■ Anonymous 04/26/20(Sun)19:41:40 No.132846733 >>132846864 File: life is hell.jpg (20 KB, 480x360) >>132845982 (OP) >be cat >chilling at a pet store w my cat brother >nice old lady that owns the store named me Farley and my brother Snickers >one day chilling and sleeping in my cage >awakened by the overbearing stench of BO >open eyes to see redditor with a legend of Zelda t-shirt, cargo shorts, and pizza face looking down at us >"yeah, I think I'll take both of these kitters" >old lady doesn't know what the f--- he just said but obliges >takes us to his car with a bunch of f------ gamer bumper stickers on it and puts us in the back with all his trash and used mountain dew bottles >drives us home, renames me Keanu and my brother Big Chungus >force feeds us human junk food to post pics of us on r/chonkers >me and my brother inevitably die of obesity >owner posts pics of us saying his cats died for extra karma and gold >mfw

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Piss is stored in the bayonet. | /r/Greentext

download - 2021-03-27T230756.853.jpg 104 KB JPG AFTER I C-- I NEED TO RELOAD MY C--- LIKE A MUSKET

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The true origin of Spider-Man. | /r/Greentext

| carry a box of spiders with my in my backpack. Been doing this for several years since I started living in a bad neighborhood. I'm a really nice guy so people think I'm an easy target. Every time a street gang comes up to me while I'm walking to work and back and tries to assault me I stay calm and collected with a smile on my face. Then I throw my box of spiders at them. They get covered in spiders. Some are venomous, some are not, idc. I collect them from my basement where I let them breed. No weapon in the world is as effective as hundreds of spiders crawling all over a person. The screams those thugs make brings a smile to my face. Now I carry them as a backup but nobody has bothered to mess with me for a year. Everyone knows now not to f--- with the friendly neighborhood Spider Man >>70732223 # >>70732261 # >>70732275 # >>70732418 # >>70732882 # >>70733144 # >>70733384 # >>70733576 # >>70733859 # >>70733871 # >>70733893 # : Anonymous 144 KB JPG 04/24/23 (Mon)10:28:00 No.70732223 >>70732202 # holy based

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Anon wants to move to Africa | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >Be African >Wake up in your cosy mudhut >Have morning sex with your ebony goddess the tribal elders assigned to you >She's guaranteed to orgasm with your girthy 12 inch shaft >Throw on a loin cloth and tribal sash. Climates warm and temperate so no need for anything else. >No chafe from underwear or having to confine your body to trousers and jackets or shoes >Eat some delicious African chicken stew for shutterstock.com-546333706 05/10/23(Wed)15:55:25 No.899031003 47 KB JPG breakfast, with naturally growing and organic bananas and watermelon. >Go to work with your fellow tribesman, all of you pick up spears and wooden shields to hunt lions >Catch one and take it back to the village, by each grabbing a leg >Village congratulates your hunt with a tribal dance ceremony, all the hottest girls are shaking their booty to the beat of the drum >Have celebratory sex with another ebony goddess >For dinner that night, grill the lion over an open fire. Everyone in the village eats with you >Have a game of football after dinner >Your game gets videoed and uploaded to African social media >People commend your pace and strength on the ball and you're offered a 200k a week contract with a Big Six Premier League team as holding midfielder I honestly don't get why Africa is a punchline, this existence sounds based as f---.

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Anon got chargebacked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 7 KB PNG 05/10/23(Wed)12:10:39 No.636768958 >be me >trying to kill this random robot >f----- is jumping around like it was on coke >fuckit.mov >begin charging my beam >he throws a quarter at me >the f------ coin reflects it back at me >i die on the spot >mfw

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Anon examines | /r/Greentext

