Greentext Stories - Images

Sorted By:

1 year old but gold

Anonymous (ID: 06/13(Thu)11:15:10 No.485270614 Roplion: 48527224485272539248527372 Be a third-trimester polygender differently-abled overweight pan-demisexual dragonkin >On my way back to dorm after my T OPBLILAAD2-Sg-Alliance meeting Walking through the quad when two white cismale oppressors appear Heading for me >They begin to stare at the 13 inch green rubber phallus I wear on my head at all times >R----- me with their eyes Reach into my fanny pack and retrieve my environmentally-safe mace As the oppressors get closer to me one of them raises his hand in a disgusting display of male dominance and privilege Hey he says Ignorant p------------ doesn't realize that hey is an appropriated form of hay" and that by using it as a greeting he is r----- my When people does it feel to be a caf m like How to be a human horsekin br9thers and systers with his privilege >N-N-NO MEANS NO I shout as I spray the cis-scum >They fall down and start crying their white male tears >Aw their poor fee-fees >Stomp them both with my gender-neutral dragon boots >Return home and blog about my horrible oppression on Tumblr Anonymous (ID: ej7dAq) 06/06/13(Thu)11:17:59 No.485270994 Lol
Anonymous (ID: 06/13(Thu)11:15:10 No.485270614 Roplion: 48527224485272539248527372 Be a third-trimester polygender differently-abled overweight pan-demisexual dragonkin >On my way back to dorm after my T OPBLILAAD2-Sg-Alliance meeting Walking through the quad when two white cismale oppressors appear Heading for me >They begin to stare at the 13 inch green rubber phallus I wear on my head at all times >R----- me with their eyes Reach into my fanny pack and retrieve my environmentally-safe mace As the oppressors get closer to me one of them raises his hand in a disgusting display of male dominance and privilege Hey he says Ignorant p------------ doesn't realize that hey is an appropriated form of hay" and that by using it as a greeting he is r----- my When people does it feel to be a caf m like How to be a human horsekin br9thers and systers with his privilege >N-N-NO MEANS NO I shout as I spray the cis-scum >They fall down and start crying their white male tears >Aw their poor fee-fees >Stomp them both with my gender-neutral dragon boots >Return home and blog about my horrible oppression on Tumblr Anonymous (ID: ej7dAq) 06/06/13(Thu)11:17:59 No.485270994 Lol

Greentext Stories
4chan polygender demi-sexual overweight dragonkin otherkin hey privilege cis-scum cis white male tears fee fees gender neutral dragon boots dragon patriarchy tumblr

