Anon celebrates his birthday | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 09/15/21(Wed)10:22:58 No.65392282 >Be me >Turned 23 yesterday >Happy birthday to me >Open phone >Zero notifications >Get a call from mom and dad wishing me and asking about my plans >Tell them I am going out with friends 336 KB PNG >No one else know my birthday because never bonded much with anyone in college >Have a crush on this girl who still talks to me for some reason, probably out of pity >Wished her every time on her birthday for the past 3 years because oneitis >She then asks about my birthday every time >Tell her every time >Still she never wished me >Get in my car, drive to woods >Spend my whole day alone >At around 6pm receive a call from a guy who handles my brokerage account (yes, I have invested about $2k in some stocks) >He wishes me happy birthday >I say thank you >After few hours of drinking, get back in my car and cry myself to sleep in my small apartment >This how I've been celebrating my birthday for the past few years >Wake up next day and post all this on 4chan This is my life bros. This is it.

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Sound it out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/21(Tue)18:15:24 No.65382015 >work in hospital, not a doctor but have to read patients' charts a lot >get chart for 12 year old boy who was brought to the ER by parents >boy has been having difficulty urinating Jesus CHRIST HOw HORRIFYING 20 KB JPG >this is not why he came to the ER >boy had concluded that there must be a blockage preventing him from peeing >decided that the best way to fix this was to stick a needle down his urethra to push the blockage aside >he pushed it too far in and couldn't get it out

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Anon is a good dad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/21/12(Fri)17:14 No.155756141 Replies: >155756427 >>155756551>>155756668 >>155756712 File: 1348262057908.png-(328 KB, 500x483, 1345738444281.png) you think this is >>155748650 related >Have little daughter >tell her about the birthday skeleton the day before her 4th birthday >n---- its hard to find skeleton suits for adults >decide f--- it illjust use a biology-class skeleton on a string >night before her birthday a mothertucking game? >i have made a small contraption so i can hold up the skeleton while hiding behind it >wake her up >"WHAT MATERIAL WEALTH DO YOU WISH FOR?" >shes scared shitless, but i decided not to stop unless she starts crying >she has no idea what i just said >"WHAT DO YOU DESIRE FOR YOUR FIFTH DAY OF BIRTH?" >she is half hiding under the duvet >She tells me that she wants a dog >"WHAT KIND OF DOG?" >She wants a "slinky dog" >"THE CONTRACT IS SEALED, RETURN TO REST" >Slowly back out of the room >go back to bed >when i wake up shes sleeping in the bed between me and wife >i send her off to kindergarten >i call a friend of mine who is big into the dog breeding thing >find out that a dachshund is over 1500 dollars >f--- it, she wants a dog shes getting a dog >manage to find the cutest little darling puppy >1600 bucks, sold. >go buy dog food and accessories >pick up daughter >get home >dachshund out of f------ nowhere >act like i have no idea how it got there >she is now certain that the birthday skeleton exists Her mother was pretty p----- when i told her the story, but it was worth it. Her 5th birthday is next month, but now i'm prepared

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Anon gets recruited | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 09/15/21(Wed)16:00:37 No.863131275 >be me >have crippling anxiety >terrified of confrontation >get a phone call >it's an army recruiter >asks me to join >too afraid to say no >mfw i'm going to boot camp in 2 weeks

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Is there a community for /co/ related greentexts like there is for /tg/ ones? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/21(Tue)23:37:43 No.125755840 A7802713-81CD-4440-9725-018BE9C0975F.jpg 77 KB JPG >You all think you're based, but your not. >You were never based. >You and this entire multiverse are just f------ cringe. >A bunch of Reddit tier pseudo-intellectuals who think they're smart just because they regurgitate a bunch of poorly understood technobabble and funny catch phrases. >Well i'm done with this soulless b-------, i'm going somewhere else, to find the real based. Was evil Morty just a /co/ user all along?

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Anon double downed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/15/21(Wed)17:15:06 No.863126232 >be at work >boss comes over >want me to join this stubid advertising video they making with some Co workers >literally stupid dances to motivate young people to join our stupid 159 KB PNG company >l say tf no tik tok dances are gay >excusemewhat.gif >femi coworker also heated it >both start to moan at me >get nervous >l can say this cuz I'm gay myself >realize that I fake outed myself to keep my stupid job >everyone thinks now I'm a f----- even the cuties at the service counter >still want me to dance >mfw : Anonymous 09/15/21(Wed)17:17:35 No.863126290 Kek time to do your part for the national suicide rate

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Anon finds his wallet | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 41973641 27 min. ago >christmas cleaning >going through my stuff at home >find my old wallet >take out something from it >it is a condom >remember I put it there when I turned 15 "because I will need it soon" >look at the back side >it's expiring next year >l just turned 20 450.9 kB PNG

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Anon forgets Halloween | /r/Greentext

