The apple did not fall from the tree. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 09/06/20(Sun)23:47:41 No.835565196 >be me 15 Today >With 38 yr old dad cleaning out our garage and fixing wiring >"Anon hold this toolbox i'm gonna move some of these boxes so we can get to the crawlspace" 68 KB PNG >whatever >put down tool box somewhere and check my phone >"Alright anon hand me the Smaller ratchet" >brain at 967 ping > suddenly don't remember where i put the toolbox >"Where the hell did you put it?!?" >Loading confusedpanic.exe >"i dont know dad theyre gone i cant find them" >"WELL IT DIDNT JUST NOCLIP THROUGH THE F------ GROUND ANON FIND IT" >whatthefuckdidyousay.png >We're both looking at each other awkwardly knowing what he just said >he embarrassingly storms off into the house >dad is apparently also a beta gamer cuck >like father like son

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Who would win in a fight, a trillion lions or the Sun? | /r/Greentext

SCIENCE & TECH 19 JANUARY 2015 Who would win in a fight, a trillion lions or the Sun? Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)11:06:33 No.594257065 ► >one trillion lions >each of them is around 10 feet long >that's 10,000,000,000,000 feet of lion >Sun is 93,000,000 miles away from Earth >93,000,000 miles = 491,040,000,000 feet >10,000,000,000,000 is greater than 491,040,000,000 >lions stand on each others' shoulders and create ladder to the sun >unscrew the lightbulb >lions win And you didn't even have to use all of the lions.

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Cider store rules | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 45991336 35 perccel ezelőtt ... >be me >24yo femanon >qt 17yo boys outside tesco ask me to buy them cider >hatch plan >walk into tesco and grab the cider >approach qt employee >explain that i saw my abusive bf outside >"don't worry, you can leave through the back door" >thank him 67,4 kB JPG >pay for the cider with the teenagers' money >leave out back door >drink the cider by the canal and browse 4chan on a local cafe's wifi >mfw 3 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon goes to University of Melbourne | /r/Greentext

Be me ID: Ybtk8RQv No.187820144 14 hours ago the-falling-man.jpg JPG 204.6 KiB 1296x730 Australia >Attend orientation day at University >Get handed orientation pack full of goodies >Thank person and go home >Open bag >Find condoms >Find lube >Find latex f------ gloves >Find a f------ plastic sheet?! >Read instructions: sheet is for licking vag I don't know exactly why but this bothers me on so many levels. Maybe because I am going there to improve my mind and they are assuming I will be engaging in degeneracy. Maybe because treating your partner like a class 4 biological hazard defeats the purpose of intimacy? Maybe because they have the temerity to assume fisting and muff diving are standard courtship activities? What the f--- has my sex life got to do with this institution?How do we fix higher education and take it back from these degenerate assholes? 20 replies ID: hk02Ka6R No.187820216 14 hours ago Canada The gloves are for fisting her a------ btw. 1 reply

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Agent 47 kills | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/22/21(Fri)13:05:09 No.575398370 >Welcome to New Mexico, 47. Your target, renowned kinomatographer Halyna Hutchins, can be found on set preparing the daily shoot for the day. With famous actor Alec Baldwin at the helm of production, you should expect a heightened and more observant security presence, but certainly nothing you haven't handled before. Good luck, 41 KB JPG 47. >THAT... is Halyna Hutchins, acclaimed director of photography, and covert operative for Providence. Stay sharp, 47. >Choosing a prop gun to incriminate the lead actor? Interesting choice as always, 47. Alas, I dare say a premature retirement for both parties is in order. >The target is down, and not even by your own hand! Excellent work, 47. The money is being transferred now, it's time to make your exit... stage left.

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Anon starved to death | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)19:14:54 No.49882816 >Wake up late past noon as usual >Mom is on phone and cleaning >Take shower >Put chicken nuggies and fries into toaster oven >Fire it up and 11 mins till they are done >Hears mom go to door and open it >She invited some of her friends 16 KB JPG >ohshit.png >Retreat to room >Waiting in room for them to leave but it won't be for at least 2+ hours >Nuggies and fries are going to be cold by the time they leave >I should have just microwaved my food and eat soggy nuggies and fries >Going to starve in my room until they leave

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Anon doesn't understand women. | /r/Greentext

No. 65893901 10/25/21(Mon)08:22:37 02f.jpg 37 KB 655x527 Anons... What happened? Girls are confusing. >Be me, 24 >Meet some girl in a college class same age >We date for like a month or 2 >First time ive ever done that at all >She jokes a lot about marriage, kids, and moving in together >Actually was serious about moving in >Like the idea but its happening too fast >One day she randomly tells me she might move on with some other dude she has known for even less time than me >l tell her that her constant talking to other guys is making me uncomfortable >A few mins later she says "let's go to the bedroom" >We f--- >Lose my virginity >A few days later talk about being "official" and moving in together again >Find out from a mutual friend she keeps asking out the other dude even after all this >Break up with the w---- >Never hear from her again What's the point of dating? 2 replies, 0 images

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Running Man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)12:31:39 No.65895672 >feel the urge to engage in degenerate behavior such as: jerking off, drinking, smoking, gambling or feeling generally depressed >go outside and run through the forest like a madamn until| 169 KB JPG collapse >urge is now gone So far I lost 10 kg 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)12:42:08 No.65895753 >>65895672 (OP) # good, do it now before you get older and will possibly have a heart attack in the middle of it : Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)13:20:21 No.65896124 >>65895672 (OP)# It's 2am where I am. Guess I'm jerkin it then.

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Realest of the real | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)20:34:53 No.65901004 >be 9 y o me >find my moms birth certificate >her father seems to have a different name than my grandpa >ask mom, she tells me her dad died when she was 2 years old 61 KB JPG >10 years later >grandpa walks towards me and says its time to tell me the truth, that he isnt my real grandpa >i tell him i already know that for a long time, doesnt matter, for me, he is my real grandpa. >"and for me you are my real grandson", hugs me

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Anon has social anxiety | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 7 minutes ago 763537482 : >at subway >tell lady my order >starts putting wrong stuff on sandwich >too scared to tell her no

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When in doubt, improvise. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 402055727 3 hr ago >In philosophy >Professor asks me about the concept of evil >Put on the spot, start panicking but remember a certain quote from Witcher 3 >"Evil is Evil. Lesser, greater, middling... Makes no difference. The degreee is arbitary. The definition's blurred. If I'm to choose between one evil and another... I'd rather not choose at all" >Professor looks stunned, class gives me a round of applause 773.4 kB JPG

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Anon doesn't understand social gestures | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/03/18(Tue)10:38:59 No.46535165 ITT: Childhood autism >go to italian restaurant >order pasta >waiter asks me if i want cheese on my pasta 53 KB JPG >say yes >waiter says "ok say when" >i say "when" >"so you don't want any cheese?" >i am confused >"of course i want cheese" >"ok then, say when" >"when" >waiter is p-----, leaves and gives me no cheese >it dawns on me How was I this stupid?

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Anon discovers something about himself | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)19:35:39 No.65896239 - >be me >both parents have brown eyes, i have grey eyes >both parents have blond hair, i have brown hair >something doesn't add up >ffw to yesterday >did a genetics test for s---- and giggles >mfw my parents aren't actually my parents >mfw i was swapped in the hospital as a baby What the f---. What do I do in this situation.

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