Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews - Images

Sorted By:

8. From a review titled: "Excellent taste, in small portions." f the last of the 8 trips to t large volume of gas that my external a--- sphincter could not do it's job, and remained open/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. I've never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that l had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the a--- sphincter muscle." Via amazon.comm 9. From a review titled: "Gastrointestinal Armageddon” 93 "After a few hours, I had an EXTREME build-up of gas with no relief. All I could do was lie on my bed and pray for a fart. That might sound funny, but when you've eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, you're pleading for relief." Via amazon.comm
8. From a review titled: "Excellent taste, in small portions." f the last of the 8 trips to t large volume of gas that my external a--- sphincter could not do it's job, and remained open/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. I've never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that l had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the a--- sphincter muscle." Via amazon.comm 9. From a review titled: "Gastrointestinal Armageddon” 93 "After a few hours, I had an EXTREME build-up of gas with no relief. All I could do was lie on my bed and pray for a fart. That might sound funny, but when you've eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, you're pleading for relief." Via amazon.comm

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews

6. From a review titled: “AWESOME and EXPLOSIVE!!" "The explosive gas let loose and to an explosive shart! 1 mile from home on my walk and it was a long 1 mile back and I had a mess!! Fortunately for compression shorts it didn't run down my legs!! Now I had to hold the gas for fear of blowing my entire intestines out into my shorts!! made it home and what happened then was like something out of Dante's Inferno!!! My butt became an upside down volcano!! Best to stock up on toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner as you will totally spray the bowl and back of the seat!! would no sooner get done and have to go again. When you get the urge to "go" you best be in proximity of toilet!!! I spent hours on the toilet." Via amazon.com 7. From a review titled: “You dont understand." "I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true Eat two at a time. Three if you're brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE" Via amazon.com
6. From a review titled: “AWESOME and EXPLOSIVE!!" "The explosive gas let loose and to an explosive shart! 1 mile from home on my walk and it was a long 1 mile back and I had a mess!! Fortunately for compression shorts it didn't run down my legs!! Now I had to hold the gas for fear of blowing my entire intestines out into my shorts!! made it home and what happened then was like something out of Dante's Inferno!!! My butt became an upside down volcano!! Best to stock up on toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner as you will totally spray the bowl and back of the seat!! would no sooner get done and have to go again. When you get the urge to "go" you best be in proximity of toilet!!! I spent hours on the toilet." Via amazon.com 7. From a review titled: “You dont understand." "I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true Eat two at a time. Three if you're brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE" Via amazon.com

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews

4. From a review titled: "lt's. All. True" OMG. Everything previously written is true. It's all true. Don't eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines." Via amazon.comm !!)o li.lt@iffil Bears ire VICN榭.ii: I'iiile X10 'n, Fully weaponized Gummy bloated as a balloon in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home's septic system AND my will to live After three hours of a pelvis-shaking Gummy Bear assault, I was spongy and weak, surprised that I had any bones left. I cursed Haribo with the little strength I could muster Via amazon.comm
4. From a review titled: "lt's. All. True" OMG. Everything previously written is true. It's all true. Don't eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines." Via amazon.comm !!)o li.lt@iffil Bears ire VICN榭.ii: I'iiile X10 'n, Fully weaponized Gummy bloated as a balloon in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home's septic system AND my will to live After three hours of a pelvis-shaking Gummy Bear assault, I was spongy and weak, surprised that I had any bones left. I cursed Haribo with the little strength I could muster Via amazon.comm

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews

I. From a review titled: “Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate." "What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM" 2. From a review titled: "Be sure to buy Oxyclean too!" "Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans. Via amazon.com "I saw the product reviews and told some coworkers, so we bought a bag (because who doesn't want to spend the workday on the toilet AND get paid, right??). Brought them in yesterday morning and a bunch of the guys immediately downed a handful each. Within half an hour they were in the bathroom. Best moment of the day was when one of them (who had been in the bathroom for half an hour by that point) texted one of the others.If you think it's a fart....it's NOT.' hahhaaaaaa"
I. From a review titled: “Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate." "What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM" 2. From a review titled: "Be sure to buy Oxyclean too!" "Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans. Via amazon.com "I saw the product reviews and told some coworkers, so we bought a bag (because who doesn't want to spend the workday on the toilet AND get paid, right??). Brought them in yesterday morning and a bunch of the guys immediately downed a handful each. Within half an hour they were in the bathroom. Best moment of the day was when one of them (who had been in the bathroom for half an hour by that point) texted one of the others.If you think it's a fart....it's NOT.' hahhaaaaaa"

