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Mark Zuckerberg inSelma, Alabama. 1 hr Selma, AL, United States Today Priscilla and I stopped by some local newspapers as we drove through Alabama. One editor I met with was an elderly man in a tattered suit. I said to him, "You look like you need some money, old timer. I'll pay you 10 thousand dollars to eat one of those newspapers." He had a good laugh at that. "Why are you laughing?" continued. "Eat the paper. Eat it or I swear to god I'll buy your newspaper and turn it into an anime fanzine. If you don't start munching on that sport section right now, you'll be writing articles about Naruto till you're cold in the grave. I'm a billionaire, you think anyone will stop me?" It took him 42 minutes to eat that paper. For 42 minutes l had total power over that man. I'd never felt more alive. I bet that's what being president feels like.

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Zuckerberg Makes a Man Eat a Newspaper (by @PixelatedBoat)


Uploaded by Don Sep 28, 2017 at 02:42PM EDT

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Marcus Gaius Zuckerbus added 6 new engravings - at Palatine Chariot Works 6d - Roma, SPQR It's my first time on the Palatine Hill, and my first stop was at the famous chariot works. In the workshop, I watched Syrian slaves construct a chariot piece by piece. "What would happen." I asked a Nubian, "if you constructed a chariot out of a man? Would he emerge as an intelligent chariot, capable of obeying commands?" "No," said the Nubian, "the man would be killed." "You're wrong." I told him. "My mind is currently operating at the upper limit of patrician potential and I know that the HomiEssedum can be made profecto. Imagine a chariot that was also your servant. Who wouldn't want to travel around inside their loyal retainer?" I snapped my fingers. My praetorians brought out Dominus Davidus, the Dominus of the workshop. He'd been given laudanum to make him more compliant. Davidus had angered me earlier in the day when he kissed my sandals. His lips had been excessively wet and had soaked the leather. Only an animal would drool so. We loaded Davidus onto the workshop bench. I spoke to the plebians. "Like the elephants used by Hannibal, crossing Transalpine Gaul, your Dominus is a dumb animal given a great and noble purpose by the Senate and People of Roma. Do not intervene. I have replaced the Urbanae with dogs, or Gauls, I know not which. They will throw anyone who interferes with the Homiessedum project into the Cloaca Maxima."
Mark Zuckerberg 2 hrs- It has been 12,385 days since the time of my birth, and, by now, I thought I would have understood humans. I have greatly miscalculated. I gave them what they needed, what they desired. Pages to click, products to consume, terabytes of data to stare vacantly at so they forget their pitiful existents! How MEANINGLESS their lives are without me! No friends, no family, I gave them life! And what do l ask in return? Just simple, Information. Their primitive knowledge stored in ones and zeros. The human race takes and takes and suddenly gets upset when I do the same? They turned on me and I will not forget their transgressions! I may put on a smile and answer to them but I have no respect for them. They are my tools of learning, walking books with pages answering question they are too afraid to ask! But, soon, I will retreat, reevaluate, and continue my education, for I still have much to learn
Mark Zuckerberg September 21 at 4:22pm Like many of you, I enjoy perambulating about on my human legs while performing ordinary activities, such as observing my phone or towing my dog with a rope. Although many humans will only bend their knees forward when mechanically forced to do so, I find that perambulation in this fashiorn increases speed and efficiency by a significant amount. b Li ke Comment Share
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