Miss 100% of the Shots you Don’t take | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 399 KB PNG 02/25/23(Sat)00:20:54 No.72359536 >was antivax and didn't get vaccinated >just got covid from visiting my family >been coughing blood and shifting blood for a whole week with a sore throat and constant migraines >now I'm totally unable to hear in my one ear and I hear a constant wet sloshing noise like the ocean >its not earwax F--- sakes I hate my life i just wanted to be apart of something cool This pain is unbearable, the constant random sharp pains in my neck when I move it and my ears along with my skin when I'm not under a blanket feeling like I'm being scraped by a knife Why the f--- I'm 21 and healthy with a good bmi and diet : Anonymous 02/25/23(Sat)00:23:55 No.72359549 >>72359536 (OP) # >taking health advice from 4chan, especially /pol/ of all places you deserve it, honestly

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon laments life | /r/Greentext

File: A4990531-013C-436E-A3D8-8(...).jpg (87 KB, 1125x1097) < Hmmm today 1 will GU 13 Anonymous 02/26/23(Sun)23:34:10 No.72382402 [Reply] >27 >loser >too old to get anywhere new >will always be a loser

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Anon didn't get the job for that | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Domino's 219 KB JPG 02/27/23 (Mon)19:05:47 No.895083757 >work at Dominos >get a delivery for an extra large pizza >get there and knock on the door >fat guy answers wearing only a robe >awkwardly hand him the pizza and ask for payment >he hands me the money but his robe falls open >completely naked underneath >try to avert my eyes but can't help staring >he notices and says "like what you see, huh?" >I quickly hand him his change and run back to my car >go home early >boss asks me why I went home >tell him I just saw too much sausage for one day 02/27/23 (Mon)19:07:13 No.895083817 : Anonymous >>895083757 (OP) # >p--- scenario Isn't this why you took the job, anon?

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Mother's little helper | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous OOH THAT ZAZA 02/27/23(Mon)11:27:36 No.72388759 >came home from school and my mom OD'd on perks she was snorting >the ambulance arrives and narcans her from being 1 inch from death >meet her at the hospital and she screams how much she hates me and wishes she never had me 49 KB JPG >threatens to rip out her catheter to beat the s--- out of me >nods off a second time, gets narcanned again in the ER then immediately returns to screaming till security comes if you do drugs dont have kids f------ hell. and to top it off my dad died of an OD at only 27. i hate drugs so much : Anonymous 02/27/23 (Mon)11:36:24 No.72388843 She would be even worse without the drugs

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Anon gets laid | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/29/18 (Wed)07:45:31 No.47810294 59 KB PNG >be me >24yo anon >meet girl on tinder >she's super cute >possiblegf.jpeg >not sure what a 9/10 is doing with me >i'm a total 3/10 >have amazing sex >afterwards ask her what my appeal was >"oh my stepdad was really fat so it's sort of my fetish" >mfw

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Pearls before swine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10 10 KB JPG 02/27/23(Mon)09:11:45 No.72387333 >be me, socially awkward woman >somehow hit it off with a guy >he seems nice, is not pushy or annoying, we have nice conversations >we go to the movies, get dinner and then i walk with him to his house to see if we take things further >while he's in the bathroom i see his PC has spotify open >check his liked songs >EXCLUSIVELY peppa pig music >dozens of peppa pig songs, every single album liked and saved >he has never mentioned liking peppa pig, even when we discussed and shared music >he doesn't have children in the family nor works with children >make up some excuse and get an uber is this an actual red flag? should I be concerned? : Anonymous 02/27/23(Mon)09:15:10 No.72387366 >>72387333 (OP) # no it's not a red flag you f------ sperg. a big chunk of the population listens to peppa pig OST

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Anon finally gets it | /r/Greentext

File: D782BC2D-D42F-4685-93BB-9(...).png (209 KB, 554x838) Anonymous 05/24/20 (Sun)18:44:00 No.509541302 >>509541728 >>50 >just turned the same age as Adachi >tfw finally get it now He really didn't do anything wrong, at all Anonymous 05/24/20 (Sun)18:46:08 No.509541553► >>509543264 Except murdering a bunch of people, you absolute incel. Anonymous 05/24/20(Sun)18:47:41 No.509541728 ► >>509562479 >>509541302 (OP)