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews

☆☆☆☆☆ Rapture me, please lord, October 5, 2013 By Craig L-See all my reviews This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) ☆☆☆☆☆ I can't get the smell out , October 7, 2013 By Sarah Oh See all my reviews This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) ☆☆☆☆☆ slow painful death by Gummi Bears in an Airplane Bathroom, October 23, 2013 By ILike Ceesing in Luckytown) See all my reviews This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) Ate a bag of these when I boarded a 6 hour flight to Seatttle Gastric exorcism at 30,000 feet Enough said. My advice.. Don't use a bathroom on a Delta flight. That stench is from me 7 years ago. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Repert abuse Permalink Comment
☆☆☆☆☆ Rapture me, please lord, October 5, 2013 By Craig L-See all my reviews This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) ☆☆☆☆☆ I can't get the smell out , October 7, 2013 By Sarah Oh See all my reviews This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) ☆☆☆☆☆ slow painful death by Gummi Bears in an Airplane Bathroom, October 23, 2013 By ILike Ceesing in Luckytown) See all my reviews This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) Ate a bag of these when I boarded a 6 hour flight to Seatttle Gastric exorcism at 30,000 feet Enough said. My advice.. Don't use a bathroom on a Delta flight. That stench is from me 7 years ago. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Repert abuse Permalink Comment

