Anon is working night shift | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Hey /b/ I work at a suicide prevention hotline based in the Midwest. Ask me anything while I tell you stories. Let's start with a nice one: 25 KB JPG >Be me, just getting off call with a girl who wanted to kill herself over some guy leaving >Logging the notes of the call while microwaving a soft pretzel >F--- me those pretzels are good >Phone on desk starts to ring >Rush back and pick it up >An old raspy sounding man starts talking >Ask me "Do you got time for a story" >Have to respond yes >Think he is going to tell me a depressing war story, or his entire life story >Old people do that a lot >Guy responds "You ever heard of animal farm" >I'm a f------ retard >think he's talking about a literal farm, they are everywhere here >I ask him to clarify >"You know the book" >Nope.communism >"Oh perfect" >The old man starts reading me animal farm >He does different voices for all the characters I had to ask him to call back later after about 20 minutes, we were getting more calls. Old man, if you are out there somewhere thanks for the best f------ night shift I ever had.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon wants to talk about nuclear wessels. | /r/Greentext

File :1204130921.gif-(20 KB, 420x319, BurgerKingBroiled.gif) >>02/27/08(Wed)11:53:11 No.55944891 F--- YEAH CHEKOV >> 02/27/08(Wed)11:50:22 No.55944691 File:1204131022.jpg-(21 KB, 200x210, 98765.jpg) deed sumvone say nuclear wessels? >> 02/27/08(Wed)11:50:23 No.55944693 >>55944642 Captain, we must find the nuclear wessels! >> 02/27/08(Wed)11:54:40 No.55945008 wessels? File :1204131280.jpg-(4 KB, 108x126, chekov.jpg) >> 02/27/08(Wed)11:55:44 No.55945082 wessels? 02/27/08(Wed)11:48:41 No.55944578 ITT: F----- Americans whine about how depressing their country is >>02/27/08(Wed)11:49:17 No.55944618 ITT: Nothing but Eurofags >> 02/27/08(Wed)11:56:50 No.55945151 wessels? >>02/27/08(Wed)11:59:11 No.55945328 wessels? I sink I em trapped inside a nuclear wessel, captain. >> 02/27/08(Wed)11:59:53 No.55945381 >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:00:46 No.55945458 >>02/27/08(Wed)11:49:34 No.55944642 >>55944578 Wessels, Richard W. File:1204131646.gif-(70 KB, 534x665, Wessels_R.gif) Wessels, Richard W. BAD.O.B. Correctional Officer >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:02:08 No.55945552 File :1204131728.jpg-(13 KB, 197x208, 1.jpg) are joo nuclear? WHO THE F--- KEEPS CALLING ME >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:02:59 No.55945608 File:1204131779.jpg-(87 KB, 531x662, 2.jpg) WAT Correctional Officer >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:03:49 No.55945663 File :1204131829.jpg-(11 KB, 197x208, 3.jpg) nuclear. WAT >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:04:34 No.55945728 File:1204131874.jpg-(86 KB, 531x662, 4.jpg) Wessels, Richard W D.O.B. 1-5-31 Correctional Offices >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:05:24 No.55945776 File :1204131924.jpg-(13 KB, 197x208, 5.jpg) a nuclear wessel. This thread is now about nuclear wessels >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:06:12 No.55945833 File:1204131972.jpg-(85 KB, 531x662, 6.jpg) NO I'M RICHARD W. WESSELS Wessels, Richard W. D.O.B. 1-5-31 Correctional Officer >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:08:10 No.55945956 File :1204132090.jpg-(12 KB, 191x204, 7.jpg) zo are you nuclear? >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:08:57 No.55946025 File :1204132137.jpg-(85 KB, 515x662, 8.jpg) NO. RICHARD. Wessels, Richard W. Correctional Officer >>02/27/08(Wed)12:09:51 No.55946092 File :1204132191.jpg-(12 KB, 191x204, 9.jpg) could you be? >>02/27/08(Wed)12:10:38 No.55946176 File:1204132238.jpg-(86 KB, 515x662, 10.jpg) COULD I BE WHAT Wessels, Richard W. Correctional Officer >>02/27/08(Wed)12:11:29 No.55946248 File:1204132289.jpg-(12 KB, 191x204, 11.jpg) a nuclear wessel >>02/27/08(Wed)12:12:48 No.55946364 File:1204132368.jpg-(85 KB, 515x649, 12.jpg) WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT Wessels, Richard W. D.O.B. 1-5-31 Correctional Officer >>02/27/08(Wed)12:14:11 No.55946480 File :1204132451.jpg-(12 KB, 191x204, 13.jpg) a wessel zat is nuclear >>02/27/08(Wed)12:15:25 No.55946573 File :1204132525.jpg-(82 KB, 515x649, 14.jpg) I AM NOT NUCLEAR, I AM A CORRECTIONAL OFFICER Wessels, Richard W D.O.B. 1-5-31 Cational lan >>02/27/08(Wed)12:16:34 No.55946676 File :1204132594.jpg-(12 KB, 191x204, 15.jpg) but could you be nuclear >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:18:13 No.55946813 File :1204132693.jpg-(28 KB, 191x204, 16.jpg) ...for chekov? >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:19:20 No.55946914 File :1204132760.jpg-(85 KB, 515x656, 17.jpg) STEP OFF, PINKO Wessels, Richard W. D.O.B. 1-5-31 Correctional Officer >>02/27/08(Wed)12:20:30 No.55947012 File :1204132830.jpg-(13 KB, 195x203, 18.jpg) you are an attractive man, meester wessels >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:21:22 No.55947075 File:1204132882.jpg-(13 KB, 195x201, 19.jpg) ...one could almost say, radiant >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:22:15 No.55947129 File :1204132935.jpg-(11 KB, 195x201, 20.jpg) ...radiating... >>02/27/08(Wed)12:23:10 No.55947190 File :1204132990.jpg-(84 KB, 515x656, 21.jpg) I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING, AND I DON'T LIKE IT Wessels, Richard W. D.O.B. 1-5-31 Correctional Officer >>02/27/08(Wed)12:24:10 No.55947272 File:1204133050.jpg-(12 KB, 195x201, 22.jpg) kiss me >>02/27/08(Wed)12:25:36 No.55947367 File:1204133136.jpg-(84 KB, 515x656, 24.jpg) WESSEL OUT Wessels, Richard W D.O.B. 1-5-31 Correctional Officer >>02/27/08(Wed)12:26:24 No.55947429 File:1204133184.jpg-(12 KB, 195x201, 23.jpg) w... wessels? >>02/27/08(Wed)12:26:24 No.55947429 File :1204133184.jpg-(12 KB, 195x201, 23.jpg) w... wessels? >> 02/27/08(Wed)12:27:28 No.55947492 File :1204133248.jpg-(33 KB, 200x210, 98765.jpg) chekhov...lonely