Parenting: Doing it right

Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:42 No.80240xxx My dad would punish me with psychological torture. Drove me nuts. Here's an example >Tell Dad to F--- Off because Im playing Super Nintendo >Dad, displeased at my French, begins to formulate his plot >Wake up the next moming >Scares the crap out of me >Go to eat breakfast >Small beanie-baby frog cormes out of box What the f--- >Backpack feels heavier than usual -Check middle pocket >Filled with, like, ten frogs Am t >Look out window to daydream as I often do >Beanie baby frog on outside windowsill scared now >Sent out to hall >Pitch black because lights off and drapes pulled >Turn on light ENTIRE F------ KITCHEN FILLED WITH BEANIE BABY FROGS WHAT THE F--- -Heavy knocks on door >Turn around >Man in frog suit pressing his face against the door >Lock the door >A single frog in the middle of the floor on top of a piece of paper Lift up frog >Take note the door, son. >Scared, open door for frogman >Frogman, silently, slowly walks up to me know it's you. Dad," I say >He says in a voice nothing like my father's: Tt is not, Anon." >He takes mask off sit's my Uncle >My dad comes into the house laughing like an idiot p----- myself >Dad laughs and says, "We dont say F--- in this house, boy Now who's up for McDonalds?" Seriously Dad where did you get all those f------ beanie babies from Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:52 No.80241XXx 60240709 80240926 There was another time when, while l was sleeping, he drove me about five miles away to where a Russian-American family he knew lived The Russian man and woman treated me like I had lived there my whole life. I was there for twelve hours before my father came to pick me up. Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)22:00 No.80241Xxx here >Dad catches me looking at forbidden websites (read: p--- [This was when I was younger]) >l know he's going to pull something crazy because I had wisened up a bit >He just grounds me from the computer for four days >Four days later, turn on computer >Every single image (desktop, everything's icon, the mouse cursor) was replaced by a weird-looking triceritops picture he made himself >Computer is rigged so that dinosaur roars come out of it 24/7 >He superglued a toy Triceratops to the top of my monitor It was like this for two weeks before he took it off e still has and uses that computer monitor, triceritops and all Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22.14 No 80242xxX >Come home from school >Dad's over at a friend's house -Decide to eat ice-cream >He comes home when I'm in the middle of my third bowl >He is dissapoint when I can't eat my dinner -The next day come home >He is standing there in the kitchen with a sterm look on his eye with the Russian man from earlier story Dad tells me to sit down オHe reaches into the fridge and pulls out a container of Moose Tracks !ce-cream, my favoritest ice-cream ever >He pulls out two spoons -H e gives me half a s >After giving me a taunting taste he and Mr. Russia proceed to eat the entire bucket of ice-cream in front of me, savoring every bite and making "MMMMMMM and "OOUUAAAHHH SOO GOOODDDD" sounds >If I try to get up out of my chair my dad would tell me to sit back down -lf I tried to close my eyes or look away my dad would stick his fingers in my sides, which I f------ hated >They force me to watch him and Mr. Russia eat an entire bucket of my favorite ice-cream >After finishing the dessert, he gives Mr. Russia a friendly beer and sends him on his way, and then asks what I want for dinner Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22 24 No.80243XxX >>80243390 >Make That's What She Said!" joke to my dad >He is disgusted by that form of humor >Two days pass >Find my closet empty but for one shirt A Turtieneck sweater >He got one of his tech buddies to rig a small microphone up to i sit records my voice and after one second of me talking, it emits a "That's What She Said!" >Have to wear it for a day to school I couldnt tell whether to be angry at or impressed by my dad. □ Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22:40 No 80244XXX >Get in trouble at school for putting gum undeneath a desk >I just know my dad is going to pull some crazy s--- >Two weeks pass from the incident >Wake up one moming >A single wad of putty stuck on the ceiling -it >Every night another wad of putty is stuck on the ceiling >This continues for one week >Dawn of the Eigth Day: There is a full circle of about fifteen wads on the ceiling >What the f--- -Dawn of the Ninth Day: Smaller putties spell out "UNDER BED" >Oh god I know it's you dad, Im not scared, I'm not scared >Look under bed >A tiny little man made out of putty >Dawn of the Tenth Day Smaller putties spell out "IN DRAWER" pg >Another tiny little man made out of putty >Dawn of the Eleventh Day. Putties form an arrow pointing to the window >Since it was a school day it was about 5:30 in the morming and very dark -Flashlight comes on REVEALING A GIANT MAN MADE OF PUTTY OH GOD FREAKY AS F--- MASK OH GOD >Dad runs in, "What, What?17 MAN MADE OF PUTTY, DAD. .wait, Dad? That isnt you? >Dad tells me to stay the f--- inside >He runs outside He and the Putty Man beat the s--- out of eachother >Fight travels to neighbor's yard behind hedge >Dad gestures for me to come out of the house walk over to dead putty man >Dad prepares to take off mask NOBODY UNDER MASK >Russian Man steps out of nearby bushes holding a portable radio playing the Twilight Zone theme >Dad tells me not to chew gum in school >We walk back home and they tell me about how hard they worked on this one I think that this one wins. Cant believe I forgot it
Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:42 No.80240xxx My dad would punish me with psychological torture. Drove me nuts. Here's an example >Tell Dad to F--- Off because Im playing Super Nintendo >Dad, displeased at my French, begins to formulate his plot >Wake up the next moming >Scares the crap out of me >Go to eat breakfast >Small beanie-baby frog cormes out of box What the f--- >Backpack feels heavier than usual -Check middle pocket >Filled with, like, ten frogs Am t >Look out window to daydream as I often do >Beanie baby frog on outside windowsill scared now >Sent out to hall >Pitch black because lights off and drapes pulled >Turn on light ENTIRE F------ KITCHEN FILLED WITH BEANIE BABY FROGS WHAT THE F--- -Heavy knocks on door >Turn around >Man in frog suit pressing his face against the door >Lock the door >A single frog in the middle of the floor on top of a piece of paper Lift up frog >Take note the door, son. >Scared, open door for frogman >Frogman, silently, slowly walks up to me know it's you. Dad," I say >He says in a voice nothing like my father's: Tt is not, Anon." >He takes mask off sit's my Uncle >My dad comes into the house laughing like an idiot p----- myself >Dad laughs and says, "We dont say F--- in this house, boy Now who's up for McDonalds?" Seriously Dad where did you get all those f------ beanie babies from Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:52 No.80241XXx 60240709 80240926 There was another time when, while l was sleeping, he drove me about five miles away to where a Russian-American family he knew lived The Russian man and woman treated me like I had lived there my whole life. I was there for twelve hours before my father came to pick me up. Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)22:00 No.80241Xxx here >Dad catches me looking at forbidden websites (read: p--- [This was when I was younger]) >l know he's going to pull something crazy because I had wisened up a bit >He just grounds me from the computer for four days >Four days later, turn on computer >Every single image (desktop, everything's icon, the mouse cursor) was replaced by a weird-looking triceritops picture he made himself >Computer is rigged so that dinosaur roars come out of it 24/7 >He superglued a toy Triceratops to the top of my monitor It was like this for two weeks before he took it off e still has and uses that computer monitor, triceritops and all Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22.14 No 80242xxX >Come home from school >Dad's over at a friend's house -Decide to eat ice-cream >He comes home when I'm in the middle of my third bowl >He is dissapoint when I can't eat my dinner -The next day come home >He is standing there in the kitchen with a sterm look on his eye with the Russian man from earlier story Dad tells me to sit down オHe reaches into the fridge and pulls out a container of Moose Tracks !ce-cream, my favoritest ice-cream ever >He pulls out two spoons -H e gives me half a s >After giving me a taunting taste he and Mr. Russia proceed to eat the entire bucket of ice-cream in front of me, savoring every bite and making "MMMMMMM and "OOUUAAAHHH SOO GOOODDDD" sounds >If I try to get up out of my chair my dad would tell me to sit back down -lf I tried to close my eyes or look away my dad would stick his fingers in my sides, which I f------ hated >They force me to watch him and Mr. Russia eat an entire bucket of my favorite ice-cream >After finishing the dessert, he gives Mr. Russia a friendly beer and sends him on his way, and then asks what I want for dinner Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22 24 No.80243XxX >>80243390 >Make That's What She Said!" joke to my dad >He is disgusted by that form of humor >Two days pass >Find my closet empty but for one shirt A Turtieneck sweater >He got one of his tech buddies to rig a small microphone up to i sit records my voice and after one second of me talking, it emits a "That's What She Said!" >Have to wear it for a day to school I couldnt tell whether to be angry at or impressed by my dad. □ Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22:40 No 80244XXX >Get in trouble at school for putting gum undeneath a desk >I just know my dad is going to pull some crazy s--- >Two weeks pass from the incident >Wake up one moming >A single wad of putty stuck on the ceiling -it >Every night another wad of putty is stuck on the ceiling >This continues for one week >Dawn of the Eigth Day: There is a full circle of about fifteen wads on the ceiling >What the f--- -Dawn of the Ninth Day: Smaller putties spell out "UNDER BED" >Oh god I know it's you dad, Im not scared, I'm not scared >Look under bed >A tiny little man made out of putty >Dawn of the Tenth Day Smaller putties spell out "IN DRAWER" pg >Another tiny little man made out of putty >Dawn of the Eleventh Day. Putties form an arrow pointing to the window >Since it was a school day it was about 5:30 in the morming and very dark -Flashlight comes on REVEALING A GIANT MAN MADE OF PUTTY OH GOD FREAKY AS F--- MASK OH GOD >Dad runs in, "What, What?17 MAN MADE OF PUTTY, DAD. .wait, Dad? That isnt you? >Dad tells me to stay the f--- inside >He runs outside He and the Putty Man beat the s--- out of eachother >Fight travels to neighbor's yard behind hedge >Dad gestures for me to come out of the house walk over to dead putty man >Dad prepares to take off mask NOBODY UNDER MASK >Russian Man steps out of nearby bushes holding a portable radio playing the Twilight Zone theme >Dad tells me not to chew gum in school >We walk back home and they tell me about how hard they worked on this one I think that this one wins. Cant believe I forgot it

