Nutty Proffessor | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 02/22/23(Wed) 22:29:11 No.72335339 >water fast for a week to burn body fat >Last day of fast I come home starving, nothing to eat. >Eat 1.36 Kilograms of roasted and salted pistachios from Costco in about 40 minutes. >Headache setting in, mouth is dry no matter how much, leg is numb, stomach feels heavy. 53 KB JPG Did I commit a mistake? I am gonna end in a chubbyemu video? : Anonymous 02/22/23(Wed) 22:34:33 No.72335379 I'm not a nutritionist but eating nearly 3lbs of salted anything during a week long water fast seems pretty retarded

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon's been Rainbow six siege'd | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1.73 MB GIF 02/22/23(Wed)18:07:17 No.29745094 >see really cute guy with a rainbow patch on his backpack >start a conversation with him >been talking around campus for like two weeks now >finally ask him out on a date > "A date? Oh sorry anon but I'm straight" >"b-b-but you have rainbow on bag" >"well it's because I'm an ally, there's nothing more to it than that" Brb, going to f------ kill him and then myself afterwards

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anon is desperate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I hate people who enjoy life 83 KB JPG 07/11/20(Sat) 16:14:54 No.59048233 >be a 31yo single incel on the Internet >literally everyone you ever meet online is under 20, even on 4chan, every discord server, any social media imaginable >means you're forced to listen to these youngsters fuss about their youth, their dates, the excitement of being young, their imagined superiority over "boomers" etc. Old people should take back the Internet. I'm sick and tired of being mentally mature and having to argue with mental children who have seen nothing in life. Also I'm sick and tired of people who get laid and have fun.

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Anon sleep over at his friend's house | /r/Greentext

File: confusdwtf.jpg (109 KB, 1533x961) ? Friend's House Stories Anonymous 02/23/23(Thu)06:10:43 No.894804394 ► >Be me, 15 on a Friday Afternoon >Recently started hanging out with like-minded virgin at school named Tyler >Asks me if I want to go to his house to play Smash Bros. Brawl and s---, which I agree >Goes to his house, has fun, all that good stuff >His family is nice, with his Italian MILF of a mother cooking us fettuccine carbonara >Dad is nice too, but looks like he carries out hits for the mob on weekends, and generally scares me a bit >Having so much fun, I ask my parents if I can stay over tomorrow night, to which they agree >regret.jpg >> Anonymous 02/23/23(Thu)06:12:42 No.894804469 ► File: scaredpepe.jpg (116 KB, 820x680) >At his hosue the next day playing some Halo 3, when the clock strikes 8 PM >Family (my friend, his parents, and two siblings) explain that they have a family movie night every Friday, and ask if I want to join >Agree, cause why not >Movie of Choice is Home Alone 2 >Everything is fine for first 10 mins or so, when Tyler suddenly says he has to pick something up from the neighbors acoss the street, and to "not bother pausing" >Watching movie with his family, until the part of the movie where Kevin goes to New York >During montage, a shot of the Twin Towers comes up >TV Instantly paused >Without warning, every member of the family, stand up and salute the TV >Figured they maybe knew someone killed, and so I join in too after a few seconds to not appear rude >20 seconds pass, and we're all still standing >30 seconds pass, and we're all standing >No one is talking, no one is moving >After about a minute, I sit back down, thinking maybe they were waiting for me to end the minute of silence >The moment my ass hits the couch, his dad freaks the f--- out >Says I have no respect for the flag and demands I get the f--- out his house >In my confused state, I suck the s--- back up my a------, and run out >Don't even get my stuff Anonymous 02/23/23(Thu)06:13:38 No.894804509 ► >As I get out the front door, I see a guy in a ski mask holding a f------ machete >Fight or Flight starts up, my dum ass picks freeze >Guys takes ski mask off, revealing himself to be Tyler all along >Every member of the family is laughing their f------ ass off at me >I literally and nonmetaphorically have p----- my pants at this point >Dad pats me on the back and thanks me for being a good sport >Offers me to come back in and continue wathcing the movie >Instead opt to just walk the 90 min trek home >Come Monday, I avoid Tyler and pretend he doesn't exist >Never speak to him again >TFW I get PTSD every time Home Alone plays on TV now

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Anon wants a promotion | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)19:37:35 No.4762809 >>4763225 >Hi boss, what did you want to see me so late for? >Yes I would like an opportunity to get promoted, but- >...what are you doing? >please, get your hands off me >no I don't like this, stop it >I said NO >HELP HELP SOMEBO- >*thud*

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Anon starts to feel weird when rejoining | /r/Greentext