10/09/20(Fri)15:06:46 No.60397618 : Anonymous >have gf >shes an autistic medical student >be autistic econ degree who posts on 4chan >she loves science and examines bacterial samples for fun >buy her a microscope for her birthday >we have sex later >c-- on her stomach >"wow anon that was great but i need to get up" >think she didnt like the sex >she just wanted put my semen on a microscope slide >shes standing there naked examining my sperm under a microscope >we spend an hour examining my sperm and using stats to determine my fertility >she gets aroused by the sperm density >have sex again I love this woman but our children would be mega autists

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Anon has a reasonable take (Red text) | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: liUFjiY/) Women should get drafted into (...) 1.27 MB PNG 05/09/23(Tue)16:17:44 No.426416926 Women should get drafted into wars. It is basic logic, there is no reason for them not to be. Almost anyone can pick up a gun and aim it and take care of it, almost anyone can carry a 15kg backpack, and can be taught to operate certain tools >B...b..but they are weaker I know men who are as weak as women, should they be excluded as well? Just get stronger by excercise, dont blame genetics >But what if the woman gets r---- well tough luck, anyone can get r---- in unfortunate circumstances There is literally no reason to tell anyone to pick up a gun, teach them everything and send them to the front lines

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Anon is watching Star Wars | /r/Greentext

e: Motti.jpg (51 KB, 960x540) Anonymous 09/05/16(Mon)22:08:49 No.74025167 >>74027165 That's what happens in that scene. > Boss is a 7 foot tall asthmatic cyborg > Who has a laser sword that can cut through anything >>74025498 >>74025744 >>74025773 >>74026692 >>74027051 >>74027090 >>74027126 > And can crush peoples' throats with his mind > Motti knows all this because these Jedi people were running around blowing up droid armies single handed when he was young > Makes fun of the guy's religion to his face For the record: If you did this in real life, where you're at a meeting and your boss says "We're hitting our sales targets" and you say "EARNIN' MORE SHEKELS, MR. GOLDSTEIN? I BET YOU LIKE THAT YOU F------ JEW." the least that would happen is you'd get fired. If your boss had a laser sword and sounded like James Earl Jones, he'd probably stab you, too. Look at this smarmy f---. Anonymous 09/05/16(Mon)23:09:32 No.74027126 >>74025167 (OP) So imagine Colin Powell is getting ready to invade Iraq, and for some reason he has this monk hanging around him. No one really knows why this monk is hanging around, but he's Cheney's right hand man, and has some mysterious history with him so has to be treated respectfully. While the Joint Chiefs Of Staff are discussing invasion plans, the monk says "all your weapons of war are insignificant compared to shaolin kung fu" So general Petraues is like "ok, MR Miyagi, but grownups are talking" And then the monk hadoukens him. >>74027212 >>74027284 >>74027321

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Anon has a redeeming quality | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 36 KB JPG : Anonymous 7 KB PNG 05/10/23(Wed)22:03:53 No.899025786 >If I ever lose weight, my chest hair will cover up my stretch marks What's your one redeeming quality, /b/ros? 05/10/23(Wed) 22:05:57 No.899025849 >>899025786 (OP) # If my pp doesn't work i can always c-- without a boner : Anonymous >>899025786 (OP) # : Anonymous >>899025786 (OP) # I can use my foreskin as a condom so when i fap i don't spill c-- everywhere 05/10/23(Wed) 22:07:29 No.899025 05/10/23(Wed) 22:13:12 No.899026090

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Anon misses his cabin | /r/Greentext

126 KB JPG >work for forestry service >used to spend 2-3 days at a time in cabin an hour and a half from my house >really it was a house in the middle of the woods that got eminent domained back in the 80s >pretty much only function is to guard the gate blocking the access road the house is on,look for lost people etc >no internet, no tv, but still had electric, water came from a well, and had septic >had landline phone and shortwave radio for emergencies >gas generator in case power lines went down >windows barred and reinforced doors cause bears >wife came with me sometimes >we spent most of those times f------ or playing vidya >when I was there alone I'd just game or watch movies on a tv and ps3 I'd bring with me >sometimes I'd just fap a bunch >most I've ever dealt with is drunk college kids looking for a place to party >when I was off a huge storm brought a tree down on cabin >coworker on duty was unharmed but got caught cheating on his girlfriend >dude would take chicks from Craigslist there to f--- >luckily nobody knew about me bringing my wife there >house torn down replaced with fire tower >I got relocated to a comfy desk job ten minutes from home cause back injury a while after >coworker got fired >I miss it sometimes

