That's the catch | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 16 KB JPG 10/04/21 (Mon)11:57:15 No.65633207 >start dating girl >we're both 23 >she looks so normal totally not what you would call a "slut" >her body count is 22 I legit can't cope and uts killing me

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anons and his business........ | /r/Greentext

29 KB JPG >ex-classmate creates a messenger group >adds me and other classmates in it >another classmate asks what this group is for >have the sudden inexplicable urge to say >"One word, PARTY!" >decide not to in the last moment >classmate that texts >its for another classmate's mother's funeral >tfw I almost called a burial a party

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The next generation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 9 KB JPG 09/14/22(Wed) 20:15:50 No.70217098 >be me >back in high school >friends and i made fun of the old f--- who we let attend to our parties so he can buy us beer and s--- >he used to hang around outside school and talk to girls >everyone made fun of him in private >he got arrested for whatever reason and havent heard of him in ages >be today >34 years old >still stuck in this s----- town >hang outside my old high school cause they are the only people that understand me (nothing sexual its just easier to talk to them) >slide into their dm's and share memes and stuff anons, i used to make fun of that man only to realize he was based beyond our understanding : Anonymous 09/14/22(Wed) 21:02:15 No.70217585 And just like that man, the highscholers make fun of you in private. Wake up

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anon improves his gas mileage | /r/Greentext

08/29/23(Tue)14:59:14 No.905204814 : Anonymous >>905186262 (OP) # >buy older, but working, car or light truck >adjust fuel line to be ABOVE liquid gas >wrap tank with insulation to keep warm and produce fumes >wrap gasline with isulation too >replace carburator with small vac pump >run gasfume line into engine >??? >300+ mpg running on fumes >profit

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Anon buys GTA V | /r/Greentext

Anonymous|802578184 610.8 kB PNG 0 min. ago > Buy GTA V Buy assault rifle and armor > Starts shooting > Aim.exe has stopped working > Get domed by a security guard > w-- this is b------- > Never get to play GTA V REPLY

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anon doesn't like weed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/27/22(Wed)08:43:56 No.882778497 What the f--- is the point of smoking this s---? Stor thirsty >Laugh at s--- that isn't even funny >Too lazy to do anything that requires physical effort >Smoke weed >Immediately get hungry and/or 135 KB JPG >Get paranoid for no reason >Have to smoke more after 60-90 mins or you're barely high anymore This has got to be the biggest meme "drug" out there. At least with alcohol you feel good and want to do s---, as long as you don't drink too much. The only upside weed has is there is no such thing as smoking too much, because worst that'll happen is you fall asleep. So I guess if you want something "safe", weed makes sense but that's where it ends.

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Anon has a great dad. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 144 KB PNG 06/15/21(Tue)20:24:10 No.64167936 >be me >18 years old no gf or real social life or job >heavily depressed >go to stay with my dad for a while >my parents are split up >realise I don't have any money for cigarettes >ask my dad if I can work with him to earn a bit of money >dad works as a carpenter >tells me I can work with him for the week and he would pay me on Friday >start working on Monday through to Friday >probably the hardest I've ever worked >end of the week rolls by and I'm in the van with my dad >he gives me the money and starts talking >"I'm proud of you anon, you showing initiative and asking to work with me made me happier than I can ever imagine" I didn't buy the cigarettes I haven't smoked in about a year Thanks dad

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Anon's a MAP | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous i just wanted to let you know 08/26/23(Sat)21:24:27 No.74518763 169305612562895467.jpg 63 KB JPG im attracted to minors

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Anon is a psychology buff | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12 KB JPG 08/29/23(Tue)19:09:00 No.905216797 >be me >studying psychology >become expert on conditional place preference and placebo >Put some cocaine in my pre-workout I down right at the gym >half the jugs have cocaine the other just caffeine >dose it perfect so it's hard to tell >l begin to associate the gym with cocaine >l begin to associate caffeine with cocaine and confuse the two >just going to the gym gets me high now >take my cocaine caffeine mix when I turn on my head phones >get high just from listening to music anticipating a high >start dealing drugs >Cut the cocaine heavily with caffeine >get stabbed for shorting customer >mfw I forgot to study physiological drug dependence