Greentext Stories
4chan /k/ greentext

1392067316855.png (633 KB, 800x600) google igdb exhentai Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)07:22:25 No. 107798 104 >>107798155 >> 107798169 >>107798311 >> 107799423 >>1077995 13 >>107801112 107802041 >>107802243 >107802537 >>107803432 >107808891 >>107810017 >107810957 >>107811047>107815160 >>107815330 107820555 >>107820766 107822966 >>107824209 Hee hee. I just kissed you □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)07:24:30 No.107798 155 P> If only could be so lucky Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)07:25:22 No. 107798169 P> I wish Rin would kiss me □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:12:50 No.107826682 >>107826737 >>107826750 >>107826754 (You) >>107826776 170 posts later P> l studied Classics for a while, and it's surprising how often d---- show up in ancient cultures Wait, I haven't been following the thread, why are we talking about big d----? □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:13:36 No.107826716三 >107826532 We take all kinds of penises very seriously around here □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:13:54 No.107826737 >107826682 Was checking the thread, and it talked about penises and I saw an incomplete trivia about it. So why not? □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:14:17 No. 107826750 >107826682 Shiki □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:14:19 No.107826754三 P> D--- chat is just the natural progression of all events in life
1392067316855.png (633 KB, 800x600) google igdb exhentai Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)07:22:25 No. 107798 104 >>107798155 >> 107798169 >>107798311 >> 107799423 >>1077995 13 >>107801112 107802041 >>107802243 >107802537 >>107803432 >107808891 >>107810017 >107810957 >>107811047>107815160 >>107815330 107820555 >>107820766 107822966 >>107824209 Hee hee. I just kissed you □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)07:24:30 No.107798 155 P> If only could be so lucky Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)07:25:22 No. 107798169 P> I wish Rin would kiss me □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:12:50 No.107826682 >>107826737 >>107826750 >>107826754 (You) >>107826776 170 posts later P> l studied Classics for a while, and it's surprising how often d---- show up in ancient cultures Wait, I haven't been following the thread, why are we talking about big d----? □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:13:36 No.107826716三 >107826532 We take all kinds of penises very seriously around here □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:13:54 No.107826737 >107826682 Was checking the thread, and it talked about penises and I saw an incomplete trivia about it. So why not? □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:14:17 No. 107826750 >107826682 Shiki □ Anonymous 05/25/14(Sun)19:14:19 No.107826754三 P> D--- chat is just the natural progression of all events in life

