The land of the free | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous The life of an Amerifat 5 145 KB JPG 03/31/23(Fri)00:25:19 No.72770035 >Be American >Wakes up to gunshots outside >"Ah s---, I'll be late for one of my 11 part time jobs!" >Hops in my massive 4-wheel drive gas guzzler >Needs breakfast, stops by McDonald's for 8000 calorie meal >Card declines, too broke >Goes to the bank to check my other account's balance >The entire bank failed, my money is all gone >Finally arrives at my burger king job >I f----- up Karen's order, she has a meltdown >"MY LGBTQ+ THEY/THEM TRANSGENDER BURGER HAS PICKLES! GET ME YOUR MANAGER NOW! >Goes to the break room >Manager is snorting coke >*Sigh* walks back out to deal with her >"Ma'am, I apologize for-" >"DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER?! I GO BY HE/HIM!!!" >Karen starts breaking stuff, I call the cops >Cops arrive, they ignore Karen and assault a random black guy >F--- this, I quit >Gets home and turns on the TV >President is on air to address the nation's hourly mass shooting, talks about ice cream instead >I change the channel >"Stop by CVS for your 17th COVID booster shot today!" >Changes the channel again >5 grown adults are arguing about how many genders there are >Yawns and checks the time, little brother is almost finished with school >Drives there to pick him up >Cop walks up to me >"Sorry sir, he didn't make it." >Gets out of the car to collect his body >See his zoomer classmates recording a TikTok dance next to the gunned down corpses

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon enjoys coffee | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/30/23(Thu)10:33:02 No.19108088 O O enhanced-28548-1438705641-8.jpg 56 KB JPG >>19108082 (OP) # I like my coffee like my women: cold and bitter. And emotionally abusive, if possible.

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anon eats some noodles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/30/23(Thu)19:42:59 No.896768779 185 KB PNG >be me >alone at home so no parents to cook me food >hungry as f--- >buy instant noodles at quick mart 2 minutes away >it's curry flavor >"haha can't be that much spicy right?" >worst mistake of my f------ life >I've never been handle to eat spicy stuff to begin with >remember last time I ate mayonaise and it burned my whole mouth >nearly choke over the spicyness >coughing so much jesus christ >juice squirts from my nose >holy f------ christ it burns >lie on the ground rolling and crying in pain for 10 minutes >the burn in my mouth eyes and nose is absolutely unbearable >eventually faint becaude of the pain >wake up 3 hours later >mom dad and older brother all standing next to me >mom says I'm not allowed to stay alone at home anymore

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Anon explains reddit spacing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: PSgKCr/k) >>420448418 03/20/23(Mon)22:08:50 No.420453473 The funny thing is most retarded newfags have it backwards on what reddit spacing even is. 99% of newfags think redditspacing means double spacing between paragraphs or sentences. Like this. But that's not reddit spacing. Reddit double spaces between sentences *for you* when you only press enter *once*, so the absence of space between sentences or paragraphs is actually reddit spacing. On 4chan you have to press enter twice to get a double return. On reddit you don't, so redditors come here and type their thoughts, hitting enter only once and leaving a single line return between walls of text, resulting in an incoherent mess of text. Like this. This is reddit spacing. I am now reddit spacing. Now I'm not reddit spacing. This is no longer reddit spacing. Please for the love of God f------ screenshot this post and use it to reply to every newfag that accuses anyone of reddit spacing when they aren't actually doing it. >t. Oldfag that has been here since 2007

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A narcotics bust and electrical repair by Anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous| 45657137 155,5 kB PNG 1 perccel ezelőtt ... Anon Does Drug Bust >Be me, 14 at the time >Lights constantly flickering and PC randomly turning off >Call up electricity company >They supposedly fix the problem >It still happens >Mum jokes that the neighbour is probably growing cannabis and is tapping into our electricity supply >Neighbour has a big shed >I decide to climb over his fence and take a look inside >somuchweed.png >I take pictures with my phone >Come back home and tell my mummy >I call 101 (Non-emergency line) >Woman thinks I'm lying >Next day the police smash down his door and take all his weed away >He goes to jail and his kid gets taken away That's what you get for messing with my Minecraft experience.

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Anon will not consoom media | /r/Greentext

SHIZAM! JOHN WICK &RAGONS MAR 24 MAR 31 MAR 17 GUARDIANS GALAXY MAY 5 JUN 16 JUL 21 DUNE PART TWO APR 1 @geekfacts THE LITTLE SPIDERMAN FAST MERMAID MAY 19 MAY 26 JUN 23 OPPENHEIMER THE MARVEL THIEVES ELEMENITAL INDIANES CINSURNKLOSSIBLE 2023 JUN 30 JUL 14 TEENAGE MILINT MONARH THE CAVES TALLER MUTANT MAYHEM JUL 28 AUG 4 DEAD RISE >Biggest movies of 2023 What will you be watching? ACROSS THE SIDERVERSE MITIVE JUN 2 >>178591117 (OP) Not a single one. AUG 18 MARIO BROS MOVIE Anonymous 01/01/23(Sun)10:22:04 No. 178591247 ✓ >>178600008 1619707178387.jpg (43 KB, 650x488) google yandex iqdb wait APR 7 TRANC WONKA NOV 3 DEC 15 DEC 20 DEC 25 O Anonymous 01/01/23(Sun)10:18:35 No. 178591117 ✓ >>178591161 >>178591199 >>178591247 >>178591268 >>178591296 >>178591692 >>178591714>>178591765 >>178591846 >>178591879 >>178591912 >>178591971 >>178592045 JUN 9 Barbie JUL 21 KRAVEN THE HUNTER ОСТ 6 .GEEK. AQUAMAN FACTS AND THE LOST

