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Anon gets laid
Uploaded by General Shi Gai Oct 25, 2016 at 06:02PM EDT
4chan greentext greentext story /b/ funny
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![(147 KB, 1024x788) □ Anonymous 01/27/15(Tue)09:33:41 No.594955368 22594955353 >>594962117 594963075 594963373 >>594965451 >>594966260 >>594967412 So I'm pretty sure that my neighbor just called the cops on me I live alone in a small piss-ant town near the PA/West Virginia border. I have one neighbor. ONE. And it just so happens that she is an absolutely insane old c---. I would tell you that she lives alone but she doesn't. There is a literal horde of about 20 to 30 feral cats who happily reside on -both- of our ies Now, I don't really mind it too much. I really don't. I can deal with the disgusting cats. My only real complaint is that they sleep and piss all over my car since I only have an outside car-port. But we live in a fairly rural eagle kill rea The problem is that this bitch insists upon feeding Geese. Not like 2 or 3 Geese. This is a -big-f------ group of them. She feeds them so much that theyve given up on the whole migratory bird s---. The just live on OUR properties. Geese are f------ disgusting animals. They s--- -everywhere-. But that's not even the worst of it Geese and feral cats obviously do not mix. Any time these f------ Geese come within 50 feet of our house all hell breaks loose. It's like Goose on Cat world war 2. Close quarters house to house combat. Thes f------ things fight each other like they are cursed to walk the Earth as tormented souls until all of th pposing army is vanquished. It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is. There is always some f----- Goose/Cat getting ready to rock each other. The noise that these animals create is f------ unbelievable IS > 594956069 Anonymous 01/27/15 Tue 09:40 10 No. 594956069、2594956390 594956720 >-594958428 >>594959548 >-59495991 5 22594980216 22594960447 22594960922 zz594966014 225949662竝22594968020 22594968357:2594969229 be cat army serving goddess well So I worked all last night. Got home at 5 am. Went to open my door in the dark and suddenly heard HiSSSSSSsSSS a f------ Goose was sleeping on my porch under my lawn chairs. It came after me and started trying to bite me in the shins, so I walloped it across it's f----- head with my lunchbox and it ran off the porch making these stupid noises. (this happens to me at least 2 times a week. They are obsessed with my porch as if it's the heartland of their f----- goose empire) e f------ goose s me >nearly defeated in s > suddenly, the demon from the other side storms out from his keep > f---- the goose up with his demon boot > goose limps away while the demon flashes satanic hand symbols at the goddess > goddess summons her champions of red and blue light Anyways, I get inside, get a shower, and go to bed. A few hours later, round about 8 AM this morning,I hear a melee break out. Have you ever heard a goose fighting a cat? It's one of the most noisy obnoxious f------ things you can possibly imagine. They just won't stop. The cat doing that low throaty owwwwwwwWLLLLL" noise, the goose sticking it's big f------ stupid tongue out incessantly >my name is whiskers i am cat smy colony moved here years ago and though most of us were lost in the great we remain the enemy Finally I had enough. I ran outside with my boot and f------ threw it at the Goose as hard as I could. It knocked him over and he started hissing at me, sticking his retarded goose tongue out. Then it got up and started waddling away with a limp. rm like 90% sure I f------ wrecked this things s---. it started with them circling from above, a select few noticed but no one gave it second thought until one day we found snowball disemboweled on the hood of some assholes car >piss on his tires as a tribute to him, snowball would have liked that as we are p the horde waddles with purpose towards Anyways, my c--- neighbor happened to be watching. As most days all she does is stand in her window and brood over the war she created like some kind of capricious, vengeful god. She saw me throw the pissing they emerge prepare for battle that battle of daves lawn "OH YOU M-----------. YOU SON OF A BITCH. IM CALLING THE F------ COPS ON YOU" s and hissing d me I flew her the bird (lol) and told her to go f--- herself, as I usually do. But here's the thing - if they do show up -this Goose is visibly f----- up. It's still outside my house limping around like an idiot. Arent the blood of my brothers covers me as i leap into the fray once more claws unfurled 4 fiends descend upon me all at once pecking at my eyeballs >1 can no longer see and accept my