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews

1,058 of 1,221 people found the following review helpful A RECIPE FOR SUCCESS!!, January 15, 2014 By Uncle Whitey - This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) WARNING: This is a story of extreme success. Your results may vary My overbearing oaf of a boss loves snacks. He rarely takes a lunch, as it would interfere with his love of micromanagement. I can't tell you how many times he's buzzed me on the intercom with his mouth overflowing with crackers, jerky or whatever is within reach of his fat arms, all the while screaming at me from a mouth splattering food particles all over his desk and computer like a rain bird connected to a fire hose. The tech guys hate him too, simply for the fact that they have to keep replacing his crusted over keyboards nearly on a monthly basis Shortly before the holidays, I was told that my bonus was going to be reduced by over 90% this year due to the company not being able to hit an arbitrary goal, which happened to be set by my confounding boss in October. My friend Omar in accounting told me that we actually did quite well this year, and my boss was taking a much larger than normal bonus this year. Greeeaaaaat. While looking for cheap Christmas gifts for various staff members in my office, amongst the tubs of popcorn, I found these Gummy Bears of death. I so wanted to give them to my boss, but I could not risk him finding these reviews and tracing his loss of an intestine to me. Then I overheard him screaming over the phone at a contractor to having his new swimming pool and spa completed before the New Year, so he could have the deduction for this year's taxes. That's when I came up with HOLIDAY POPCORN OF DEATH: 4 qts. popcorn 1 1/2 c. sugar 1/2 c. white kard 1 c. butter 2 tbsp. vanilla 1 bag colored marshmallows 4 c. Killer Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears IMPORTANT: DO NOT TOUCH THIS MIXTURE WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. WEAR PUNCTURE PROOF LATEX GLOVES Add the popcorn to a washed holiday popcorn tin with all labels removed, seal with cellophane tape along the edge (this gives it the impression of being factory sealed) add a nice bow and card. Then eat the marshmallows while you laugh and think about all of the havoc you are going to cause A couple of days before Christmas, I distributed my popcorn gifts, and gave my boss his special batch, and went back to my office I walked by his office several times in eager anticipation, and around lunch time I heard his characteristic open mouth crunching and I saw that the popcorn lid was off. GO TIME! After the last employee left for lunch, I placed an OUT OF ORDER sign on the executive washroom near my office, and waited for the magic to happen. It didn't take long, maybe 15-20 minutes or so, when I heard a frantic try at the washroom door, and then heard my boss yell "SHIGUMMM!" as he hit the door. I peeked out my door to see him doubled over, and shuffling like a speared penguin whose life depended on holding his butt cheeks together. Popcorn particles were on the front of his shirt and in the corners of his grimaced mouth. Droplets of sweat had started rolling off his bald pate, and appeared to be mixing with his tears of pain His only option was to make his way to the employee restroom down the hall, but it required the use of a code that he never used After years of smirking after using the executive washroom, I thought to myself "Who's laughing now b%$"?" He shuffled his way to my office shouting my name (probably to get the code) but I had hidden myself under my desk "Unbelievable!" was the only thing he could say when I heard what sounded like a live cat being dropped in a bubbling stew pot while shooting a tommy gun. I looked under my desk to see soiled trousers drop on the floor of my office, as he defiled my shredder I started to feel bad for him and stood up, but was immediately knocked back down by a putrefied stench of an exploding blue whale that had laid in the sun for weeks. My gag reflex was vaporized and I spun yarn like Linda Blai nd Pazuzu's love child. Most nts before prolapsing. His eyes were open, bru nts le he bore pow The next thin without nding in m ath our miles ho thinkin left my keys, my rting Arle onist who W uncon round in ryone was in shock. I w d killed my boss by liquefying his insides with the power combo of roughage nd intestine liquefying gummies. I snapped out of it when Omar started shaking me saying: "Dude, you were in there, weren't you?" I nodded my head and he screamed "I found one! I found one! Hazmat!'" ed around the corner by two guys in s ha its and was put in a quarantine t tion. When the with the no symptoms the explained that my ntine for virus, or Influenza e inch of the office. Omar found her shortly ther r lunch, Arlene ell that ha trying t would ntine for no less tha and they need the offic the ground ryone in the off three months off with pa normal bonus. The find out tha ha but the fired him anywa y ror nting the office with his inna By the time they let us back in, the offices we on which incr but I finally got the ke utive wa Thanks Haribo
