Based unalive method | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 243 KB PNG method? 03/02/23(Thu)22:07:42 No.72429509 >>72429003 (OP) # >My best friend killed himself with his families f------ katana. Holy f------ based. You'd rather he'd have picked a way gayer

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Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon's trip to LA | /r/Greentext

117 KB JPG >be me at 27 >Driving down to LA with the guys >I'm the designated driver, no drinking for me unfortunately >We get to our hotel, stop at the casino >Hottest woman I've ever seen in my life comes by my table and starts flirting with me >Guys wink at me >Girl offers me to come back with her to her place >I accept and tell the guys I'll call them or have her take me back to the hotel, I figure the worst that happens is I see t--- >Fast forward to her place and she takes me to her room >Gives me a condom >She takes off her clothes, it's the most beautiful thing I've seen since the Zelda Twilight Princess reveal trailer >She takes off my pants and starts making out with my sacko >My c--- gets stiff and she helps put on the condom >We start f------ hard >5 mins pass and I'm starting to feel the c--- tingle, her hole is giving the ol grip >Hear a door close and "honey I'm home" >Heart drops >The door opens, it's still dark and his deep voice says "hey honey, whatcha doin" >He's a 6'8 ripped African American man >Light turns on, he sees me nude on his woman >Surprisingly he doesn't kill me on sight, but he says I have two options >I make love to him or he beats the s--- out of me >Luckily I'm bisexual >Start blowing his 9" wagger >Make him finish in minutes, so good it's instant forgiveness >Go back to the hotel and tell the guys what happened >They all get jealous >We end the night with an o---, I have one dic in my mouth, one in my hand and one in my butt at the same time Best night of my life

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Anon hits the gym | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11 KB PNG 03/02/23(Thu)23:03:11 No.72428927 >At gym today >Some zoomer is there with his gf >She's exactly my type >Wearing black yoga pants with perfect ass >Overhear how they talk to each other >"You know whats cute? You are." Why couldn't that be me?

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anon lose friends | /r/Greentext

Alright 4chin time for a real story >be on long road trip >15 passenger van >all iphones >everyone >be only one with android 157 KB GIF >everyone's batteries dying >all iphones die first >my phone finally falls >hear voice say "Having an android isn't so great anymore is it" >don't even say anything back >pull out wallet >wallet has spare battery >change battery in front of everyone on f----- bus >theirfaceswhen.gif >f--- around on phone rest of trip >apple f------ asking to use superior device >deny everyone >finally arrive at destination >everyone whipping out chargers >sit there with smirk and 73% battery >everyone butthurt and won't talk to me And that's how I lost all my friends

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Anon makes a compelling argument | /r/Greentext

File: padded_cell.jpg (95 KB, 950x578) Wouldn't you be so much happier in a padded cell, Anon? Anonymous 03/02/23(Thu)18:55:48 No.72427194 >>72427213 >>72427244 Think about it, anon! >no more worrying, about anything >don't have to feel bad about being a neet >don't have to feel bad about being a spergy autist >medicated so you don't have to feel or think anything >be cared for by some nice nurses >just throw a tantrum whenever you want without fear of hurting yourself >forget how to speak or use the bathroom >be with your waifu, forever Why don't you give the hospital a call, Anon? Wouldn't things be so much easier?

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Anon plays Terraria | /r/Greentext

File: images.jpg (11 KB, 225x225) >go back to sleep >now 5:00 f--- SHOL KREE Anonymous 03/03/23 (Fri)01:20:45 No.72425734 [Reply] >>72426205 >>72426831 >be me >at noon o'clock >playing terraria >fighting picrel in an arena i made in temple >final stage >under half health >have master ninja gear so i can dash >keep trying to dash to the right past it >it keeps going down a level on the wood platforms and hitting me >i die >ragequit >lay in bed >accidentally fall asleep >think "its fine, ill wake up in an hour"

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rich creepy people are normal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 38 KB PNG 02/13/23(Mon)05:06:29 No.34071765 >>34063087 (OP) # Oh s--- my brother just brought this one up the other day. >be a group of teenagers drunk and rowdy in NY late at night >no one around besides us at a corner in an intersection >Mercedes pulls up at the light and stops while it's green >confuses the s--- out of us >friend yells at car - "yo what up you wanna party with the boys tonight?" >all windows roll down to reveal all well dressed women in their 20's - 30's and some male model looking dude driving the car, no one is smiling they're just looking at us. >I say "oh s--- maybe I should be the one partying with you in there!" >girl in passenger in with no emotion: well there is no room in here. You'd have to get in elsewhere >trunk pops open >w--. We play along >I go to the back of the car -"000000KAYYY I'm deeeeefinitley getting in right now" >make believe I hopped inside and slam the trunk shut - friend yells "haha he's in!" >car peels the f--- out at full speed into the darkness leaving me falling back into the street >everyone is shook as f--- no one knew what the f--- it meant. >forgot about it for years until my brother brought it up