337-full.png (62 KB, 400x300) Anonymous 10/31/19(Th > be me > halloween > someone rings the door > "hm, delivery?" > two kids asking for candy > ohshit i dont have candy > autism time > "wanna tomato?" > kids happily accept tomato > mfw

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Anon streams his modded skyrim to friends | /r/Greentext

Red uives hs pilliest nttles 4h (9/15 11:05) · 570916431 hn tunnisst ciowRs JPG · 57KB · (720 × 523) 1 Reply >>570915183 (OP) >tfw i modded the s--- out of skyrim with a bunch of sex mods and some basic graphical and UI enhancements and told my friends it would be a mostly vanilla playthrough and started streaming the game over discord >everything is normal at first, i use an alternate start and make my way towards whiterun >finally reach the city and it's all sorts of f----- up, there seems to be some sort of sex festival in front of the bannered mare and people are completely naked. some are drinking, some are playing instruments, most are f------. The fuckiny spawns new kids via pregnancy mods, and the town is getting really messy. a dog gets involved at one point

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Anon hates IKEA | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ISNLYTYS ) Ikea 09/12/21(Sun)06:09:15 No.40716132 >Be Ikea >Charge $800 for s----- particle wood furniture that comes in 91 pieces >Buyer spends 2 hours putting it together themselves >Furniture wil| last 3 years tops if it doesn't collapse under its own IKEA furnishings Home 146 KB JPG weight. >Somehow convince the public that this is a better deal than buying a finished product made of real wood that will last them 2 lifetimes for the same price. >Be the reason this god awful furniture sales model seeps into mainstream American companies so everyone f------ does it now. F--- Ikea. How did they do it??

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House of the Rising Sun | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/15/21(Wed)05:40:07 No.863122948 >be me >my entire life people have asked me if I'm Japanese >not Japanese, I'm white >once even got in an argument with a kid 53 KB PNG >he thought that I was lying to him about not being Japanese >sometimes also get asked if I am Chinese (really rare tho) >once asked my mom if she cheated in my dad with a Japanese man >she says no >ask again as joke >she is getting kind of angry >ask again in a joking voice >she gets really angry about that >suspicious.jpeg >ffw like 2 months >my brother makes a joke the our father isn't really his dad >my mom laughs and says that's really funny >ffw 1 week >ask her again in a joking voice >she gets mad >now I am really suspicious My Parents are divorced and she did tell me once she did a lot of things she not proud years ago. Their marriage did kind of go to s--- when I was born. My Father always treated my brother better, and treated my like if he wasn't sure I was his. Which gave me daddy issues. What do you think /b/? Should I off myself? I just don' know what to do.

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Anon realizes all his friends are jews | /r/Greentext

>be me >be uni >have lots of friends from prestigious school even though I don't go to one. (Long story) >about 7 of them girls in the mix >they are really cool invite me to do s---, thinks I'm a god cuz I can do a couple computer s---. >One day chilling with them & my friend's friend from 32 KB JPG back home in NY > He says something about his Jewish grandpa >mfw when they all start talking about their Jewish grandparent >Instant feeling of fear >felt like I was surrounded by enemies >face literally becomes pic related >go back home and look them up on Instagram >The spell that made me not see the last names has been lifted >Goldstein, Berg, Moses, Michalski, Aaron.. >MFW all the 4chan redpill starts to make sense >they went to prestigious school not just your average joe can get in >They are all in finance at high institutions & work for top Fortune 500 companies >MFW even the friend went to a school with 5% acceptance rate >"Nah we can just take the train it l'll be cheaper" >"It's a little pricey but it's good" >"You know you can negotiate rent right" (W-- I didn't even know that) >live downtown & My rent is 800$ more then his & his apartment looks ten times better than mine >Another friend of my friend came to chill & this bitch goes to freaking Cornell >plan a event and every one not Jewish including me cuz he got one for me paid 100$ All the Jews paid 20$ >Realize there are a decent amount of gingers in group >Went home & thought why are there so many of them in important places of impact >Think of judges, lawyers, banks, Hollywood etc. >Think maybe these people who think Jews control everything might have some credence >feel antisemetic But no guys How do these people do this? How are they in places of such high regards? How is it so many of them ? Realized how much moneyI saved in Uber cuz I took the train with them I'm not going to even hate them, I'm just going to learn from them so I can Cuck people too.

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Anon sees a ghost | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)14:04:10 No.28152324 >looking at Twitter late at night >accidentally drop my phone behind my bed >have to climb under my bed to get it back >lodge myself under the bed so I can reach it 150 KB PNG >grab it, mission accomplished > turn around so I can get out from under the bed >see a pair of feet standing on the other end of my room >as soon as I see them they quickly walk off >don't hear my door open or close (and it's really loud because I hang a bunch of stuff from the handle) >finally climb out >nobody in my room >my entire family has been asleep for hours >what the f--- Who the f--- was it 8 Replies View Thread

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