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Anon shares a statistic | /r/Greentext

(1 removed reply) #1, No. 638627758 5/28/23 7:03:24 AM sombrero PNG 2575x1575 919.3 kB >That time when Nintendo removed Sombrero Mario from their cover because SJWs found it offensive, while Mexicans loved it #2, No. 638628210 5/28/23 7:09:35 AM >anon is SHOCKED to discover that despite making up 0% of minority groups, white women are offended for others 100% of the time

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Bitterness is cumbersome | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous : Anonymous 121 KB JPG 12/02/21(Thu)04:32:49 No.66389915 1.4 MB WEBM nothing happened >instantly fall in love with her again Why am I like this bros? >>66392775 # >have argument with gf >get mad at her >ignore her all day >keep thinking I hate her and I'm going to break up with her >she calls and we talk like usual like 12/02/21(Thu)04:34:02 No.66389924 >have dumb agreement >gf treats it like dumb argument and doesn't hold a grudge (being a rational person)

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Anon is Brazilian | /r/Greentext

File: imagem_2023-05-28_105053099.png (19 KB, 225x224) POV: you are brazilian Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)10:51:32 No.900007546 > brazilian > wake up at 4:35 am > stale bread and watery coffee to wake up > dodging rats to get to the house gate > at 5 am you take the crowded bus with the pungent smell of armpits > arrive at the terminal > second bus to the job > christians preaching and sellers disputing decibels > a man is murdered for refusing to give up his phone in front of you > 9 year old child robs you at gunpoint > finally at work > you arrive at 07:03 > boss publicly humiliates you for being late > your minimum wage sallary falls on the 10th, on a monday > you ask for a loan to pay the bills > interest adds up to 3 times the loan amount > you warn your wife > she files for divorce and takes your children > your stray dog is torn apart by a loose pitbull > you go to a bar to clear the head > 12 reais per liter of warm beer > "okay, at least there's a Brazil game" > 2x1 morocco

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anon runs into his previously skinny high school friend | /r/Greentext

