Anon is a filthy cheater | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous The one who got away 86 KB JPG 04/03/23 (Mon)23:10:25 No.72820205 >Be me >Retarded college student >Start dating this chick >Fairly intelligent, attractive, we get along well >She trusted me enough to take her virginity >Absolutely in love with her >She loves me back >Relationship gets serious >At the three year mark > It's St. Patrick's Day >Plan on going to a party >She doesn't feel well so she stays home and I go by myself >Get completely s-------- >Horny as f--- >End up fooling around with another girl at the party >I regret it and end up crashing at my friend's place because I don't want to see my girlfriend >Wake up and feel instant despair about what I did >Head back to my apartment >Gf wants to talk >One of her friends at the party saw me with the random w---- >She's obviously hurt >Ends up giving me a second chance >Relationship is never the same again >She leaves me a few months later >Nearly a decade later I feel borderline suicidal thinking about what I did >Look her up on social media occasionally to see how she's doing >She's married with kids and seems to be happy >That could've been us >She's the reason why I abstain from alcohol >No woman I've met even compares to her >Why even live

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon learns the esoteric truth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 16872 4150 MBY9952994345 04/20/21(Tue)13:26:21 No.149806974 BB6B0149-59C3-43F2-9FE7-329FE6283F3E.jpg 25 KB JPG >look up meaning of name "Drake" >it means "snake or dragon" >the devil is referred to as both a snake and dragon in the Bible >Jesus's birth name was Yeshua, which translates a Joshua in English >MFW the Bible was the original Drake and Josh >MFW Drake Bell is the antichrist and Josh Peck is the Messiah

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Anon tells a bad joke | /r/Greentext

09/30/18(Sun)09:23:11 No.47829822 >>47829862 >>47829884 >>47829907 >>47829939 >>47829951 >>47829956 >>47829960 >>47830118 >>47830125 >>47830163 >>47830168 >>47830182 >>47830452 >>47830501 >>47830536 >>47830601 >>47830697 >>47830737 >>47830847 >>47830857 >>47831328 >>47832066 >>47832229 >>47832302 >>47832353 >>47832354 >>47832513 >>47832696 >>47833199 >>47833530 >>47833818 >>47833850 >>47834179 >>47834587 >>47834632 >female coworker makes a joke at my expense about something I can't control (being bald) >I make a joke back about something she can control (being fat) >she goes home early and everybody is mad at me How was I the bad guy here? Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun) 09:56:06 No.47830163 >>47830238 >>47829822 (OP) # What was her joke? And what did you answer? Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)10:06:34 No.47830238 ► >>47830163 # >broke up with gf a few weeks ago (I ended it) >coworkers were talking about their exes (working with women is Hell) >>Anon, why don't you ever talk s--- about your ex? Didn't she break up with you because you were bald ha ha? >Ha ha, good one. Didn't you have a miscarriage because you're so fat?

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Anon Needs to Poop | /r/Greentext

File: pepepoopoo.png (29 KB, 300x250) Greentext Anonymous 04/03/23 (Mon)00:48:13 No.896948003 >>896948034 >Be me, 3 years old >wake up at 1 am >havetopoop.jpg >realize I won't make it to the bathroom in time >get idea >take my trashcan and poop in there >go back to sleep >dad walks in while I'm sleeping, smelling poop >he can't locate it after 5 minutes of searching >he wakes up mom >mom finds it immediately and makes dad clean up trashcan poop >mfw the bathroom was less than 10 feet away from the trashcan >mfw I made my dad clean trashcan poop for no reason

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Anon has a ghost story | /r/Greentext

Anonymous > Be me at 16 > a friend invites me to smoke > Friend suggests we go to a cut > Idk where it is, so I agree and follow > We walk across town and stop at an abandoned house by my old middle school > instant bad feeling > there was lots of rumors about the house 04/03/23(Mon)07:17:22 No.34461039 > The homes owner allegedly killed himself > a girl from another school went missing some years prior. > Last seen by the house. > I'm already creeped out but want to get high, so I go in anyway. > The inside is dark. All the windows and doors are boarded. > We had to get in and out by climbing through a hole in one of the walls. > Graffiti and broken glass everywhere. > We sit amid the debris and smoke. > while we're there I can hear noises from inside the darkness. >Scratching. Creaking. > We shine a phone light down the dark hall but something weird happened. > The house was small, but the darkness inside was deep. > The hallway beside the room where we were looked like it went on forever. > More noises. More scratching. Louder than before. > I'm starting to freak out but say nothing because my friend would talk s---. > My friend says we should explore the house, see if there's anything valuable in it. > I'm at my limit, too creeped out. > I make up an excuse and say I need to go home, and we leave > While we're walking back I ask him if he heard the sounds in the house > "What noises man? I didn't hear anything..." > I drop the matter, and we part ways. I neither of us went back to the house again after that.

