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A pencil case with the entire script of Shrek on it | r/mildlyinteresting

daragon goaardecd castie surnoucdand tay sot b ng tavat Bat don't let that cool you off Shue's a loaded pistoi who kes na colads and g -Threet Pick number three, my londt Okay, olay, uh, namber threel -Lord Farquaad, you've chosees Princess Fiona. y ikke pina coladas And getting cau will make this Princess Fiona my qaeen, and Dutor will fhnally have the pertect king! Captain, assemble your finest men, We're gping to have a tourmannent-But than's darling. We're late. Hurry, Hey. voa! (Screams) -Wait a second. Look, Im not gonna eat you. I just just- (Whimpering) (Sighs) Whimpeing, Groans Farnste them down Dan't malae waes, stay in ire And we'll get along fine Duioc is pefect place Please knep off of the gss Shine your shoes, wipe you face Dui.c is, DuloK is Duloc s perfec All right. ou're going the right way for a smacked bottom. Sorry abOut that. (Cheering)-Thart champion shall have the honor no, no-- the privilege to go fortha to make. (Cheering) Let the tournanent begint (Gasps) -Ohl -What is that? (Gasping)-'s hideousl-An, that's not very nice. R's just a donkey. -indeed. Knights, new pla don't give a damn about my reputation Vou're linving in the past it's a new generation Damn! (Whinnying) A giri can do what she wants to do And that's what Im gonna do A auarnted to ingrove my station AN! (laughs) And I'm alwayvs feelin good when l'a having fun Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Gie him the chairl And I don't give a damn about my bad repAR tFm here ti Thursday. Try the veall Ha, hal (Shrek laughs) (Crawd gasping, murauring) -Shall t give the order, sir? -No, I have a better sdea. People of Dutoc, I give you our champion! -What?-Congratulations, orge. ou're w (Crowd marmaring) indeed. All right, orge. i'l make you a deal Go on ths quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. Exactly the way it was?-Down to the last simecovered toadstool, Andthe ast fecs Three awe Fwad TReel Three? One es huat afte Groans) Pwof Paof-Y ohvig that hapen wast ua Shnek Hu we same nules tet ss all the l Roday one of you shall prove himself rth Some of you m eie, but it's a sacriftice I am wer a pint Anl the beast -No? All right then. Con bad reputation Never e clon't have because he fitled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right?-Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldnt talk. 4 don't get it. Why don't you just pull somne of that orge stu on him? Th you chmped those take crea and put their heads on a aike, gotten a knife, cut opes their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?-Uh, no, not really, na. For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. Example Eample duaews e hite haus -Noel Layers! Onions have tayers, Orges have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (Sighs) -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. [Sniffs) You know, not everybody Sikes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakest Cae decapitated an faybe i couk owne parfait, " they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, iritating, miniature beast of burdent Orges are like onionst And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. Partaits may be the most delicious thiing e my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh Fm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-buh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder is what you outh was open. Believe me., Donkey, if it was me. you'd be dead. (Smdffs) it's brimstone We must be getting cfose. Yeah, right, brimstone Don't be talkung about it's the brimstone. I know wtsat I smell. It wasn't no trimstone. It die e layers? On, aye -Well, t have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sieeves. -Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.-You know what I mean. You can't tel me you're atraid oi , we'l just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. Really?-Really, really. Okay, that makes me feel so much better Just keep moving. And don't laok down. Okay, don't look doan. Don't look down. Don'ty y haifway -Buat I know that half is safel Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, not Wait!-Just, Donkey- -Let's have a dance then, shail me? -Don't do thati-Oh, Im sorry. Do what?