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Greentext Stories - Image Gallery Page 3

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anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/29/18(Sat)22:40:34 No.48419478 >be me >country boy >on my family's tree >it's a walnut tree >f------ love walnuts >se qt3.141 walking by >kind of shy so just awkwardly 39 KB PNG stare >she notices me >"hey what are you doing?" >"oh you know just eating some walnuts" >"can I have one" >she looks like a city girl >hand her the walnut >"enjoy" >she looks at it >she f----- puts it in her mouth >shell and all >she starts chocking >panic >punch her in the throat >wallnut breaks and she swallows it >she thanks me >I run home >mfw I busted a nut in a girl >mfw she even swallowed >later virgins

Anon solved the problem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)09:03:29 No.65668659 >gf grills me about leaving the toilet sit up >start peeing in the sink simple as 9 KB JPG View Thread

Anon messages a girl | /r/Greentext

File: me.jpg (29 KB, 480x360) IHAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING Anonymous 10/06/21(Wed)17:41:32 No.864502481 >>864502527 >be me >see cute girl on tv talking about cryptocurrency >wife.txt >go online and find her socials >she has tens of thousands of followers >god damned simps >ĎM her anyways >Hey I saw you on tv, do you want to chat sometime? >sit back and think my actions through >what am I even doing with my life? mfw this is literally the best option I have

Anon likes Attack on Titan | /r/Greentext

>be me >21M don't work out but still decent strength >encounter bolt I can't loosen >probably requires 200 ft*lb of torque and I don't have a breaker bar 478 KB PNG >try and fail >idea.jpg >put on headphones, turn on Apetitan theme max volume >instantly feel 10x stronger >grip wrenches, ready to loosen bolt >barely push >bolt shears from the amount of force, wrench slips out of my hands >it turns into a plasma as it flies through the air for .00001 seconds before impacting the wall >creates a vaporizing beam of heat and energy that plows through the city >kills thousands >don't care, song still going and have too much energy >military shows up to stop me >some weird short guy starts flying around like spiderman >oshithesfast.jpg >throw pocket sand at him >he dodges all of it >ohfuckohgodohshit.jpg >he cuts my neck, paralyzing me from the waist down >mfw l'm now a cripple because a song was too exciting

Anon is American | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)20:28:00 No.849400058 > be me > family starving > decide to commit crime > batman shows up > breaks my leg, both arms and spine > says he doesn't kill and leaves me with the pain 14 KB JPG > hospital bill I can't pay > mfw I have to commit crime to pay hospital bill now

No refunds | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)06:36:33 No.65668134 >>65668099 (OP) # >be boomer >import 100,000,000 foreigners so you can get cheap labor >spend all your money on trinkets 129 KB PNG >Kick your kids out at 18 >Sell your house to buy an Rv to "travel" >Just end up going to big cities, eating at olive garden and then f------ prostitutes >Get butthole cancer in your 60s >Spend your remaining money on treatment >Leave 1 penny to your kids >"What do you mean you're broke? Just shake the manager's hand!!" >Die

Opening ceremony | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)03:59:02 No.65667335 >I have to dilate my anus with moisturizing cream before taking a s--- or it will me tear me apart when will suffering end bros 43 KB PNG

Anon declares peace treaty | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)09:37:08 No.3939411 >mouse jumps over the two-foot barrier I erected like it was nothing, knowing I was in here (the main living area) with zero f---- given, and now he's (probably) in here among all the empty beer cans and rotting food and dirty laundry 261 KB JPG I have decided to draft a peace treaty. Perhaps I will have a friend now. That will probably be simpler than picking up the trash. : Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)09:52:09 No.3939415 That reminds of of that fat guy who lived in a the hunter's cabin and let the huge rat crawl all over him. That is your future.

Anon’s mom is horny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous embarrassing moments thread 10/06/21(Wed)21:01:35 No.65658982 >be me 15 >finally made a friend and invited him at my house >we are playing at the PC >mom comes >hey kids want some juice? >yeah ok whatever 25 KB JPG >she spills some on the table >she starts slurping the juice from the table >me feel like pepe rope.jpg f--- you retarded family

..Paypigs.. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/06/21(Wed)05:30:27 No.65654993 >wagecucks are refusing to go back to work after experiencing the NEETlyfe >they're now having meltdowns because resturants are closed due to no staff 212 KB PNG >resturants are now resorting to robots to replace lack of staff >wagecucks have another meltdown saying they cannot replace human jobs with automation Wagecucks are so funny.

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