Anon gets embarrassed during class | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous | 761961790 1.7 MB GIF >be me in elementary school >Time to present in front of class >Get biggest boner of my life >Idea.jpg >Pull boner up and tuck it in my belt >Fits perfectly 0 min. ago >Have to point at something at the top of board >Front of shirt lifts up, exposing my d--- tip to whole class >My crush sitting in front row gets huge eyeful >Stupid Chad yells at everyone to look at my tiny d--- >Not even that small >Crush starts laughing as tears start to come in my eyes >Freak out and run out of room >Laughing stock of class I just had to quit the only job I've ever loved because all my students saw my d--- REPLY

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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anon's grandpa pulls one last prank from the grave | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue) 18:53:48 No.12830610 ► >have close bond with grandpa >only person in family who appreciates his sense of humor >one day he says he is glad im his grandson and gives me an envelope >tells me only open it the day he dies >fast forward 9 years >he died today >remember the envelope >open it, a single piece of paper in it >written on it: "guess what? chicken butt" damn it pops, I already miss you, you old fart

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ha ha ha, senators sips coffee | /r/Greentext

>"Anakin, we can't be attracted to each other" >dressed like a pornstar day and night while Anakin is her only company while on Naboo >Anakin just gets more attracted to her >"nooo I told you we can't do that" what the f--- was her problem Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)11:55:07 No.112822999 She was a woman.

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Canon loves his mom. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Men de 10 KB JPG ww Thanks Mom 09/12/20(Sat) 16:24:43 No.60012186 >Try to start a Youtube >Post every day >30 days in >Embarrassed about my videos >only viewer is mom >she comments positive things on every video

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Anon meets bank executive | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 355 KB JPG 01/02/24(Tue)10:10:39 No.75975928 >meet bank executive >it's a woman >one look in her eyes and i can tell the means that got her in that position >she knows i can tell >i know she knows i can tell >she knows... etc. forget about my plans and go to another bank.

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simplicity is the key to success | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue)01:17:50 No.12826439 >friend invites me and my brother to his new year's eve party >it's a costume party cause why not >spend 100 bucks to rent a clone trooper costume >meanwhile bro just puts on his job interview suit, doesnt shave, and lets his hair down (he has shoulder length black hair) >he wins the new year's eve costume contest with his John Wick costume >mfw

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Anon got a switch for Christmas | /r/Greentext

11/26/23(Sun)22:59:39 No.36534092 Anonymous >years back >grandma lives alone >she starts using Amazon to order stuff >around Christmastime I warn her to be careful with her deliveries because a lot of people steal them >casually mention that Amazon will never ask her to sign for stuff >a few days go by and there's a knock at her door >big dude holding her amazon package telling her she needs to sign for it >grandma tells him to go away and leave her package by the door >the man proceeds to try and kick down the door >shoulder slamming it >grandma keeps a gun on her funnily enough (always has) and retrieves it, then fires through the door >guy runs off >drops the package as he bolts >grandma waits a bit, then brings the package inside and calls the cops >they never find the guy >package turns out to be a Christmas present for me >after that, dad insisted grandma come live with us after that >she agrees >still keeps a gun on her tho >and I got a Nintendo Switch Crazy to think my grandma might have just been killed if I hadn't warned her. She thought you always had to sign for big packages lol

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Anon gives insight into the female psyche | /r/Greentext

12/23/23(Sat)02:17:31 No.73132074 : Anonymous >>73131810 # Women love to feel what can best be described as "mentally surrounded." They want to feel like anything they do, you are 2 steps ahead of them. They want it to be the case that everything you ask them to do, they are almost certain you know better than they do and they want to obey you through that lens. They want to feel that perpetual mild nervous feeling like you can shatter their entire existence and strip away any will they have to live. It is a level of submissiveness and being totally dominated that only a few guys can provide them with. Any guy can hold a woman down and overpower her physically. Women want a man who can overpower their soul. That's the pressure she's talking about. She wants a guy that makes her feel on the verge of having a panic attack, but in such a way that she wants more of it. >>73132100 # >>73132631 # >>73132963 # >>73134651 # >>73134690 # >>73134742 # >>73135454 # >>73136367 # >>73136371 # >>73136464 # >>73136468 # >>73136595 # >>73139326 # >>73141005 # >>73143512 # >>73144471 # >>73145761 # >>73147306 # >>73147512 # >>73148921 # >>73148959 # >>73149070 #

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George Lucas does it again | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/02/24 (Tue)00:24:12 No.12827500 ► >be George Lucas >write screenplay for Star Wars Episode II >"we just got Christopher Lee, who played Count Dracula, what should be the name of his character?" >"hmm...Count Dookula?...no that's just dumb...I know, Count Dooku" >pat myself on the shoulder

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And it was peak | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/02/24(Tue) 18:53:19 No.194220551 The EyeofSauron.png 220 KB PNG >Sauron's sigil is the all seeing eye >Peter Jackson interprets this to mean that Sauron is literally a giant eye

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Anon is indecisive | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 36 KB JPG No.30484306 01/01/24(Mon)16:23:40 >no idea what career to choose >searching on internet about literally any career >only complaints about salary, unemployment, stress, humiliation, overworking etc. What should I do then?

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Anon is tall | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 62 (MASTER) IKE 133 KB PNG 12/19/21(Sun)06:00:48 No.868894586 :Anonymous >be me >179cm >world is basically designed for men >medium size clothes are always carried >don't hit my head on things but also can reach s--- 112 KB JPG me >not noticeably short except next to exceptionally tall people >still larger than the vast majority of women and about half of all How the f--- do people come to the conclusion there's a better height than this 12/19/21(Sun)06:03:24 No.868894667 >>868894586 (OP) # w-- is a cm

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Can't wait for Shrek 5 | /r/Greentext

01/02/24(Tue)12:17:03 No.141478179 >Winnie the Pooh is in the public domain (with recently Tigger) >Peter Pan is in the public domain (Including all the other fairytales that have long been in the public domain, which Disney used for its films) >Oswald is in the public domain >Mickey, Pete and Minnie (from 1928) are in the public domain Dreamworks could do the funniest thing ever : Anonymous 32 KB JPG

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