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be a monk

ile: 13906 (35 KB, 254x300, scribe2.jpg) Anonymous 01/24/14(Fri)19:10 UTC-5 No.29757715 Replies: 2975831529758618>29758664 2975919329760485 29760622 2976081829760899 297 29761055 29761087 29762176 >Be Irish monk >Spend childhood learning to read and write >Love books and knowledge, particularly the Ancient Greek authors (why is Plutarch so based?) Spend most of my life copying F------ Vikings attack >Run away carrying all the books I can Find new monastery, start all >Have to trek all the way to Rome to get copies of burned books >Beaten and robbed by bandits on the way, left for dead >Fall sick >Spend months in a farmers cottage healing >Get on ship >Ship attacked by more Vikings (why do people today idolize these assholes?) >Spend year as a slave books by hand over again 50 >Escape, continue on to Rome >Spend months petitioning the Pope to give me copies of the lost books >Start back home >Almost drowned in a storm on the way back >Attacked by bandits again >Almost killed >This time am saved by a local king, still I almost s--- myself >Get back to monastery >Spend the rest of life copying books so future generations will have the knowledge 1500 year later >Be in heaven >Look down to see what happening >See fedora-f--- writing "Oh if only the Church had never existed society would be so much more advanced because of how hard they worked to burn books and destroy knowledge." Yes if there were no Christianity we'd be in space age society by now, f--- those guys." >mfw

