Anon becomes a redditor | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 03/04/21(Thu)04:59:12 No.848781924 >Create Reddit account >Notice my arms start to get chubbier >Panic as my stomach begins to bulge out >Waddle towards the door >Fingers are too fat to grab the handle >Sit down to catch my breath 686 KB PNG >Body is getting fatter >Hair begins to grown on my neck >Clothes start to rip apart and fall to the floor >Skull starts to reshape, creating a fedora like form atop my head >"Mom help me!" >Mom enters the room >"Anon, what's going on!?" >"I'm... I'm a big chungus!" >Mom bursts into tears >l'm now a redditor 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

AFI ! 4G 14% 22:24 JPG 93.1 KİB 800x800 >be me >at the public library the other day >in the bathroom taking a s--- >toilet moves >w--.jpg >realize that the toilet is bolted through the wall to a toilet in the women's bathroom >whenever a girl sits down on that other toilet, it moves the one i'm sitting on a little bit >we both have our asses on these connected toilet seats, so in a way we are connected you think about it, it's pretty close to actually having sex with the woman in the other bathroom >thatskindahot.png >if >instant boner >jerk it like there's no tomorrow >f------ bliss, best nut of my life >clean myself up and leave >come back the next day when it's the busiest and do it again I've been doing this for the past 4 days and it just feels amazing. This is probably the most l've felt like a normie in my entire life, because I'm getting real human intimacy from the other person. 17 replies No.731513328 50 minutes ago GIF 1.3 MİB 195x229 >>731513244 (OP)

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anon has gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)13:09:40 No.849889932 >start speaking to someone >they like me >ask them out >great, got gf >feelsgood.jpeg >see you later virgins >self-doubt sets in 211 KB JPG >what >spend my days sitting around wondering when they are going to leave me >need constant reassurance >w-- >this hurts >help 3 Replies View Thread

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Anon ruined his only friendship. | /r/Greentext

>>62797339 (OP) # >be me >15 >lonely twink >spend most of my time online >get bored 257 KB JPG >want a boyfriend but not a single gay dude at my school >one dude i'm close friends with, gonna start a band together >go on here and ask what to do >terrible responses but dont know what else to do >take one anons advice to just try and kiss him >invite him over to my house for the weekend >wait until we're practicing in my dads den >in self arrogance i think i'm great at it >get the motivation to try >our lips connect for half a second before he realizes what i'm doing >punches me in the face and runs out the door shouting "I'M NOT A F-----" >lay there and cry until my mom gets home >avoid going to school for a few days until my mom makes me go >he refuses to talk to me and i lose my only friend

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Anon skips prom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)14:51:33 No.849893793 Wholesome thread TN >2010, highschool, senior year >Study hard, get good grades, not very TREMENDOUS NEWS social >Parents don't get on me for playing games, but if I do it for a long time, 54 KB JPG they act disappointed >Don't wanna ruin my life, so I practice good self control with games >Prom coming up next month on a Saturday >When big sis went to prom, it cost mom and dad a couple hundred, then more for the guy who took her >F--- that, not looking to impress some roastie >Ask dad if I can stay home and grill with him, then play games online with friends instead >You know what anon, you earned it, we can do that >Instead of spending hundreds on renting s---, he buys hundreds of dollars of meat >Spend whole day grilling with dad, having a good time, plenty of slow cooked meats >Afternoon/night I play Quake with my friends for like 5 hours >Thanks dad View Thread

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Anon tries to help someone less fortunate. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Do most homeless people deserv(...) 03/18/21(Thu)00:40:17 No.62799681 >just today >see two homeless people on my walk from train to uni >one man one woman, theyre fairly far apart from each other >ive been feeling kind of dogshit lately but seeing them gives me a brief shift in perspective 33 KB JPG >when i go get my lunch buy two on sale pre packaged sandwiches >go to woman first, awkward intro and offer her sandwich "Oh sorry, i dont eat tuna." >oh, okay, sorry bye >give the man both sandwiches, hes very thankful >she saw >can feel her eyes burning into the back of my head If she'd said she waa allergic id understand but she "just doesnt eat it". Imagine having high standards when you have literally nothing