02/11/23(Sat) 14:44:10 No.72180094 snjsjsjdjsjsbsjjsjsjsjjidbdksjdjnddjkdndjalksmdndbdjdbj : Anonymous w overwhelmed wwww 9999 nsjsjw sjsnsshghh jsjsbdjdjkskdh jsjskkdjdhjdkd e tired. jdjdjsjs jdhjwjsjdb sja MY BRAIN HURTS >join discord server >make some friends and stuff sjdbjsjsjsbsjsjsnsbo Error Error you are tired. OK agw 328296092_1130837690983963_2320656867703235584_n.jpg 53 KB JPG >start to feel out of place >leave a few weeks ago >rejoin today and start to feel weird again X why do I feel like this anons? its not a bad place but it just feels so draining and I feel like i have to constantly be there or have horrible fomo

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anon never learns | /r/Greentext

Anonymous M 01/30/19(Wed)17:41:25 No.791386068 55 KB JPG How autistic am I /b/? >be 8 > sleep at grandmas >can never sleep because she puts plastic on the bed in case I piss myself >never piss myself >goes on for years > trouble in family never see her >13 years later > out of town for work stay at her place > go out with co workers and drink all night >come back to grandmas >no plastic fuckyea.jpg > sleep amazing > wake up covered in piss because I drank too much

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Anons on virtual Walmart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous SHOPPING LIST KUND TV Suggested Item Pinot Noir Wine Walmart 08/20/22(Sat) 08:28:52 No.609598051 Will this hav PvP? : Anonymous $5 oft VUDU Rental Datenighe? $5 off vudu movie rentals Walmart 2 Walmart 1660979145254.jpg 30 KB JPG S AGE VERIFIED Screen Shot_2022_01_05_at_3.08.26_PM.0.jpg 262 KB JPG >>609599937 # >>609600061 # Ballard Vineyards Pinot Noir Vinh Ballard Pinet Nor wine all about the silky, smooth, and spicy Dark cherry and wild raspberry get their groove on next to a browe spice arome in our Pinot Noir 08/20/22(Sat)09:05:57 No.609599819 >mfw the Shart in the Mart random event starts

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anon finds a way to discover the matrix | /r/Greentext

11/08/21 (Mon)01:16:58 No.866297310 So me and my bros wanted once and for all test the hypothesis that we are all living in a matrix. We came to the conclusion that a matrix could only run so smoothly because of our predictable behavior. For example, if you eat it is likely that you will swallow your food. Therefore, the matrix would be ready to initiate a digestion program. But if a group of people did something unpredictable, the matrix would have to shut down. : Anonymous 41 KB JPG So what we did is we randomly started gang banging each other. The matrix could have never predicted that becuase that is like super gay. But nothing happened (matrix-wise). But this is not point why I am writing about this. My friends now want to do the gang-banging s--- again and I am not sure how to respond to that.

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Anon has garbage friends | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 392 KB PNG 09/18/21 (Sat)20:48:17 No.65434238 >Today's my birthday >Make plans with all my friends over a month in advance because last year they all pretty much cancelled on me last minute >Everyone just cancelled on me last minute >Time to get the rope I guess

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Anon plays World of Warcraft | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 50 minutes ago 2 REPLIES 626391773 >be 16 year old who just got his first car. Yes I was driving with no passenger, f--- you >still in my WoW phase. Warlords of Draenor just dropped. >looking at my phone while sitting in front of my house >think to myself >wouldn't it be cool if I shouted like a berserking orc >yell the most blood curdling roar my autistic ass has ever shouted in my entire life >look out from my window, across the street the guy with a filipina wife and 3 kids is staring at me. >say to myself, f--- him that roar was cool as s---. >we never made eye contact since that day >for the horde

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Anon contemplates the immoral | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/23(Wed)19:38:24 No.72333206 >be me >have a tard big boobie cousin (downie) >my parents and hers (uncle and aunt) are going to another city for a concert so they'll stay there from saturday to sunday >she's going to stay home with me So here's the thing 58 KB JPG >she's younger but of legal age >she has big bazongas >I dont wanna reach my thirties a virgin >she has big kahooeys, like ginormous >she's not that tarded so she probably knows what sex is >she has huge boioioingos >she probably wont ever get a chance to lose her virginity so may as well do her a favor help me out bros, lay the pros and cons for me. 8 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon tries to loose weight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 27 KB PNG 02/22/23(Wed) 23:53:44 No.70054397 I wish food wasn't a comfort to me. I wish I didn't eat that big burrito when I already ate 1500 calories today. I'm probably at 3k now. I hate that I have to eat, I wish I could never be hungry. 02/22/23(Wed) 23:54:41 No.70054406 : Anonymous >>70054382 # i self harm by going to the gym 02/22/23(Wed) 23:59:55 No.70054440 : Anonymous >>70047481 # >fast >"ooh, I'm hungry!" >eat shitload of carbs >guilty conscience >fast to correct your mistake >get hungry again very quickly because of all that glycogen If you don't eat protein, it will happen again.

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