Anon spills the beans | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 08/21/23 (Mon )05:03:06 No.904715993 >hook up with a girl >she's incredible, love being with her >she offers to smoke weed together >get high and start feeling insecure and anxious >start thinking she is going to find out my secrets >decide to tell her everything to get ahead of things >"I know I am going to dream about coming in your hair I'm sorry" 15 KB JPG >"I don't care if your mom is not a milf but is she?" >"what do you want to know about jews?" Thankfully she didn't ask anything >"considering how depressed I am, I'm going to kill myself before 40" She finally told me to leave at >"I make really good monkey noises" *start making monkey noises*

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Based on a real story, Denmark. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 162 KB JPEG 21.8.2023 12.08.47 Based on a real story [DENMARK] > Be me, 4th grade > ChillingWithMyHomies.png > We find a guitar case near a bush > Curious.jpg > We open it > Rifle.png > "S--- THERES A GUN IN THE CASE" > Cant lift it, too heavy > Call the spanish teacher (HOG RIDA) > He lifts it to the principals office > We get a call from the principal, he starts to thank us. > 5 months later > pistol found at dentist > decided to move school due to safety reasons No.28980972 > 5 years go by > News: Sociopath arrested after buying an AR and planned to shoot the school down since 2018 (Same year i found the rifle) > mfw i realized i probably saved the school

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Anon gets a text about his dick | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 08/21/23 (Mon)09:53:08 No.74460448 >be me, 18M virgin >i get a text from an unknown person >"hey anon, im curious about the size of your d---, ive heard rumours its 17 cm, is this correct?" >its correct >i respond with "uhm yeah it is" and "who are you tho?" >person says it does not matter rn who they are >then asks "can i measure it" >i ask "why?" and "what is in it for me?" >responds with "for myself" and "sex" >also asks whether im still a virgin >i dont answer >i ask what their gender and age >turns out to be a trans male yet to have his surgery for a d--- and 16yo >also sends me a picture to prove hes not some 50 year old p--- >i ask where he got intel about the length of my d--- and my phone number >he refuses to say it >i ask why its a problem to tell me >he blocks me >mfw

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Anon called the police | /r/Greentext

No. 904696792 08/20/23(Sun)21:09:36 criminal.jpg 14 KB 276x183 I did it, /b/. I finally f------ did it. Weeks, no, MONTHS, of enduring my apartment neighbor, a literal drug addict and criminal, and his near-constant stench of weed, and I've been driven to the edge. I called the police on him, as weed is still completely illegal in my state, and anonymously emailed my landlord too, as the apartment complex strictly forbids illegal drug use or smoking inside the units. Call me a f-----, call me a monster, call me a "narc" until you are blue in the face and your lungs ache from the damage marijuana consumption has done to your breathing; this Man has had enough. I will update you when the authorities arrive to take the criminal into custody. 15 replies, 2 images

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Anon orders pizza for the first time | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/04/18(Sat) 22:37:56 No.47283647 >be me 5 minutes ago >ordering pizza for the first time ever >ask for a pizza, some fries and a can of cola >pizza lady replies "we don't have cola, is pepsi ok?" >i freeze up 75 KB JPG >brain trying to process what she said, this isn't how this interaction played out in my head >mutter out "...taxi?" >after a silence she finally responds "sorry sir could you repeat that for me?" >brain finally catches up >"oh yes, a pepsi is fine please..." im never ordering food again i'll stick to microwaved dinners

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Anon goes on 4chan for the first time........ | /r/Greentext

>be me >see 4chan greentexts on the Internet >decide my autism would fit in perfectly on this Website >one day decide to go 4chan >its all p--- >all of it 19 KB JPG >its all p--- >80% trap p--- >wait for the sweet release that is death

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anon wants to go to nuuk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous i want to go to nuuk 72 KB JPG 04/08/22(Fri) 20:18:19 No.68127114 >bored >looking at countries on google maps >start looking for most remote areas >come across nuuk, a city in greenland, though it looks more like a small town >looks beautiful >come across a subreddit dedicated to it with less than 200 users >look at the photos people posted, they look so comfy and friendly >can imagine myself living there in a small house, making friends, enjoying the snow >no war, no politics, just a small town away from everyone else >fall in love with this town knowing damn well i'll never step foot in it pic related, its nuuk

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Anon still thinks about it to this day | /r/Greentext

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Anon is not enlightened | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 9 KB JPG 08/18/23(Fri)01:51:13 No.35630012 >"Hey, uhh, Buddha, what do you want on your pizza?" >"If you have to ask... then you don't know." >Buddha then shot a random guy in the face, just shot him in the f------ face and killed him, he's dead now, h-------- >The student was enlightened instantly Why are all buddhist stories like this? Are you supposed to actually be getting something from this or are they just trying to f--- with white people?

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Anon gets tricked | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 41 KB JPG 05/10/18(Thu)11:53:32 No.45281609 >Be me > 19 years old virgin >Watch milf p--- all the time and fap >Make a new friend in class >Go to his home >No father, single sexy mother >RemenberPorn.jpeg >Plan to f--- her >Go to his house when he is out >Start flirting with his mother >Say I want to have sex with you >She slaps me >Dont trust p---, they f--- you up Anonymous >>45281609 (OP) # Idiot, it doesn't work if you don't go IN CHARACTER Next time show up as a Plumber or something 05/10/18(Thu)11:55:54 No.45281651

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Anon needs a new gas source | /r/Greentext

Anonymous C-- CAR EN 2... 08/20/23(Sun)21:27:41 No.904702292 C-- YOU'LL NEVER BE A REAL CAR. PISS CAR IMG_5972.jpg 43 KB JPG M PO PISS STATION CLOSED DUE TO PISA OUTINGE Four > decided to start finding better ways to fuel my car > my first thought was fuel additives > those don't seem to do s--- > Found this image on twitter months ago > thought of it as a meme at first but it may help me > decide to start collecting c-- in a jug and pissing in a jug too > every once and a while I'll piss in my gas tank on long road trips > haven't seen problems yet, I'll start mixing my c-- and piss with gasoline tomorrow to see if it'll help me save money on gas, wish me luck /b/tards

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Anon discovers ass wiping | /r/Greentext

565 KB PNG >be me >Ass itches really bad >Get out of university class >Decide to take a shower >Get out, ass itches bad >Have wild idea, decide to take some of the toilet rags and rub my ass crack with them >I call it wipemaxxing, it gets all the loose s--- particles out of my crack and stops the itching When did you bros discover wipemaxxing? 08/20/23(Sun)21:21:27 No.904702025 : Anonymous >>904702006 (OP) # >4channer doesn't know he's supposed to wipe his ass all the way until university kek

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Anon isn't "Radical" | /r/Greentext

No. 904698931 08/20/23(Sun)22:02:47 1692154054323555.png 365 KB 1148x2184 >Be me >23 >Not interested in radical politics >Just browse videogame places >"IS THIS GAME FAR RIGHT?" >"IS THIS GAME FAR LEFT?" >Search for movies >"IS THIS ACTOR FAR RIGHT?" >"IS THIS DIRECTOR FAR LEFT?" >Search for literature >The same >Search for music >The same Is there a way to actually enjoy something without getting drowned in stupid radical ideas? It sems the world just wants me to be a nazi or a t-----. 4 replies, 0 images

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