True story | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)13:10:08 No.860733100 >be me >hiding in small cabin in the woods >2am >with wife and two kids >haven't eaten for days >prepare our last soup can >add special sauce >something_is_outside.mp3 375 KB PNG >oh f---, it's him >knocking on door and then suddenly >quiet >all the windows shatter >the door bust open >the lights flicker >it's King Bach >he looks around the room before setting his eyes on our soup >i'm on my knees begging him to stop >he smirks >Only a spoonful >he reveals his comically large spoon >he lunges at the soup >its gone in under a second >he smirks once again before falling on his knees >my wife takes off her wig to reveal it's Pope Francis >my kids take off their wigs to reveal they are the two m----- priests >King Bach's mouth is wide open > wh- what did you put in that soup >special sauce >Pope Francis frantically reads Bible verses >the demon spawn is finally banished >true story

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon has online class | /r/Greentext

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Anon dreams of Belle Delphine | /r/Greentext

File: belle-delphine-1564417005(.Ljpg (28 KB, 460x374) NASA O Anonymous 01/12/20(Sun)08:12:46 No.818290252 [Reply] >>818290454 >find Belle Delphine irl >she likes me and we go to my place >we start f------ >h-------- lost my virginity to Belle >dad comes into my room >wake up Why is this happening. Anonymous 01/12/20(Sun)08:16:27 No.818290454 >>818290252 (OP) He saved you from herpes. You should thank your dad.

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Happy the man and happy he alone; he who can call today his own | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous When did you realize the inter...) 08/10/21(Tue)14:37:59 No.64917545 >be me, yesterday afternoon >spend my days off getting high alone in my apartment and browsing 4chins >Decide f--- it, l'll drop by my parents house and visit them >Dad is working on the car fixing the brake line 198 KB PNG >l help him out >we chat about the family drama and how everyone is doing >l say f--- it and drop by my grandparents house to say hello >Forgot it's my grandfather's bday and a bunch of my cousins are there >We decide to play cards and have a few beers >Chat about when we were kids and how much fun we used to have >Back to my apartment >Decide that my good day shouldn't end and text some people from work to see if they want to hang out at the local bar >2 of them show up at the bar >We have a good time, even made some new friends at the bar >Walk home feeling the happiest I've been in my adult life >Start browsing /r9k/ back at my apartment and feel an overwhelming sadness

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Racial integration | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)17:35:57 No.64919763 >be me >white (britfag with celtic genes) >finally f------ a chubby girl i've been texting for a while >doggy style >midway she turns round >screams "yeah f--- me harder you f------ N ER!" 5 KB GIF >mfw >try not to laugh my arse off >confused but also slightly turned on >keep going >slip a finger in her s------ (she told me earlier she was into that) >"yeah finger my arse you f------ P---!!" what the hell is going on with white women these days

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Master of my domain | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)09:52:55 No.64914627 >l don't get it... (breathe)... I did NoFap and everything right... (breathe)... how did I succumb to prostate cancer... (flat lines)... 149 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)09:54:02 No.64914643 >>64914627 (OP) # This doesn't happen because people doing NoFap are still having sex. ..R-Right? Right?! Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)09:56:06 No.64914673 >>64914627 (OP) # >People weren't masturbating for centuries >Had no problems whatsoever >Suddenly not jerking off is a health hazard in the 21st century Yeah, right. 301 KB JPG

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Anon is lonely | /r/Greentext

ll AT&T Wi-Fi ? 00:00 76% boards.4chan.org Feels thread? >Be me >Loser >No friends, no family >Work s----- job, poorfag >Live alone in s----- studio 31 KB PNG apartment >Well, not totally alone >Have stray cat I took in this summer >Named him Henry >Don't know why, just looked like a Henry >Very nice and chill little dude >Not much of a cat person, but love the little bastard >Xmas season, depressing for me >No one to spend it with >Screw it, this year I'm going to try to get into the spirit of the season >Buy cheap little tree >Wrap up some cat toys and treats for Henry >Put under tree >Totally crazy cat-lady territory, I know >Screw it, gonna have a fun Christmas with my little pal >Past week Henry has been under the weather >All lethargic and not eating >Take to vet. >Vet starts talking about feline cancer >Oh man >Deep breath >"Okay, so what do we do? I mean, is there like cat chemotherapy and stuff?" >Vet tells me no, at this stage, euthanasia is recommended >Ask if it has to be today? Can I take him home and spend the weekend with him? >They say that's okay >Get home >We open open up the presents >His favorite treats, can only eat a couple of them, usually goes a------ for them >He looks at the toys, but doesn't play, too tired I guess >Most of the time, I just hold and pet him >Today, back at the vet >Cannot stop crying >I hold him while it happens >He licks my hand and nuzzles it >Takes me 2 hours to calm down enough to finally drive home >S----- little apartment seems so big and empty now >Finally got out of bed now Henry was the only friend I had in the world. What am I supposed to do now?

