Anon is a genius | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. I robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 : Anonymous >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon laments the state of YouTube drama channels | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Commentary Guy 3.2 Morbillion Subsribers 2x longer than It needs to be 2xlonger than t needs to be 2xlonger than it needs to be 01/23/24(Tue)18:23:00 No.195415524 2x longer than it needs to be Popularguy situation is crazy 1 hour ago 3 Million Views Subscribe Penisman Situation is insane 3 hours ago 2 Million Views Huge PoopenFarten Drama 5 hours ago 7 Million Views Coaxedintosnafu situation is crazy 7 hours ago 20 Million Views hh1bk3208vjb1.jpg 69 KB JPG Hey what's up youtube, it's moistfaggot here again. Here's some three day old news I saw on reddit/twitter that I could summarize in 30 seconds but will stretch out for 10 minutes to bolster the algorithm. I talk in a deep voice and say curse words which means this counts as comedy. Alright cya

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Anon is Alex Defaultman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 77 KB PNG 01/23/24(Tue)14:01:19 No.664710597 >race: human >gender: male >class: warrior >appearance: default >name: alex >graphics settings: default >cutscenes: skipped >dialogue: skipped >side quests: ignored yep, it's time to escape into a magical fantasy RPG!

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Anon goons | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)00:46:25 No.26592287 >>26573368 (OP) # 119 KB GIF I have written a piece of code that takes all the videos posted in this online discussion and plays them in a random order indefinitely. The code also randomly changes the speed and duration of each video, making them play faster or slower, and shorter or longer, than their original versions. The speed ranges from 0.5 to 1.5 times the normal rate, and a random duration ranging from 0.5x to 1x the length of the video. The result of this code is a chaotic and sexy mix of sounds and images, which creates a very intense and erotic experience for the viewer. I play this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nosTQxCnlpA [Open]) in the background, which adds immensely to the gooning experience. The contrast between the background dopamine frequency (28hz) and the foreground videos is very jarring and as my brother would say, "goontastic". I ran this code on my computer and watched the output on my screen. I was not prepared for the effect that it had on me. I felt a surge of adrenaline and horniness, as I could not predict what would happen next. I could not look away from the screen, even though I wanted to. I could not stop the code, even though I wanted to. I could only goon in horror and disbelief, as the code tortured me with its random and relentless combinations of videos. I have never came so hard in my life. >>26592352 # >>26593649 # >>26594477 # >>26594692 # >>26600219 # >>26600815 # >>26603125 # >>26604995 # >>26609518 # >>26610694 #

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Anon has shit luck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Luck 01/22/24(Mon)13:13:36 No.76203156 AA Flag_of_India.svg.png 36 KB PNG >born in india >born in a state which has the worst reputation for cleanliness, stealing and everything else >have a passion in music which has no scope and is looked down upon >family wants to force to become an engineer >born in the lowest of the high classes >family follows caste system meaning i cant marry a girl even if shes not of our caste >family thinks i watch p--- everytime i close my door anons should i just end myself

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Anon has anxiety | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 161 KB PNG 03/29/19(Fri)16:45:16 No.796199748 >have severe anxiety >sick of it >try cutting out caffeine for a week >anxiety worse >look up caffeine withdrawal symptoms >mfw its anxiety 10 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon trying to cope with Chad giving a homeless person some money | /r/Greentext

TO FEEL JD >be me, ex-neet (managed to b------- my way into a data entry job) >work with normies all day >one guy in our department basically gets fawned over by everybody, stereotypical chad >6 feet tall, built, smart, basically the whole package >hate him immediately, it just grates on me how perfect he acts >there's a homeless guy that usually camps outside of our parking garage (about two blocks from work) >he always asks for money and I always hurry past/ignore him since I don't want to get mugged or fuel his addiction >get to work early today >as I'm walking I see chad talking to homeless guy >says "man, I'm sorry, I usually carry cash, I just didn't today, I'm sorry" >internally roll my eyes because of course he would >ffw to end of the day, see chad stop on the way into the parking garage >see him give the homeless guy a couple bucks >turns out he went to an ATM to get money specifically to give him >forced to confront the fact that chad isn't just hotter or smarter than me, he's also just a better person I've been seething because of this all night. Am I just f-----? How do I cope with the fact that he mogs me in every possible way like this?

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Ayy lmao they using alien poop for “nuclear energy” | /r/Greentext

Hisign PH >>95114840 >yo check it out Blarg just gave the humans room temperature superconductors >oh no no no have they used it to boil water yet? >ayy Imao

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#myPresident | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/22/24(Mon)19:49:59 No.195369017 w Idiocracy2.jpg 95 KB JPG S OF >actively tries to make society better >beloved by everyone 0 S DME >cares about the people >actually listens to the concerns the people have >employs the best and most skilled people for the job to fix issues >supposed to not like him because he is LOUD and PATRIOTIC

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Your move? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >>26584968 (OP) # >wake up gaged and tied to a chair >this dude comes in and starts making his bed >"this is how I want it done" Your move? 01/21/24(Sun)03:20:24 No.26597332 >>26604227 # >>26607715 # Anonymous 01/22/24(Mon)22:58:24 No.26607715 >>26597332 # Tell him that he's kinda gay for having a tied up and gagged man in his bedroom

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Anon is a Seaturtle | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 30 KB JPG 09/28/19(Sat)01:11:57 No.810541537 >be me >sea turtle >chilling in the reef with my wife >have to move from reef to reef for munchies >one day >chilling in the seagrass, munchin >spot massive f------ jellyfish >holyshit.jpg >swim towards it as fast as i can >finally reach the jellyfish >take a bite >w-- >its plastic >die from intestinal bloackage F------ humans.

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Most comprehensive non-Western parent | /r/Greentext

Anonymous How can I forgive my dad? 10 KB JPG No.76189367 01/20/24(Sat)21:20:43 >Never really accepted the fact I was an autist >Beat me up when I wasn't able to understand my homework >I was the quiet sibling but always complained on me because he said he was doing everything in the house >Always made fun of the fact I was thinking procedurally like a programmer. >Got a 1 year depression because of that stress Years passed and he's got a lot gentler with me, especially when he realized that I wasn't faking a depression and it was real. I don't recognize him anymore. I still can't forgive him though. If it weren't for my mother, I would have left him alone in a retirement home when he got old. Should I still try to find a way to forgive him?

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Up in smoke | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Weed Vs Tobacco 6 KB JPG 01/20/24(Sat)19:23:33 No.76188091 Be me >Wants to start smoking cigars and tobacco from a pipe >Bf (im a f--) hates it and says ill become a nicotine addict and tweak out when I dont get my fix >I want to smoke maybe once or twice a week after a work week >He however smokes weed every day and spends 100$+ on weed and weed paraphernalia >My cigars cost less than a dollar and a single one last me a week >He cant eat sometimes without needing bud >I can go weeks without even thinking of "needing" a smoke and simply want one out of craving like a soda or a snack >I want to stop smoking weed since im a US f-- and theres random drug tests at the future career I want >He calls me "boring" for wanting to stop weed I usually never understood the stoner hate but im starting to understand it everyday regarding this argument we had.

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