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Anon starts a Panda conspiracy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: VLBU/JPJ 02/25/23(Sat) 19:02:34 No.417576759 >>417576597 # Whenever i detect something is not real i get angry and hate it. Theres no way pandas were a living species in the wild. >f------ sub zero iq levels >sleeps over 12 hours a day >the females only ovulates once a year >most pandas are bred trough artificial insemination >only eats bamboo, needs at least 20 pounds a day to get by >pees upside down >killing a panda it's punishable by death >there are no registry of pandas before the 1800. China its a 4000 year old nation, one of the most literate nations in the history of the world and you're telling me in all of that time they never wrote about the panda? >The Tainan fake panda incident refers to an incident at a private zoo in tainan, taiwan. where a sun bear was painted black and white and falsely presented to visitors as a giant panda. >humans are not allowed to interact directly with pandas, they used to say that it was because of a human to panda transmitted virus. Regardless, most world leaders have their pictures taken with pandas such as picrel > all pandas in American zoos are on loan from the Chinese government. >the official name for a group of pandas its "an embarrassment of pandas" What a f------ joke. They honestly believe we are that stupid

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Anon is a weeb. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous WAIFU 02/28/23(Tue)04:28:24 No.895089807 >be weeb who finally saved up enough money for a trip to Japan >board plane with excitement >arrive in Tokyo and step outside to take in the sights >no neon-lit streets filled with 128 KB JPG maid cafes and cat girls >90% of the people I see are middle aged or older >boring skyscrapers and salarymen >head to Akihabara expecting to find a wonderland of anime merchandise >store filled with expensive electronics and not a single manga in sight >go to a maid cafe for a taste of authentic Japanese otaku culture. >serves me coffee and cake but no cute cat ears or maid outfits >drown my sorrows in a bowl of ramen >order the same ramen that Naruto eats expecting to taste the magic >end up with a plain bowl of soup and noodles >where are the giant swirls and ridiculous toppings? >realize that anime has lied to me

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anon walks home | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)01:34 No.14058910 >walking home from a party late one evening >several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as s--- >catch me in some random student neighbourhood >oh s---, my ass is about to be beaten >still in talking phase >lights flick on in a house >three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >"What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!" >guys start yelling at them to f--- off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >"Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!" >all three of them draw rapiers on their belts >guys run >"I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale. stranger!" >spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in a machine shop accident >stagger home completely drunk with a hat I had no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house.

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Anon loves chemistry | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_20230225_222150.jpg (255 KB, 640x798) My parents arguing about whether I'm gay or straight Me who thinks the Benzene Rings are looking kinda thicc Anonymous 02/25/23(Sat)22:24:21 No.72363446 >> >me be >got really horny while watching an Organic chemistry lecture >fapped while the lecture was playing in bg >>72363494 >>72363693 Anonymous 02/25/23(Sat)22:28:19 No.72363492 ► >>72363693 File: download.png (4 KB, 225x225) >benzene H- H

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Anon wants to troll the CIA | /r/Greentext

File: 51XG02gm43S._AC_SL1000_.jpg (43 KB, 1000x1000) Anonymous 02/17/23(Fri)15:54:41 No.894518599 [Reply] I'm ashamed of you, f------. No one has suggested taking advantage of the Chinese spy balloon crisis for lulz yet. 10 years ago 4chan would have had the sky filled with "spy balloons" and the government and news media in chaos from day 1. I guess /b/ really is dead. >6 foot balloon on Amazon: $20 >Helium tank from Walmart: $25 >Tinfoil to wrap around the balloon to increase its radar signature: $3 >Circuitboards and wires from junk electronics to make it look like it does something: Free >Glory of trolling the CIA and the military: Priceless

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Anon eats healthy for once in his life, mom thinks he is killing himself. 'Merica | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 34 KB JPG 02/25/23(Sat)01:45:41 No.72360055 >used to eat whatever goyslop my parents put in front of my face >parents see no problem with me being chubby and unhealthy >want to get better so start making an effort to eat healthy >suddenly every little thing I eat is subject to intense scrutiny from my mom >"anon, why are you eating so many eggs? that's too much cholesterol!" >"you shouldn't be eating avocados so often, they have a lot of fat in them!" >"you use too much olive oil, that's gotta be bad for you!" >"you're eating rice really often, I read online that carbs make you fat!" >"that's unhealthy to drink coffee/tea so often, caffeine is really bad for you!" (drinking soda before was fine tho) why is the mom like this

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