1,058 of 1,221 people found the following review helpful A RECIPE FOR SUCCESS!!, January 15, 2014 By Uncle Whitey - This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) WARNING: This is a story of extreme success. Your results may vary My overbearing oaf of a boss loves snacks. He rarely takes a lunch, as it would interfere with his love of micromanagement. I can't tell you how many times he's buzzed me on the intercom with his mouth overflowing with crackers, jerky or whatever is within reach of his fat arms, all the while screaming at me from a mouth splattering food particles all over his desk and computer like a rain bird connected to a fire hose. The tech guys hate him too, simply for the fact that they have to keep replacing his crusted over keyboards nearly on a monthly basis Shortly before the holidays, I was told that my bonus was going to be reduced by over 90% this year due to the company not being able to hit an arbitrary goal, which happened to be set by my confounding boss in October. My friend Omar in accounting told me that we actually did quite well this year, and my boss was taking a much larger than normal bonus this year. Greeeaaaaat. While looking for cheap Christmas gifts for various staff members in my office, amongst the tubs of popcorn, I found these Gummy Bears of death. I so wanted to give them to my boss, but I could not risk him finding these reviews and tracing his loss of an intestine to me. Then I overheard him screaming over the phone at a contractor to having his new swimming pool and spa completed before the New Year, so he could have the deduction for this year's taxes. That's when I came up with HOLIDAY POPCORN OF DEATH: 4 qts. popcorn 1 1/2 c. sugar 1/2 c. white kard 1 c. butter 2 tbsp. vanilla 1 bag colored marshmallows 4 c. Killer Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears IMPORTANT: DO NOT TOUCH THIS MIXTURE WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. WEAR PUNCTURE PROOF LATEX GLOVES Add the popcorn to a washed holiday popcorn tin with all labels removed, seal with cellophane tape along the edge (this gives it the impression of being factory sealed) add a nice bow and card. Then eat the marshmallows while you laugh and think about all of the havoc you are going to cause A couple of days before Christmas, I distributed my popcorn gifts, and gave my boss his special batch, and went back to my office I walked by his office several times in eager anticipation, and around lunch time I heard his characteristic open mouth crunching and I saw that the popcorn lid was off. GO TIME! After the last employee left for lunch, I placed an OUT OF ORDER sign on the executive washroom near my office, and waited for the magic to happen. It didn't take long, maybe 15-20 minutes or so, when I heard a frantic try at the washroom door, and then heard my boss yell "SHIGUMMM!" as he hit the door. I peeked out my door to see him doubled over, and shuffling like a speared penguin whose life depended on holding his butt cheeks together. Popcorn particles were on the front of his shirt and in the corners of his grimaced mouth. Droplets of sweat had started rolling off his bald pate, and appeared to be mixing with his tears of pain His only option was to make his way to the employee restroom down the hall, but it required the use of a code that he never used After years of smirking after using the executive washroom, I thought to myself "Who's laughing now b%$"?" He shuffled his way to my office shouting my name (probably to get the code) but I had hidden myself under my desk "Unbelievable!" was the only thing he could say when I heard what sounded like a live cat being dropped in a bubbling stew pot while shooting a tommy gun. I looked under my desk to see soiled trousers drop on the floor of my office, as he defiled my shredder I started to feel bad for him and stood up, but was immediately knocked back down by a putrefied stench of an exploding blue whale that had laid in the sun for weeks. My gag reflex was vaporized and I spun yarn like Linda Blai nd Pazuzu's love child. Most nts before prolapsing. His eyes were open, bru nts le he bore pow The next thin without nding in m ath our miles ho thinkin left my keys, my rting Arle onist who W uncon round in ryone was in shock. I w d killed my boss by liquefying his insides with the power combo of roughage nd intestine liquefying gummies. I snapped out of it when Omar started shaking me saying: "Dude, you were in there, weren't you?" I nodded my head and he screamed "I found one! I found one! Hazmat!'" ed around the corner by two guys in s ha its and was put in a quarantine t tion. When the with the no symptoms the explained that my ntine for virus, or Influenza e inch of the office. Omar found her shortly ther r lunch, Arlene ell that ha trying t would ntine for no less tha and they need the offic the ground ryone in the off three months off with pa normal bonus. The find out tha ha but the fired him anywa y ror nting the office with his inna By the time they let us back in, the offices we on which incr but I finally got the ke utive wa Thanks Haribo

