What’s not to get | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous What the f---? 231 KB PNG 12/23/21(Thu)20:18:51 No.66689300 What the f---? >Girl in my class that I talk with sometimes : Anon >People think we're together >She keeps saying how she will NEVER date me >One day we're making some small talk >Topic goes onto dating >And that she's way out of my league >Don't care lol. >She reinstates that she can do way better then me >"That's ok, I don't really think you're really good looking" >She hasn't talked to me since 12/23/21(Thu)20:23:29 No.66689341 >>66689300 (OP) # >haha i get to flex that this guy totally wants to f--- me but i would never >"actually I don't like you at all" >realize I'm just a failed attention w---- >immediately cut contact to save face average basic bitch things

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Seriously, how? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous New Vegas 42 KB JPG 10/09/23(Mon)16:02:16 No.653573783 >made in 18 months >in a cave with a box of scraps >been beating the s--- out of every Bethesda game before or since, except for maybe Morrowind. How in the f--- did they do it?

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Anon establishes dominance over small mammal | /r/Greentext

File: catandmouse.jpg (374 KB, 1920x1080) Anonymous 10/09/23 (Mon)01:57:21 No.4638045 ► >Cat brings me dead bird >Google why he did that >Read online that cats see humans as other cats >They bring you dead animals because they think you are a dumb cat that cannot hunt >I place 25 glue traps around my home >Bring my cat 2-4 live mice per day so he knows I hunted them Take that, f-----. I'm a better cat than you, s-------.

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Wait you can do that? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: +QwA7suZ 816 KB JPG 10/08/23(Sun)10:35:19 No.443781048 you can conduct combat operations without rating and murdering innocent women and children, and parading their bodies through the streets triumphantly

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Son is the MVP | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 108 KB PNG 9.10.2023, 10:29:17 No.41951568 > be me > dad gets divorced and is sad and alone > I decide to hire prostitute > tell her to try to sleep with dad without letting him know she's a h-----. > she starts flirting with him after i introduce them > she spends the night at his new place after i leave > dad calls the next day happy as f--- telling me how he managed to get her to bed with him > mfw

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Anon is straight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous A 5 KB JPG >be me >straight >he lubes my ass c--- deep in my hole 10/08/23 (Sun)20:04:49 No.75000493

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Anon suffers from withdrawal | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Family Guy Funniest Moments Bro Hono Gaming 20 KB JPG 112 10/08/23(Sun)20:45:18 No.75004579 3 Replies >be me >take 3mg of Xanax a day for a week to take a break from reality >2mg in morning and 1mg at night >run out >first day just kinda feels like I have a soul again >2nd day withdrawals set in >shaking anxious cant be still even when I try >been 4 days >been picking at my fingers so much they bleed >have uncopious amounts of energy I cannot get rid of >barely eat bc when I do I feel nauseous When the f--- will it end? I thought it would only last 3 days View Thread Anonymous >>75004579 (OP) # just stop worrying about it 10/08/23(Sun)21:12:51 No.75004780

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You've seen the cum mouse-pad, you know of the cum rag, now prepare for the cum spice rack! | /r/Greentext

