Not a greentext, but still a story. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 11/19/16(Sat)20:57:24 No.712259330 Walking home today some f----- bumped into me and instantly started talking s--- about aluminum being the best metal. I tried to remain calm and explain to him that iron was actually the best metal, but he wouldn't take a hint. He started throwing around words like "rust" and I lost it. Punched him right in his aluminum- 11 KB JPG loving f--- face. I hate aluminum so goddamn much.

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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anon is not so different | /r/Greentext

>in my room >dad yelling at me because abusive >calls me a retard >autism kicks in >"takes one to know one" 143 KB PNG he's throwing bottles at me now what do i do

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OP doesn't like cooking | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)15:29:20 No.15636937 >the fish you're about to cook picks its head up from the counter, says your name, and begs not to be cooked 44 KB PNG

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Anon is a redditor | /r/Greentext

File: pgYSqgC. jpg (29 KB, 557x317) O Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:50:26 No.848006549 [Reply] >>848006596 i haven't had sex in nearly a year Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:51:27 No.848006596 >>848006549 (OP) i haven't had sex

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Anons physics teacher is an old drunk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)23:49:40 No.848046219 > high school > physics teacher is an old drunk. He looked like redneck Robert De Niro on crack > during class, my friend says that je does not want to have kids. > I dont remember why he said it, but he was reacting to something, that the teacher have said > teacher gets up > slowly walkes to my friend > he took out of his pocket opening knife > puts it in front of the friend > "cut your balls off" > "wha-what?" (friend was around 15) > "you don't want kids, you don't need balls" > "I'm waiting" > he stood there for about three minutes. Then took the knife, wallked back and continued with the lesson He drunk himself to death year later

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Anon watches a documentary | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)18:06:49 No. 2903512 >13 years old, have had boners many many times before, just not know what the point was >In my room secretly watching documentary about danish strippers >Have r-----------, I'm just staring at it and raging thinking "what the f--- is the point.." >Decided to continue watching another ten minutes of the documentary >R----------- still annoying the hell out of me, decide to grab it really hard and maybe "choke" it to sleep >Feels kinda good, wat is this!? >Start experimenting with different motions, feels better and better >HHHHHNNNNNNNGGGGG >What the f--- just happened >Get scared shitless, thinking this is not normal. >Quickly turn off TV, go to bed, terrified that I broke my d--- somehow. >Didn't jack it for another week just to be sure that everything was ok.

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Anon's friend needs to be potty trained | /r/Greentext

File: plstp.jpg (14 KB, 312x245) "that guy" stories Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)13:10:45 No.62444259 [Reply] ► >>62444303 >>62444882 This was a decade ago but it still haunts me >be me, 19, uni student >visit friend in his new apartment >he's also 19, just moved out his parents' place >play vidya with him >have to take a s---, use his bathroom >can't find tp >m----------- used it up and didn't replace the roll >f------ children living on their own for the first time >luckily got some tissues with me, use those >get back to vidya >"yo mate, you ran out of tp" >"nah I don't need any" >"what do you mean you don't need any?" >"I just flush without looking." >awkward pause >.. >.. >WHAT?! >m----------- thought tp was just there to cover your s--- so you don't have to look at it while you flush >says he never looks back at his s---, that's weird >says he saves money >my f------ face when

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Anon is a gamer | /r/Greentext

File: pepegamer.jpg (138 KB, 880x793) Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:29:29 No.848027878 >be me >gaming alone in room with two friends who are together >they start making out >mind my own business and concentrate on my game >all of a sudden start f------ like rabbits >still concentrated on my game >mfw I start rethinking my life decisions

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anon gets a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

File: 212333.png (60 KB, 500x751) O Anonymous 02/04/19(Mon)06:43:07 No.50789300 (F Anon, what is your most cringe/embarrassing story? The s >be me >11 year old latchkey kid >always f------ horny >rub my d--- on everything in the house >eventually stick d--- into leather couch cushions >feelsgood.jpg >c-- all over cushions, clean with wet rag >do this afterschool everyday for a month >couch is basically first girlfriend >birthday comes around on a weekday >get home and start undressing >kneel in front of her and rub her cushions >happybirthdaytome >spit on my d--- and start pounding sad birthday pepe >push down on cushions for more pressure >start to c-- when parents burst in with gifts >stare at each other as I'm finishing >mom starts crying, dad starts yelling >frozen in fear, faint like a bitch >wake up in my bed, dad carried me >new ps2 and cake on nightstand >cry all night >next morning, it never happened >parents have literally never brought it up again >its been 18 years >dad buys new couch this weekend for living room >dad and I carry it into the living room >put it down, he thanks me and starts heading upstairs >iay on new couch to watch tv >dad turns around and looks at me >"try to be gentle with this one" >fingerguns.gif >mfw

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Can't believe he would say that in front of Steve | /r/Greentext

family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy.." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says..." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

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Anon is an entrepreneur | /r/Greentext

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Anon uses google translate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: YWGR3XT7 02/19/21(Fri)20:50:56 No.308921358 Go to google translator English to Latin "Quarantine" S--- bricks 577 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: YWGR3X17 02/19/21(Fri)20:51:50 No.308921463 Forgot to mention: keep translating it back and forth. >>308923712 # >>308927857 # >>308927908 # >>308928789 # >>308929106 # >>308929346 # >>308930244 #

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Anon gives a driving lesson | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)12:05:41 No.848022273 File: 1545453930760.jpg (10 KB, 259x194) >>848010596 (OP) >High school is open campus >incident with a white autist vet coming in and waving a shotgun >no one is hurt but school decides to switch to closed campus >They want to build an iron fence around the school but don't have the funding >start slashing electives like retards, end up pissing of most people. >JROTC, French, cooking, car workshop, metal shop, and flower arrangement all cut >It causes actual student and parent protests but the school doesn't give a s--- >They start building over the summer >Costs more than expected and so they run out of funding with only 40% of the fence finished >there are literal door frames with no fence around them >Everyone is even more p----- but once again the school doesn't care >Within the first week of the semester a friend of mine starts learning how do drive >her older sister is teaching her >the 3 of us stay late after school to hangout at, leave around 7 so its starting to get dark. >almost no one is here, older sister decides its a good time to teach friend how to back out of a parking space >Friend panics and floors it while in reverse >smash into the fence >its so s----- it falls over and sets off a reaction that tears down most of the section >Sister takes over and floors it out of there >Next school day we have an auditorium conference >Faculty think someone knocked the fence down on purpose in protest, they suspect the JROTC kids >try to scare a confession out of the students but no one comes forward >the security cameras don't work, they were just for show >never get caught for causing tens of thousands in damage to the school >they stay open campus

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