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews
amazon haribo sugarless gummy bears

98 of 133 people found the following review helpful ☆☆☆☆☆ Made me sick, June 13, 2006 By Luke Meyers (Seattle, WA USA) See all my reviews REAL NAME This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) They're delicious, but after I ate a few handsful, a couple hours later I started to feel really sick. I spent the whole rest of the day suffering painful gastrointestinal (branded Lycasin(tm)). If you don't have a problem with Lycasin, go right ahead and munch away. If you don't know, I'd try them in small quantities first to make sure they don't cause you any problems. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Report abuse Permalink was this review helpful to you? (YesUOO | Comments (9)
98 of 133 people found the following review helpful ☆☆☆☆☆ Made me sick, June 13, 2006 By Luke Meyers (Seattle, WA USA) See all my reviews REAL NAME This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) They're delicious, but after I ate a few handsful, a couple hours later I started to feel really sick. I spent the whole rest of the day suffering painful gastrointestinal (branded Lycasin(tm)). If you don't have a problem with Lycasin, go right ahead and munch away. If you don't know, I'd try them in small quantities first to make sure they don't cause you any problems. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Report abuse Permalink was this review helpful to you? (YesUOO | Comments (9)

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews

12,010 of 12,664 people found the following review helpful My Dinner With Andrea By @StuPurdue on November 21, 2013 Size Name: 3kg I'm pretty sure Andrea ('ll call her) agreed to have dinner at my apartment only because I always spoke to her using nothing but my two- years-of-high-school German. Her English was perfect. Probably better than mine. But the fact that I could only ask her directions to the Autobahn or inquire about the health of her non-existent Tante Amelia, seemed to make me appealing to her in a sweet and non- threatening way My intentions, however, were considerably less child-like. Which is why the shopping that night was done at one of those upscale groceries with an international flair. Moules Marinieres is as much of a panty-peeler as anything I can cook, and isn't that hard to pull of But still, I was busy tracking the recipe in my head when I found myself in the sweets aisle. And that, to my great chagrin, is why I didn't immediately notice the difference between Haribo Normal Gummi Bears (which are designed for human enjoyment) and Haribo Sugarless Gummi Bears (which are designed for use in maximum security prisons as a way to punish uncooperative inmates) l shan't make that mistake again. (notice you can't spell SHANT without SHAT.) Prior to Andrea's arrival, I sat in my living room, creating a playlist of make-out music and nervously binging on the Gummi Bears I hac placed in a decorative bowl because I am fancy The doorbell rang, and within minutes we were standing in the kitchen, drinking beers and both of us probably worrying that we were about to exhaust my ability to communicate in her native tongue. But soon that would be the least of my worries. In the middle of trying to ask Andrea if she likes to dance to young people's music, I felt a flutter in my midsection, accompanied by a guttural pronouncement so loud it threatened to drown out my own voice Maybe it was because I was mentally refreshing my language lessons, but it suddenly struck me how much pre-diarrheal grumblings sound like German words "ENTSCHULDIGUNG!" was the next thing uttered by my rapidly clenching stomach. Appropriately, Andrea looked up in response "Sind Sie Kaffee machen?" she asked Am I making coffee? I thought I must have mistranslated her at first, then finally I realized that yes, the loud, ominous gurgling coming from my gut could easily be mistaken for the percolating of some bachelor's crappy coffeemaker. It's remarkable how quickly one knows that one is about to have a traumatic pottymaking experience. Maybe that's the body's way of buying you the precious seconds you need. I was already calculating the number of steps to the bathroom, speculating on whether l would have time to lift the lid to the toilet, when my own voice cried out loudly in my head She's going to hear EVERYTHING! Thanks to an acoustical idiosyncrasy in my building, the hallway outside the bathroom works as an amplifier pointed straight at my living room-slash-kitchen. So that somehow even the gentlest tinkle sounds like I'm pouring lemonade out of a bucket With only half an idea of what I was doing, I grabbed Andrea's hand and pulled her roughly down onto my sofa. I must have looked like a madman as l booted up my iTunes playlist, plugged in the gigantic new headphones I had just bought to keep me looking young and hip and clamped them down over her ears. (the sweat forming on my brow and upper lip couldn't have helped.) In response to her nervous expression, I kept shouting "You'll love this! You'll love this!" l spun her around so that she was looking out the window. My "plan" was that she'd be so distracted by the modest 4th floor view, that it would allow me headphones. (this story will be reprinted in its entirety as a 5 star review on the Sony Beats Audio Amazon page.) As I slammed the bathroom door shut, already half naked, it occurred to me that I had not been shouting "You'll love this!" at Andrea. I don't even know how to say that in f while l sprinted down the hall, silently singing the praises of the noise-reducing quality of my new speration I had been saying "lch Leibe Dich!" Repeatedly pro ing my love for h c voice. But maybe that ta room about the ing white-knuckle bowel movement that h in other reviews on thi adiective "Kafka d of Act One of this private torture-p--- movie, I was confes crime in history. Praying I would stumble solved upon the one that would satisfy my invisible captor zed that I had more than And about. We t whiff of the weapons wou have never looked down into a bro ilet with more horror in my ppe Ge ppe reached for the plunger, but my h marks. Apparently l had used the wooden handle ppen roce Amid the feverish, fruitl ance l did across my ti ny bathroom floor, it dawned on me that it had been more than a minute since my last I may have been light-headed and delusional, but I began to imagine a non-ignominious resolution to this ordeal. I just needed to get her the hell out of h hadn't fled the building, vomiting in terror, then l supposed I could pull up my trous s far away from this post-apocalyptic commode ible maybe I could even whisk Andrea away ndlel back toward the living room we tive. And not just because my sphincter felt raw and aw her figu r mouth agape wo miraculous i ctory. And whe glorious ave wiS The decorative bowl sitting in her lap. Down t "Du in one corner at the me. Acc within her Gl tract that s man wor bathroom door Comme revie
