listened to music | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 9 KB JPG 04/22/21(Thu)09:19:45 No.852672830 >be me >Be audiophile >Spend 5 hours trying to find new song in lossless format >Can't buy since out 100 000 on equipment >finally find song >It is .exe file but whatever >Spend next 5 hours tuning my setup for R&B >Finally listen to song >Hear that the power company turbine is slightly off it's magnetic field >Makes slight hiss in my headphones >Instantly s--- and throw up over myself >Be safe out there fellow audiophiles

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon gets revenge. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/23(Wed)20:04:39 No.72326149 >Be me 10 years ago >15 year old with a big sister >she's constantly being a bitch to me >she's dating this guy who is pretty cool 76 KB JPG >one day, I walk in on her making out with some other dude >she freaks out and begs me not to tell her bf >"sorry sis, you should've thought about that before you cheated" >call him and tell him everything >he's devastated, but also kind of relieved because he knew something was off >fast forward a few days >he comes to our house to confront her >opens her room >walks in to find her with ANOTHER guy >he leaves without saying a word >she starts crying and locks herself in her room for days >this is what I do to my enemies

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FemAnons will never understand | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous HA HA HA BAI HAHA HA HA 57 KB JPG 02/22/23(Wed)00:36:53 >playing with d--- and balls >stretching penis as long as it can go >wrapping the d--- around so the nuts and the d--- swap places >roll up d--- >stretch penis again and pluck it like a guitar string >pull down pants and swing d--- and balls around making slapping noises like a retard women will never get this experience; they will never get to have so much dumb fun for no reason, they don't even know how the d--- and balls works it's like the world's funnest hand warmer and they have no idea : Anonymous No.72323948 02/22/23(Wed)01:14:32 No.72324238 Imagine being such a f--

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Anon learns a little something about teamwork | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 145 KB JPG >Can't ask to be excluded or else I'm not a team player This is like high school all over again what the f---. Improved morale my ass I just get an ego punch every Friday before my weekend now 02/21/23(Tue) 22:33:06 No.72322884 >Work starts makes us do mandatory sports together every Friday during the last hour of shift to "improve morale" >Always picked last every single time in whatever we're doing : Anonymous >>72322884 (OP) # Well yeah, how do expect everybody else to get their morale boost? You're being very selfish here, Anon. : Anonymous GREAT SUCCESS! 02/21/23(Tue)22:35:00 No.72322904 : Anonymous >>72322884 (OP) # are you unfit? what is your job? 34 KB JPG 02/21/23(Tue) 23:18:20 No.72323303 02/22/23(Wed)00:03:28 No.72323667 >>72322884 (OP) # Just say you need to use the bathroom then hide in there for like 40 minutes. If anyone checks on you just say you have diarrhea. By the time you come out they'll be almost done and you can just hang on the sidelines and watch. Make a point of saying how disappointed you are you didn't get to play. You can probably get away with this for 3 or 4 weeks before someone starts getting suspicious If anyone questions you immediately start screaming at them about their ablest witch- hunt. Keep saying you're sorry that your chronic illness isn't "convenient" for they're little school yard playtime. If they still seem on the fence start throwing your own s--- on the walls and screaming "IS THIS PROOF ENOUGH FOR YOU, DARREN? DO YOU THINK I'M MAKING IT UP NOW YOU BASTARD????" curl up on the floor of the bathroom in your own s--- and refuse to get up until you can speak with someone in HR Start crying as soon as the HR person arrives and spend 2 or 3 hours talking about how you wanted to be an artist but no one ever supported you Agree to leave the bathroom and go home if someone will bring you chicky nuggs Get free chicky nuggs GREAT SUCCESS!!!

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Anon has a mosquito problem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous SS 234 KB PNG 02/21/23(Tue)23:59:05 No.72323636 >extreme urge to pee, been holding it for at least a few hours >random mosquito lands on my thigh >slap it very hard and acidentally hit my own nuts with the thumb >squirm in pain and legs shake instantly >d--- gets hard but don't pay attention to it, must be the urge to pee >finally go to bathroom >boxers are abosutely wet with precum >for some reason i let out a involuntary moan while peeing >felt funny for a few minutes I don't know what i learned from this. : Anonymous >>72323636 (OP) # Mosquitoes get you horny. 02/22/23(Wed)00:02:16 No.72323657

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ex wife of anon's dad tried to make her pity for his dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 726 KB JPG 02/11/23(Sat) 22:37:00 No.72182834 >dad was abusive >leave him and go to my grandmother >he actually ends up in jail for a little while >could have been more if I was smart enough to say everything he did >haven't seen him since I testified in court >anyway, he's dying he lost to cancer >good >his brother contacts my grandmother and says my dad wants to see me before he goes >relunctant but I go to see him >his whole side of the family is there >they're all so sad it's crazy >he's had two more kids with someone else since getting out >feel like everyone there hates me >they fake being nice but it's obvious they hate me >his kids won't even make eye contact with me >his ex wife is the only one who actually acts genuine with me, which makes sense >he asks if he can be alone with me >don't want to but it seemed planned and they all leave >he starts talking like he has a script >apologizing and trying to make me pity him >ultimately he dragged me out there so he can make peace with me and have my forgiveness before he goes >refuse and tell him that I still think he's vile >quickly leave >the next couple weeks his family floods my grandmother with angry calls >when he dies and they call my grandmother and tell me I'm invited but don't show up Why would they try so hard to hurt me because I didn't want to forgive my dad for hurting me

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Wasp Bombs | /r/Greentext

File: 61SZZa9uySL._AC_UF894,100(...).jpg (70 KB, 894x661) STINK BOMBS CAUTION INREANT Read caratuty orher cautions on ack Panel CAUTIS NE O Anonymous 02/21/23(Tue)16:06:15 No.72319089 >Wasps excrete a chemical that causes other wasps to come attack >Manufacture said chemical >Put in glass capsule like pic related >Throw at people you don't like >"Sorry Officer, I didn't assault her, the wasps did." >Profit

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Anon is yellowpilled | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/29/21 (Mon)13:08:35 No.549984012 >>54998412 e: 1607694157686.jpg (429 KB, 1082x928) >DUDE CHECK IT OUT >THERE'S NOTHING HERE, ISN'T THAT SCARY???

