Taking over the world doesn't mean you have to treat your loved ones like s--- | Tumblr | Know Your Meme

lady-of-the-spirit Villains who are in romantic relationships but abuse their partners are so goddamn boring. I want villains who are absolute bastards, absolutely villains, but who are loving and caring and attentive partners anyway. Taking over the world doesn't mean you have to treat your loved ones like s---. 1disorientedanddisabled1 *villian talking to tied up hero* "AND IN THE PROCESS, I WILL DESTROY ALL LAW AND ORDER ON OUR PLANET, AND DEVOLVE THE HUMAN RACE INTO CHAOS, KILLING MILLIONS, HAHAHAH-" "Honey, it's time for dinner" "Um babe? Il'm kind of in the middle of something" "Oh I'm sorry dear. I didn't know" "It's alright" "I'Il heat it up when your ready. I made chicken parm, your favorite" "You're a doll, Cindy. I don't know how I'm lucky enough to have you" 14,874 notes ...

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homunculus-argument My theory is that ghosts get their energy by sucking the oil out of door hinges. That's how you know a place is haunted. Because the doors creak, even if you've just oiled them. The ghosts suck the oil out.

kaijuno Follow Are you tired? Come scream with us, at the bog meetings every half moon at 3 a.m. Blaze 9,247 notes D

thx Follow call out post HELLO??? IS ANYONE THERE???????? achivement-unlocked Achievement unlocked! Hello world! Is anyone there..? #I intend for you to read this in the portal turret voice. ok goodbye #normal gameplay 104,032 notes D

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working in tech service tumblr story

lesbardian my friend works for a tech service and is one of those guys you call to help you with tech issues and he walks you through them and even can like take over your computer to help and ect. anyways i will never stop thinking about how he told me everyone in his company fears west virginia like when they get a call and see its a west virgnia area code they hate answering bc thats where they get the wildest calls from. One time thousands of people were out of internet and they were all calling in to complain and he had to tell multiple people "im sorry theres some guy with a shot gun driving around and shooting out the internet boxes there is literally nothing we can do. the police are trying to catch him." and like. people wouldnt take this as an answer theyd be like well can you fix it and hes like. theres. theres a guy with a shotgun. thats a little out of our area of expertise.

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um no offense but my body's made of crushed little stars. and i'm not afraid of anything :/

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Internet parrotcy

Parrots can repeat nearly any phrase they're taught, but can't repeat most recent songs due to copyright issues. facts-i-just-made-up.tumblr.com avese23 Follow That's why they need pirates dragguns Follow symbiosis

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Legit Fairy Tale Level Shit

siniristiriita Story idea: The most wanted woman in town has announced that she'll only marry the one who can open her front door with the key around her cat's neck. Many men try to hunt the cat down, chase and trap it, but to no avail, the cat is simply too quick, smart and clever, and always finds a way to evade and avoid them. You are the first one to figure out the obvious: Do not chase the cat. The cat is befriendable. Get the cat to trust you, to genuinely enjoy your company, and you can hang out with the cat. You may eventually be allowed to touch the cat. The cat will freely let you take the key. Secondary plot twist: The woman is a shapeshifter. She is the cat. browntiger15 That's some legit fairy tale level s--- right there.

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"there's something wrong with our death ray, I'm standing right on front of it and I'm not dead yet"

smokehandsmcmike: The dudes from mythbusters are the ultimate unstoppable force vs immovable object,, every time they interact its just

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My type of conspiracies

magicalgirlmindcrank Seguir My favorite "conspiracies" are: -There were no shooters JFKS head just did that -Stanley Kubrick was hired to film a fake moon landing but made them do it on location magicalgirlmindcrank Seguir The Loch Ness Monster is absolutely real, she's just the ghost of a plesiosaur, that's why she can't be detected eliseholle Terrorists did hijack planes and fly them into the world trade center but the US government also planted explosives dylank3654 The Men in Black are just really dedicated fanboys thatoneguywiththestories chemtrails are naturally occurring phenomena but the government puts planes in front of them to suck up the chems monkeychewtoy These are all incredible. Thank you.

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tomboy hooter,femboy hooter,gothic hooter...and this hooter

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Whom could forget that time in New Horizons when Isabelle said: "lol your sex life sucks neeeeeerd!"

tumblr 木 Isabelle Right now, Your Sex Life has a ★☆☆☆☆ 1 star rating. Steamy stories where YOU choose the ending There's always room for improvement, pardner. Practice sexting, dirty talk, and more with.... JUICEBOXIT.COM Play Game

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Little-Known Downsides to Immortality

prokopetz Little-known downsides of immortality: Tearing your favourite article of clothing and discovering that it's irreplaceable because the technique of its manufacture has been lost • Realising you've thought of the perfect comeback to someone who's been dead for three hundred years • Not being able to eat your favourite dish anymore because the source of some critical ingredient has gone extinct • Having strong opinions about sports that are no longer played • Getting a song from the 13th Century stuck in your head and being unable to get it out because you don't remember how it ends and you're the only person on Earth who knows it • Having that perfect pun you've been waiting forever for a chance to use stop working due to linguistic drift

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Your username is now your superhero name. What are your powers?

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Bees Go Bananas

draconym Thinking about that day another park ranger and I discovered that 1. we both used the same shampoo and 2. Suave Essentials Tropical Coconut drives honeybees absolutely bugfuck wild draconym 3. He's allergic to bees ablessingofbumbles It's likely the scent! Banana scent (Isoamyl acetate) is the same scent as the aggression pheromone bees put out when they're angry. Never eat bananas near bees! Always check your lotion, sunscreen, etc bottles for banana scent or isoamyl acetate before going near bees hoovse So you're telling me that when bees get mad they start violently smelling like bananas? ablessingofbumbles Can confirm! In (hopefully) very rare cases, a large hive full of p----- off bees smells a lot like bananas! Usually there's not nearly enough of them for humans to be able to smell it, though. arra-tech WHY? bunnyqueengrace #you could say- #you could say that they go bananas @cyber-flow thank you for the funniest tags l've seen all day. Source:draconym 65,109 notes

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Your Username is How You Will Get Laid

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Know Your Meme

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