File: sad (3).jpg (23 KB, 640x480) » Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:40:28 No.693029142 ► >>693029242 >>693029612 >>693028802 (OP) Its cumin you f------ O Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:41:03 No.693029209 >>693028802 (OP) lol bump ⒸAnonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:37:46 No.693028802 >>693028879 >>693029142 >>693029209 >>693029210 >>693029337 >>693029446 >>693029624 >tfw parents find the c-- spice rack honestly thinking of offing myself, I think my dad disowned me. >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:38:24 No.693028879 >>693029718 >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:41:03 No.693029210 ► >>693029718 >>693028802 (OP) C-- spice rack? >>693028802 (OP) I am so excited to hear what a c-- spice rack is, go ahead anon >>693028879 >>693029028 >>693029210 >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:39:30 No.693029028 ► >>093029402 >>093029718 Yeah, can you elaborate? » Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:45:07 No.693029718 ► >>693029899 >>693029903 >>693029917 >>693030032 >>693030095 >>693030206 >>693030221 >>693030344 >>693030378 >>693030392 >>693030406 >>693030483 >>693030607 >>693030618 >>693030624 File: spoice.jpq (15 KB, 283x300) >lecture >tears >my spices are gone >accidentally c-- on food I was eating a couple years ago >fuckit.jpeg >the food tastes like 100 times better >experiment c------ on food >decide it has to be the spices >ride my bike to walmart and buy a spice rack and spices after months of trials >c-- in lemon pepper >put it on a steak >godlike.exe lel >flash forward several year later >have a spice rack like pic related under my bed >mom snoops >waits for me to come home from work >tells me I need help and storms out >she comes home with my dad from his work >>693029718 Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:46:42 No.693029917 ► Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:50:11 No.693030378 ► >>693029718 Man, I wish I was naive and still believed stuff on the internet. This would have been hilarious. >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:50:59 No.693030483 File: 1.jpg (2.47 MB, 2896x1944) A This can't be real >>693029718 >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:46:37 No.693029903 ► File: blank.jpg (11 KB, 178x178) >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:52:01 No.693030607 ► File: 1462915941314.jpg (25 KB, 512x512) Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:51:43 No.693030576 ► >>693030703 >>693030769 >>693030576 Get more food being as it has c-- on it now >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:53:09 No.693030769 ► >>693029718 the f---? >>693029718 >months of trials GOOD GOD MAN Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:54:01 No.693030862 File: 1457903595284.jpg (13 KB, 320x319) >>693029718 >accidentally c-- on food >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:59:44 No.693031565 File: 1286989451581 (6).jpg (25 KB, 256x256) Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)20:03:09 No.693031937 ► File: image.jpg (60 KB, 604x437) Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:47:35 No.693030032 ► >>693029718 n----- all you had to do was add salt >>693030344 you know, sometimes oure eating and jerking off and then you have an early unplanned explosion then BAM; you got c-- in your food, and what else Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)20:02:54 No.693031905 >>693029718 This can't be real right? c-- spice rack >>693029718 my mom told me I have to quit and stay home because she thinks I'm autistic. haven't seen my dad in two days >>693029718 put me in the cap Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:49:48 No.693030344 ► >>683030576 >>693029718 Dude how the f--- do you accidentally c-- on your own food? WHAT THE F--- parents find the c-- spice rack parents find the c-- spice rack the c-- spice rack Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:52:06 No.693030618 ► File: IMG 20160623 015315.jpg (107 KB, 889x960) Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:50:25 No.693030406 ► » Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:50:18 No.693030392 ► >>693029718 thank you. I'm glad to be part of this. O Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:53:22 No.693030794 File: image 9.jpg (63 KB, 439x480) >>693029718 >accidentally c-- on my food >>693029718 And the Bible, the Koran and the other religious book say that will come worst things... >> Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:48:53 No.693030221 ► >>693029718 >accidentally c-- on food I was eating >accidentally c-- on food >accidentally Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:54:02 No.693030863 Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)20:02:21 No.693031856 File: 1462690104205s.jpg (2 KB, 124x125) >>693029718 >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:48:00 No.693030095 ► >>693029718 Did you ever make some jerked chicken with your spices? >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:54:37 No.693030935 ► >>693030576 >you know sometimes you're eating and jerking off I've never been in that situation. No, I don't know, anon >>693029718 pics or didnt happen ther left to do, right? Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:52:11 No.693030624 ► >>Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:52:44 No.693030703 ► >>693029718 Seems too good to be true. Pics of rack. >>693030576 Mom's right. You need help. Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:53:57 No.693030857 ➤ File: 1329017260718.jpg (27 KB, 347x466) >>693028802 (OP) What did I just read? >>Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:54:02 No.693030865 File: fuckingkek.jpg (30 KB, 424x473) >>693029718 >> Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)20:03:45 No.693032017 File: 1466140219001.jpg (62 KB, 623x713) >>693029718 I hope to f------ god this is real, you're a hero if it is Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)20:03:09 No.693031935 ► File: 1452299002060.png (296 KB, 649x649) >>693029718 >accidentally c-- on food I was eating >>Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)20:04:11 No.693032070 ► >>693029718 >c-- in lemon pepper