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Anon really loves dinosaurs. | /r/Greentext

File: snb90g6zkm581.png (358 KB, 640x640) Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)22:12:50 No.894416001 >>894416098 >>894416272 > Be addicted to dinosaurs > Wake up every day and check my dino forum > Masturbate to pictures of T-Rex > Buy dinosaur toys for my collection > My girlfriend left me because I kept calling her a "Velociraptor" > Spend all my money on dinosaur merch > Get kicked out of therapy for pretending to be a dinosaur during the session > Try to make a dinosaur suit but it just looks like a giant chicken costume > Go to the museum and try to steal a dinosaur bone > Get arrested and charged with attempted theft and trespassing > Spend 6 months in jail talking to my cellmate about our favorite dinosaurs > Get released and start a dinosaur-themed food truck with him > People start lining up to try my "Triceratop Tacos" and "Stegosaurus Sandwiches" > Finally feel like I've found my true calling > Life is good as a dino chad

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Anon misses his sister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)16:35:22 No.878217800 >be me >had a cute sister who I was sexually obsessed with >she died in a car crash about 5 years ago >be also me about 1 about hour ago >get home from work extremely horny >in my state of horny mind I decide to grab my sisters ashes from the family cabinet and j------- while I fantasize about her >mom enters living room and screams in a voice I've never heard before "what the f--- are you doing with that?" >I drop the urn and it breaks >sprint out of house into the unknown 8 KB JPG This happened about 1.5 hours ago. I have 46 missed calls from mom and my dad texted me that he'll kill me the next time he sees my face. I am sitting at a park nearby contemplating what to do next. I am shaking. Help me /b/ros, please help me.

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Anon has a racist dog | /r/Greentext

File: 9b16f4a667711ae56d136dd59(...).jpg (44 KB, 640x514) Anonymous 02/21/23(Tue)16:19:38 No.72319253 >My dog is racist because he attacked an asian kid >Mommy says he's going to see the youth in Asia >I hope it cures his racism

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Balls in the wall | /r/Greentext

02/21/23(Tue)09:00:33 No.72315751 >eat 6000kcal of pizza and ice cream >steal mother's prescription opiate painkillers again to counteract crippling diabetes pain >take 8 pills at once and make a scalding hot cup of tea >drink the tea so it goes into my stomach and seeps between all the cracks in the chewed up pizza dough and helps digest it (1 imagine) >amazing feeling, full stomach, high on painkillers, sitting in flight form on a branch in elwynn forest >click everyone who walks past and whisper them complimenting their cool transmogs and nice mounts >pass out from sugar crash at some point : Anonymous 125 KB PNG >wake up to burning smell and mild discomfort >frantically looking around figuring out if something is on fire >try to stand up and feel intense burning pain in crotch >look down >my PSU malfunctioned and partially melted my PC case >balls were hanging out of shorts, resting atop PC case while at the desk >they're blackened and embedded into the plastic >didn't wake up because of painkillers + diabetes ΚΟ I'm so f----- up on painkillers and this still hurts like boiling f------ water being poured on me is this how I f------ die phone is in the other room. is there a way to call the police online

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Anon does a group project | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/21/23(Tue)09:44:38 No.72316169 > Be in 200 level uni class > Stupid professor assigns a 2 person project > Get stuck with the laziest most self-righteous pick-me girl in the class > She does no work. Ghosts me. Actually tells me she "Does not care about the grade on this." > I even go to the retard professor and get told "tough luck" > I do all the work, pull a 99% on the project. > Pick me doesn't even say a word to me after > Time for a little trolling > I download all of the photos from her insta > Make a few fake profiles and start messaging guys from our school > Start to solicit them, offering nudes or to meet up for "some fun" in exchange for crypto. > Make some good money doing this. Once the guy bites I ghost him and move on > Do this until I find the right catch > One guy absolutely losses his s--- > Bingo >>72316210 >>72316288 >>72316308 >>72316369 >>72316475 >>72316502 > Taunt him, ask him what he's gonna do about it, and block him. > Have probably 5 or guys absolutely livid at her for scamming them for crypto with the promise of boob or sex > Notice towards the end of the semester Pick-me stops showing up to class > Don't see her on campus at all > Do some digging, turns out she left her dorm and is back at home with her parents too > Make a fake email pretending to be a professor for a made-up class and email her parent asking what happened as she just dropped off the face of the earth. > Her mom reveals that some guy started stalking and harassing her for weeks > Guy turned up to her dorm room and tried to force his way in threatening to r--- her > She got so scared she ran home after that > Later on the rumors of her crypto scamming got spread around > Last I heard she transferred to a different uni Do you care now bitch? ☐ Anonymous 02/21/23(Tue)09:48:59 No.72316210 >>72316169 (OP) this put a smile on my face. very good patrick star.

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