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Anon’s friday night | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)17:22:01 No.64914961 >it's an "anon is approached by the neighborhood sex offender, so he blows the r--- whistle his school gave him, but that just alerts more rapists to his location" episode this was an awful night ringle 225 KB JPG

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Anon asks simple question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)14:41:15 No.29143854 MONK DIES IN GREECE WITHOUT SEEING WOMAN ATHENS Without ever seeing a - woman in the 82 years of his life. Mihailo Toloto has died in Mt. Athos monastery, in Greece. Neither had he beheld an automobile, a movie or an airplane. His mother died when he was born, Athens reports, and he was brought up in the monastery, where no woman ever enters. He became a monk, and monks at the onastery gave his a special burial ceremony because they believed he was the only man in the world never to see a woman. 1625162447056.jpg 104 KB JPG What was his power level?

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Anon discovers a “cheat” code | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)11:07:05 No.860742625 >be me >33 years old, 5'10" average looking >l am 100% anon, grew up reading /b/ and laughing at coomer stories >was in serious relationship for 4 years >lived together >she eventually starts accusing me of 244 KB PNG cheating on her >found out she was actually cheating on me with a coworker who was also in a relationship >break up with her even though it was extremely hard >depressed for a while, stop cooming or trying to date at all >eventually take the sadness and anger and turn it into massive gainz >+40lbs of muscle, go from 130lb skinny guy to 170lb muscle bro >go to a bar with some friends after getting vaccinated during that month when pandemic restrictions eased up >just trying to socialize, not actually looking to get laid >tell women I talk to that I'm in a relationship so they don't think I'm trying to sleep with them, like I said I just want to chill and socialize >to my surprise they start flirting harder when they hear this >one girl asks "well, your gf isn't home right now is she? Otherwise you wouldn't be here alone" after I turn her down >have 3 women give me their phone numbers, one even puts the number in my phone and uses a mans name saying that way my “gf" won't ever know >realize this is an actually viable way to coom in multiple women >tell my 2 friends about it >the next weekend we all tell women we are taken and "out on a guys night" >the next morning I wake up at my friends apartment, there's a girl next to me on the couch >some girl making cereal, another girl grabbing her jacket to leave >girl on the couch with me says “call me next time your gf is out of town" W-- did I discover? Why a women like this?

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The ass is always greener | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)11:34:33 No.64915665 >totally straight man gets manlet genetics and no body hair at all, birthing hips despite being a male >me, an actual gay bottom, gets masculine genetics that make me hairy as s--- and no ass at all and also super tall Why is God so f------ unfair? It's all so tiresome. 271 KB PNG Goddamit, if only body swapping existed, I would give my body to my manlet bros any day. 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)11:36:21 No.64915684 >>64915665 (OP)_# I'll pass bro, I'd rather be a hairless manlet then s--- myself every time I fart. 208 KB JPG

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Anon has a master plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)08:49:51 No.64913962 >Parents are on vacation >Gave me $250 for 2 weeks >Planning on spending $1/day on ravioli cans >Saving the rest for videogames and action figures Can I make it? 37 KB JPG 15 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon has issues | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/07/20(Mon)18:49:02 No.59935018 >friendzoned by girl >calls me and demands i come visit her if i try to ghost her >says if i ever leave her she'll track me down >gets mad and jealous whenever i talk about other girls 21 KB JPG >talks about buying a big house and living with me >doesn't want to have sex the f--- is this?

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