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Anon becomes hero | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 132 KB JPG >>49305891 # 11/15/18(Thu)19:35:57 No.49305826 Anonymous Dog is dead now 11/15/18(Thu)19:42:27 No.49305891 125 KB PNG >>49305826 # >Dog is *BANG* not today f-----

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A classic tale of passion and betrayal | /r/Greentext

>be me 2016 in highschool >Feeling sick >Waddle to the bathroom and started to take the largest dump of my life probably spent at least an hour there >After getting up I know this is not gonna flush I clean up and weigh my options I decide to just leave it and ditch the rest of school and go home >Be at home playing Vidya and looking at my phone >Open up Snapchat and start looking through stories >Some Chad posted a picture of masterpiece with the quote "who TF did this" and some emojis >Apparently the janitor tried flushing it and it flooded the bathroom with s--- (bathroom was closed for the next 3 days) 31 KB JPG >People start trying to figure out who it was other guys quickly ratted me out when they saw me in that stall while i was there Was called big s--- for the rest of highschool

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Anon should listen to his other brain | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/08/23(Sun)17:38:02 No.907339031 ► >>907339340 >>907340031 >>907340154 >>907340225 >>907340798 >>907340921 >>907341086 >>907341214 >>907341781 >>907342347 >>907342783 >>907343266 >>907343901 >>907344571 >>907345232 File: 92303434.jpg (108 KB, 800x1090) >>907338944 >be me >out on my bicycle in the sunshine >*pop* >oh s--- waddup >pull over >thorn in the tyre >it goes flatter than my sisters chest >flip the bike upside down >get the tools out my bag >spend a few minutes fiddling and taking the wheel off Quen a >female voice appears behind me >Heya do ya need any help? joy >me startled as i turn around que >my eyes briefly connect with hers >notice her body is wrapped in skin tight lycra >she is on a road bike arvad sherload >her legs spread >*nervously one on either side pread one laugh as this image only appears in my wet dreams, except i am the bike* >look at her hands tightly gripping the handlebars that *god i wish that was my penis* your wis >haha uhh t-thanks i t-think i got a spare tyre in my bag Obka >Ohkayyy you need a hand pump? >my brains pause my brains >south takes control you >not right now but m-maybe you can give me one later after dinner and a movie? Com >Sorry i g2g 200 >she rides off god DAMN IT her ass looked so good as she climbed back on the saddle and peddled away, i think standing on the side of a road with a flat tyre is how i can meet a new gf if i keep asking them for a hand pump eventually one of them will suggest we go into the bushes and pump it up Anonymous 10/08/23(Sun)17:45:43 No.907339340 ► >>907339349 >>907339407 >>907339594 >>907339850 >>907340467 >>907340941 >>907341017 >>907341298 >>907341964 >>907342044 >>907342348 >>907339031 If you stand outside your sister's school you can make funny puns about her friends flat chests in relation to the flat tire, be sure to say it very loudly so everyone else can hear you and enjoy the funny laughs you are making!

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Anon comes to brazil | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >roided >freefire hoodie 02/08/21(Mon)18:38:23 No.105952831 FREEF RE unnamed.jpg 93 KB JPG I >no headlights >riding in the favela >t----- in the backseat Such is the life of the brazilian, am I'm supposed to be envious of the "first-world"? Because I'm not. >>105952861 # >>105952864 # >>105952880 # >>105952920 #

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Anon LARPs hate fucking | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >be me >have a kinky fat gf >have sex yesterda >she said to me: "F--- me like you are going to dump me, f--- me like you are going to abandon me by the side of the road, like your are going to kill me and bury me in the sand" >never came that hard 24 KB JPG 08/06/22(Sat)20:09:17 No.69701037 Anonymous >>69701037 (OP) # Check out this sex having p------------. Anonymous 08/06/22 (Sat)20:16:36 No.69701075 08/06/22(Sat)20:21:34 No.69701104 Jesus even in their LARPs its landwhales now

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