Anon messes up | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)23:20:58 No.50283606 When has your autism made you do something really embarassing? >be me 8 years ago >15 yo >have issue where I mix up words in my head with ones I want to say >mom is away and brother is at a 150 KB PNG friends house so just me and dad >dad makes dinner and we eat >thinking to myself I'll beat off then take a shower >going to tel| him l'll s--- then shower >autism.exe I'm gonna go beat off in s--- dad >we stare at each other >dad nods and walks away

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon got himself a wife | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)02:29:10 No.67007794 >be 20 y/o permavirgin >horny 24/7 >no attention from girls >get desperate thinking im gonna die a virgin >might aswell go full h--- >start to hit on this discord femboy 97 KB JPG >we actually get along >ffw 4 months >we now do erp where he is the bottom and im the top pretty much daily >actually gets me horny like crazy >ask him if he wants to come to my place >he says yes >shows up in one of those anime sundresses >rocksolid.png >we do a little chat and then ask him if he wants to do it >he says yes and starts to undress >seeing his petite body makes me go full a------ >pin him down and the rest is history >ffw 3 weeks >he moved in with me calls me darling, pretends to be my wife, cooks do the dishes etc. >mfw I actually got wife now

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Anon loses his neethood | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 01/07/19(Mon)21:04:19 No.789381010 Well guys, this is it. >be me >high school graduate >parents are done with my lazy presence around the house 110 KB JPG >tell me to get a job, but are nice about it >l understand their concern about me growing up >19th birthday is later this month >I think long and hard one night >fuckit.jpg >go to bed early, wake up early >make myself presentable to the outside world >go to local safeway >ask assistant manager about any positions >she asks for my information to give me a call later >2 hours later I get a call >interviewconfirmed.exe >wake up supremely early next morning >walk to safeway for interview and sign papers >I'm going to work as a produce clerk next week

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Some men just want to watch the world burn | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Movie idea 07/29/21(Thu)13:47:06 No.154240634 >aliens come to earth >tell humanity that it must choose one of its races to be eliminated before they share their knowledge and tech >a worldwide anonymous poll is held where you just have to think of which race to get rid of (none is 20 KB JPG an option as well) >plot twist: as the poll ends everyone who voted for a certain race gets a corresponding symbol tattooed on their face >aliens instantly leave without purging anyone or saying a word >chaos ensues

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Anon’s had a dog. | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)03:17:42 No.789437326 >be me at age 11 >have dog >cool guy >love dog >dog licks my face constantly >feelsgood.jpg >makes me feel like someone 305 KB PNG actually gives a f--- about me >he doesn't lick anyone else like that so I think I'm his favorite person >one day I look out at him in the back yard through a window >see him eat an entire pile of s--- >mfw I realize why there's never dog s--- in the yard >mfw when he's been eating doodoo and licking my face >mfw when he's probably doing it just to spite me Felt bad.

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Anon sells socks | /r/Greentext

>be me >18, f >broke uni student >make a joke about selling used socks to a friend online >start getting random dms asking for prices >play along to see how much these weirdos would pay >end up selling a pair to a guy for 50 quid >sell them to him and one other guy every month 41.9 kB JPG >never thought my life would come to this >selling my used socks is my only source of income >l hate my life

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being smart feels good | /r/Greentext

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this greentext was posted here ~3 years ago, i'm trying to find the original post | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Thu 14 Feb 2019 18:21:29 No.792652482 View Reply Original Report Quoted By: >>792652550 >>792652745 >>792652759 >>792652884 >>792652939 >>792654264 >>79265 >senior year of high school >best friend kills herself >teacher announces it to class >everyone pretends to be sad for 15 minutes >that's it >ffw few months >stacy kills herself >school holds some big "in memorium" s--- in the gym >counseling services get offered to help deal with this tradgic loss >big anti-bullying campaign gets launched >what the f--- 25KİB, 474x459, .jpg >ffw few more months View >yearbook comes out Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO >flippinghrough, see big 2 page spread dedicated to stacy complete with s----- poetry >all my best friend ever got was her name in the "not pictured" section life is so unfair, bros

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Anon reports animal abuse | /r/Greentext

>go on date last night with a girl I met through bumble >she picked the spot >sit down and start making small talk but then she goes quiet looking at the menu 3.58 MB GIF >she says she can't eat anything except a salad >breaks the news she is a vegan >she immediately starts getting bitchy about the place not having options to accommodate her You picked this place dumbass >told her I can ask if the chef will make something >chef offers to make stuffed pepper with rice and vegetables >she agrees >talks resume as she seems calm now F------ finally >she says she has a dog >dog is on a vegan diet thatsabuse.png >immediately ask for the check >tell her it isn't working out so I paid for an entree I didn't even get >wish her best of luck but she quietly called me an a------ >walked out and immediately reported her for animal abuse Why is everyone on a dating app a f------ psychopath or someone who thinks they're a better catch than they really are? F--- this.

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Ohhhhhh ok | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)21:40:22 No.63926240 >At Barnes and Noble >Walk up behind girl and put my hand on her shoulder "Beth?" >She turns around confused >Apologize and tell her she looked like my dead sister >See she is looking at Nichijou 15 KB JPG "Hey the anime for that is pretty funny, have you seen it?" >She still seems confused >We'll definitely have to discuss it over lunch sometime >Give her a note with my snapchat on it and walk away >mfw she adds me >mfw when we're getting lunch tomorrow >mfw when she confused my autistic scheme for confidence or something 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)23:14:55 No.63927288 THE EYE MAN ALSEAL >>63926240 (OP) # I'm both disgusted and amazed. Well played anon 373 KB PNG : Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)23:16:09 No.63927300 >>63926240 (OP) # What a play bro. Congrats, you're gonna make it.

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Anon has health class | /r/Greentext

> be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad 359 KB PNG > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" > teacher walks out of room > mfw

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Anon Wakes Up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)15:19:16 No.870735033 >Australia had a rabbit plague in the mid 1800s >They tried a variety of methods to get rid of them >Eventually they got desperate, and switched to the unconventional 13 KB GIF >They made fake rabbits that were more attractive than the real rabbits >The ones attracted to the fake rabbits didn't breed and the population was thus reduced >Tfw they're doing it with people now >Tfw I figured out why Anime girls exist The scary part is from what l've seen, it's working.

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Anon lives in Alabama. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)13:26:09 No.50311760 >be me, 10 >6/10 beta f-- >nice to everyone for no f------ Reason >dad got remarried to a single mom with 15/10 daughter >gets crush on her >masturbate thinking about her 28 KB PNG everyday >obviously into step sister p--- >gets really close to her and help her in everything >gets to accidentally touch her here and there (I am actually very clumsy) >last week she texts me to pick her up from her friend's house party because she's drunk AF >bring her home >carry her somehow to her room >she tells that she actually likes me >l am like yeah I like you too >she says no really I like you >and then she starts kissing me >Then we have sex >lost_virginity.jpeg >sex was amature AF >go to my room afterwards >think about it all night and J------- more >gets paranoid because she might think I took advantage of her and tell it to my father and her mother >OhShit.png >next day >she says she likes it >had sex 3 times since then But now I don't know what to do, because this relationship has no future. 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)13:27:48 No.50311781 >>50311760 (OP) # I am 18 not 10. That was a typo. And she's 19

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