Command and cumtrol | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 10/09/21(Sat)17:35:52 No.65698904 >Be me >See hot woman with desirable sexual characteristics >Get incredibly horny at the thought of impregnating a fertile 132 KB JPG woman >While fapping to pictures of cosplayers (or other physically fit people) mutter phases like "GET PREGNANT" while admiring their beautiful bodies that are ready to be filled hentai- style with sperm until their wombs have been fertilized How the f--- did I end up like this

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon lost the genetic lottery | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:30:28 No.63499062 >be me, 19 >visit binland with mom and dad >dad invites me to go to sauna together >dicklet, so a bit hesitant at first >it's probably genetics anyway hahaha, he's probably as small as 28 KB JPG me >walk in >stop dead upon seeing his huge f------ d--- >tfw it's already bigger than mine HARD, both in length and girth >Dad stares back, a stunned expression of disappointment on his face >he opens his mouth to say something but changes his mind >spend the next 5 minutes in complete silence

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anon has quality family time | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/17(Thu)09:05:16 No.40672881 Totally OP, I did the same. >Asked mom that I wanted to f--- a girl >She said, you can f--- me, but only in the ass. >Start f------ mom. >Decide to rub her clit >Find a d--- >Turns out it was a prank by my dad. I won't fall for the same trick 3 times

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Anon gets outsmarted | /r/Greentext

File: pepe normal.jpg (58 KB. 976x850) O Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)18:30:11 No.9936861 >be me >getting bullied at school >bully calls me gay >say "what, are you interested?" >"yes" >passionately kisses me on the lips >gives me his number and winks well now what

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Anon gets college pilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)12:14:46 No.65705834 >autist >high school days are great because | know everyone from when i was a kid >enter college >literally never make a friend again >its been 11 years sadge 8 KB PNG View Thread

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Anon is dating a cop | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/10/13(Sun)21:40:01 No.515425318 > been chatting with cute 14 year old girl > really flirty and sexy 61 KB JPG > now she tells me she's an undercover cop > how f------ cool is that for someone her age

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Online screening | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)05:46:19 No.864738646 >be me >meet cutie soft dom goth girl on dating app >hit it off pretty well >get to know each other online >we are really into one another so we plan on going on a date 12 KB JPG sometime >one night she asks to chat a bit before she goes to bed >I didn't voice chat with her that day, so why not! >get in call ready to chill with her for a bit >find out she is horny and wanted hear me while she did her thing >kindahot.mkv >get into with her, moaning along and such >end up getting horny as well so I start jacking off too >full on sex erp >we both get real close and I hear >"c-- for me anon, you cute baby boy" >bust a nut so hard I almost when f------ blind >get called cute and tells me how she really liked that >"Hey anon, wanna see something..." >ohfuck.webm >Think she is going to send a nude or something >She screen shares a whole ass power point presentation titled: "Hello future potential boyfriend" that she made earlier that day >mfw We are all going to make it bros!

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I can hear his voice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/10/21(Sun)08:36:18 No.864732037 >be me >see the mushroom cloud approaching as the american missle strikes my hometown >accept my fate >hug my family and friends saying that I love them 96 KB JPG >as the mushroom cloud approaches allI hear is >"IM MISSLE RIIIIIICK" >pic related

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Anon is ungrateful | /r/Greentext

/b/ Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)02:19:59 No.851715744 Greentext time >be me >be 12 years old >watch Nightmare on Elm Street >freddy is kinda cool 1.71 MB JPG >want to be like him >ask grandma to knit me a Freddy sweater >she fulfills my wish >knits for a week >finally finishes sweater and it's awesome. Red/Green just like the original >wear it in school the next day >everybody laughs >ashamed.jpg >tell Grandma I don't want sweater anymore >grandma disappointed >now she wears it. Also in public >tells me people are always smiling at her when she's wearing it

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Forget cumjars, pouring cum back into your dickhole is where it's at. | /r/Greentext

File: coomer.jpg (1.16 MB, 640x480) O the c-- recycler Anonymous 10/09/21(Sat)17:22:00 No.63857709 [Reply] >have this issue of cooming very little >get brilliant idea >decide to recycle c-- >i do this by cooming, collecting my c-- into my hand, and then siphoning it back into my d------- >cooming also becomes much easier thanks to c-- making my d------- near frictionless >one small problem >each time i go to pee, i have to nut first, store my coom somewhere, pee, and then siphon my c-- back into my d------- 58 replies and 7 images omitted. Click here to view.

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Anon loves a troll | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:27:47 No.64033474 >in bed with gf >she wants my attention >decides upon the best course of action >rams her fingers up my butthole >jesusfuckwoman >turn to her and ask w-- shes doing >"just a little bit of trolling" 111 KB JPG >mfw And i thought i was autistic.

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Anon survives a blue whale attack | /r/Greentext

>be me in school >alright class, pick a partner for the group project >F---, NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING >everyone instantly picks their friends 13 KB JPG >I have nobody >Anon how about you pair up with Goblina over there? >f------ disgusting obese smelly creature >"n-n-o its ok,I like working alone" >goblina seats herself next to me >says with a smelly breath "you tell me what to write and l'll write" >f------ bitch, not only ugly but dumb too >do the f------ whole thing on my own basically, but have to survive her and her atrocious handwriting >a girl in our class says we'd make a good couple >goblina smiles, the other students laugh >someone please just f------ shoot me

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Anon is a wise one | /r/Greentext

>In philosophy >Professor asks me about the concept of evil >Put on the spot, start panicking but remember a certain quote from Witcher 3 >"Evil is Evil. Lesser, greater, middling. Makes no difference. The degreee is arbitary. The definition's blurred. If I'm to choose between one evil and another.. I'd rather not choose 61 KB JPG at all" >Professor looks stunned, class gives me a round of applause Anyone else had video games help them in real life?

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Know Your Meme

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