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Anon goes to the local cafe | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 16 KB JPG 05/15/22(Sun)03:29:54 No.68633467 >go to the local down coffee shop >"down coffee shop"? it's a coffee shop but all the staffs have extra chromosomes >$15 for a cappuccino w--.docx >expected it would be expensive for charity reason but mama mia >the coffee isn't even good it's the most generic one I've had, like instant coffee >go to the counter >"how much will you tip sir?" >tell the tard I will tip -50% (negative fifty percents) >tfw he really types it in the computer >"it'll be $7.50 sir" I swear I won't go to that place anymore

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How to wallpunchmax | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 69 KB JPG How to wallpunchmaxx? Anonymous >>69930338 (OP) # be an angsty teen 02/12/23(Sun)07:29:35 No.69930338 Anonymous >>69930338 (OP) # >Be me 02/12/23(Sun)07:30:54 No.69930341 02/12/23(Sun)07:31:15 No.69930346 >Taking a s---, playing with phone >Legs fall asleep >Wipe and try to stand >Ok at first, but then I lose my balance >Fall forward and my head goes through the wall

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Anon goes to the toilet | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 182372431 84.8 KB PNG 3 REPLIES 286.9 kB GIF >be me >work at corporate job >it's progressive so we have unisex bathroom >have IBS so I take frequent bathroom breaks >always get self conscious about the noises I make and try to be quick and quiet and make sure no one is in there when I go >one day I see a qt female coworker go into a stall after I'm about to leave >she's grunting and farting up a storm in the stall 10 min ago... >think she has IBS too so I take my time washing my hands so Ican start up some small talk when she gets out >she comes out of the stall to wash her hands and I say to her "you too, huh?" >she looks confused so I explain about how I have IBS >she didn't say much and leaves quickly >a week later HR calls me in to yell at me because I "harassed a female employee and made her uncomfortable" man I f------ hate women so much bros 1 IMAGE Anonymous 182372467 >>182372431 (OP) >GOOD DAY M'LADY REPLY 8 min ago ... >I NOTICED THAT PERCHANCE YOU MAY HAVE THE AFFLICTION OF THE BOWELS AS WELL, MY DEAR! AM I CORRECT IN THIS ASS-UMPTION? AHAHA! >... What's that? HR would like to see me?

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Anon think’s he is cheating | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous School 08/24/22(Wed)11:23:29 No.884460822 >be me, high school >Don't know s--- in class >Decide to download an app to cheat >The app takes me to a YouTube channel where a guy tells me answers and explains how to do the problem so I can pass the tests >I use this to get through high school Did anyone else cheat like this? 142 KB PNG : Anonymous >>884460822 (OP) # W-- are you on about? 08/24/22(Wed)11:24:42 No.884460867 08/24/22(Wed)11:24:50 No.884460873 : Anonymous You literally just learned.. with extra steps

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I love you, gay bowser | /r/Greentext

/fit/ Anonymous WHY AM I SO F------ AUTISTIC /(...) 10 KB JPG 12/25/20(Fri)21:07:31 No.59039844 >Be me >starting to go to the gym in 2019 >never talk to anyone in there because too autistic >one day i go to the coffee machine, a girl start talking to me, we keep talking and i notice her Mario T-shirt >mfw she tells me she is a nintendofag >im happy, we keep talking and over time we get really close to each other, but im too f------ autistic to do the first step >one day she f------ tells me to come with her at home >i stare her for like 20 seconds, i don't know what to say >my autism kicks in >i scream "here we go! i need to save the princess, let's go ! *with a italian accent* >she ask me if im serious ? ( everyone looked at us because i screamed) >i notice that everyone is looking at me >i scream "Oh mama mia wahahahaha yaahooooo" and run out

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Anons are not happy with where they were born | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2 KB PNG 33 Replies / 10 Images JBKChad THE 03/30/23(Thu)10:05:36 No.72762408 >be me >born in this s------- Its over... ............. >>72762675 # >One chance at life >Be born Romanian >have s--- culture >no popular media 166 KB JPG >no popular music >famous for nothing but gysps 03/30/23(Thu)11:02:10 No.72762711 View Thread >Be a third world tier pajeet level country >Have small tiny d---- Its over

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Chadlet anon uses his brain | /r/Greentext

game-of-thrones-eastwatch-01.jpg 1.97 MB JPG >be 5'5 manlet >otherwise pretty good looking >wear platform shoes that bring me up to 6ft >go out on dates it off I start reducing my platform shoes by an inch every month >by month 6 they don't even remember that I was initially taller and they're still into me (first impressions matter the most) >move on to the next girl once I get bored >rinse and repeat It's not that hard being a manlet if you have a brain.

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