Greentext Stories
4chan /a/ fate/stay night rin tohsaka

□ Anonymous 02/27/11 (Sun)01:34 No.140589 10 Θ >Walking home from party late one evening >Several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >Try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as s--- >Catch me in some random college student neighborhood >Oh s---, my ass is about to be beaten >Still in talking phase >Lights flick on in the house >Three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >Leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent "What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!" >Guys start yelling at them to f--- off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!" >All three of them draw rapiers on their >Guys run >I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale, stranger!" >Spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >Bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >Blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in a machine shop accident >Stagger home completely drunk with a hat Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)17:48 No. 14353245 File1301003335.ipg-(76 KB, 737x583, 4.jpg) I have no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house □ Soth !!knPhGL26gr 02/27/11 (Sun)01:36 No. 14058930 >>140 F------ EPIC [ : Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)01:41 No. 140589829 Ps THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)17:57 No. 14353317 14353245 H--------, this is still being posted? I figure I owe /tg/ a bit of an update on these guys Their leader, O he of one eye and little common sense, nearly had his visa revoked for these kinds of shenanigans. One too many arrests meant that his right to stay in the country was contested and he had to go to court to defend himself and prevent his visa from being revoked I was his ride to court, and had to testify to the board that he shouldn't be deported for lack of common sense or social normality His defense? A written speech, about three pages long, about the rights of man, the education he has received here, and the opportunities for a one-eyed machinist. The spirit of his crimes were all in defense of people who would otherwise suffer. For other witnesses, he had some of the random people he'd helped out, including one memorable point where a woman, nearly on the verge of tears pointed out how he'd taken on a guy threatening to r--- her and carrying a knife by whipping out a fencing saber, disarming him, and mocking him in his thick Swedish accent so that the girl could call the cops. Something like a dozen people all showed up, explaining how this dude, despite his eccentricities, made the country better. He was not deported, and lives here to this very day, stalking the streets in musketeer garb, rescuing drunks, and dispensing his own brand of justice
□ Anonymous 02/27/11 (Sun)01:34 No.140589 10 Θ >Walking home from party late one evening >Several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >Try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as s--- >Catch me in some random college student neighborhood >Oh s---, my ass is about to be beaten >Still in talking phase >Lights flick on in the house >Three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >Leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent "What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!" >Guys start yelling at them to f--- off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!" >All three of them draw rapiers on their >Guys run >I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale, stranger!" >Spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >Bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >Blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in a machine shop accident >Stagger home completely drunk with a hat Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)17:48 No. 14353245 File1301003335.ipg-(76 KB, 737x583, 4.jpg) I have no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house □ Soth !!knPhGL26gr 02/27/11 (Sun)01:36 No. 14058930 >>140 F------ EPIC [ : Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)01:41 No. 140589829 Ps THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS Anonymous 03/24/11(Thu)17:57 No. 14353317 14353245 H--------, this is still being posted? I figure I owe /tg/ a bit of an update on these guys Their leader, O he of one eye and little common sense, nearly had his visa revoked for these kinds of shenanigans. One too many arrests meant that his right to stay in the country was contested and he had to go to court to defend himself and prevent his visa from being revoked I was his ride to court, and had to testify to the board that he shouldn't be deported for lack of common sense or social normality His defense? A written speech, about three pages long, about the rights of man, the education he has received here, and the opportunities for a one-eyed machinist. The spirit of his crimes were all in defense of people who would otherwise suffer. For other witnesses, he had some of the random people he'd helped out, including one memorable point where a woman, nearly on the verge of tears pointed out how he'd taken on a guy threatening to r--- her and carrying a knife by whipping out a fencing saber, disarming him, and mocking him in his thick Swedish accent so that the girl could call the cops. Something like a dozen people all showed up, explaining how this dude, despite his eccentricities, made the country better. He was not deported, and lives here to this very day, stalking the streets in musketeer garb, rescuing drunks, and dispensing his own brand of justice

Greentext Stories
4chan greentext green text /tg/

Anon the hacker

File: 7IXz6ei.png (648 KB, 610x915) Anonymous (ID: us1DD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No. 549923098 be me world's greatest hacker >#1 on FBI's most wanted list but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history just got done hacking entire internet now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com epic lulz one of my hackerbros messages me on AIM tells me that 420 1337 h4x0r 420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode word on the street is he's already ratted me out look out windoww FBI helicopters circling overhead hah! those bastards don't know who they're dealing with open up internet explorer get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >oh yeah, forgot about that run dis now it's time for some world class hacking >go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password >something appears on the bottom right corner of my screen >it's that goddamn talking paperclip >"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, i'm trying to work here >"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" click the little f----- just to make him shut up clippy gives me the password >guess he's not so bad after al now that im in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters "congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" "A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" go with option E BOOM, baby >flaming helicopters fall from the sky mfw exe
File: 7IXz6ei.png (648 KB, 610x915) Anonymous (ID: us1DD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No. 549923098 be me world's greatest hacker >#1 on FBI's most wanted list but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history just got done hacking entire internet now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com epic lulz one of my hackerbros messages me on AIM tells me that 420 1337 h4x0r 420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode word on the street is he's already ratted me out look out windoww FBI helicopters circling overhead hah! those bastards don't know who they're dealing with open up internet explorer get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >oh yeah, forgot about that run dis now it's time for some world class hacking >go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password >something appears on the bottom right corner of my screen >it's that goddamn talking paperclip >"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, i'm trying to work here >"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" click the little f----- just to make him shut up clippy gives me the password >guess he's not so bad after al now that im in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters "congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" "A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" go with option E BOOM, baby >flaming helicopters fall from the sky mfw exe

