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fulgur-caligo-custodis kurlyfryz Power move: Next time you go to the airport, bring a bottle of shampoo, but it's filled with yogurt. When they tell you that liquids aren't allowed Drink it Posted in r/madlads by u/ProbablyM_S reddit

lesbianshepard Jul 24 travelling next week for work. googled the nearest city and none of you are prepared to see what passes for the local style pizza. lesbianshepard Jul 24 this should be a crime lesbianshepard Jul 25 #someone needs to die for this #divorced dad type food #is the local chef a 12 year old latchkey kid? #as a new yorker im about to k J elf #abolish all prisons except one for these guys #that is a crime where I'm from #I'm anti regional food variation shaming but this is a crime man #mamma mia. #i took like a deep shuddering breath #i feel nauseous. #oh no they should be shot #literally the closest thing to anti-Italian racism the reviews are in: Pennsylvania must pay for its crimes

theaccidentfactory Follow I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby theaccidentfactory English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking s about the neighbor's son

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Internet parrotcy

Parrots can repeat nearly any phrase they're taught, but can't repeat most recent songs due to copyright issues. facts-i-just-made-up.tumblr.com avese23 Follow That's why they need pirates dragguns Follow symbiosis

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Legit Fairy Tale Level Shit

siniristiriita Story idea: The most wanted woman in town has announced that she'll only marry the one who can open her front door with the key around her cat's neck. Many men try to hunt the cat down, chase and trap it, but to no avail, the cat is simply too quick, smart and clever, and always finds a way to evade and avoid them. You are the first one to figure out the obvious: Do not chase the cat. The cat is befriendable. Get the cat to trust you, to genuinely enjoy your company, and you can hang out with the cat. You may eventually be allowed to touch the cat. The cat will freely let you take the key. Secondary plot twist: The woman is a shapeshifter. She is the cat. browntiger15 That's some legit fairy tale level s--- right there.

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"there's something wrong with our death ray, I'm standing right on front of it and I'm not dead yet"

smokehandsmcmike: The dudes from mythbusters are the ultimate unstoppable force vs immovable object,, every time they interact its just

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My type of conspiracies

magicalgirlmindcrank Seguir My favorite "conspiracies" are: -There were no shooters JFKS head just did that -Stanley Kubrick was hired to film a fake moon landing but made them do it on location magicalgirlmindcrank Seguir The Loch Ness Monster is absolutely real, she's just the ghost of a plesiosaur, that's why she can't be detected eliseholle Terrorists did hijack planes and fly them into the world trade center but the US government also planted explosives dylank3654 The Men in Black are just really dedicated fanboys thatoneguywiththestories chemtrails are naturally occurring phenomena but the government puts planes in front of them to suck up the chems monkeychewtoy These are all incredible. Thank you.

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tomboy hooter,femboy hooter,gothic hooter...and this hooter

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Whom could forget that time in New Horizons when Isabelle said: "lol your sex life sucks neeeeeerd!"

tumblr 木 Isabelle Right now, Your Sex Life has a ★☆☆☆☆ 1 star rating. Steamy stories where YOU choose the ending There's always room for improvement, pardner. Practice sexting, dirty talk, and more with.... JUICEBOXIT.COM Play Game

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Little-Known Downsides to Immortality

prokopetz Little-known downsides of immortality: Tearing your favourite article of clothing and discovering that it's irreplaceable because the technique of its manufacture has been lost • Realising you've thought of the perfect comeback to someone who's been dead for three hundred years • Not being able to eat your favourite dish anymore because the source of some critical ingredient has gone extinct • Having strong opinions about sports that are no longer played • Getting a song from the 13th Century stuck in your head and being unable to get it out because you don't remember how it ends and you're the only person on Earth who knows it • Having that perfect pun you've been waiting forever for a chance to use stop working due to linguistic drift

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Your username is now your superhero name. What are your powers?

zeekayart Follow Your tumblr username is now your superhero name, what are your powers? Zeekayarti tumblrcom death2america Follow theehorsepussie Follow apeshitting Follow puppymush Follow imlizy Follow im lizy

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Bees Go Bananas

draconym Thinking about that day another park ranger and I discovered that 1. we both used the same shampoo and 2. Suave Essentials Tropical Coconut drives honeybees absolutely bugfuck wild draconym 3. He's allergic to bees ablessingofbumbles It's likely the scent! Banana scent (Isoamyl acetate) is the same scent as the aggression pheromone bees put out when they're angry. Never eat bananas near bees! Always check your lotion, sunscreen, etc bottles for banana scent or isoamyl acetate before going near bees hoovse So you're telling me that when bees get mad they start violently smelling like bananas? ablessingofbumbles Can confirm! In (hopefully) very rare cases, a large hive full of p----- off bees smells a lot like bananas! Usually there's not nearly enough of them for humans to be able to smell it, though. arra-tech WHY? bunnyqueengrace #you could say- #you could say that they go bananas @cyber-flow thank you for the funniest tags l've seen all day. Source:draconym 65,109 notes

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Your Username is How You Will Get Laid

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Tumblr: Asking the Important Questions

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RIP Brenda Tent

A bot wrote this obituary and I'm losing my mind Brenda Tent retired from living at the age of old, surrounded by family and natural causes. A librarian from birth, Brenda was an avid collector of dust. She had a sweet heart and married her high school. She loved having hobbies and helping her sons to be disadvantaged youths. She had no horses but thought she did. The church gave her a choir because she sang like bird and looked like bird and Brenda was a bird. She owed us so many poems. The funeral will be held in 1977 at heaven. In lieu of flowers, send Brenda more life. See you in 1977 randomslasher Follow It is literally impossible to pick a favorite line from this because the entire thing is gold. 21,992 notes

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Tumblr - um no offense but my body's made of crushed little stars. and i'm not afraid of anything :/

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