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chexgirlfriend the pizza guy me my friend Pizza man said f--- work

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fulgur-caligo-custodis kurlyfryz Power move: Next time you go to the airport, bring a bottle of shampoo, but it's filled with yogurt. When they tell you that liquids aren't allowed Drink it Posted in r/madlads by u/ProbablyM_S reddit

lesbianshepard Jul 24 travelling next week for work. googled the nearest city and none of you are prepared to see what passes for the local style pizza. lesbianshepard Jul 24 this should be a crime lesbianshepard Jul 25 #someone needs to die for this #divorced dad type food #is the local chef a 12 year old latchkey kid? #as a new yorker im about to k J elf #abolish all prisons except one for these guys #that is a crime where I'm from #I'm anti regional food variation shaming but this is a crime man #mamma mia. #i took like a deep shuddering breath #i feel nauseous. #oh no they should be shot #literally the closest thing to anti-Italian racism the reviews are in: Pennsylvania must pay for its crimes

theaccidentfactory Follow I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby theaccidentfactory English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking s about the neighbor's son

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She's dangerous, super bad...

reallyreallyreallytrying: yo i ain't saying she's a gold-digger but she does carry a weird pan everywhere and keep mumbling stuff about "gold in them there hills" idk so yeah she is probably a gold digger

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Tumblr user One-time-I-dreamt enacts their reign of terror

one-time-i-dreamt was walking around my neighborhood and saw a bunch of police surrounding a small house for a drug bust. As I got closer, I heard the policemen barking aggressively, so naturally I was like, w--??? And one of them caught my eye and said, "Oh, we're trying to scare them out of there," and minutes later a bunch of furries came out the house whimpering and s--- elliewilliams please sign your posts with your url i refuse to be continuously terrified of humanity by them somedaythiswillbeclever people who don't read urls ALLEY GRUug one-time-i-dreamt

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You could have a 6th dimensional creature drawing a circle around your W-axis while you sleep and not even know it

mosquito on my screen he hasn't moved in the past 5 minutes Bugs get 8th dimensional superbeings doing this s--- to me right now MONKEYS SE TIE DUMB B0X

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This isn't what Goku would have wanted

mechsuit: kinnie tumblr is wack y'all will say s--- like “I AM 100% THIS CHARACTERS COMPLETELY THEY ARE ME" and abt ur personality will even resemble them like you think goku would say that? you think goku would have a 1000 page about with a billion links and say he will block u if you dont like all his personal posts? you think goku would get into ace nothing i can't believe the f------ notes/reblogs on this post. it is a hellilsh dreamscape of goku ace discourse, multiverse and flat earth theory to prove that someone's past life was as goku, and then all of the comments of people questioning if goku can even read a compilation of some of my favourite comments on this crazy ass trainwreck of a notes section: ivewith thesenotehaveto bro with a sweeblidead de which of course leads us to everyone who is just literally losing their s--- about goku ace discrouse by reblogging with muffled screams of agony 耇 and bonus round: whatever in the f--- these comments are

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All Kevins in cartoons are assholes

littlelarimar there's always that jerk named kevin that shows up in cartoons animentality it's a bitch name bbg100

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The Differences Between Generations

ahsteria than u ahsteria gen x: !! kids these days are spending too much time on the phones!! they're faking the depression & anxiety !! ahsteria millennials people need to realize the importance of our truths and struggles, rent prices, s----- education, decreased job opportunities, and discrimination, are causing genuine problems among today's population ahsteria gen z ok im ready to eat fruit, be gay, go to the moon, and die lets go f------

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Vote write-in candidate Ian Kobe for AZ mine inspector 2014

"Why can't I play in the abandoned copper mine Mommy?" BECAUSE JOE HART DIDN'T CLEAR OUT THE VAMPIRE DENS. MINE INSPECTOR WRITE-IN CANDIDATE the Fun fact: Arizona is the only place in the country where the state mine inspector is an elected position Another fun fact: this is one of my favorite political ads of all time, straight out of 2014 I forgot vampire bats were a thing and thought they were referring to the folklore kind of vampire the subtle advocation for kids not great to be playing in the abandoned copper mines is also FACT AZ STATE MINE INSPECTOR OE HART, FAILED TO FINDA SINGLE DRACULA NEST IN 2014 FACT WRITE-IN CANDIDATE, AN KOBE WILL FIND AND DESTROY MINE-BASED DRACULA NESTS No... He meant Vampires i0 IAN KOBE AZ STATE MINE INSPECTOR lan Kobe @NoAzMineDracula Write-in lan Kobe for AZ Mine Inspector 2014 Arizona θ facebook.com/NOAZMINEDRACUL.. Joined August 2014

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unbelievable

one-time-i-dreamt I ordered Jimmy Johns and it took the delivery man 5 minutes and 1 second to bring me my food and he showed up with a katana and my sandwich and said "lm so sorry, I've gone over my time promise, please, dispose of me, I am worthless" and handed me the katana and I was like yo what, I don't care dude, go back to your work it's fine" and he was like "THEN BOSS WILL DISPOSE OF ME YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I BROKE THE PROMISE" and then cops showed up and started shooting at him and was like YOU'RE TOO KIND LADY HE MUST DIE,ITS A LAW and then one cop started swinging the katana at his neck then I woke up Source name. Keep forgetting to look at source names Source: one-time-i-dreamt 18,487 notes

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So tumblr rolled out an update that’s supposed to let you change the color of your text, but...

comicstore >be me 2018 i can finally greentext on tumblr junkart-main >Be me 2018 >See greentext post on tumblr >be on mobile so it's not green mfw candygarnet >be on desktop still not green functioning website

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GIRL COULD YOU NOT

"Girl u need to stop asking to die it gets really annoying im a busy person"

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That sounds about right

odin is like "when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco belr Ooinn spake: Bright the sun shone | at the time of Por's birth, And bathed his count'nance fair Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar I found on the cold pavement While returning in gloryI from a grand hunt For a 3 AM quesadilla. systlin I need this framed on my wall it's so beautiful. themintykid @theshitoostcalligrapher ay @systlin hmu OSiin spake Bright tlhe stn shone At the finne of pors birth ano batheo his count nAnce fair Loki, toolf-father the tricksterthe lian forund onthe cola pavement While refurning in glory fromagrand he fora 3A12quesadilla @systlin My husband complained that this was more Shakespeare than Eddas, and I challenged him to do better Solen sken, skönt gyllene Dagen Tor föddes På trottoaren, vid Taco Bell Dar lag Loke -KJN My translation: The sun shone, sweet golden The day of Tor's birtlh On the tarmac, by Taco Bell There lay Loki (For poetry reasons, Thor needs the Swedish spelling.) ay yo show ur husband Solen sken, skont gylene Sr kgloke @bold sartorial-statement no but hang on this should be in runes: Bィ 1R4 11イイR(10 (oops spot the typos)

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Humans are like onions

oppa-homeless-style skin is just people crust pancakeke the outside of that crust is called the "horny layer heavymetalpuppers u r on drugs ees pancakeke Stratum corneum - Wikipedia Wikipedia>wiki Stratumcorneum The stratum corneum (Latin for 'horny layer) is the outermost layer of the epidermis, consisting of dead cells (corneocytes). This layer is composed of 15-20 layers of flattened cells with no nuclei and cell organelles nope 1.382 notities

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Tumblr - Is that snap where all the “X said f--- work” jokes are coming from?

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chexgirlfriend the pizza guy me my friend Pizza man said f--- work

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