12,010 of 12,664 people found the following review helpful My Dinner With Andrea By @StuPurdue on November 21, 2013 Size Name: 3kg I'm pretty sure Andrea ('ll call her) agreed to have dinner at my apartment only because I always spoke to her using nothing but my two- years-of-high-school German. Her English was perfect. Probably better than mine. But the fact that I could only ask her directions to the Autobahn or inquire about the health of her non-existent Tante Amelia, seemed to make me appealing to her in a sweet and non- threatening way My intentions, however, were considerably less child-like. Which is why the shopping that night was done at one of those upscale groceries with an international flair. Moules Marinieres is as much of a panty-peeler as anything I can cook, and isn't that hard to pull of But still, I was busy tracking the recipe in my head when I found myself in the sweets aisle. And that, to my great chagrin, is why I didn't immediately notice the difference between Haribo Normal Gummi Bears (which are designed for human enjoyment) and Haribo Sugarless Gummi Bears (which are designed for use in maximum security prisons as a way to punish uncooperative inmates) l shan't make that mistake again. (notice you can't spell SHANT without SHAT.) Prior to Andrea's arrival, I sat in my living room, creating a playlist of make-out music and nervously binging on the Gummi Bears I hac placed in a decorative bowl because I am fancy The doorbell rang, and within minutes we were standing in the kitchen, drinking beers and both of us probably worrying that we were about to exhaust my ability to communicate in her native tongue. But soon that would be the least of my worries. In the middle of trying to ask Andrea if she likes to dance to young people's music, I felt a flutter in my midsection, accompanied by a guttural pronouncement so loud it threatened to drown out my own voice Maybe it was because I was mentally refreshing my language lessons, but it suddenly struck me how much pre-diarrheal grumblings sound like German words "ENTSCHULDIGUNG!" was the next thing uttered by my rapidly clenching stomach. Appropriately, Andrea looked up in response "Sind Sie Kaffee machen?" she asked Am I making coffee? I thought I must have mistranslated her at first, then finally I realized that yes, the loud, ominous gurgling coming from my gut could easily be mistaken for the percolating of some bachelor's crappy coffeemaker. It's remarkable how quickly one knows that one is about to have a traumatic pottymaking experience. Maybe that's the body's way of buying you the precious seconds you need. I was already calculating the number of steps to the bathroom, speculating on whether l would have time to lift the lid to the toilet, when my own voice cried out loudly in my head She's going to hear EVERYTHING! Thanks to an acoustical idiosyncrasy in my building, the hallway outside the bathroom works as an amplifier pointed straight at my living room-slash-kitchen. So that somehow even the gentlest tinkle sounds like I'm pouring lemonade out of a bucket With only half an idea of what I was doing, I grabbed Andrea's hand and pulled her roughly down onto my sofa. I must have looked like a madman as l booted up my iTunes playlist, plugged in the gigantic new headphones I had just bought to keep me looking young and hip and clamped them down over her ears. (the sweat forming on my brow and upper lip couldn't have helped.) In response to her nervous expression, I kept shouting "You'll love this! You'll love this!" l spun her around so that she was looking out the window. My "plan" was that she'd be so distracted by the modest 4th floor view, that it would allow me headphones. (this story will be reprinted in its entirety as a 5 star review on the Sony Beats Audio Amazon page.) As I slammed the bathroom door shut, already half naked, it occurred to me that I had not been shouting "You'll love this!" at Andrea. I don't even know how to say that in f while l sprinted down the hall, silently singing the praises of the noise-reducing quality of my new speration I had been saying "lch Leibe Dich!" Repeatedly pro ing my love for h c voice. But maybe that ta room about the ing white-knuckle bowel movement that h in other reviews on thi adiective "Kafka d of Act One of this private torture-p--- movie, I was confes crime in history. Praying I would stumble solved upon the one that would satisfy my invisible captor zed that I had more than And about. We t whiff of the weapons wou have never looked down into a bro ilet with more horror in my ppe Ge ppe reached for the plunger, but my h marks. Apparently l had used the wooden handle ppen roce Amid the feverish, fruitl ance l did across my ti ny bathroom floor, it dawned on me that it had been more than a minute since my last I may have been light-headed and delusional, but I began to imagine a non-ignominious resolution to this ordeal. I just needed to get her the hell out of h hadn't fled the building, vomiting in terror, then l supposed I could pull up my trous s far away from this post-apocalyptic commode ible maybe I could even whisk Andrea away ndlel back toward the living room we tive. And not just because my sphincter felt raw and aw her figu r mouth agape wo miraculous i ctory. And whe glorious ave wiS The decorative bowl sitting in her lap. Down t "Du in one corner at the me. Acc within her Gl tract that s man wor bathroom door Comme revie