Greentext Stories
/b/ hacking stock photo > hack clippy fbi

File: image.ipg (271 KB, 1200x1704) Anonymous (ID: ajiozooz) 05/03/14(Sat)16:41:50 No.544855727 [Reply]544856984 >Be a CO in a prison >Decided to play a joke on the inmates >Brought a bag of Haribo Sugarless "Colon- Cleanser" Gummy Bears >Was gonna make Cafeteria boys distribute this to Genpop >Suddenly, a small yard riot >Five people are due for The Hole >The Hole has minimal lighting, small vent, and a bucket to s--- in >They'll be there for a day >thismakesmemoist.tiff >Make sure I give 15 gummies to each of their food trays >This inmate called Jose got 20, since he cocktail'd my buddy last year >Wait for the SHITstorm to commence >Suddenly >"Ey yo, what the f----" >A lifer named Deshawn started cursing and banging on the walls cause I forgot o censor it the last time, jeez are you happy now? >l can hear groaning and moaning >Then it begins >A symphony of s--- hitting metal buckets > Screams >Jose started praying in Spanish, he sounds like he's crying >And then comes the gagging >No vent means >l can hear people thowing up Inmate Dolton screamed "Officer Anon, please help!" "Yo, Anon, Anon, open the goddamn door, muggfugga >Act oblivious Turn on the intercom system for Seg unit "You do the crime, you do the time >Laugh and walk out >Shift change >Next day I found out that Seg Unit is being "disinfected" >Jose winds up on suicide watch >Caf boys got blamed for mishandling food >One caf boy got shanked by Deshawn's cellmate s the smell is percolating in there So how was your day, /b/?
File: image.ipg (271 KB, 1200x1704) Anonymous (ID: ajiozooz) 05/03/14(Sat)16:41:50 No.544855727 [Reply]544856984 >Be a CO in a prison >Decided to play a joke on the inmates >Brought a bag of Haribo Sugarless "Colon- Cleanser" Gummy Bears >Was gonna make Cafeteria boys distribute this to Genpop >Suddenly, a small yard riot >Five people are due for The Hole >The Hole has minimal lighting, small vent, and a bucket to s--- in >They'll be there for a day >thismakesmemoist.tiff >Make sure I give 15 gummies to each of their food trays >This inmate called Jose got 20, since he cocktail'd my buddy last year >Wait for the SHITstorm to commence >Suddenly >"Ey yo, what the f----" >A lifer named Deshawn started cursing and banging on the walls cause I forgot o censor it the last time, jeez are you happy now? >l can hear groaning and moaning >Then it begins >A symphony of s--- hitting metal buckets > Screams >Jose started praying in Spanish, he sounds like he's crying >And then comes the gagging >No vent means >l can hear people thowing up Inmate Dolton screamed "Officer Anon, please help!" "Yo, Anon, Anon, open the goddamn door, muggfugga >Act oblivious Turn on the intercom system for Seg unit "You do the crime, you do the time >Laugh and walk out >Shift change >Next day I found out that Seg Unit is being "disinfected" >Jose winds up on suicide watch >Caf boys got blamed for mishandling food >One caf boy got shanked by Deshawn's cellmate s the smell is percolating in there So how was your day, /b/?

