget to mention? We also had your wife divorce you and take half your belongings >photograph of Joe's wife signing divorce papers >Joe: ...Oh you gotta be kidding me >Sal falls over in hysterics again >Joe: Where is uhh... my wife? >Q: She's gone buddy she divorced you >Murr. At least you have your two Bichon Frichés to look after (gay sounding) hahahaHAha >Sal falls over in hysterics again >Q: Alright that's it you're done, seeya again buddy (downs a pint of whiskey) >Sal and Murr (in unison, while grabbing Q's shoulders): OR NOT! >Sal falls down in hysterics, taking Q and Murr to the ground with him and knocking over several props >footage of Joe alone in his apartment while his Bichon Frisés piss and s--- everywhere >Joe: I hate you guys >cut to credits What a great show

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PSA from Anon | /r/Greentext

File: textinganddrivngcrash.jpg (1.17 MB, 3888x2592) UE EMS >rush to car on fire >completely crushed >body is sprawled all over the road >ejected through the windshield >holy f--- >rush to center car Anonymous 02/18/15(Wed)19:47:34 No.599125672 [Reply] >>599150845 /b/ please don't f------ text and put your goddamn seatbelt on >Be on patrol >Dispatcher sends me to highway crash >go >first to arrive, Ambulance and fire truck is about 5 min ETA >3 car crash, one is on fire >look at skid marks at least 2 cars passed the median into oncoming traffic. >cars got destroyed >4 people in car, all teenage girls >They have about 80% of all their body parts attatched >chunks of brain and organs are laying everywhere >the two in the back seat dont have faces, >glass shards littered throughout their heads >neck is slightly blown off >arm is missing >both girls legs snapped off at the knees >blood everywhere >check the front, one in passengar doesn't have anything above her breasts >head is in the f------ drivers lap >brain matter and blood all over the front windshield >her organs are spread all over the compartment drawer >driver was the only one wearing a seatbelt >she is staring in complete and total shock >scrapes and parts of her face missing >right hand isn't attached to her arm >shoes were blown away, with feet still inside >she is still f------ alive >ribs slightly sticking out through where her her stomach used to be >she turns her head her friends f------ head is in her lap >she starts screaming > she might bleed out soon >nothing I can do for her >go to the third car >hear man moaning for help >he is slumped in his seat >he must've been the one that called 911 >he wont be able to walk again >ambulance finally arrives It didn't have to happen, the girl was texting. She killed 4 people. Her friends blood is on her hands, They didn't wear seatbelts, ultimately led to the three corpses turn into ping pong balls that would bombard the only survivor, the driver. /b/ please dont f------ text and drive

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Anon realizes that women are people. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/30/24(Tue)13:41:03 No.76299726 I've learned to stop allowing the desire for sex and women to control my thought processes and actions. I've done this by realizing women are just people, like anyone else, and the sex they offer me comes with the cost of dealing with their deeply flawed personalities, not to the mention the time and money investments. The way they talk, smell, feel etc is very nice, almost euphoric at first, but the realization that they are ordinary people, who paint their face on every morning, and who seethe in rage if you disagree with their political or spiritual beliefs and who can't entertain conversation or hobbies deeper than celebrity gossip or hot chip flavors all hits very quickly. Having a wife or gf is only slightly different from needing to take care of a child, except society forces us to pretend that women are our equal. G 171 KB PNG : Anonymous 01/30/24(Tue)13:42:25 No.76299747 >>76299726 (OP) # >realizing women are just people, like anyone else do moids really think this is some kind of profound thought? we've been saying this since women's suffrage ffs >>76299766 # >>76299808 #

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Average /v/ user | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 349 KB GIF 01/31/24(Wed)15:44:04 No.665549341 >spend 4 hours a day gooning >another 8 hours shitposting >at least 6 hours of sleep >rest goes for gym, chores etc. How am I suppose to find some time to play vidya?

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Gooner shares his million dollar idea | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Idea for a new tv show 01/30/24(Tue)18:36:54 No.195777526 >Goon Stars >Starring the Pawn Stars cast >Soundtrack composed by 50 cent >the main cast goes around to review various goon caves and rate them based on the material and conditions of the room 333 KB JPG >featuring guests appearances from various p--- stars, animators and fellow professional gooners Thoughts? I think this could work well

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Anon takes one for the team | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 75 KB JPG 03/26/21(Fri)06:13:10 No.62918674 >>62919158 # >dad is obese >eat all the sweets he buys to save him : Anonymous >>62918674 (OP) # you could just throw the candy out. 03/26/21(Fri)06:46:37 No.62919028

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Anon needs to take his meds | /r/Greentext

File: 17065510003567.jpg (88 KB, 828x552) Taylor Swift Joe Biden psyop Anonymous (ID: (LxdTgrXA Tell me if I got this right: 2020: >Biden teams up with Chinese to create COVID >COVID makes it so no one can vote efficiently >Biden wins >Biden suppresses the insurrection, and denies recounts 2021: >NFL goes woke >Travis Kelce sponsored by Pfizer >Everyone gets the jab 2022: >Taylor Swift comes back into the spotlight with Midnights >Announces Eras Tour in 2023 >Has a history of being woke >Everyone should get more jabs says Travis Kelce 2023: >The Eras tour only features gay women as openers >Women love Taylor Swift and pledge their allegiance >Swifties become a cult with Eras Tour >Bud Light goes woke with trans endorsement >Bud Light and Pfizer both sponsor NFL and Travis Kelce >Taylor and Travis Kelce start dating >Swifties flock to the NFL because Taylor Cam 2024: >NFL rigs playoffs >Swifties sweep it under the rug because The Taylor Effect >Election year coming up, two liberal sissy powerhouses that can sway voters >Taylor Swift alone can sway 18% >Ignore the fact that 17% will sway the opposite way just to spite her >Biden activates the Pfizer mind control to make people vote for him >Uses Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce to sway the non jabbers >Biden wins against trump by 500% Is this right? Am I missing anything? Did I get the events of this election cycle down?

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I mean i can't blame Anon, milfs are the best | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 319 KB PNG 1 Reply : Anonymous 01/30/24(Tue)22:18:40 No.76295680 >be me, actually out in public >notice (presumably) older woman glancing at me up and down >imagine what warm, soft, cuddly, mommy sex with her would feel like Why am I like this? View Thread 01/31/24(Wed)00:29:12 No.76296884 Nobody can resist Mommy's charms. Her warm embrace, her sweet kisses on your neck.

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