Anon starts a whale business | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: dsfasdf3.jpg (15 KB, 240x360) whale business Anonymous 08/06/23(Sun)20:31:41 No.74292757 > be me > stoned as f--- watching old 480p Discovery s--- on youtube > good vid about whales being chill AF > starts talking about ambergris, dude is like "we pay thousands for this crap" > idea.jpeg > f--- whales getting all the cash I want in on this racket > watched vid on whale anatomy...just like people but with more flippers > eat omega what whales eat make my own ambergris > hatch plan hit up Long John Silver it's Friday got all weekend to start producing > get inside F--- place is filled with jews those crafty f------ must have the same idea > order 20 fish > jew looking doods eating like 2 fish...f------ amatures > pound down the fish slabs no chewing just like the whales do > order 10 more fish > "are you sure you want 10 fish?" f------ wage cuck > tell him "yes I need more omegas" > dude overhears says you can get omega pills > thank the wise jew sage and head to walgreens > s--- is f------ expensive....pound two jars in the isle and f--- out > get home...feeling whale like and lethargic > ambergris churning inside me > simulate whale habitat fill tub with water and pour in all the salt > get in tub start making whale calls > bitchy neighbor yelling at me to STFU > she clearly doesn't understand the nuances of whale business > can sense the ambergris is ready to burst > ambergris stars pouring out of me from both ends > being a whale is hard work > going to let it coagulate in the tub for a few days then start bottling and selling to the French > I have become whale > gonna buy a yacht hang out with my whale hommies

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon is fighting the good fight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 294 KB PNG 12/14/18(Fri)21:51:57 No.787382495 Got a story to tell /b/ >be me >at track meet >approached by random kid >"hey anon, have you done you civic duties and subscribed to pewdiepie?" >fuckyeah.jpg >I followed him around after that >he asked almosto everybody at the meet >he got multiple people to sub to pewdiepie Keep fighting the good fight, brave soldier.

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Anons are not impressed by Season 2 of The Wire | /r/Greentext

File: Sobotka.jpg (104 KB, 1280x720) The Wire Anonymous 08/07/23(Mon)11:43:15 No. 188484000 [Reply] >>188484211 >>188484526 >>188484570 >A bloo bloo, I had to turn to crime, you left us to rot for 25 years out there our union is poor : (((( >Also if you try to work at our dock but haven't been here longer than you've been breathing good luck getting any shifts, seniority y'know it's what keeps this thing alive What the f--- was their problem? How can you complain about the consequences of turning to smuggling and act like you're a victim of circumstance when you hog the majority of the ships for yourself? How does he expect younger local guys to get in and pay dues so they can afford things like the grain canal legally? Anonymous 08/07/23 (Mon)11:49:56 No.188484211 > Anonymous 08/07/23 (Mon)11:52:20 No.188484282 Anonymous 08/07/23 (Mon)11:59:59 No. 188484526 >>188484000 (OP) Why didn't Frank just work freelance as a graphic designer or something

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Anon is cybersecure | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 28 KB JPG 03/10/23(Fri)00:56:47 No.72515517 >be me >cybersecurity analyst >make six figure salary >tell ladies I make a six figure salary >they ask for my name and phone number >I'm too smart to give out my personal information

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Why would liberals do this? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/11/22(Wed)20:27:39 No.877971132 5077E542-BAD4-47B9-B06C-F21D4CDB958C.jpg 144 KB JPG The reason The McRib is not a full time menu item is because of liberals. Let me explain >Liberals have stupid ideas >Not making the McRib a full time menu item is a stupid idea why would liberals do this

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Anon is a soyjak. | /r/Greentext

kek.png (74 KB, 1000x1233) 26 Anonymous 07/08/23 (Mon) 14:41:45 No.903913245 >be me at the mall >sees a heckin' loli >suddenly my brain does an autism >in my mind i scream out: >"AYYYYY000000000!!! IS THAT A HECKIN' LOLI?!??!!" while imagining the soyjak in pic related on a scale of 1/10 how based am i? [Index] [Catalog] [Top]