Image #780,021

. ftet kid in high schoo know, ican lose weight, i just don't try wonst buly ofall is a lanky, skinny plece of sha et's just cal him d------ sit in tha park to ind peace Tanna ndo my skateboard, wot no. you'撸so tat that you might break it- a tembla and badly worded insut but 5l f------ hus Wt the f--- is this? Are you trying so iga? wont work. I knaw thet you cen sea And as long as l know those two things Iil naver leae, farty pa and ights t, saying m is skinnier then most men's should realize hove a weight probiem too light, s0 dipsht and his iends just freaze he's Iterally staring o into the direction the pack of assholes ane 1see youne uming in the direction of the gay barl thay stopped for one Tuck ME? № sorry, ldon't wart tojon yoar life o--- later nerested in someone my And what sre you doing osing my sht because of trest block is slaring at u Oh, no trouble kid he got what he deserved Frankin bu you c call me Frank Yours? Have you ever done anything to deserve the bulshit he juat gave you? A rmy lts, bech nsuhng someone who could kal tem merely bystng on them? tying to fght hi lose and Det huniated in front of No, no, id.I'd rathar mot, 11 just ignore him untl he quis BULLSHT endina school Exactlyl t ever goes away, but you beat it wnough ts presence wan t bother you That scnny itse sh? He is cancer He sees someone who wan't fight back, he sees someone he can consume And yet here you st-acting kn he's mnor headache come through this perk every day You can wat on his bench to f--- him up oy Frank, but I t would junit be realy good guy, and pracicaly al i have leh my mother didnt..exactly want me at least my dad Dave ash about his sespersib tes Hay, Anon, you happy sichool is out? You know Anan, we could spend the entine damn summer watching these games Then w 00ud take te place oferta whales in Sea world ni wala up, t day of summat hel ys. he takes out an almost empty jug of mik Hay Anon, could you go to the stone mext to the park and get some mak? Tve gotta get hù gves me enough to buy Mo㎍s、and i set ou buy the jugs, asit the store with two bags, one for wach jug Hela, Anon how are you doing soday? Whots in the bags? Rasponsibie. You're a good kid was justabou! Io get rto arice conversation with Frank when you guemed What's up, Lard Bay? Hanging ouft with the man with one foot in the grava? why yes are h gngoutard so ar" you queen your deks hanging ou They hang out because their longer old man The only thing long about you is your a--- pessage, so you can St whatever size d--- FRANK F------ STOPS HI 8 FIST,ISWEAR TO GOD, HE HOLDS THIS SKONNY he then looks st the mik jug and nods don't think about it just MLK F------ EVE t over the f-----'s head ipg Gat out of hee,go tuck each othar or something Thay run, the actuly ucking RUN ist back with the oid man, out of breath, my heart beting h crazy puts his fingr in ha mot' and taalaa Hmmastes like scaloed taggot -Frank gives me money to buy another jug of ml -dipsht never bothers me again diad nevr knows about what happaned t an't ovar yet guys there is stl so much mane to this story yal gra, frank his adha" and lal hmis corme home nnd tel dad imada amend uhell bom camrg aver in the nnt tvu days owe sit down to eat (ded is a surprisingly good cook, he made some lasagna that night Did you know your son was baing bule? Na, I didnt, Anon whhy didn't you ell me? No need to worry now We toak care of it But, rd ike to avoid iR again, and because of this, I wouild ike to atack the reason your son was teated bady. His I'm natl paing to force you into thia, and I'm not poing to hap you without your lather's approval but I can eally help you get in shap Now, lsten, Anon, I am not going to make you do this, if's your choice. But once we start, the no tuming back m just ready for this nod my heed Alright we slart tomono, mest ma in the pak at 11.00 AM. buld up m on the first day i didn't even make t haif wy the important workous nearly eried. I folt so pathetic You ane doing incradibly well vary w peopla actuely tu long a theiry can, but l an Sel by haw axhaaled you are het you ane actually trying, nast an the bench, and agan, "right ddn't ronce, but Frank told me I got farther every sme by the end of the day I had actualy ran the full lp couid run TEN F------ LAPS doexercises ofmty body ywワthen start tt several dferent types in on" , so-can work on we it weights, do pushupe (sucked at those) pull ups (hose, sool all kinds of s--- 210 pounds ovar the next to month, os 30 pounds i was than 180 pounds, the perfct waight for my haigt achool ntice me gial studer s thene for my high school gradustion Kod, I am so f------ proud of you. I don t think Ive cried harder then this in my entre the old man gives me a hug ha ancourages my dad to get a better job Good luck, Anon 11 see you whenever you vist hate crying but good lord could down in nver ofmy own tears rm so proud then, something happened to ad the shock fhom the impact kiled him instantly s so much be praduste and hugs me tight it broke y heart to see his had ass motefuckar break down crying YOU M------------ PECE OF S---,I SHOULD RIP YOUR TONGLE OUT AND BLEED YOU TO DEATH and then more things came about three years he comes out with a picture of a woman It's a picture af my wee Elzabeth and our daughter Josanns Wel where ane they? he just looks at me and iknow what he meane Wewer. marriedforthree years and House to. Iwas Pe only one veo mode Jesenna, she was only 3 wesks old ou Hay Anon. oh god he's so thin... whhy did this hav to happen to ? elhis wifa and daughter shoved you thai pichure...because you are the closest thing to a child Ive ever Youu unike everybody ese you sar down you talked t0 me, you actualy lked me baby