Greentext Stories
green text stories

File: 1345166345969ipg-(60 KB, 550x461, Tiger.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Yyu2xhvl) 08/16/12(Thu)21:19:05 No.419300954 >Be me, age 17 >Attend high school, junior year >School's mascot is a lion, rivals are the tigers >l am the school mascot (the guy that wears the suit at sporting events, not a lion) >Summer day, after school >Get suited up; take bus to football game with football players >Arrive at game, do typical cheering on the team and keeping the crowd happy >The Tigers mascot and I would have small, somewhat playful, battles, exchanging tricks and such >I'm clearly better >Tiger starting to get a bit angry >Halftime comes >Tiger challenges me to a plastic sword fight >l accept >Fight starts >We exchange hits >It actually hurts quite a bit >I'm winning >Tiger starting to get really p----- >Tiger eventually throws down his sword and starts punching me >Hard >l back off, p----- >Tiger mask just staring at me with smug eyes >Start to get really mad >Tiger turns around and waves his arms at the crowd >The crowd cheers him on >His back is turned to me >Walk towards him as the crowd hushes >Tiger looks around, confused >Turns around >I'm right behind him >l plunge my hand into his mask and rip out one of his smug Tiger eye >Tiger is scared >I look down at the Tiger eye >Look back up >Jump on top of Tiger >Start beating the s--- out of him >l mean like really hurting him >I'm pretty sure I broke his nose and probably fractured a rib >Refs pull me off >Drags me over to sideline >Coach comes over, takes off my mask Stares at me >"What made you do that?" >l sit there for a second, thinkind "Coach >It was the eye of the tiger >It was the thrill of the fight >Standing up to the challenge of our rivals
File: 1345166345969ipg-(60 KB, 550x461, Tiger.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Yyu2xhvl) 08/16/12(Thu)21:19:05 No.419300954 >Be me, age 17 >Attend high school, junior year >School's mascot is a lion, rivals are the tigers >l am the school mascot (the guy that wears the suit at sporting events, not a lion) >Summer day, after school >Get suited up; take bus to football game with football players >Arrive at game, do typical cheering on the team and keeping the crowd happy >The Tigers mascot and I would have small, somewhat playful, battles, exchanging tricks and such >I'm clearly better >Tiger starting to get a bit angry >Halftime comes >Tiger challenges me to a plastic sword fight >l accept >Fight starts >We exchange hits >It actually hurts quite a bit >I'm winning >Tiger starting to get really p----- >Tiger eventually throws down his sword and starts punching me >Hard >l back off, p----- >Tiger mask just staring at me with smug eyes >Start to get really mad >Tiger turns around and waves his arms at the crowd >The crowd cheers him on >His back is turned to me >Walk towards him as the crowd hushes >Tiger looks around, confused >Turns around >I'm right behind him >l plunge my hand into his mask and rip out one of his smug Tiger eye >Tiger is scared >I look down at the Tiger eye >Look back up >Jump on top of Tiger >Start beating the s--- out of him >l mean like really hurting him >I'm pretty sure I broke his nose and probably fractured a rib >Refs pull me off >Drags me over to sideline >Coach comes over, takes off my mask Stares at me >"What made you do that?" >l sit there for a second, thinkind "Coach >It was the eye of the tiger >It was the thrill of the fight >Standing up to the challenge of our rivals

Greentext Stories
4chan greentext wait for it

I don't see why he is mad about this

□ Anonymous (ID: PYeOR) 04/28/14(Mon)18:50:27 No.544267093 File: 1382791999287 gif (460 KB, 220x132) >>544267316 >>544268942 544266674 >Be in basic >Get to the range for weapon drills >forgot my bayonet >Tell DS >"That's okay recruit, we'll get you a new one >given a spoon, am ordered to duct tape it to my rifle have to use this f------ spoon for the rest of basic where is your spoon, cadet? HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ANY ENEMIES WITHOUT YOUR SPOON?!?" mfw nicknamed captain crunch for rest of basic
□ Anonymous (ID: PYeOR) 04/28/14(Mon)18:50:27 No.544267093 File: 1382791999287 gif (460 KB, 220x132) >>544267316 >>544268942 544266674 >Be in basic >Get to the range for weapon drills >forgot my bayonet >Tell DS >"That's okay recruit, we'll get you a new one >given a spoon, am ordered to duct tape it to my rifle have to use this f------ spoon for the rest of basic where is your spoon, cadet? HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ANY ENEMIES WITHOUT YOUR SPOON?!?" mfw nicknamed captain crunch for rest of basic

Greentext Stories
4chan captain crunch greentext story military training spoon bayonet