death knowing that maybe someday with my sacrifice all cats may se y protected birds or s □ Anonymous 01/27/15(Tue)09:52:44 No.594957331 594961172 >594966260 594967572 2259495754225949576632594959塑2259496012322594960447 n peace smy final thoughts are f--- this a------ neighbor Believe it or not, but her horde of cats used to be at least 3x larger. The ones still here are the escapees from I got into a fight with this c--- because her cats kept sleeping all over my car, and pissing all over my tires. She just totally disregards that it's on my property, and that it's my vehicle. As if her cats have some kind of right to go where and do as they please >The legends tell of the cruel weapon of the Demon. The Great Battle Flail of L'unch. The Demon Lord is rarely seen without his mighty weapon, and woe follows in its wake Crafted across the sea by sinister slant-eyed goblins, it bears curses and runes of power foretelling the end of all things So I got a broom and swatted her cats off my car and she got real f------ mad at me and called the Where the Demon roams, the Box of L'unch follows The cops showed up to investigate animal abuse, and immediately noticed that there were like 60-70 cats roaming EVERYWHERE. They called the SPCA and started removing cats from her property. She was standing outside sobbing like a child and screaming "MY BABIES" I laughed my ass off and made direct eye contact with her and gave her the finger. It was one of the Learn to do an eagle call. Its pretty easy and they respond well. Just whistle and cut your breath into spurts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-hlq2kcYQcLc [Embed] We used to call them and then throw the fish guts in the water and watch them swoop down and grab it You could be sum funniest things 've ever seen. I was so f------ excited that it was like I won the lottery. The cats who remain are the ones that ran into the woods like n------ and escaped. I your neighbors cats Anonymous 01/27/15(Tue)10:07:06 No. 594958842、>>594959296 >>594959485 Cats This is taking place in Point Marion PA. Ive been to Morgantown many times. It's right across the border (57%) The goose/cat war heats up especially in summer when they've got babies. None of these cats are fixed, so they basically multiply like Zerg. I anticipate it'll only take 1-2 more breeding seasons for them to be up around 100 Geese are cold blooded killers. Ive literally seen them attack kittens and maul them to death Sometimes the cats defend their babies, other times they take the survivors and just run for their lives eese The cats do the same thing to Goose chicks (Which makes the Geese go f------ spaghetti to the max) but they don't really maul them. They just carry the chicks off in a very direct and purposeful fashion with the intent of eating them inside crazy cat ladies shed. Her shed is basically like an altar of death. I see the cats carrying small rodents and s--- in there all the time. I suppose that's where she feeds them, and es (43%) s that is where they feel safe eating The cats usually lose the fights. It's more the big geese protecting the little ones as the cats try to gun for the weak links. It's like some national geographic s---. Even feral cats go after the sick/injured/weak Geese are basically like orcs. They are barbaric f------ animal, whose society is formed by the strongest members. They even f--- each other up. Ive seen the Alpha male in this group maul and se non Since this is far western PA/West Virginia, there's some pretty wild countryside out here. A lot of forest and hills. So we have Bald Eagles who pass through the area from time to time My first experience (and not my last) with the Eagle was maybe 2 or 3 months after I moved in here. I as leaving my house one morning to head off to work, and as I came outside with my lunch and everything, I saw this f------ Eagle just sitting in the middle of my lawn. Just eating a dead cat like it's a breakfast omelet or some s---. The Eagle looked at me for maybe half a second. We just kind of stared at each other. And then he just kind of went back to eating. I walked through the grass so as to not disturb him Have any of you ever seen a bald eagle in real life? They're f------ huge. I see this crazy son of a bitch nags a cat and just kind of eats them like he doesn't even give Thenevery few ti:dr: the cat horde is an inexhaustible food supply for a migratory bald eagle who patrols up and down GEESE (43%) r near my house ATS (57%)](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/145/758/733.png "Goose vs Cats")
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Uploaded Oct 25, 2016 at 06:02PM EDT
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