-Oh this? Yes, thatl Yes? Yes, do it Olay. [Sre ver met a partait make me start siobbering. Im ast crack ane off Ay otional supp beside oN Ihar B do Donkey TharR da Cool So whene is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway inside, waiting for us to rescue her (Chuckles) I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek (Water dripping, wind howling) You afroid? -No. -ButShh Oh, goad. Me neither. (Gasps)-Caune on, Emight add. with a dhagon thar breathes fre and eats knights and breathes hre, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. (Gasps) -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut up. Now go over there and see if you can the tallest tower -what makes you think she be there?-I read it in a book once. Cool. You handle the dragon, Ill handle the stairs. I'R find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they'e goin. (Creacing) -Fm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it rit-Weld at least we inow where the princess is, but where's the--Dragon! (Screams) (Gasps) (Roars)-Donkey, look out! (Screams) Whimperingj-Got ya! (Roars) (Gasps) (Shouts)-Whoal Whoal Wwhoal (Screaming) (Gasps) -Ohl Aah! Aahl (Gasping) (Crowls)-No. On, ne his all time from gour food, but you must bleach, ause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - You're a giri dragont On, suref i mean, of course you're a girt dragon., You're just reeking of feminine beauty now fm -Coughs) 4m an asthnmatic, and I don't knou f it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! (Gasps) (Whimpering) -Nol Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! (Groans, Sighs) (Vocaliring)-Ohl Oht -Wake spl -What? Are you Princess Fiona?-I am, waiting a knight so bold as to onderful romantic moment?-Weah, sorry lady There's no timne. -Hey wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. Youve had a lot of ime to plan this, haveni t you? Mm-hmm. Screams, grunts)-But ore ingJ don't tuint sa. -Can fat least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. Sir Shrek. (Cleans throat) -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Thanks (Roaring) You didn't stay the dragon? t's oney to-do tist. Novw come on! (Screams) But this isn't right! You w one they burst into flame. -Thar's not the point Ohf-Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. l believe it's healthy to get to know someone oves a long pesriod of fime nalyeady for a commitment ot ut, this-- Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for Magnitude Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey what are you doing? Okay, okay tet's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We realy should get to know each other first an trie tha Thar's ang tail That's mypersonal tail. You're gonna tear it off I don't give permission- -What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now No way No! No! No. no! No. No, no, no. Nol Oh! (Grows Roaring Gasps) H, Princess t talks Yeah, t's getting him to shut up that's the trick You're wondertul You re a ittle unorthodox E8 admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am en of the dragon choing)-Runl Gasping) Screamingl(Roaring (Screams) (Roars) (Panting sighs) (Whiopers) (Roars) You did it! You rescued mel You're amazing. You're heard that. She called me a moble steed. She think fm a steed.-The battle is won. You may remove your heimet, good Sir Knight. Uh, no. Why not? -I have helmet hair. Please. I would st look upon the tace of ony rescuer No, no you wouldn't st. But how will you kiss me?-What? ociacess lncked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Wel, yes (laughingE) You think Shrek is your true lkovel-What is so tunny? Let's just Ireally don't think this is a good idea Just take off the helmet. rm not going toa. -Take ot off -Nol Now!-0kay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. You- You're a-an orge Oh you were expectirg Prince Charmng Well, yes, actualy. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You re not suppos s tmary you-Then wiy didn't he come resEue me?-Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. But I have to be resced by my true love, not by some prge and his his pet. Somach for noble steed. You're not making any pb any easer. m sorry but your job is not e Hey!Imno one's messenger boy all right? Fm a delvery boy -You wouldn't dare. Put me don! Ya comin, Donkey? -m righht betend ya. Put me down, or you wil sufter the consequences! This is not dignied! Put ne down! -Okay, so bere's another question, Say there's a woma Heyl (Sighs) -The sooner we get to Dutoc the better -Vou'te gonna love it there, Princess. t's beautifull And what of tay groc rt supply (Laughs) 4 don't know There are those who think fitle of him. Stop it. Stop it, both of you Youre just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler Mike Lord Farquaad. Yeah, well, maybe you re right, Proncess BuT 18let you do the measuring when you see him tome ingBut there's robbers in the soods Whoal Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. Hey cone on Im scarier than anything we re gong to see in this forest -I need to find somewtere to canp now 1rds wings fluttering) {Grusting Hey! Over here Shrek, we can d sarenthurt but you don't get burned to a crEsp and eaten? You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your eHomey touches? Like what? (Crashing) A door? Well gentlemen, I bid thee good night. You want me to read you a bedtime story?I wik I said good night! -Sturek, What are you doing? Laughs) Ijust-Yu know Oh, cme on l was just kidding. (Fire cracking) And, uh, that on these stars?-The stars don't tell the future, Donkey They tell stories. Look there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famnous for know you're making this up. No look. There he is and there's the grmup of hunters running away from his stench. That ain't nothis Sets/-HHey Shrek, what we gomna do when we get our swarmp anyway?-Our swamp?-You knoN when we're through rescuing the proncess. We? Donkey, there's no we. There's no our There's just me and my swamp The first thing I'm gomna do s buld a ten-foot wall arond my s past a way to keep somebedy out. -No, do ya think -Are you hidin' something? Never mind, Donkey Oh, ttos is another one of those on on things, isn't t? No, this is one of those drop-st and leave it alore things. Why don't you want to talk about it?-Why do you want to tal to keep out?Everyonel Olay?-Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere -Oh! For the love of PetelWhat's your problem? What you got aganst the whole world anysay-Look Im not the one with the problems okayi it s the world t s why fm better off alone. You ksow what? When we met, I didat think you was just a big, stupid, ugly orge Yeat tknow So, uh, are there ary donkeys upthere? Well, there's seems to have a problem with me. People take one, right there. That one Show me the princess. -HmphAh. Perfect (Inhales) Snoring) (Vacakzing) (Whisting) (Sizzling) {Sniffs, yawns Mnm, yeah, you know t ike t ike shat. Come on, baby. I said tlike it-Donkey wake up. -uh? What? Wake opWhatGood mosning. Hm, bow io you like your to make it up to you. I mean, afer all, you did rescue me Uh, thanks. (Smiffs} Well, eat up. We ve got a big day ahead of us (Delches) Shre What? R's a complment Better out than n, Ialways say laughs) Well.ts no way to tehave in front of a princess. (8elches) -Thanh udge people before you get to know them. (vocalzng) -La libertef Hey! Princess (Laughs) What are you dosog? Be stil mon dherie, for l an you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green- Kissing sounds) beast Hey -That's my proncessi Go find you ownt Please, monster Gabby, the Small and Annoying Okay okay, 1see it now The big shiny Piease let me introduse myseit Oh, Merry Men.aughs)Accordion) Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo I steal trom thenchand ghe to the needy. He takes a wee percentage But I'm not greedy.Irescue pretty damsels Man,mgod What agy Monsier Hood Break it down tke an grabs a lady by the tush That's bad That's bad When a beauty's with a beast it nakes me awfuly mad He's rsad He's really realy mad t take my blade and ram it throuh your heart Keep your eves an me, hoys cause fm about to start (Gruts, Groans (xarate Yelij Merry Mer ies)-Uh. shall we?-Hold the phone. (Grunts) OhE Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now Where did that come from Whathat8ack there: That was aoazing! Wheredd you learn that Well Chuckles) When one lves alone, uh, one has to tearn these things in case there's a hat's wrong?-Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, nD, Shrek's gonna dhe. -Donkey, Im okay Youcan't co this too me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know tne Heimlch! -Deoniey! Can down. t you t Blue flower, red thorns. Don t die Shrek If you see a long tunner stay away from the lght! (Both) DonkeyOR, veah. Right Bke flower, red thorns. What are the flowers for? For getting rid of Donkey -Ah. Now you hold stli, and yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy w eip Dont mowe. Look time out. -Would you-Grunts Okay. What do you propose we do? Blue fiowes red thorms Blue fower red thoms, Blue tiowes, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasntiror bind! Bue flower ret thorns. -Owl Hold on, Shreki Fm com We were jusz, uh -Aook, if you aanted to be alane all you had to do was ask. Okay? Oh, come anl Tkat's the last thing os my rnd The princess here was just gh Owl Hey what's that?Nervous chickbe) That's is that blood? (Seehs) (Bird churpng} (Grunts) My bel ther Aah. She wi always be the only thing That comes between me and the awha sting That coRTes from iving in a world that's so dame mean (Croaks) Oh, oh oh oh oh Hey! La-la, la-la, la-la la la (Both laoghingž La-la, la la, la la -1here it is, Princest Your future awaits ns he has a really--Ow! Um, L uhIguess we better move on Sure But, Shrek? Pa - To worried atout Donkey (Blubbering) What? Emean, look at him. Ne doesn t look so good. What are yu talking about? Im Bne. -That's what they ways say, and then next t make you some tea -Ididn't want to say nothin, but I got this twrge in my neck, and whenf turn any head ike this, loak, Bones crunch Ow See Who's hungry? I'8 fnd us some dinnes. T'8 get the frewood. hey, where you goii ? On, man, I can't feel my toes! i do kidding Well, this is delicious.-Wel they're also great in stews Now 1 don't mean to brag buz I make a mean weedrat stew (Chcking ISighs1guessi be dining a lttle differently tomonrow nignt. (Gulns) -Maybe you can tDme visit me s the swamp sometime. f the pyramids along the Nile-Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle Yes. Shrek? -1, um, 1 was wondering. Just reaember daring al the while Areyou- You belong to me Sighs) Are you ponna eat that? (Chuckles) -Man,Snt this romangic? lust look at th the dark, aren't you?-Yes! Yes, that's it. l'en terrified. You know Id better go ins de Dont feel bad, Proncess, losed to be afrakt of the dark, too, unti di know you twa were diggin on each other i coudd feel it. You're crazy. Imjust beinging ner back to Farquazd Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and soelf the pheromones: Just go on in and tell her how you feel. There i nothing to tel. Besides, even ifidid tell he goin?-To gec...move firewood. (5ighs} Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where ae you? (Wings futtenog) Pricess? (Creakingl (Gasps) ts very spooky in here. Iain't piayingno games. (Screams-Aah! Os, nol No, helpl Shi!-Shrekl Shrek! Shrek! No, it's o cess. Can you hear me? Donkey!-Uisten, keep breathing l get you out of therel No: Shrekf Srek! Shrekt Sh Sarek! Th s is me, (Mufflexd mumbling) Proncess? What happened to you? You se, u uh, ut, different. Fo u, okay? Well, yeah! Was t somet lcan remember -What do you mean? Look, I aire't never seen you tke this before It s only fhappens when sun goes down Bynght one way, by day anuther. This shall be the norm unt you firut troe kove's hrst kiss and then take love's true form. Ah, that's e this. This horrible, ugly beast! i was placed in a tower to await the day my troe love wouldresne me. thas's why f have to mary Lord arquaad tomoIow before the sun sets and the sees me like this (Sobs) -Alrght, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bas cess, and this is not how a princess is meact to took Princess how bout if you don t marry Farquaad thave to. Only my true fove's kiss can break the spell But, you know um. yoe're kond of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot io common, Shrek? Princ dwell, i don't realy like it, bat I thought you might bke it cause you re pretty But I Nke you anyway f'd -- at, uh - (Sighs| min trouble Okay, here we go. Ican't hst oarry whoever want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, ceally, who can ever love a ive happily ever after is to marry my true fove. Deep sgh Don't you see, Dorkey? That's just how it has to be. it's the only way to break the spell. You at least gotta telt Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word No one must ever know What's the po Hey no, wait. lm still atraid of the dark. (Shrek sighs) Good rsight Good ngnt Door creaks} -Ohh! Now I really A ONOW before this is over, Fem gonna need a whole lot of seriouS therapy. -Look at my eye baitchin. Door opens) (5noring)-I tel hirm, t tell him not. Itel him, I tell h not. I ted hims Shrek Shrek there scmething

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