Frank

. ftet kid in high schoo know, ican lose weight, i just don't try wonst buly ofall is a lanky, skinny plece of sha et's just cal him d------ sit in tha park to ind peace Tanna ndo my skateboard, wot no. you'撸so tat that you might break it- a tembla and badly worded insut but 5l f------ hus Wt the f--- is this? Are you trying so iga? wont work. I knaw thet you cen sea And as long as l know those two things Iil naver leae, farty pa and ights t, saying m is skinnier then most men's should realize hove a weight probiem too light, s0 dipsht and his iends just freaze he's Iterally staring o into the direction the pack of assholes ane 1see youne uming in the direction of the gay barl thay stopped for one Tuck ME? № sorry, ldon't wart tojon yoar life o--- later nerested in someone my And what sre you doing osing my sht because of trest block is slaring at u Oh, no trouble kid he got what he deserved Frankin bu you c call me Frank Yours? Have you ever done anything to deserve the bulshit he juat gave you? A rmy lts, bech nsuhng someone who could kal tem merely bystng on them? tying to fght hi lose and Det huniated in front of No, no, id.I'd rathar mot, 11 just ignore him untl he quis BULLSHT endina school Exactlyl t ever goes away, but you beat it wnough ts presence wan t bother you That scnny itse sh? He is cancer He sees someone who wan't fight back, he sees someone he can consume And yet here you st-acting kn he's mnor headache come through this perk every day You can wat on his bench to f--- him up oy Frank, but I t would junit be realy good guy, and pracicaly al i have leh my mother didnt..exactly want me at least my dad Dave ash about his sespersib tes Hay, Anon, you happy sichool is out? You know Anan, we could spend the entine damn summer watching these games Then w 00ud take te place oferta whales in Sea world ni wala up, t day of summat hel ys. he takes out an almost empty jug of mik Hay Anon, could you go to the stone mext to the park and get some mak? Tve gotta get hù gves me enough to buy Mo㎍s、and i set ou buy the jugs, asit the store with two bags, one for wach jug Hela, Anon how are you doing soday? Whots in the bags? Rasponsibie. You're a good kid was justabou! Io get rto arice conversation with Frank when you guemed What's up, Lard Bay? Hanging ouft with the man with one foot in the grava? why yes are h gngoutard so ar" you queen your deks hanging ou They hang out because their longer old man The only thing long about you is your a--- pessage, so you can St whatever size d--- FRANK F------ STOPS HI 8 FIST,ISWEAR TO GOD, HE HOLDS THIS SKONNY he then looks st the mik jug and nods don't think about it just MLK F------ EVE t over the f-----'s head ipg Gat out of hee,go tuck each othar or something Thay run, the actuly ucking RUN ist back with the oid man, out of breath, my heart beting h crazy puts his fingr in ha mot' and taalaa Hmmastes like scaloed taggot -Frank gives me money to buy another jug of ml -dipsht never bothers me again diad nevr knows about what happaned t an't ovar yet guys there is stl so much mane to this story yal gra, frank his adha" and lal hmis corme home nnd tel dad imada amend uhell bom camrg aver in the nnt tvu days owe sit down to eat (ded is a surprisingly good cook, he made some lasagna that night Did you know your son was baing bule? Na, I didnt, Anon whhy didn't you ell me? No need to worry now We toak care of it But, rd ike to avoid iR again, and because of this, I wouild ike to atack the reason your son was teated bady. His I'm natl paing to force you into thia, and I'm not poing to hap you without your lather's approval but I can eally help you get in shap Now, lsten, Anon, I am not going to make you do this, if's your choice. But once we start, the no tuming back m just ready for this nod my heed Alright we slart tomono, mest ma in the pak at 11.00 AM. buld up m on the first day i didn't even make t haif wy the important workous nearly eried. I folt so pathetic You ane doing incradibly well vary w peopla actuely tu long a theiry can, but l an Sel by haw axhaaled you are het you ane actually trying, nast an the bench, and agan, "right ddn't ronce, but Frank told me I got farther every sme by the end of the day I had actualy ran the full lp couid run TEN F------ LAPS doexercises ofmty body ywワthen start tt several dferent types in on" , so-can work on we it weights, do pushupe (sucked at those) pull ups (hose, sool all kinds of s--- 210 pounds ovar the next to month, os 30 pounds i was than 180 pounds, the perfct waight for my haigt achool ntice me gial studer s thene for my high school gradustion Kod, I am so f------ proud of you. I don t think Ive cried harder then this in my entre the old man gives me a hug ha ancourages my dad to get a better job Good luck, Anon 11 see you whenever you vist hate crying but good lord could down in nver ofmy own tears rm so proud then, something happened to ad the shock fhom the impact kiled him instantly s so much be praduste and hugs me tight it broke y heart to see his had ass motefuckar break down crying YOU M------------ PECE OF S---,I SHOULD RIP YOUR TONGLE OUT AND BLEED YOU TO DEATH and then more things came about three years he comes out with a picture of a woman It's a picture af my wee Elzabeth and our daughter Josanns Wel where ane they? he just looks at me and iknow what he meane Wewer. marriedforthree years and House to. Iwas Pe only one veo mode Jesenna, she was only 3 wesks old ou Hay Anon. oh god he's so thin... whhy did this hav to happen to ? elhis wifa and daughter shoved you thai pichure...because you are the closest thing to a child Ive ever Youu unike everybody ese you sar down you talked t0 me, you actualy lked me baby