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Anon creates an abomination in the kitchen | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)12:37:49 No.849880301 [Reply] Story from my workplace because why not. >be me >be cook at s--- tier local steakhouse >small town, so it's the nicest restaurant we have >bestbydefault.jpeg >monday, 12pm >alone on the line because everyone else goes to college >server comes back to kitchen to tell me something about an order that just rang in >says the couple who ordered ribs were there last week and the ribs were cold >says they want their ribs as hot as possible or they won't accept them >each rack of ribs that gets trashed comes out of my paycheck >fuckingdickheads.jpeg >resist urge to walk out and rant at them >remember I need the job, and a little less money is something I can live with >waittheresanideathere.png >turn up grill to full blast >decide to let ribs roast >forget about it while I handle orders for the other parts of the kitchen >turn back, ribs are literally on fire >a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one >add bbq sauce and let that boil for another few minutes >ribs are now unforgivably scorched to blackness and are far too hot to be enjoyable for another 5 minutes at least >pic related: mfw they actually complimented my abomination F------ idiots.

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Anon is lucky. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)20:05:29 No.62796798 >>62796248 (OP) # >l once flipped a coin and got heads eleven times in a row ptobably my greatest accomplishment, desu >>62797353 #

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Anon battles the supermarket lobster | /r/Greentext

8h (2/24 3:13) 15644003 20 Re 8 Img PNG 875KB - (720 x 723) 6 Replies >try to buy some veggies >get randomly selected to battle supermarket lobster >all the workers and customers stop dead in their heels to watch us duke it out >all the black people take their phones out and start screeching >all the girls give me a doubtful stare and giggle amongst themselves while staring at me so f------ embarrassing, and people wonder why I order my groceries online. ...

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Anon uses a chatroom | /r/Greentext

File: 1607052139622.jpg (136 KB, 816x900) Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)12:50:20 No.62801201 [Reply] >1AM >go on hookup chatroom >Ping woman >Immediately suspicious she's a scambot >Keep sending messages anyway >Waiting for the scam link to show up >It never does >Get invited over >Get drunk >Have sex Why. What the f---. How did this happen? 66

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Anon is a secret genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)11:47:17 No.849889129 >be me >18, last year of high school >shy quiet kid, i have 1 friend >i spend all day playing video games, cooking, and practicing jiu jitsu >im really good at those three skills 47 KB JPG but suck hard at pretty much everything else in life >our school buys some computers and puts them in a library >actually pretty decent computers, can easily run non demanding games >start skipping classes and playing CSGO for hours daily in the library >one day internet cuts off, im stuck in the library now >well might as well see if they have some interesting books to read until i get my internet back >find a book called "300 bizzare facts" >the book is really interesting, also short, read all the facts >a few months later, our school organizes a "genius quiz" >has 100$ first place prize >sounds like fun >a lot of people competing >multiple choice questions >all the questions are from that book >get 28/30 right >the second best was a nerd who got 19/30 >people start thinking im a secret genius >get my 100$ >the nerd in second place got the book that i read

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Anon gets away with sexual assault | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)22:44:01 No.62755188 >brushed against a girl's tiddy accidentally when i was in high school one day >she looks at me & blushes before going back to watching something on 31 KB JPG her phone >still sat at my table at lunch the day afterward (note that we were the only ones who would sit there) >still think about it even though i'm 22 What did it mean? Am I really not as repulsive as I though? I remember being scared that she would report me or some s--- but it never happened.

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Anon is a great member of society | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/17/21(Wed)23:14:54 No.62795534 > be virgin > say mỹ schoolmate is an incel > never had sex before, not even a touch of a woman > grab chicken tendies and chewing tobacco > ultimate pleasure 128 КВ PNG > go to sleep at 4 am > wake up in a cold sweat at 7 am > repeat

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