Dial-Up ftw

Anonymous 04/19/14(Sat)21:46 No.240360246 File: 1291080084888.jpg (116 KB, 336x333) >>240 60 408 >>240360968 >>240364706 >>24 >24 >Mom is mad as s--- because the phone bill skyrocketed sincel discovered dial up >Anon, you can only connect 1 hour a day >Used the hour playing Starcraft 1 AM Homy Craving for glorious online fap >Aww s---, I want sum p--- gifs! >Mom took the phone cable, the PC is in the living room, 2 meters from phone jack >Brainstorm a plan >Steal foot long cable from phone >PC rest on top of some weird desk with no wheels >GOTTA BE SILENT >Slowly slide a blanket under the desk >Very carefully, very slowly slide PC and desk across livingroom >Half an hour later, PC is close enough to phonejack d toilet paper and scotch tape ule modem speake t chene >14.4 Kbps, 25 minutes later, fapping furiously in the middle of the living room Hear a noise behind me >Pull up pants >Trip with phone cable >CPU falls from desk, horrible metal noises everywhere Mom and dad rush in >PC is frozen, fullscreen JPG of some hairy girl sticking a carrot on her p---- >PJs on floor, ass up >Is dad's Work PC >DAD GOES BERSERK HEAR A BATTLECRY >mfw my dad kicked me so hard in the ass i got hemorroids
Anonymous 04/19/14(Sat)21:46 No.240360246 File: 1291080084888.jpg (116 KB, 336x333) >>240 60 408 >>240360968 >>240364706 >>24 >24 >Mom is mad as s--- because the phone bill skyrocketed sincel discovered dial up >Anon, you can only connect 1 hour a day >Used the hour playing Starcraft 1 AM Homy Craving for glorious online fap >Aww s---, I want sum p--- gifs! >Mom took the phone cable, the PC is in the living room, 2 meters from phone jack >Brainstorm a plan >Steal foot long cable from phone >PC rest on top of some weird desk with no wheels >GOTTA BE SILENT >Slowly slide a blanket under the desk >Very carefully, very slowly slide PC and desk across livingroom >Half an hour later, PC is close enough to phonejack d toilet paper and scotch tape ule modem speake t chene >14.4 Kbps, 25 minutes later, fapping furiously in the middle of the living room Hear a noise behind me >Pull up pants >Trip with phone cable >CPU falls from desk, horrible metal noises everywhere Mom and dad rush in >PC is frozen, fullscreen JPG of some hairy girl sticking a carrot on her p---- >PJs on floor, ass up >Is dad's Work PC >DAD GOES BERSERK HEAR A BATTLECRY >mfw my dad kicked me so hard in the ass i got hemorroids

Greentext Stories
4chan dialup internet dial-up

4chan

File: 1397875003927 ipg-(99 KB, 800x432, monkey.jpg) Anonymous (ID: qeua1zMS) 04/18/14(Fri)22:36:43 UTC-4 No.542882825 >Be me 15 years old >New tard comes to my school >Locker right next to mine >D------- doesn't know how to open lockers >Constantly have to open it for him >Remember his combination 12-3-24 >One day get an idea >Get a dildo from my friend's house >Bring it to school >Asked my teacher ifI could go to nurse >No one is in hallway >Perfect for my plan >Start unlocking combination >Suddenly third period ends shitstorm of kids come >Quickly shove dildo in locker >Run to end of hallway to watch plan unfold >Nothing happens so I go back to my locker >Sees giant vein coeed dildo >Had >Whole hallway sees including my girlfriend >She's crying now >My nickname is Dildon for the rest of High School >Go to college thinking the past is behind me >People from my old school find my Facebook >Whole thing starts up again >Humiliated for 2 whole years >Decide I'm sick of it >Get an idea >Buy a s--- ton of pocket p------ >Put them in a suitcase >Going to attempt to put all of them under some Douche's bed >Walking to room >Trip over a box of s--- >Suitcase spills over >Pocket p------ everywhere I am now known as "Virgin Viper" FML running out of classrooms wrong locker the whole time
File: 1397875003927 ipg-(99 KB, 800x432, monkey.jpg) Anonymous (ID: qeua1zMS) 04/18/14(Fri)22:36:43 UTC-4 No.542882825 >Be me 15 years old >New tard comes to my school >Locker right next to mine >D------- doesn't know how to open lockers >Constantly have to open it for him >Remember his combination 12-3-24 >One day get an idea >Get a dildo from my friend's house >Bring it to school >Asked my teacher ifI could go to nurse >No one is in hallway >Perfect for my plan >Start unlocking combination >Suddenly third period ends shitstorm of kids come >Quickly shove dildo in locker >Run to end of hallway to watch plan unfold >Nothing happens so I go back to my locker >Sees giant vein coeed dildo >Had >Whole hallway sees including my girlfriend >She's crying now >My nickname is Dildon for the rest of High School >Go to college thinking the past is behind me >People from my old school find my Facebook >Whole thing starts up again >Humiliated for 2 whole years >Decide I'm sick of it >Get an idea >Buy a s--- ton of pocket p------ >Put them in a suitcase >Going to attempt to put all of them under some Douche's bed >Walking to room >Trip over a box of s--- >Suitcase spills over >Pocket p------ everywhere I am now known as "Virgin Viper" FML running out of classrooms wrong locker the whole time

Greentext Stories
dildo school college fml sex toy