1 year old but gold

Anonymous (ID: 06/13(Thu)11:15:10 No.485270614 Roplion: 48527224485272539248527372 Be a third-trimester polygender differently-abled overweight pan-demisexual dragonkin >On my way back to dorm after my T OPBLILAAD2-Sg-Alliance meeting Walking through the quad when two white cismale oppressors appear Heading for me >They begin to stare at the 13 inch green rubber phallus I wear on my head at all times >R----- me with their eyes Reach into my fanny pack and retrieve my environmentally-safe mace As the oppressors get closer to me one of them raises his hand in a disgusting display of male dominance and privilege Hey he says Ignorant p------------ doesn't realize that hey is an appropriated form of hay" and that by using it as a greeting he is r----- my When people does it feel to be a caf m like How to be a human horsekin br9thers and systers with his privilege >N-N-NO MEANS NO I shout as I spray the cis-scum >They fall down and start crying their white male tears >Aw their poor fee-fees >Stomp them both with my gender-neutral dragon boots >Return home and blog about my horrible oppression on Tumblr Anonymous (ID: ej7dAq) 06/06/13(Thu)11:17:59 No.485270994 Lol

Parenting: Doing it right

Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:42 No.80240xxx My dad would punish me with psychological torture. Drove me nuts. Here's an example >Tell Dad to F--- Off because Im playing Super Nintendo >Dad, displeased at my French, begins to formulate his plot >Wake up the next moming >Scares the crap out of me >Go to eat breakfast >Small beanie-baby frog cormes out of box What the f--- >Backpack feels heavier than usual -Check middle pocket >Filled with, like, ten frogs Am t >Look out window to daydream as I often do >Beanie baby frog on outside windowsill scared now >Sent out to hall >Pitch black because lights off and drapes pulled >Turn on light ENTIRE F------ KITCHEN FILLED WITH BEANIE BABY FROGS WHAT THE F--- -Heavy knocks on door >Turn around >Man in frog suit pressing his face against the door >Lock the door >A single frog in the middle of the floor on top of a piece of paper Lift up frog >Take note the door, son. >Scared, open door for frogman >Frogman, silently, slowly walks up to me know it's you. Dad," I say >He says in a voice nothing like my father's: Tt is not, Anon." >He takes mask off sit's my Uncle >My dad comes into the house laughing like an idiot p----- myself >Dad laughs and says, "We dont say F--- in this house, boy Now who's up for McDonalds?" Seriously Dad where did you get all those f------ beanie babies from Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:52 No.80241XXx 60240709 80240926 There was another time when, while l was sleeping, he drove me about five miles away to where a Russian-American family he knew lived The Russian man and woman treated me like I had lived there my whole life. I was there for twelve hours before my father came to pick me up. Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)22:00 No.80241Xxx here >Dad catches me looking at forbidden websites (read: p--- [This was when I was younger]) >l know he's going to pull something crazy because I had wisened up a bit >He just grounds me from the computer for four days >Four days later, turn on computer >Every single image (desktop, everything's icon, the mouse cursor) was replaced by a weird-looking triceritops picture he made himself >Computer is rigged so that dinosaur roars come out of it 24/7 >He superglued a toy Triceratops to the top of my monitor It was like this for two weeks before he took it off e still has and uses that computer monitor, triceritops and all Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22.14 No 80242xxX >Come home from school >Dad's over at a friend's house -Decide to eat ice-cream >He comes home when I'm in the middle of my third bowl >He is dissapoint when I can't eat my dinner -The next day come home >He is standing there in the kitchen with a sterm look on his eye with the Russian man from earlier story Dad tells me to sit down オHe reaches into the fridge and pulls out a container of Moose Tracks !ce-cream, my favoritest ice-cream ever >He pulls out two spoons -H e gives me half a