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Fitizen is inspired | /r/Greentext

File: 99309.jpg (185 KB, 994x671) MINS TRC Anonymous 05/10/23(Wed)09:51:11 No.70905165 [Reply]► >>70905227 >>70905240 >>70905425 >Rich brah check out Anon down there, he's going nuts brah >I've been watching him this whole time Zyzz, and everyday I just get prouder! >He just keeps getting better by the day, even thought the s----- days piled up, he keeps killing it at the gym >Brah it's f------ insane. Even in a world surrounded by the saddest kunts he says f--- that and stays a sick k---, even out of the gym brah >It warms my heart Zyzz. Out of the gym, inside the gym, it doesn't matter. Anon is always doing whatever it takes! >Brah, imma level with ya Rich >What's good brother? >Even if anon forgets us...as long as he never forgets himself...I think it was all worth it >Anon will never forget to love himself again bro, we'll be watching everyday to make sure he becomes even better than us >Yeah brah, he'll never let anyone take his smile, or his gainz

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Anon Summarises The Joe Rogan Experience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Xo9XXPi 07/09/21(Fri)15:31:33 No.329330169 >>329330390 >>329330398 >>329330764 >>329331490 >>329331540 >>329331748 >>329332643 >>329336908 >>329337049 File: images - 2021-04-30T192555.700.jpg (17 KB, 480x360) >>329329430 (OP) >"The thing is... (Joe leans into the mic) fat isn't the problem. Carbs and sugar is the problem. Ever eat nuts man? Nuts are good for you." >Guest: "uh... Yeah I eat nuts. I used to pick peanuts back when I was a kid and they were in the season." >Joe: "Nice, nice. Like from a tree?" >Guest: "No, they grow in the ground." >(Joe nearly s---- himself in surprise) "What?" >(His guest try not to sound condescending) >Guest: Peanuts grow in the ground kind of like--- >Joe: "Jamie, Google this right now. Jamie Google peanuts growing in the ground. H--------." >Guest: "Yeah just like that. They grow in the ground like potatoes." >Joe: "Well... (Breaths heavily into the mic) That makes sense. They couldn't grow on trees because squirrels would f--- them up. Imagine that? Imagine how much squirrels would f--- up a peanut tree. Squirrels are basically tiny chimpanzees."

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Anon goes on a date with a real qt 3.14 | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: VpsQfP9F) 4 KB JPG 06/20/19(Thu)07:16:45 No.216880530 >date is going well >politics gets brought up >don't want to scare her >spout the most normie, bluepilled, centrist opinions I can think of >nothing even remotely close to right of center >"Oh god, you're not an alt-righter, are you?"

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Greentext Stories - Redditor adopts a cat | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

■ Anonymous 04/26/20(Sun)19:41:40 No.132846733 >>132846864 File: life is hell.jpg (20 KB, 480x360) >>132845982 (OP) >be cat >chilling at a pet store w my cat brother >nice old lady that owns the store named me Farley and my brother Snickers >one day chilling and sleeping in my cage >awakened by the overbearing stench of BO >open eyes to see redditor with a legend of Zelda t-shirt, cargo shorts, and pizza face looking down at us >"yeah, I think I'll take both of these kitters" >old lady doesn't know what the f--- he just said but obliges >takes us to his car with a bunch of f------ gamer bumper stickers on it and puts us in the back with all his trash and used mountain dew bottles >drives us home, renames me Keanu and my brother Big Chungus >force feeds us human junk food to post pics of us on r/chonkers >me and my brother inevitably die of obesity >owner posts pics of us saying his cats died for extra karma and gold >mfw

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