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Anon watches anime | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: vnmvMOTZ ITS OVER OWARI DA 35 KB PNG 03/02/23(Thu)23:10:39 No.17152095 >watch old anime openings and endings >scroll to the comments section to find people saying they're married with kids This is why you watch stuff on MPC- HC instead View Thread

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Anon is a dude | /r/Greentext

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Anon is a redditor | /r/Greentext

□ Anonymous (ID: XF4fHfAm) 03/02/23(Thu)14:30:45 No.418236965 ► >>418237815 >>418238027 >>418238271 >>418238627 >>418240275 >>418241556 >>418242428 >>418250005 >>418252859 >>418254102 >>418236147 This! By the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so much this! Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger Edit 2: 327 upvotes for this? Haha wow that's the most I've ever gotten, thanks guys and gals and everything in between! Edit 3: W-- 600 upvotes wow thank you all so much this is the best birthday ever Edit 4: Thanks for all the birthday wishes fellow r/wooooshers. I tippeth mine hat to thee on this pleasant morrow. Edit 5: Ok, so this went viral overnight for some reason O_o 2000 motherflipping upboats I really have no words thank you all so much it means a lot! Edit 6: ok I'm noticing some toxic discussion happening in this reply chain and I feel the need to address it. Sexism and racism are not cool guys, so please cool it and continue the good vibes please and thank you! Edit 7: ok so I don't know why but I've received a lot of downvotes on this post recently, maybe i got raided by 4chan.com/b?? (commonly referred to as the "a------ of the internet" for those who aren't aware). I don't really ask for much but I was hoping we could show those losers a thing or two, so please give this post an upvote if you haven't already, it would mean the world to me and show these bullies you cannot mess with a good person. Edit 8: turns out my girlfriend cheated on me, so that happened :/ Edit 9: so people have been wanting me to clarify the previous edit. I don't have the energy to go into a lot of detail so the general gist of it is this: Yes we were in an open relationship, no that doesn't mean you can't cheat on someone when you're in an open relationship. If you are having sex regularly with someone and never mention it until they get you pregnant, that is definitely a betrayal of trust even if you've both agreed that she can have as many partners as she feels she needs to be comfortable. Edit 10: FYI, taking responsibility for the child does not make me any less of a man than you, actually it makes me more, so kindly f--- off please and thank you!

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"AITA for telling my father to rot to death in a nursing home? In my defense, I was feeling a little sussy that day." | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/07/21 (Mon)09:03:32 No.64037946 51 KB JPG >get into another argument with my father >culminates in me telling him 'just have a stroke already so we can let you rot in a nursing home', exactly what happened to his father >he stares at me for a bit >calmly says, 'why don't you move out?' i think i did it. i think i broke the camel's back. my life is officially over, time for homelessness. 16 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon Hates Cops | /r/Greentext

File: images.jpg (6 KB, 305x165) Anonymous 03/02/23(Thu)14:56:21 No.72424461 ► >I'm finally beginning to understand the ACAB movement... >be me >go to icecream shop and order a jumbo blueberry cone >w---- at the register says they are out of that flavor >get angry and accidently assault her >police arrive and I try to tell them that it's ok because I'm autistic and I said sorry >Idiot cop doesn't understand Rå >Get upset and assault him too >get arrested >court date is next week, I'm going to try to convince the jury that they disgriminated me because I have autism.

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Anon boils a lemon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous lemon 1.26 MB JPG 02/28/23(Tue)15:32:02 No.89514399 >>895145030 # I remember boiling a lemon recently It was 1 am I wanted to see what would happen But then I stopped I decided it's not worth it To waste a lemon : Anonymous >>895143996 (OP) # I can't believe I wasted my time reading this f------ dumb ass post and I didn't even learn what happens if you boil a lemon. Go f--- yourself OP. 02/28/23(Tue)15:34:45 No.895144111 : Anonymous >>895144117 # you get boiled lemon f------ idiot 02/28/23(Tue)15:53:58 No.895145036

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