s >After giving me a taunting taste he and Mr. Russia proceed to eat the entire bucket of ice-cream in front of me, savoring every bite and making "MMMMMMM and "OOUUAAAHHH SOO GOOODDDD" sounds >If I try to get up out of my chair my dad would tell me to sit back down -lf I tried to close my eyes or look away my dad would stick his fingers in my sides, which I f------ hated >They force me to watch him and Mr. Russia eat an entire bucket of my favorite ice-cream >After finishing the dessert, he gives Mr. Russia a friendly beer and sends him on his way, and then asks what I want for dinner Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22 24 No.80243XxX >>80243390 >Make That's What She Said!" joke to my dad >He is disgusted by that form of humor >Two days pass >Find my closet empty but for one shirt A Turtieneck sweater >He got one of his tech buddies to rig a small microphone up to i sit records my voice and after one second of me talking, it emits a "That's What She Said!" >Have to wear it for a day to school I couldnt tell whether to be angry at or impressed by my dad. □ Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22:40 No 80244XXX >Get in trouble at school for putting gum undeneath a desk >I just know my dad is going to pull some crazy s--- >Two weeks pass from the incident >Wake up one moming >A single wad of putty stuck on the ceiling -it >Every night another wad of putty is stuck on the ceiling >This continues for one week >Dawn of the Eigth Day: There is a full circle of about fifteen wads on the ceiling >What the f--- -Dawn of the Ninth Day: Smaller putties spell out "UNDER BED" >Oh god I know it's you dad, Im not scared, I'm not scared >Look under bed >A tiny little man made out of putty >Dawn of the Tenth Day Smaller putties spell out "IN DRAWER" pg >Another tiny little man made out of putty >Dawn of the Eleventh Day. Putties form an arrow pointing to the window >Since it was a school day it was about 5:30 in the morming and very dark -Flashlight comes on REVEALING A GIANT MAN MADE OF PUTTY OH GOD FREAKY AS F--- MASK OH GOD >Dad runs in, "What, What?17 MAN MADE OF PUTTY, DAD. .wait, Dad? That isnt you? >Dad tells me to stay the f--- inside >He runs outside He and the Putty Man beat the s--- out of eachother >Fight travels to neighbor's yard behind hedge >Dad gestures for me to come out of the house walk over to dead putty man >Dad prepares to take off mask NOBODY UNDER MASK >Russian Man steps out of nearby bushes holding a portable radio playing the Twilight Zone theme >Dad tells me not to chew gum in school >We walk back home and they tell me about how hard they worked on this one I think that this one wins. Cant believe I forgot it

Image #778,495

1392067316855.png (633 KB, 800x600) google igdb exhentai Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)07:22:25 No. 107798 104 >>107798155 >> 107798169 >>107798311 >> 107799423 >>1077995 13 >>107801112 107802041 >>107802243 >107802537 >>107803432 >107808891 >>107810017 >107810957 >>107811047>107815160 >>107815330 107820555 >>107820766 107822966 >>107824209 Hee hee. I just kissed you □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)07:24:30 No.107798 155 P> If only could be so lucky Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)07:25:22 No. 107798169 P> I wish Rin would kiss me □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:12:50 No.107826682 >>107826737 >>107826750 >>107826754 (You) >>107826776 170 posts later P> l studied Classics for a while, and it's surprising how often d---- show up in ancient cultures Wait, I haven't been following the thread, why are we talking about big d----? □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:13:36 No.107826716三 >107826532 We take all kinds of penises very seriously around here □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:13:54 No.107826737 >107826682 Was checking the thread, and it talked about penises and I saw an incomplete trivia about it. So why not? □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:14:17 No. 107826750 >107826682 Shiki □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:14:19 No.107826754三 P> D--- chat is just the natural progression of all events in life