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Anon’s new outlook | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/23 (Mon)20:24:28 No.72818809 638 KB PNG I ran into an autistic kid while being a wagie also 'tism thread >be me, 21 years old >working a deadend job at a fast food >one day a autistic kid comes in and orders a 20-piece chicken nugget meal >as i'm handing him the bag, he looks at me dead in the eye and says "I hope you know how lucky you are to be working with chicken nuggies all day" >at first i'm confused but realize he is right >chicken nuggies are the ultimate food, the perfect combination of crispy breading and juicy meat >I start thinking about all the different dipping sauces and ways to eat chicken nuggies >BBQ, honey mustard, even ranch >from that moment on, I have a newfound appreciation for my job and the chicken nuggies >I'm serving Even start experimenting with my own chicken nuggie creations, like dipping them in milkshake or chocolate >Thank you random autistic kid

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anon is "straight" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 86 KB JPG 03/19/23(Sun)15:19:59 No.72628067 I'm straight but I would tongue man's foreskin before licking and massaging the glans delicately just to see his reaction

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Anon is harassing girls | /r/Greentext

Anonymous banned from the grocery store 04/04/23(Tue)00:12:52 No.72817024 89 KB PNG >go to pick up some groceries >at checkout line >foid cashier >nervous already, but figure i will just act calm >im the last one in line, there's no one else >notice up close how cute she is >egirl aesthetic with wednesday addams hair and really pretty >can feel my spaghetti being lost already >she checks of all my items, i pay >she asks me how long i have had my hair dyed (i have it blonde similar to xqc) >tell her 2 months >she nods and doesnt reply >suffer a tism attack and tell her "i can see you have the egirl look going on" >"yea" while giving me a bit of a weird look >"i think you look very sexy with it" >meant to say pretty, now i f----- up >she looks visibly uncomfortable >another employee comes up, tells me i cant speak that way to the employees and that im banned from the store >say nothing and get my groceries >speedwalk as fast as i can out of there I just came back and ive been crying for the past 20 minutes. why am i like this?

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Anon offers some interesting tips for everyday life. | /r/Greentext

File 1248135955.jpg-(77 KB, 1200x1200, Tips.jpg) TIPS Sig aka Jizzy 07/20/09(Mon)20:25:55 No.147652384 ITT: Tips for everyday life. I'll start; When you're given a cocktail napkin or coaster with an excessively wet drink (condensation), sprinkle salt on it. It will cease to lift up with your drink. Get hold of an army ration pack and keep it in your house / car. Especially useful in cold climates. If you need to leave your car in an area where you think it might get stolen, remove some small but vital part like the fuse for the fuel pump. Even though you may be nervous about talking to random people, the worst you can get is "Go away." Open a bank account, put a hundred dollars in it. Then put the atm card in a box somewhere. Having a hundred dollars that no one knows about could save your life. You can throw clothes in the dryer for about 5 minutes or so to get wrinkles out. Put smelly shoes in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer overnight. The smell is caused by bacteria, which will die when deep frozen. Use lighter fluid to remove sticky stuff from price labels etc. A couple of grains of rice a salt shaker will absorb moisture and keep the salt from turning into a miniature brick. Sharpen scissors by using them a few times on a piece of sand paper. If theres something you really need to remember the next day, put a weird object in a weird place. It helps you to remember anything by triggering your memory.

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Anon has a heavy bag | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.35 MB GIF 04/03/23 (Mon)18:45:25 No.72814134 >Anon why is your book bag so heavy and since when have you started bringing a duffle bag to school? >mfw

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Anon cannot handle the breast style | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 896986484 205.3 kB JPG 1 REPLY 0 IMAGES 3 min ago How did this f----- get so rich and famous? >Not good looking >Not funny >Not exciting >Not the least bit entertaining He somehow got money from views from his trash videos early on and keeps his views by giving away money? What the f--- is wrong with the world Anonymous 896986525 REPLY min ago Seething cause he's rich and you're a fat incel basement dweller

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Anon is scared of Jewish people | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/23(Mon)15:39:41 No.72815506 a33.gif 756 KB GIF >Be me. >When I was a kid my Grandma would warn me about Jews. "Stay away from them anon, Jews like to snatch kids up and then cook them in a pot!" >My naive and impressionable mind ate up her stories. >Develop a genuine fear of Hasidic Jews. >Would cross the street to avoid one when I would walk to school. >Would sweat and panic when I was alone with one in an elevator once. >Eventually grow up and realise my grandma is just an delusional. Still get a jump in my stomach when I see a jew. Thanks grandma for the stress.

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Anon is a shitty friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Am I in the wrong here? What d(...) ¿ 106 KB PNG 04/03/23 (Mon)21:18:12 No.72815312 >meet girl at friends house party >start flirting >she likes me >we text for a week or so >ask her on a date, she agrees >go to the zoo, date went well but no kiss or anything >text for a bit more >eventually we start talking about maybe taking it more seriously >agree to bring up our potential deal breakers >I ask if she's had sex before >she says yes >tell her it's not gonna work out >she's sad but understands >wants to stay friends >okay skip forward 2 months >she calls me on the phone >starts yelling at me for being a s----- friend and not texting or calling or meeting up with her for two months >she was just yelling and I couldn't get a single word in so I just hung up She's been texting and trying to call non-stop but I haven't responded yet, I don't really know what to say? I'm fine with having her as a friendly acquaintance, you know the kind that I see like 2-3 times a year and sometimes play vidya with but I already have 3 actual friends that eat my time up and I don't want more.

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