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Anon has a bad experience with a tampon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 130 KB JPG 09/20/21 (Mon)12:45:46 No.863465058 >Be me. Super horny middle school boy >Searching for a--- p---, found some where a girl used a toy on a guy's butthole. He had a massive orgasm >Brightidea.exe. I'll stick something up my butt and j-------. >But what to stick in my butt? >Improvise.exe I got one of my mom's tampons. I figured I could use the string that pull it out >Stick it up there. Fire up some p---. Start jacking off. I guess I clenched my butthole. The tampon shot way up into the dark recesses of my anus. panic.png >Try to find it. Spend a solid 30 minutes with my finger up my ass >Figure I'll s--- it out later. I must have shoved it deeper, then the tampon must have expanded. It formed some kind of awful plug. I did not s--- for days >After about 8-9 days the constipation is so bad that I can barely stand up >Parents take me to the emergency. They do an x-ray and see a blockage. The doctor asks what it is. I say that it's a tampon. He asks why I have a tampon up my ass. I explain that I thought it would feel good. >He tries to get it out with me lying on my side, while a nurse is pulling one knee up to my chest. No luck. >He has me get in the face down ass up position, tells me that the lube is making the tampon slippery, and rams three fingers up my ass, while the nurse holds me down. Pulls the tampon out, and I instantly take a massive disgusting s--- that fills an entire bedpan with week old turd. >My parents were in the room the whole time. >The orgasm was average

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How do we cope that all the best gun makers are European? | /r/Greentext

SNIPER COUNTRY S-TIER A-TIER B-TIER C-TIER F-TIER $1d BERETTA CZ ORO HK LIK HECKLER & KOCH Lock, GID SCCY OLT. IWI SPRINGFIELD BERSA) CANIK ARMORY BROWNING FEL CITAPPA (STAURUS tier list.png 358 KB PNG MOSSBERG : Anonymous >>56745749 (OP) # By being able to own them WALITE WALTHER WILSON COMBAT HI-POINT FIREARMS (STEYB) ARMS How do gun loving Americans cope with all the best gun manufacturers being European? 01/13/23(Fri)09:22:45 No.56745760

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Anon is a transphobe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 25 KB JPG 08/29/23(Tue)22:30:05 No.905225643 >be me >troll on LGBT forum >spend days researching symptoms of anxiety, depression, personality disorders and psychosis >make post asking about other people's alters >use ridiculous neo pronouns that were literal jokes years ago >say I'm a afab non binary lesbian femboy with a trans masc alter > Say I'm new to the 2slgbtqia+aeiou community >copy word for word disassociation from medical text book >mfw everyone is supportive of completely concocted garbage >admit it's a joke >banned for transphobia

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Anon describes the beauty of life | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/28/23(Mon)23:19:25 No.74549358 >>74549289 # >your creator randomly fires off loads and loads of your kind into cumrags, killing them for reasons you can't even comprehend >trolls even more of your people by blasting entire generations of them into vaginas, only to hit a dead end when you realize you're trapped in a plastic dickwrap, get pulled out, and tossed in the trash >even more of you get slaughtered completely at random as your maker just leaks you out for no f------ reason while he's sleeping >more yet actually make it into a woman's orifices... just not the right ones. Die covered in literal s--- or get swallowed alive and digested >finally a successful batch makes it in, the apex sperm cell fights through the horde and makes contact at the egg, only for scientific horrors beyond its comprehension called a "Plan b" is ingested and just disintegrates you on the spot >eventually a one in a bazillion sperm cell actually completes the mission and starts forming into a real person >gets aborted by jewish doctors >another one in a bazillion cell survives this nightmare and cracks the egg >actually gets born >had good enough RNG to make it this far but had bad RNG on birth >ends up a KHHV posting on /r9k/ it's so f------ over

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