Image #778,492

Anon the hacker

File: 7IXz6ei.png (648 KB, 610x915) Anonymous (ID: us1DD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No. 549923098 be me world's greatest hacker >#1 on FBI's most wanted list but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history just got done hacking entire internet now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com epic lulz one of my hackerbros messages me on AIM tells me that 420 1337 h4x0r 420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode word on the street is he's already ratted me out look out windoww FBI helicopters circling overhead hah! those bastards don't know who they're dealing with open up internet explorer get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >oh yeah, forgot about that run dis now it's time for some world class hacking >go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password >something appears on the bottom right corner of my screen >it's that goddamn talking paperclip >"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, i'm trying to work here >"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" click the little f----- just to make him shut up clippy gives me the password >guess he's not so bad after al now that im in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters "congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" "A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" go with option E BOOM, baby >flaming helicopters fall from the sky mfw exe

Image #765,346

File: image.ipg (271 KB, 1200x1704) Anonymous (ID: ajiozooz) 05/03/14(Sat)16:41:50 No.544855727 [Reply]544856984 >Be a CO in a prison >Decided to play a joke on the inmates >Brought a bag of Haribo Sugarless "Colon- Cleanser" Gummy Bears >Was gonna make Cafeteria boys distribute this to Genpop >Suddenly, a small yard riot >Five people are due for The Hole >The Hole has minimal lighting, small vent, and a bucket to s--- in >They'll be there for a day >thismakesmemoist.tiff >Make sure I give 15 gummies to each of their food trays >This inmate called Jose got 20, since he cocktail'd my buddy last year >Wait for the SHITstorm to commence >Suddenly >"Ey yo, what the f----" >A lifer named Deshawn started cursing and banging on the walls cause I forgot o censor it the last time, jeez are you happy now? >l can hear groaning and moaning >Then it begins >A symphony of s--- hitting metal buckets > Screams >Jose started praying in Spanish, he sounds like he's crying >And then comes the gagging >No vent means >l can hear people thowing up Inmate Dolton screamed "Officer Anon, please help!" "Yo, Anon, Anon, open the goddamn door, muggfugga >Act oblivious Turn on the intercom system for Seg unit "You do the crime, you do the time >Laugh and walk out >Shift change >Next day I found out that Seg Unit is being "disinfected" >Jose winds up on suicide watch >Caf boys got blamed for mishandling food >One caf boy got shanked by Deshawn's cellmate s the smell is percolating in there So how was your day, /b/?

Image #756,243

$File: 1345166345969ipg-(60 KB, 550x461, Tiger.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Yyu2xhvl) 08/16/12(Thu)21:19:05 No.419300954 >Be me, age 17 >Attend high school, junior year >School's mascot is a lion, rivals are the tigers >l am the school mascot (the guy that wears the suit at sporting events, not a lion) >Summer day, after school >Get suited up; take bus to football game with football players >Arrive at game, do typical cheering on the team and keeping the crowd happy >The Tigers mascot and I would have small, somewhat playful, battles, exchanging tricks and such >I'm clearly better >Tiger starting to get a bit angry >Halftime comes >Tiger challenges me to a plastic sword fight >l accept >Fight starts >We exchange hits >It actually hurts quite a bit >I'm winning >Tiger starting to get really p----- >Tiger eventually throws down his sword and starts punching me >Hard >l back off, p----- >Tiger mask just staring at me with smug eyes >Start to get really mad >Tiger turns around and waves his arms at the crowd >The crowd cheers him on >His back is turned to me >Walk towards him as the crowd hushes >Tiger looks around, confused >Turns around >I'm right behind him >l plunge my hand into his mask and rip out one of his smug Tiger eye >Tiger is scared >I look down at the Tiger eye >Look back up >Jump on top of Tiger >Start beating the s--- out of him >l mean like really hurting him >I'm pretty sure I broke his nose and probably fractured a rib >Refs pull me off >Drags me over to sideline >Coach comes over, takes off my mask Stares at me >"What made you do that?" >l sit there for a second, thinkind "Coach >It was the eye of the tiger >It was the thrill of the fight >Standing up to the challenge of our rivals$

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