50091e35-5a17-4cff-8e56-2(...).jpg (158 KB, 549x857) google yandex iqdb wait saucenao Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)14:01:50 No.73477757 [10] [Reply] ✓ >you run into your (previously) skinny friend from high school, three years after graduation >she looks like this now Would you say anything to her? If so, what? Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)14:03:21 No.73477764 ✓ please kill yourself OP you failed abortion Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)14:21:34 No.73477847 ✓ You've changed! I think its rude to ignore if someone has changed, because that implies the change is bad. By just stating that someone has changed, they can interpret it the way they want, and talk about it if they like. You can see if they are offended, and if so, you can always say you meant something else, for example 'You come across way more confident now' Ive thought about this way too much but still have to encounter this situation

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Anon has played to much call of duty | /r/Greentext

I will never experience it... >the glory >the fear 29up-war-superJumbo.jpg 609 KB JPG >the long, cold nights in the trenches >the feeling of when you first climb out of your trench to charge through no man's land toward the enemy >the feeling of being shot on the way and falling gloriously on the field of battle Ever since I first learned about it in school I wanted to live through it. I imagined how fortunate I would have been to be born in the late 1890s and have the chance to be the first person at the enlistment office. Once you live through it, you have experienced the most horrific event in modern history. Nothing else compares. I know it is horrifying, and I know it was awful. But for some reason, that only makes me wish I could have experienced it more. If America is ever involved in another war I will certainly enlist. But while I may one day experience war, I will never experience THIS war. And it tears me up inside.

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Anon feels like a CHAD | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 166 KB JPG 05/28/23(Sun)08:59:34 No.73477114 >cute girl keeps looking at me >automatically assumes she likes me >feel like a chad >go through my day filled with confidence and energetic >27 year old virgin

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Anon is offended | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 14 KB JPG 05/28/23(Sun)03:41:49 No.73474906 >black, white guy at the store today told me I look arab >get offended >tell him I'm very black, both my parents are black, go into my family history everyone's black >he laughs >tell him I hope he has a bad day h---- donkey cracker

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Anon has no personality | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 780 KB JPG 2 Replies : Anonymous >>73476577 (OP) # 05/28/23(Sun)07:20:58 No.73476577 >*starts le interview* >*repeat le qualifications and work history* >"alright anon, but tells us about yourself so we can get to know y-" >uhh sorry but i'm no longer interested in the job >go back home, apply to more jobs, repeat > mfw View Thread 05/28/23(Sun)09:01:41 No.73477132 > I'm too stupid to come up with a 30-second normie- approved spiel about my personal history and interests that will literally never be followed up on or challenged

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Anon doesnt understand Why no one talkes to him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous mus 70 KB JPG 05/28/23(Sun)08:12:36 No.73476876 >Parks are dead >Bars are dead >Mall is dead >People hostile when you try to strike up conversation with them >Try to talk to people online, ghosted >Plan event and advertise it online, nobody shows up when the day arrives What the f--- is going on? Why don't people talk to each other or do ANYTHING anymore?

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magical stomach | /r/Greentext

05/28/23(Sun)00:36:27 No.73477336 Imagine you are dating a girl that is currently a normal weight but secretly has the appetite and stomach capacity of a 400lb girl and now you figure out she is starving herself basically due to maintaining a diet a normal person would have and either she is forced to "overeat" or she'll die from malnutrition but the only problem is her stomach capacity will expand exponential more disproportionate to her weight. She is 150 pounds but when she becomes 250 pounds she will have the stomach capcity of a 750 pound girl and so on. : Anonymous Pizza Motivates Employees More Than Cash Bonuses Why money isn't all that great of a motivator. And why pizza is. 44 KB JPG (Yes this doesn't make sense but it is a weird genetic abnormality let's say that forces her to overeat) 3 Replies View Thread >>73477464 # : Anonymous >>73477336 (OP) # Why would I imagine such a stupid, retarded scenario? What's the point? Ok I'm dating this woman with a magical stomach, so what? 05/28/23(Sun)00:56:18 No.73477432 05/28/23(Sun)01:03:02 No.73477464 : Anonymous >>73477432 # Break up with her, make her a f------ pig or starve her? : Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)01:07:49 No.73477492 You think for $40 I could get sucked off by Joe Biden?

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Anon talks about communism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 89 KB PNG 05/28/23(Sun)00:59:14 No.73473040 >be karl marx >say that capitalism doesn't work because people are greedy >say that communism works because people won't be greedy How does anyone unironicaly believe in communism

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