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Anon drives home for dinner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/08/17(Wed)22:02:56 No.724775776 >drive a creepy r--- van equipped with twin hadley air horns. >pull up behind 16 year old girl in a early 90's vw cabriolet. >at a red light. >she's not paying attention and texting on her phone. >think it would be funny to make her jump. >blast my horns. >she panics and floors it right into the busy intersection without looking. >gets t-boned be a full sized chevy truck doing 45mph. >she never stood a chance. >I drove away slowly, went home and ate dinner. >>724775862 # >>724775992 #

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Missed the chance to live rent free | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 127 KB JPG : Anonymous 59 KB JPG 07/29/21(Thu)12:01:02 No.154238346 >Peter, you're 5 minutes late to our date. I'm gonna go f--- some dudes now while you think about your behavior Name a worse capeshit love interest. 07/29/21(Thu)12:27:24 No.154238914 >>154238346 (OP) # >landlord was literally trying to set peter up with his daughter >still simps for mary jane he deserves whatever bad things happened desu >>154238974 # >>154239096 # >>154239254 # >>154239631 # >>154240264 # >>154241451 # >>154241657 # >>154241866 # >>154243008 # >>154243882 # >>154250514 # >>154251754 #

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Anon has watermelon........ | /r/Greentext

>be 20 >heard you can f--- watermelons >buys personal watermelon >cuts a round hole >starts f------ watermelon >took like 40mins >not much better than fapping >felt shame >buried melon in a shallow grave >come summer time melons grew in the backyard >family eats them >"you don't want any melon anon?" >no Never had watermelon since

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Anon goes on a Caribbean cruise | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_0901.jpg (362 KB, 768x810) >be me >get invited on caribbean cruise by aunt >"sorry auntie thats not really my thing" >"it will be good for you anon to get outside" >after 2 weeks of illegal harassment by my aunt I relent and say yes >i imagine quiet walks on secluded beaches and beautiful sea views from my own private cabin >arrive at miami boat port, feeling of dread overwhelms me >its literally like an airport, thousands of people in lines. Either prehistoric old people or giant obese landwhales with Hawaiian shirts. >forced to share a tiny windowless "stateroom" with my lizard-faced cousin heathcliffe >yes thats really his name >he talks nonstop to me about his college in Wyoming >"f--- off heathcliffe, i wish that gay serial killer had killed you" >"haha your so funny anon" >"f--- off heathcliffe" >next stop Jamaica. No way im leaving the ship, dont want to get r---- >every evening im forced to have dinner with my mutant sunburnt family in a giant dining room that smells of onions and thrift stores >there is literally nowhere on this ship where there isnt a million old or fat people how could anyone possibly enjoy this? This is literally the worst experience of my life bros. Genuinely considering jumping overboard.

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anon has an umbrella | /r/Greentext

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chill anon.. | /r/Greentext

File: 185-1857296_mad-pepe-png-(...).png (30 KB, 439x368) Why are women so f------ big c---- c----? Anonymous (ID: IVSAKNHo 08/07/23 (Mon)13:26:47 No.437127690 ► >>437127801 >>437127959 >>437128046 >>437128168 >>437128333 >be me >give my gf 100% of my attention > she is 6.5/10. im acc to women 7/10 >she ghosts me and act like she 11/10 > want's me to chase her like W-- you c---. i am the reason you are happy and you didn't kill yourself now all of a sudden because i give you attention as a bf should you start playing hard to get? F--- women, f------ c----. i hope women rot in hell for eternity.

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Anon goes to school | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/07/23 (Mon)13:52:59 No.74297400 >be me >accepted into school for a year >Last night be up until 5am and want to kms and have constant anxiety and think about quitting >Wake up late >Take shower do whatever 5 KB JPG >Read letter school sent because I know it starts today and have planned to report in sick >today is first day and attendance and if you miss it your spot gets removed and given to someone else >Starts late in day >Starts in 40min from me reading letter >Quickly get dressed and leave to go there last minute So it begins I guess

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