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews
amazon reviews haribo sugarless gummy bears

4,259 of 4,379 people found the following review helpful ☆☆☆☆☆ Ideal Gift For Your Congressional Representatives, October 3, 2013 This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) The reviews are so helpful. It is so difficult to be sure you are buying something over the internet that is exactley what you are searching for. I am sending a bag of these to every member of Congress to show my deepest gratitude. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Report abuse Permalink Was this review helpful to you? (Yes No Comments (25)
4,259 of 4,379 people found the following review helpful ☆☆☆☆☆ Ideal Gift For Your Congressional Representatives, October 3, 2013 This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) The reviews are so helpful. It is so difficult to be sure you are buying something over the internet that is exactley what you are searching for. I am sending a bag of these to every member of Congress to show my deepest gratitude. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Report abuse Permalink Was this review helpful to you? (Yes No Comments (25)

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews
funny congress gummy bears haribo sugarless congressional

19 of 22 people found the following review helpful ☆☆☆☆☆ Holy S% #$ literally, January 15, 2014 By Chris Lippart See all my reviews This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) I have long struggled with my weight mostly due to a love for sweets and a sedentary lifestyle. I have recently made significant dietary changes and increased my exercise regiment (increase output and decrease input) but I have never been able to curb my love for taffy and gummy snacks. When I ran across the Haribo sugarfree bears, I thought. "Haribo, great, sugarfree, awesome..what could go wrong?" My mindset was that of a passenger on the Titanic shortly before it hit the ice berg and all hell broke lose as I took the first few bites...I was running for the nearest life boat. I had projectile diarrhea so foul and so watery it could have gone through my wifes nylons. The force of which it exited me could have stripped paint off the hood of my car. I couldn't believe the sheer pain and pure horror I was enduring and soon realized for certain there could be no just God that would allow such an experience to come upon a creature he created in his own likeness Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Report abuss Prrmalink Was this review helpful to you? Yes NoComment (1)
19 of 22 people found the following review helpful ☆☆☆☆☆ Holy S% #$ literally, January 15, 2014 By Chris Lippart See all my reviews This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) I have long struggled with my weight mostly due to a love for sweets and a sedentary lifestyle. I have recently made significant dietary changes and increased my exercise regiment (increase output and decrease input) but I have never been able to curb my love for taffy and gummy snacks. When I ran across the Haribo sugarfree bears, I thought. "Haribo, great, sugarfree, awesome..what could go wrong?" My mindset was that of a passenger on the Titanic shortly before it hit the ice berg and all hell broke lose as I took the first few bites...I was running for the nearest life boat. I had projectile diarrhea so foul and so watery it could have gone through my wifes nylons. The force of which it exited me could have stripped paint off the hood of my car. I couldn't believe the sheer pain and pure horror I was enduring and soon realized for certain there could be no just God that would allow such an experience to come upon a creature he created in his own likeness Help other customers find the most helpful reviews Report abuss Prrmalink Was this review helpful to you? Yes NoComment (1)

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Candy Reviews
funny review amazon horror gummy bears haribo sugarless